Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[riser4]

Is it a small workplace? Is HR likely to be best buddies or friends with the snitch?

[Danno]

IANAL (oh wait, I am, but not a useful one in this context), but have been through a divorce. And this sucks, man, I feel for you, I am sure it feels like a total invasion of privacy.

If you have a lawyer, asking him/her is a good idea, but lawyers do charge in those stupid 6 minute increments so you have to be prepared to pay for that. For those suggesting HR, I get it and understand why, but IME the HR departments are mostly useless. And they are not there to help you, they are there to protect the company. So I would be wary of saying anything to them, because it could put the target on your back, not the other person's.

I do think you need to document every occurrence of this, with time/date and any details. Keep doing that as a matter of course, as well as documenting every way that it came back to you. And document your thoughts in the moment. If you are ultimately going to HR with a hostile workplace claim, the more data you have amassed would be good (and if you have specific notes about how you felt each time it happened that documents the hostile workplace claim). That's not legal advice because I know fuck all about this area of law, but document document document is always good advice and especially in family law issues.

[XXX-er]

IANAL (oh wait, I am, but not a useful one in this context), but have been through a divorce. And this sucks, man, I feel for you, I am sure it feels like a total invasion of privacy.

If you have a lawyer, asking him/her is a good idea, but lawyers do charge in those stupid 6 minute increments so you have to be prepared to pay for that. For those suggesting HR, I get it and understand why, but IME the HR departments are mostly useless. And they are not there to help you, they are there to protect the company. So I would be wary of saying anything to them, because it could put the target on your back, not the other person's.

I do think you need to document every occurrence of this, with time/date and any details. Keep doing that as a matter of course, as well as documenting every way that it came back to you. And document your thoughts in the moment. If you are ultimately going to HR with a hostile workplace claim, the more data you have amassed would be good (and if you have specific notes about how you felt each time it happened that documents the hostile workplace claim). That's not legal advice because I know fuck all about this area of law, but document document document is always good advice and especially in family law issues.

well if HR is there to protect the companies interests it might be a no-cost good idea to document the transgressions, thro it on HR's desk and ask them what they are gona do about it ?

[TahoeJ]

It could also be as simple as notifying HR about it, saying that you’re not filing a formal complaint but do want it on the record. That’s a great way to document, as Dano suggested.

That way if something more egregious happens in the future you already have this on the record and it would suggest a pattern of behavior.

[Danno]

I am just very wary of involving HR at all until he receives advice better than from a bunch of dentists. Because mentioning/documenting in any fashion with HR could put a bullseye on his back instead of doing the opposite.

[zion zig zag]

I am just very wary of involving HR at all until he receives advice better than from a bunch of dentists. Because mentioning/documenting in any fashion with HR could put a bullseye on his back instead of doing the opposite.

I'm on the side of stay off of HR's radar as well. Also not a lawyer.

[wkd-rdr]

Is it a small workplace? Is HR likely to be best buddies or friends with the snitch?

I work in a small dental office.
She was late yesterday, which made me late to pickup the kid. Quite certain it was intentional, as I was not notified.

She isn't friends with HR, but let's say she is married to the orthodontist.

I'm not keen on HR. But I'm part-time so I can have time with my kids. If I were a full-time employee, I would be going back to court to pay more and have kids less.

[zion zig zag]

She was late yesterday, which made me late to pickup the kid. Quite certain it was intentional, as I was not notified.

She isn't friends with HR, but let's say she is married to the orthodontist.

Oof, and double oof.

[easyrdr]

If it were me. I would look for a new job and get the fuck out of there. Given it’s her best friend and married to the doctor you don’t stand a chance of shutting it down.

[TahoeJ]

Okay, yeah, with that context nevermind the HR. I'd at least casually just start looking around for another gig. And if you find one, the beauty of the exit interview is you getting to explain exactly why you left. I bet you her husband (the ortho) will give her shit for it.

[nickwm21]

Does the friend know that you know she’s snitching?

Maybe there’s a polite or jesty way of letting the friend know you know. “I know you’re letting Karen know when I’m at work, maybe could you add how long my morning shit takes each day to that communique so that she has a full picture of my production at work… Thanks!”

