What's green and swims in the ocean?
Moby Pickle
What's green and swims in the ocean?
Moby Pickle
My uncle loves Ole and Lena jokes. He goes into full character telling them. Here's a couple:
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena Said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
"I need to buy some boards there, Sven."
"How long you want 'em, Ole?"
"Long time. I'm building a house, ya know."
Guy walks into a muslim bookstore and asks the guy at the counter, "Do you have the new book on immigration by Donald Trump?" . . . guy at the counter says, "Get the hell out of here and don't ever come back!" . . . guy says, "yea, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"
Should this have been in pollyass . . . this did make me laugh, and I was not a fan of either candidate!!!
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed after a good session of shagging. The chicken takes a long drag on a cigarette, exhales and says "well, I guess we answered that question"
Man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It's a shih tzu.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My dad had the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the city zoo.
These showed up in an email:
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll.
How do you make a million dollars farming?
Start with two million.
I conducted an orchestra yesterday. It was more fun than you can shake a stick at.
Can February March? No but April May
I asked the librarian if she had any books about paranoia. She whispered, they're right behind you.
Q. What's the difference between a piano, a fish and a bucket of glue?
A. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
Them: Well what about the bucket of glue?
You: I knew you would get stuck on that.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 am last night. Can you believe that? 3am! Luckily I was still up playing my drums.
What happened when the teacher tied all her students' shoelaces together? They took a class trip.
What kind of vacuum does a Buddhist use? One with no attachments
A man recently fell into an upholstery machine. I'm glad to say he's fully recovered.
What do you call a person running behind a car?
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Exhausted.
Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
>>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<
I was gonna make a gay joke. But fuck it.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
::.:..::::.::.:.::..::.
^i think that joke is so funny [emoji23] but guys always grimace
Loling even now
skid luxury
The first time I saw a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything."
^^Steven Wright?
Could be but I picked it up from a guy at work.
I pick up this 89 year old man usually a few times a week and he always tells me the same terrible and slightly inappropriate joke.
A woman is in the shower and the door bell rings. She goes to the door naked and asks who is it? A man relies "blind man". So she opens the door and he says I'm here to install the blinds. Get it? Blind man... harhar
A woman asks her husband to give her 10 inches and "make it hurt"! So he fucks her twice and slaps her.
Guy goes into a restaurant. Waiter has a spoon in his back pocket.
Guy asks the waiter "What's with the spoon in your back pocket."
"Oh, the boss had an efficiency expert look at everything we do and he noticed that we spend a lot of time going back to the kitchen to get spoons for customers that drop theirs on the floor. So we carry the spoon to save time going back to the kitchen to get one."
"So, what's the string coming out from your zipper."
"Well, the efficiency expert noticed how much time we spent washing our hands after we piss, so now we pull our dicks out with the string and don't have to touch it. So we don't have to waste time washing our hands."
"So, waiter, how do you get your dick back in your pants>"
"With the spoon."
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