Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[yeahman]

Well that makes more sense. Pointing out the hypocrisy of evangelicals is a sure path to estrangement, they absolutely can't stand it. Since both parties share some responsibility here, reconciliation might be a good thing. Anyway, sorry you have to deal with this miserable mess. Good luck.

[Kevo]

Child protective services is now involved in my brother's situation.

His kids and wife are being interviewed today by CPS after his wife told a doctor that my brother is somehow responsible for his son's MRI documented knee injury.

He is now actively seeking legal representation, which is hard to come by during Thanksgiving week.

I think he might be turbo fucked.

[Danno]

He might be, but CPS has certainly seen false accusations before. It really depends how conscientious they are, how good of a liar she is, and what the kids say (how old are they?).

[Kevo]

He might be, but CPS has certainly seen false accusations before. It really depends how conscientious they are, how good of a liar she is, and what the kids say (how old are they?).

I think they are 11 and 9? Maybe 12 and 10?

My brother has been alluding more and more to the idea that he does not (or at least has not) had privacy in his electronic communications for years. Maybe he has been caught up in an abusive situation?

My brother's wife is either entirely ignorant of how much she is escalating the situation or she is actively maneuvering for custody. Her actions at this point are indistinguishable from that of someone who is trying to develop a paper trail for a custody case.

[TahoeJ]

My brother's wife is either entirely ignorant of how much she is escalating the situation or she is actively maneuvering for custody. Her actions at this point are indistinguishable from that of someone who is trying to develop a paper trail for a custody case.

I've been here. Tell him to 100% not communicate beyond the absolute essentials like kid related logistics. Then write that down on post-it notes and put them all over his damn house. Reactive abuse is a real thing and it's used against victims all the time. Look it up.

Also - super cool of you putting your personal feelings aside here to help your brother. We are all speculating but I'd say the odds are good he's been through some real shit. Emotional abuse is way worse than physical.

[byates1]

end thread

[Core Shot]

Fucking women.

The crux of the biscuit.

They’re fun to fuck. And then they fuck with you.

[wkd-rdr]

^^ Exactly.



I'm not a fan of using your kids, but you should consider being fully transparent with your daughter about all of this and let her take it out on her mother for making her life more difficult with her bullshit. She's old enough to handle the truth. There's ZERO reason for you to give up full custody, fuck that noise. A judge will tell her to go kick rocks with that request - there's no cause to strip custody away.

Little update.

I have denied all requests from the ex to give up any legal custody, or revisit our parenting plan. This led to a nasty bunch of texts.
Instead of talking shit about their mom, I gave my phone to my daughter and let her read the language and crazy that was sent to me.

That was 8 weeks ago.

Shit is pretty calm these days.

[Bunion 2020]

Well played. Best of luck.

[Danno]

This could go in the shit that annoys you thread but it feels more appropriate here. There are literally millions and millions of divorced parents, and millions and millions of kids with divorced parents. And yet I am routinely confronted with systems -- school, pharmacy, doctor's, etc -- that do not have the ability to recognize that the child might have 2 different addresses, and that there might be two adults with equal responsibility but different contact info. If you want to be contacted about something by the pharmacy or the doctor or whatever, they have to overwrite your ex's info and put you in there. The school does the best at it, they at least send both of us stuff, but even they have to have a single parent designated as THE person.

If the courts can recognize and award 50-50 custody with shared decision making, why the fuck can't the rest of the world?

[frorider]

Yeah that sucks. All kinds of data systems are grounded in deep stupidity. I worked for a global megacorp that had an HR system unable to grapple with the concept of a mailing address (po box) different than physical address.

[TahoeJ]

This could go in the shit that annoys you thread but it feels more appropriate here. There are literally millions and millions of divorced parents, and millions and millions of kids with divorced parents. And yet I am routinely confronted with systems -- school, pharmacy, doctor's, etc -- that do not have the ability to recognize that the child might have 2 different addresses, and that there might be two adults with equal responsibility but different contact info. If you want to be contacted about something by the pharmacy or the doctor or whatever, they have to overwrite your ex's info and put you in there. The school does the best at it, they at least send both of us stuff, but even they have to have a single parent designated as THE person.

If the courts can recognize and award 50-50 custody with shared decision making, why the fuck can't the rest of the world?

This is high up on my pet peeves list, especially with three kids involved in various sports and activities.

[Todd Zander]

Judge agreed to our once-mediated settlement and signed off on everything effective Jan 2nd. Listing the house in the spring and will no doubt run into challenges for my own housing( she moved into her vacated grandparents house).

Absolutely cannot wait to get out on the slopes with the current gf, a snowboarder. Life is so much better after the dust settles.

Thanks for the encouraging words at the onset of my whole debacle from those who spoke up on here.

