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Thread: Bad Joke Thread

  1. #101
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    Mar 2005
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    Vinyl Valley
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    1,913
    What's green and swims in the ocean?




    Moby Pickle

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    ha, I heard it as "Trump wouldn't pay..."
    I heard it as;

    what's the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chickpea...
    I see hydraulic turtles.

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    How can you tell the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?






    If it was anywhere else, they would've called it a teethbrush.




    edit: can't type
    I heard that said about Hardwick, VT.
    I see hydraulic turtles.

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    2,617
    My uncle loves Ole and Lena jokes. He goes into full character telling them. Here's a couple:

    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena Said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

    "I need to buy some boards there, Sven."
    "How long you want 'em, Ole?"
    "Long time. I'm building a house, ya know."

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    971
    Guy walks into a muslim bookstore and asks the guy at the counter, "Do you have the new book on immigration by Donald Trump?" . . . guy at the counter says, "Get the hell out of here and don't ever come back!" . . . guy says, "yea, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"


    Should this have been in pollyass . . . this did make me laugh, and I was not a fan of either candidate!!!

  6. #106
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    Mar 2008
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    the ham
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    14,082
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    United 'the friendly skies'
    lol

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    hood of East Jackson
    Posts
    196
    A chicken and an egg are laying in bed after a good session of shagging. The chicken takes a long drag on a cigarette, exhales and says "well, I guess we answered that question"

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    The Mayonnaisium
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    11,005
    Man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It's a shih tzu.

  9. #109
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    Dec 2009
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    The Mayonnaisium
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    What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

    One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

  10. #110
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    Dec 2012
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    I can still smell Poutine.
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    26,771
    My dad had the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the city zoo.

  11. #111
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    Sep 2009
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    in the trench
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    16,631

  12. #112
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    Nov 2011
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    Ontario Canada eh
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    4,449
    Quote Originally Posted by Mazderati View Post
    Man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It's a shih tzu.
    My kind of humor....very dry

    A waitress at the truck stop has finally decided after 7 unplanned pregnancies she'd start taking the Pill
    Her only complaint about the pill is "they keep falling out"
    Last edited by Kenny Satch; 05-26-2017 at 04:18 PM.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Last Best City in the Last Best Place
    Posts
    8,216
    These showed up in an email:

    What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
    A synonym roll.

    How do you make a million dollars farming?
    Start with two million.

    I conducted an orchestra yesterday. It was more fun than you can shake a stick at.

    Can February March? No but April May

    I asked the librarian if she had any books about paranoia. She whispered, they're right behind you.

    Q. What's the difference between a piano, a fish and a bucket of glue?
    A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
    Them: Well what about the bucket of glue?
    You: I knew you would get stuck on that.

    My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 am last night. Can you believe that? 3am! Luckily I was still up playing my drums.

    What happened when the teacher tied all her students' shoelaces together? They took a class trip.

    What kind of vacuum does a Buddhist use? One with no attachments

    A man recently fell into an upholstery machine. I'm glad to say he's fully recovered.

  14. #114
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Before
    Posts
    28,763
    What do you call a person running behind a car?
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    Exhausted.
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  15. #115
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    The Mayonnaisium
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    I was gonna make a gay joke. But fuck it.

  16. #116
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    Maple Syrup and Lumberjacks, eigh.
    Posts
    4,289
    What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?









































    Free delivery.
    ::.:..::::.::.:.::..::.

  17. #117
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    Ontario Canada eh
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    4,449
    Quote Originally Posted by Mazderati View Post
    I was gonna make a gay joke. But fuck it.
    Ok I will
    What is DD's favorite gay bar pick-up line?
    Is that stool taken?

  18. #118
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars
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    3,857
    Quote Originally Posted by Kenny Satch View Post
    Ok I will
    What is DD's favorite gay bar pick-up line?
    Is that stool taken?
    No, it's, "Can I push in your stool?"
    You are what you eat.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    There's no such thing as bad snow, just shitty skiers.

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    tetons
    Posts
    8,710
    ^i think that joke is so funny [emoji23] but guys always grimace
    Loling even now
    skid luxury

  20. #120
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    The Mayonnaisium
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    The first time I saw a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything."

  21. #121
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    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    49,304
    ^^Steven Wright?

  22. #122
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    Dec 2009
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    The Mayonnaisium
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    Could be but I picked it up from a guy at work.

  23. #123
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    The Land of Subdued Excitement
    Posts
    5,439
    I pick up this 89 year old man usually a few times a week and he always tells me the same terrible and slightly inappropriate joke.

    A woman is in the shower and the door bell rings. She goes to the door naked and asks who is it? A man relies "blind man". So she opens the door and he says I'm here to install the blinds. Get it? Blind man... harhar

  24. #124
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    7,927
    A woman asks her husband to give her 10 inches and "make it hurt"! So he fucks her twice and slaps her.

  25. #125
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    truckee
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    24,877
    Guy goes into a restaurant. Waiter has a spoon in his back pocket.

    Guy asks the waiter "What's with the spoon in your back pocket."

    "Oh, the boss had an efficiency expert look at everything we do and he noticed that we spend a lot of time going back to the kitchen to get spoons for customers that drop theirs on the floor. So we carry the spoon to save time going back to the kitchen to get one."

    "So, what's the string coming out from your zipper."

    "Well, the efficiency expert noticed how much time we spent washing our hands after we piss, so now we pull our dicks out with the string and don't have to touch it. So we don't have to waste time washing our hands."

    "So, waiter, how do you get your dick back in your pants>"

    "With the spoon."

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