Bad Joke Thread

[pureshred]

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

[basinbeater]

Too bad she's not running for
Anything this year, but what's the difference between Sarah palins mouth and Sarah Palins vagina?

Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded.

[mikdes26]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.

[stalefish3169]

So a baby seal walks into a club.

[iceman]

Too bad she's not running for
Anything this year, but what's the difference between Sarah palins mouth and Sarah Palins vagina?

Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded.

I heard that one the other way around.

[basinbeater]

But that doesn't make sense. Only some of her children are retarded, whereas everything that comes out of her mouth is most definitely retarded.

[Sirshredalot]

But that doesn't make sense. Only some of her children are retarded, whereas everything that comes out of her mouth is most definitely retarded.

Are we sure all her kids aren't retarded? It doesn't seem like a group of serious scholars.



What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your cock up a chick's ass.

[TahoeJ]

But that doesn't make sense. Only some of her children are retarded, whereas everything that comes out of her mouth is most definitely retarded.

You sure about that?

[DJSapp]

An oldie:

It was the bus driver's first day on the new job driving for a rural school district. He get's his route, checks out his stops and asks his boss which bus he's driving. 'Well, as the new guy you get the old bus. #299.' So the driver goes out to the lot and finds bus 299, and instead of being yellow, it's covered in Sesame Street characters. Alright, whatever, haze the new guy the driver thinks.

He drives to the first stop where he picks up two girls. Big girls. The first girl steps on the bus and the whole bus starts to lean. "HI! I'm Patty." She announces to the driver and heads to the back of the bus and sits on the right side. The second girl gets on, and the bus driver starts to panic as he feels the left wheels lifting off the ground. "Hi! I'm Patty." She announces. The driver, fearful of tipping the bus over on the first day asks Patty to sit right behind him. With the bus balanced, he drives to the next stop.

This stop only had one kid waiting, not paying attention. The bus driver pulls up, opens the door, but the kid isn't paying attention. He waits 30 seconds, but the kid doesn't seem to notice. He hollers at the kid asking if he's coming to school. No response. The bus driver puts it in park, gets out, and walks up to the kid. With a completely dazed yet bewildered look in his eye, the kid whispers "I'm Ross. I'm special." and then runs onto the bus in a fit of hysterical laughter. Oooookay, the bus driver thinks and drives to the last stop.

Again, only on kid waiting here. Mercifully, he seemed perfectly normal. He comes onto the bus and announces, "Hi, I'm Lester." Lester then sits right behind the driver, puts his feet up, pulls off his shoes and immediately starts wiping out some toe cheese and picking at a huge bunion. The bus driver is disgusted and tells Lester to go to the back. With the pickup done, he takes the kids to school.

While he's waiting for the afternoon run to take the kids home, his wife calls and asks how the new job is going. His reply, "Oh honey, it's awful. I got two all beef Patties, special Ross, Lester cheese picking bunions all on a Sesame Street bus."

[irul&ublo]

What's a gay cowboy's favorite song?

Hooomo On the Range

[powpig]

From the 90s:
A guy walks into a bar and sees George W Bush & Colin Powell. He goes up them and says, "Gentlemen, it's a pleasure to meet you, what are you doing here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW3, we're gonna kill 40 million Iraquis and 1 blonde with big tits."
"1 blonde with big tits?" the guy asks, "Why are you gonna do that?"
Bush turns to Powell, whacks him in the shoulder and says, "See dumbass, I told you no one would care about the 40 million Iraquis."

[riser4]

You sure about that?

We're only sure about everything that comes out of her mouth being retarded.

[bagtagley]

Why do white supremacists refuse to buy whole wheat bread?


Because they only eat WHITE FLOUR!

[TAFKALVS]

How did the Scotsman find the sheep hiding in the grass?

Very satisfying.

[old goat]

The most common excuse in Wyoming--"I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

[2FUNKY]

^How much did you have to pay that person to take your pic? Never mind, I don't want to know.

[stalefish3169]

So what if I can't spell Armageddon. It's not the end of the world.


Conjunctivitis.com.....Now there's a site for sore eyes.

[Cosmic Suncloud]

What do you call 3 Breck girls in a hot tub?

Gorillas in the Mist.

[iceman]

But that doesn't make sense. Only some of her children are retarded, whereas everything that comes out of her mouth is most definitely retarded.

The idea is that her kids are all retarded but she might theoretically say something unretarded at some point.

[iceman]

Guy stops at the bar for a few quick ones on the way home from work. Back in the car, he gets a call from his wife telling him to be careful, there's some nut driving the wrong way on the freeway. "One?!?" he says, "There's thousands of them!"

[iceman]

^^^there's not a lot of drunk-driving jokes these days.

[BmillsSkier]

You've earned a slow clap for the follow up on this end. Kinda Dangerfield-esque as far as the typed monologue goes.

[riser4]

The idea is that her kids are all retarded but she might theoretically say something unretarded at some point.

I wouldn't count on the latter. Not in this lifetime.

[Buster Highmen]

What's worn under the Scotsman kilt?

Nothing's worn.

Everything's in perfect working condition.

[Buster Highmen]

Overheard during an arrest in London for necrophilia: Dead? Dead?. But I thought she was just English!