Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

[ötzi]

5-gallon bucket with a little water in the bottom, perch a toilet seat on top if you're all fancy and shit. Dump the bucket over the rail, rinse it out, done.

[PB]

Isn't there a rope specifically designated for pooping off the boat tied to the top of the main mast/Giant Poop Stick for tying off while squatting over the edge??? My Dad always pointed to such rope which was invariably too high for me to reach.

[jono]

This thread just keeps getting better. Bravo

[singlecross]

For the win? What the fuck? Now you got a baggie full of shit. How is that winning? And you better have a pretty good poop aimer in order to even get that shit in that fucking baggie to begin with.

You cut a bottom corner off the ziplock and you have a pastry bag poop gun to blind the chimp.

[Benny Profane]

No shit. Even snow weasels will look at you like "I can take your leg off and there's nothing you can do about it."

Attachment 382146

awww, isn't he cute? Here, let's go pet him, I'll bet he's nice and soft. Wait. AHHHHHH! HE'S GOT MY BALLS! STOP IT! AHHHHHHH! KILL IT! KILL IT!

[m2711c]

Do you have to use it while it’s still warm, or will the poop still spew properly when it’s cold?

[Djongo Unchained]

Thanks to Z-lax for starting this thread which has rapidly become a tapestry of in-house kookiness.
Lotsa humor around here...

It's a stoat, until winter when it becomes an ermine.

PCP will not help you in a fight. Unless hallucinations make you aggro, I guess.
And fosho a DC thing, go Loveboat.

As a kid, I too got the Gorilla slam surprise at the National Zoo. Heart rate spike for sure.

Titttaaaayyyyzz!

[Ted Striker]

What kind of pleb owns a sailboat without a head? Do you drive your own Bentleys too?

[exsparky]

Bare handed a leopard can be beaten and they are one of the Africa's big 5 deadly animals.


The Time Carl Akeley Killed a Leopard With His Bare Hands

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/...his-bare-hands

-the fight of Akeley’s life had just begun.


Using his left hand, he attempted to loosen the leopard’s hold. “I couldn't do it except little by little,” he wrote. “When I got grip enough on her throat to loosen her hold just a little she would catch my arm again an inch or two lower down. In this way I drew the full length of the arm through her mouth inch by inch.”

He felt no pain, he wrote, “only of the sound of the crushing of tense muscles and the choking, snarling grunts of the beast.” When his arm was nearly free, Akeley fell on the leopard. His right hand was still in her mouth, but his left hand was still on her throat. His knees were on her chest and his elbows in her armpits, “spreading her front legs apart so that the frantic clawing did nothing more than tear my shirt.”

It was a scramble. The leopard tried to twist around and gain the advantage, but couldn’t get purchase on the sand. “For the first time,” Akeley wrote, “I began to think and hope I had a chance to win this curious fight.”

he held on to the animal and “continued to shove the hand down her throat so hard she could not close her mouth and with the other I gripped her throat in a stranglehold.” He bore down with his full weight on her chest, and felt a rib crack. He did it again—another crack. “I felt her relax, a sort of letting go, although she was still struggling. At the same time I felt myself weakening similarly, and then it became a question as to which would give up first.”

In the moment, though, there had been no pain, “just the joy of a good fight,” Akeley wrote, “and I did live to tell my [doctor] friend all about it.”

FYI the gorilla isn't even in the Africa big 5 deadly animals.

[singlecross]

Do you have to use it while it’s still warm, or will the poop still spew properly when it’s cold?

Warm is best but if it starts cooling down, add piss.

[BmillsSkier]

What kind of pleb owns a sailboat without a head? Do you drive your own Bentleys too?

I didn't want to be the one to point this out, but there it is.

Thank you sir.

[TahoeJ]

With hand to hand combat out of the equation, if you're going to fight a Chimp you've got to be strategic. Remember that study years ago about the chimps who got hooked on cigarettes? That's where they're vulnerable... so... (skip to 1:20)

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Warm is best but if it starts cooling down, add piss.

You a jenkem fan?


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[Falcon3]

That dude sounds exactly like a Brit explorer. “Joy of a good fight” holy shit.

Also, how did he manage to walk away from that fight dragging those gigantic balls of his?

[singlecross]

You a jenkem fan?

I didn’t know that was a thing… I had to google it. I learn so much here! Maybe this concoction could be used to disorient the chimp?

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I didn’t know that was a thing… I had to google it. I learn so much here! Maybe this concoction could be used to disorient the chimp?

You seemed to know what you were talking about.


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[Brownski]

FYI the gorilla isn't even in the Africa big 5 deadly animals.

That’s cause they’re so chill. A silverback isn’t gonna start shit- but he’ll sure as fuck finish it.

[Brownski]

As a kid, I too got the Gorilla slam surprise at the National Zoo. Heart rate spike for sure.

Titttaaaayyyyzz!

Thank you. I find this very validating. I was by myself when I experienced this and when I related it to my family later on I got the feeling they thought I was exaggerating. I once saw a HUGE turtle, bigger than it had any right to be, and I got a similar feeling when I told people about it. Then I wrote a blog post about it (in 2018 I think) and people started relating similar sightings in the comments, continuing up to last week. Made me trust my own eyes a little more.

[singlecross]

You seemed to know what you were talking about.

Sorry to disappoint… I’m no Benny. But can fake it pretty well. Wait… maybe I am Benny.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Sorry to disappoint… I’m no Benny. But can fake it pretty well. Wait… maybe I am Benny.

I was just wondering if any of the degenerates here had hit rock bottom


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[Skidog]

Thanks to Z-lax for starting this thread which has rapidly become a tapestry of in-house kookiness.
Lotsa humor around here...

It's a stoat, until winter when it becomes an ermine.

PCP will not help you in a fight. Unless hallucinations make you aggro, I guess.
And fosho a DC thing, go Loveboat.

As a kid, I too got the Gorilla slam surprise at the National Zoo. Heart rate spike for sure.

Titttaaaayyyyzz!

Thank you for backing me up on the PCP thing. I always found it amusing that everyone associated it with super strength, when for me it was couch lock city.

Give PCP to someone already very mentally unstable? Well results vary.

SUF have you ever been admitted to a psych ward? This will effect odds making. Thanks.

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[stealurface831]

Thank you for backing me up on the PCP thing. I always found it amusing that everyone associated it with super strength, when for me it was couch lock city.

Give PCP to someone already very mentally unstable? Well results vary.

SUF have you ever been admitted to a psych ward? This will effect odds making. Thanks.

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never admitted but i have experienced episodes of violent, drug-induced psychosis.

[ötzi]

Well, who hasn't?

[stealurface831]

i am switching my PED from PCP to flakka.

[EWG]

I go away for FOUR GODDAMN DAYS and you fuckers find time to put together 14 pages of this shit?!?!

Yes, I know my eyes are a little wet around the edges right now. Don't look at me. It's just that I'm so fucking proud...