Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[Meadow Skipper]

Yeah…lawyer up. It’s a drag, but that sounds like such a mess you’re going to need it.

Possible exception, getting a mediator, though I have to say your account makes that seem like an unlikely way to get through this fairly.

[Mustonen]

Feels super similar to some stuff I dealt with when kids were younger. Now that my almost 18yo and almost 17yo have wheels weird vindictive stuff like “I’m not your daycare” (something my ex more or less said too) has far less punch. I spent years with some crazy work schedules to pick them up and drop them off at school because the shitty house I bought so she could stay in our marital home wasn’t on the bus route. I was super fortunate that I could do that, of course, but I spent a couple hours in the car on those days.

I figured I could spend the last couple years my older two are in the house fighting about shit, or I could go along to get along and make the most of what I’ve got and keep things positive and low stress. No idea if I got that right. Part of me wonders what things would look like if I’d drawn harder lines and fought more. But I don’t really think anybody would be in a better place for that. Especially the kids.

Good luck man.

[ghwbuush]

So make her mother be the bad guy here... She can stay wherever she wants but you arent giving up custody.

Will a car help things? Is she responsible enough? Hopefully when she turns 16 you can afford one for her?

[TahoeJ]

^^ Exactly.

Very much appreciate everyone's thoughts.

The request from the ex is basically asking for a set schedule and full custody. Basically for structure of schedules, but I'm not sure why it needs to be done with a judge. She also said that if I don't agree, that we have to stick with the original (current) plan of 50/50. Thus making a teenage girls life difficult getting to school, practice. Kinda guilt trippy.

I'm not a fan of using your kids, but you should consider being fully transparent with your daughter about all of this and let her take it out on her mother for making her life more difficult with her bullshit. She's old enough to handle the truth. There's ZERO reason for you to give up full custody, fuck that noise. A judge will tell her to go kick rocks with that request - there's no cause to strip custody away.

[Jen]

I mean... let's face it. All girls, in the end, love the D's!

Indubitably I concur


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[up an down]

Good advice

[oftpiste]

Agreed, AND, in your transparency with the kids, whatever you do, do not shit talk the ex or throw her under the bus or criticize her in any way. You can - with care - be honest about how you feel about things and what your preferences are. Use 'I' statements, make sure kids know you love them no matter what happens or where they live, and that all you want is what's best for them.

I guarantee you they will see what's really happening and who's doing what. Be the good guy. Maintain your integrity and intention at all costs.

I'm not a fan of using your kids, but you should consider being fully transparent with your daughter about all of this and let her take it out on her mother for making her life more difficult with her bullshit. She's old enough to handle the truth. There's ZERO reason for you to give up full custody, fuck that noise. A judge will tell her to go kick rocks with that request - there's no cause to strip custody away.

[~mikey b]

agreed

don’t talk shit

but it’s ok to be honest

kids appreciate honesty

[frorider]

I kid, I kid.

[Mustonen]

agreed

don’t talk shit

but it’s ok to be honest

kids appreciate honesty

Maybe. But you don’t have to say everything you think either. Don’t like her new boyfriend? Disapprove of her borderline inhumane treatment of her dogs? Frustrated that she treats every discussion about scheduling as a sum zero negotiation crisis? Keep that shit to yourself. Coach them on dealing with difficult personalities, make sure they know the right and responsible way to care for animals, and show them how collaboration and generosity of spirit makes the world go ‘round.

But don’t pull them into your conflict and burden them with your disapproval. They don’t need that shit.

[oftpiste]

Agreed. To me all the below falls into the category of talking shit or throwing her under the bus.

Maybe. But you don’t have to say everything you think either. Don’t like her new boyfriend? Disapprove of her borderline inhumane treatment of her dogs? Frustrated that she treats every discussion about scheduling as a sum zero negotiation crisis? Keep that shit to yourself.

But don’t pull them into your conflict and burden them with your disapproval. They don’t need that shit.

[XXX-er]

Once the $$$$ part was settled/ decree absolute

whatever she did I just found myself laughing

[GimpToo]

Maybe when you talk with the kids, make them understand that giving up total custody feels like you’re giving up fatherhood and that you never want to do that!

[bennymac]

A Divorce Attorney's Thoughts On Love and Marriage-James Sexton

https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM?si=6zY1aoAJLj7CO0IG

I’m only partially through this but I’m finding it interesting

[oftpiste]

^^^ it's a great piece. Might have been previously posted.....

[Supermoon]

Well after six months the paperwork is signed, the stuff and money is divided, and tonight is the first night in my own place. I realized that I’ve never lived alone before, so I’m excited to make this place my own.



Certainly not where I thought I’d be a year ago, but I’m feeling good about it

[TahoeJ]

Hey so the living alone thing is actually quite an adjustment. I have three kids but when not with me it was something I had to learn to deal with. Everyone wants peace and quiet until there’s too much of it. Play music, listen to a podcast, fill the void. Good luck!

[Danno]

Agreed, learning how to live alone was a big adjustment. But I think that's much harder when you're a parent.

[bennymac]

Supermoon - love the optimism! Embrace the duality of change - it’s painful and beautiful at the same time. You got this.

[Supermoon]

Thanks fellas. Yeah, I’m sure it will be a big adjustment. As I was unpacking I noticed I kept talking to nobody, because I used to just always talk to the dog when she was around. Gotta cut that out before the neighbors think I’m nuts, haha.

It’s been a rollercoaster and I’m sure the ride isn’t over yet, but I am trying to be better about noting these moments of hope and peace. It’s been helping me when inevitably the down moments roll around.

[bennymac]

plus ski season is on the horizon - so you got that going for ya

[up an down]

Thanks fellas. Yeah, I’m sure it will be a big adjustment. As I was unpacking I noticed I kept talking to nobody, because I used to just always talk to the dog when she was around. Gotta cut that out before the neighbors think I’m nuts, haha.

It’s been a rollercoaster and I’m sure the ride isn’t over yet, but I am trying to be better about noting these moments of hope and peace. It’s been helping me when inevitably the down moments roll around.

Good luck supermoon...always some roller coaster moments in any life.. Keep rolling!.

[tgapp]

Thanks fellas. Yeah, I’m sure it will be a big adjustment. As I was unpacking I noticed I kept talking to nobody, because I used to just always talk to the dog when she was around. Gotta cut that out before the neighbors think I’m nuts, haha.

It’s been a rollercoaster and I’m sure the ride isn’t over yet, but I am trying to be better about noting these moments of hope and peace. It’s been helping me when inevitably the down moments roll around.

sounds like another dog might be in order

----

In all sincerity, congrats on the big step forward, the new place, and the hopeful sense of direction.

---

thich nact hanh teaches that happiness and suffering are not two. i think he's right.

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[Supermoon]

sounds like another dog might be in order

Ha. Right? I’ve thought about it but I want to give it at least a year before I commit to one. I have maxed out my life changes for a bit [emoji23]

[Mustonen]

Ha. Right? I’ve thought about it but I want to give it at least a year before I commit to one. I have maxed out my life changes for a bit [emoji23]

I’ll give it 3 months.