My point is - if the friend knows you know, she might stop due to embarrassment or lack of wanting to get in the middle of it…


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[brutah]

While you’re looking for a new gig, you may as well have some fun and feed the snitch some white lies to tell your ex-wife

[nickwm21]

Not divorce or dentistry related but I fed some white lies to the office snitch once - she was the rumor mill queen and I was poking the bear seeing how far the gossip would carry - and the result I got was quite amplified and ended with me sitting down with HR…. So tread lightly there IMO…


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[m2711c]

under these circumstances, I would definitely find a different place to work.

[DBdude]

well if HR is there to protect the companies interests it might be a no-cost good idea to document the transgressions, thro it on HR's desk and ask them what they are gona do about it ?

oy

HR - protect the company from the risk of employees

what HR thinks and you think is probably different - also going to the state for hostile work environment is iffy - my ex had a very good case against a very large employer and the state's response was you have a good case - get a lawyer

small office - no HR - dentist... you will not win

[TahoeJ]

While I still stand with the get a new job approach, I happened to have lunch today with a lawyer friend who has experience in family law. He says indirect / convenience stalking is not looked well upon by judges in general. It falls within the scope of abnormal behavior. Point being, feel free to just do your thing and live your life and not worry about that shit. If she were to ever bring it up you’re going to be the one who looks normal. Judges see so much of this shit they have no tolerance for petty nonsense.

[wkd-rdr]

The pettiness continues, and management has scheduled a mediated discussion next week.

Frankly, I don't know how some people have the energy to be such assholes. It is their prime motivation, and it gets them off. I can not win at that game.

Viable options for another job with flexible hours are slim in my world. I'll deal with idiots for now; I have been doing it for a long time.

[TahoeJ]

Maybe you can send your mediation invoice to your ortho boss? ;-). Seriously tho, that really is annoying. My ex wife works in the same office as my best friend’s wife and she never mentions her or anything going on at work because I don’t need to hear about it.

[wkd-rdr]

Maybe you can send your mediation invoice to your ortho boss? ;-). Seriously tho, that really is annoying. My ex wife works in the same office as my best friend’s wife and she never mentions her or anything going on at work because I don’t need to hear about it.

To close this loop, hopefully.

Met with management, HR, and coworker. FFS, did we really need to?

Keeping calm was the best thing. Still have a job, and custody. So much mojo still invested in these situations, it's amazing after 6 years.

Don't take no shit, gents!

[m2711c]

way to keep calm and carry on, dude.

[TheSilverSurfer]

Everything was going great 3 years post divorce and now for some unknown reasons (lots of ideas) she is keeping the kids from me and filling emergency protection order. I can't afford an attorney so I'm trying to respond to all this on my own. I know this first hearing is one sided, which seems completely unfair.

Not sure where to go at this point.

Likely issue - same kid that broke their leg on the bike, broke their leg while we here hiking on vacation.

But, this was just an accident, I feel life there is something else that I'm missing which she's coming at me with

[Todd Zander]

Her bf break up with her?

Mine has been rather pleasant since January when it was finalized and I can only hope it’s because she has a distraction going on at the moment.

Feed into her crazy and hope the case manager sees it

[Danno]

Not sure where to post this, but the Tammy thread seems most appropriate, could use a little advice.

When my kiddo is with her ex, she has been attending a youth church group. I am pretty anti-religious (not to mention a secular jew), so this makes me pretty uncomfortable. But a) I cannot really stop her from going when she's with her mom (and she's 13 so pretty soon it's going to be hard for me to stop her even when she's with me), b) she really likes it so trying to "counter" it is fraught with difficulty, and c) she gets a great sense of "community" from it which is something I can understand, as community is very important to me.

Another problem I have is I don't know what the church is teaching her and what their philosophy is. Are they against gay marriage? Abortion? Where do they fit with my values? Through the youth group they are certainly "marketing" themselves to my daughter, but I don't know what they are trying to instill in her (other than the basics of "jesus christ died for our sins, etc").

How do I deal with this? How do I find out more about the church's teachings? I have googled the hell out of it, to no avail (they have a lot of youtube videos so I could watch them but that sounds like a lot of wasted time). Do I contact the pastor and ask to talk to him? Just say fuck it and let the chips fall where they may? Any suggestions?

[Kevo]

Have you considered going all in on being a born again evangelical Christian?

That'd probably make your daughter reconsider her interest in the youth group.

[Mazderati]

And, maybe the ex's.