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Thread: Your Favorite Euphemisms

  1. 09-23-2011, 08:41 PM #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi-Bell View Post
    Does a bear shit in the woods? Is a frog's ass water-tight? Is a pig's pussy pork? Does howdy-doody got wood balls?
    Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
    ::.:..::::.::.:.::..::.
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  2. 09-23-2011, 08:47 PM #102
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    thank you sir!
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  3. 09-24-2011, 07:06 AM #103
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    Everything around a pigs ass isnt pork.
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  4. 09-24-2011, 12:28 PM #104
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    Ms. Smarty's description of Elenor Cliff: She has a newspaper voice and a radio face.

    She's generally not that funny, but I laugh whenever she says that one.

    -Smarty
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  5. 09-25-2011, 05:56 AM #105
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    Sweating like a 2 dollar Tijuana whore.
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  6. 09-25-2011, 12:54 PM #106
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    i bet that chick could suck the chrome off a bumper

    happier than a puppy with two peckers

    'bout as useless as a screen door on a submarine

    funnier than a rubber crutch
    water is the driving force of all nature
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  7. 09-25-2011, 01:01 PM #107
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    From a Wolf Creek lifty after his run on a big powder day: "I'm Happier'n a pup with two peters!"

    edit: Damn, beat to the punch by minutes in a weeks old thread!

    Here in SLC I'm always amused at the Mormons' non-profane bastardizations of common off color euphemisms and other squeeky clean sayings. This one's gold: "Nuttier than squirrel turds."
    There's nothing better than sliding down snow, flying through the air
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  8. 09-25-2011, 01:35 PM #108
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    I love these things.

    Sweatin' like a whore in church.
    Straighter than a preacher's dick.
    Cleaner than a preacher's sheets.
    Hotter than two mice fucking in a wool sock.
    So hard it's like trying to shit in a pop bottle.
    More fucked up than a football bat.
    Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.
    He's a little light in the loafers.
    Sharp as a spoon.
    Sharpest tool in the shed.
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  9. 09-25-2011, 02:28 PM #109
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    She acts like her shit's ice cream and there ain't enough spoons to go around.
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  10. 09-25-2011, 04:14 PM #110
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    A few fries short of a happy meal.

    Can't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

    Not all his sheep are accounted for.
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  11. 09-26-2011, 03:40 PM #111
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    Growing up in the south, I've heard tons of these. Here are a few lesser known ones...

    I'm as full as a tick.
    I'm so mad I could eat bowling balls and poop bb's.
    she's crazier (more pissed off) than a kicked ant hill.
    He's madder than a bull pissing on an electric fence.
    He's as ugly as a mud fence.
    He lies more than a no legged dog.
    That guy is more crooked than a dog's hind leg.
    He's as crazy as a peach orchard boar.
    That guy thinks he knows more than a New York Lawyer.
    He's faster than green grass through a goose.
    I'm so hungry I could eat the south end of a northbound polecat (skunk).
    She's as ugly as shit on a stick.
    He's madder (meaner) than a couple of tom cats in a gunny sack.
    This is the worst pain EVER!
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  12. 09-26-2011, 04:55 PM #112
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    Looks like shit on a white chicken.
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  13. 09-26-2011, 05:09 PM #113
    Downbound Train
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    Quote Originally Posted by splat View Post
    She acts like her shit's ice cream and there ain't enough spoons to go around.
    Didn't i see that in a movie? Something about 2 girls and 1 cup.
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  14. 09-26-2011, 05:12 PM #114
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    If she had to haul ass out of a house fire it would take her two trips.
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  15. 09-26-2011, 05:18 PM #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by chucknuggin View Post
    If she had to haul ass out of a house fire it would take her two trips.
    That might be the one of the only good ones in this whole thread.

    Kinda suprising how un-funny all of these are. You'd think there would be a lot more knee slappers.

    That State Fair one was funny too.
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  16. 09-26-2011, 11:10 PM #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by HD333 View Post
    Sweating like a 2 dollar Tijuana whore.
    An ostrich as an avitar? Witherspoon?



    Some funny ones in here so far; the state fair one had me laughing pretty good...

    .
    I still call it The Jake.
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  17. 09-26-2011, 11:22 PM #117
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    I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.
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  18. 09-27-2011, 09:34 AM #118
    creaker
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    From my grandpa -

    "Son, when I want your opinion I'll tell you what it is."
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  19. 09-27-2011, 10:07 AM #119
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    From my uncle-

    "Fucking a stewardess is like being too lazy to masturbate."
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
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  20. 09-28-2011, 04:12 PM #120
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    From my Dad-

    "It's hard to soar with the eagles, when you're stuck working with turkeys."
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  21. 09-28-2011, 05:23 PM #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by pisteoff View Post
    There's a Brit at work who says our company "couldn't organize a piss-up at a brewery".
    ...or 'couldn't organize a shag in a brothel'
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  22. 09-28-2011, 05:26 PM #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi-Bell View Post
    Does a bear shit in the woods? Is a frog's ass water-tight? Is a pig's pussy pork? Does howdy-doody got wood balls?
    is the pope a catholic?
    Does the pope shit in the woods?

    harder than a priest in a playground
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  23. 09-28-2011, 06:53 PM #123
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    swole up like a honeymoon peter

    gayer than 10 dudes sucking 9 dicks
    that's all i can think of, but i'm sure there's something else...
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  24. 09-28-2011, 09:08 PM #124
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    Kicks harder than a three-legged ninja.
    Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.
    Like throwin' a hot dog down a hallway.
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  25. 09-28-2011, 09:24 PM #125
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    Slicker than cum on a gold-tooth...

    Fuck me to tears...


    EDIT: Page Topper...WHEEEEEWWWW!!!...Shredfest!
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