[concretejungle]

This could go in the shit that annoys you thread but it feels more appropriate here. There are literally millions and millions of divorced parents, and millions and millions of kids with divorced parents. And yet I am routinely confronted with systems -- school, pharmacy, doctor's, etc -- that do not have the ability to recognize that the child might have 2 different addresses, and that there might be two adults with equal responsibility but different contact info. If you want to be contacted about something by the pharmacy or the doctor or whatever, they have to overwrite your ex's info and put you in there. The school does the best at it, they at least send both of us stuff, but even they have to have a single parent designated as THE person.

If the courts can recognize and award 50-50 custody with shared decision making, why the fuck can't the rest of the world?

Agreed. Somehow I ended up fourth on my kid's contact list at school. Sure, I should be behind my partner and my ex's husband. Especially annoying because my ex carries around a jump to conclusions mat and a healthy ability to make everything way more complicated than it needs to be.

[Danno]

My ex and I try to get along and be good co-parents, but she too carries her own jump to conclusions mat, and often assumes I ignored her if I signed our daughter up for something and "didn't list her". If there is a spot for the second parent, of course I list her! And if not, I of course list her as an emergency contact! But sometimes I'm not given those options. Thankfully, she is slowly realizing this because she has encountered the same BS in reverse. It's just really fucking annoying.

[lowsparkco]

Judge agreed to our once-mediated settlement and signed off on everything effective Jan 2nd. Listing the house in the spring and will no doubt run into challenges for my own housing( she moved into her vacated grandparents house).

Absolutely cannot wait to get out on the slopes with the current gf, a snowboarder. Life is so much better after the dust settles.

Thanks for the encouraging words at the onset of my whole debacle from those who spoke up on here.

Congrats TZ!

Glad to hear you’re seeing some light through the tunnel.

[MakersTeleMark]

My ex and I try to get along and be good co-parents, but she too carries her own jump to conclusions mat, and often assumes I ignored her if I signed our daughter up for something and "didn't list her". If there is a spot for the second parent, of course I list her! And if not, I of course list her as an emergency contact! But sometimes I'm not given those options. Thankfully, she is slowly realizing this because she has encountered the same BS in reverse. It's just really fucking annoying.

Just start listing Tammy Wynette and see if she gets the joke.

[XXX-er]

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/briti...nges-1.7084748


of course I imediatley thot of Ace Ventura pet detective

[wkd-rdr]

If the courts can recognize and award 50-50 custody with shared decision making, why the fuck can't the rest of the world?

I identify as a single parent.

[wkd-rdr]

Absolutely cannot wait to get out on the slopes with the current gf, a snowboarder. Life is so much better after the dust settles.

Congrats on enjoying life!
Also, pix...

[TahoeJ]

I identify as a single parent.

Sorry, if you’re a guy it’s not allowed. Single moms are heroes, divorced fathers are pieces of shit. Didn’t you get the memo?

[wkd-rdr]

Sorry, if you’re a guy it’s not allowed. Single moms are heroes, divorced fathers are pieces of shit. Didn’t you get the memo?

I constantly get the memo.

The court of public opinion has been eating my ass from behind as long as I care to remember.

[Danno]

I use the single parent thing for dramatic effect, but I agree, it doesn't feel like it really fits.

I feel your pain about multiple points of contact for your kids. Also, though, it has to be aggravating to these organizations to not be able to hold any individual accountable and get stuck in the middle of petty disputes between warring parents. Even if you and your ex are functional, can you imagine the regular train wreck they have to sift through with every school communication?

Oh totally, but by doing the one point of contact thing they actually create more warring.

[wkd-rdr]

My point was that there are plenty of non-binary choices on any given form, but computer systems can't grasp different parents at different addresses, or multiple contacts.

[TahoeJ]

I never really understood the “single parent” thing in divorce with shared custody. My ex would post dramatic Facebook stories of the challenges of being a “single parent.” She has them half the time and I give her lots of money. Any time they’re too much I’ll happily take them all the way up to 100% of the time to ease her heroic burden. She can even keep the money.

The social media stuff used to bug me but now I just laugh at it. Case in point: my youngest daughter played spring and then summer softball. There were at least 25-30 games total. My ex went to *one* game and posted it up on Facebook and the comments are all like “you’re such a great single mom!” Lol… like, who do you think took her to the other 29 games? Same nonsense with my oldest daughter and club volleyball with remote tournaments where I’m the one booking the hotel room, etc. I never said a word but eventually some of her friends with kids on the same teams kind of called her out on it (“Why are you never here? Your ex is at almost every game.”) which I appreciated.

Technically I have 30% custody but I actually have them more than half the time. And then she dumps them off on her parents constantly … it’s so heroic you single mom queen! I have a few friends dealing with the same so anecdotally I suspect this sort of thing is pretty common these days. It can be frustrating but then I have to remind myself that the kids will remember this stuff.

EDIT: to be fair there are plenty of deadbeat dads making the rest of us look bad. My daughter’s best friend also on her volleyball team essentially looks to me as a fill-in father figure when her mom can’t make it due to work obligations (so she’ll glance over to me to take video of her serves, etc). Dad has all the time in the world and just doesn’t bother to show up. Douchebag.