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Thread: Your Favorite Euphemisms

  1. 09-17-2011, 05:35 PM #26
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    Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra.

    ...from an SC boy.
    ...And the greatest ice must crumble when it's flower's time to grow.
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  2. 09-17-2011, 06:05 PM #27
    ColoMike
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    He could fuck up a two car funeral

    Busier than a one-armed paper hanger with the itch

    Worthless as tits on a bull

    From my father in law (RIP). Flippin' goldmine for stuff like this
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  3. 09-17-2011, 07:42 PM #28
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    Worthless as tits on a duck.
    That was either the prettiest monster or the ugliest woman I ever saw.
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  4. 09-17-2011, 08:00 PM #29
    iceman
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    So cold it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

    Well, it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. (said about something that sucks pretty hard)
    Last edited by iceman; 09-17-2011 at 10:20 PM.
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  5. 09-17-2011, 09:47 PM #30
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    That there is bout as much fun as pullin a porcupine outta a mailbox!
    Scientists now have decisive molecular evidence that humans and chimpanzees once had a common momma and that this lineage had previously split from monkeys.
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  6. 09-17-2011, 09:56 PM #31
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    When watching something that can only be described as a clusterfuck,

    "It's like watching a pack of baboons trying to fuck a beach ball"
    Quote Originally Posted by Smoke
    Cell phones are great in the backcountry. If you're injured, you can use them to play Tetris, which helps pass the time while waiting for cold embrace of Death to envelop you.
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  7. 09-18-2011, 05:54 AM #32
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    Faster'n a dog shittin' tacks.
    I like living where the Ogdens are high enough so that I'm not everyone's worst problem.- YetiMan
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  8. 09-19-2011, 12:31 PM #33
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    Ya can't polish a turd.
    Sucks at internets
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  9. 09-19-2011, 12:43 PM #34
    TeleHoar
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    I'm sweating like a lesbian at a cock-fight.

    Colder than titty-fucking a dead witch.

    I'd rather have a bottle-in-front-of me, than to be kicked in the balls by a mule.
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  10. 09-19-2011, 03:34 PM #35
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    Slicker than a puddle of piss on a parquet floor.
    Something about the wrinkle in your forehead tells me there's a fit about to get thrown
    And I never hear a single word you say when you tell me not to have my fun
    It's the same old shit that I ain't gonna take off anyone.
    and I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself.

    Patterson Hood of the DBT's
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  11. 09-19-2011, 03:59 PM #36
    hooked
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    Uglier than a bucket of assholes.
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  12. 09-19-2011, 04:00 PM #37
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    I'm out like a blind kid in dodgeball.
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  13. 09-19-2011, 04:07 PM #38
    Downbound Train
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeleHoar View Post

    I'd rather have a bottle-in-front-of me, than to be kicked in the balls by a mule.
    I'd rather have a bottle-in-front-of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
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  14. 09-19-2011, 04:08 PM #39
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    Tighter than a 12 year old.
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  15. 09-19-2011, 04:31 PM #40
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    My Dad (an old rancher) has a shitton of great ones. Recently was talking to him on the drive home, I could no more do that than throw a bull by the balls. I told him I remember once about 30 years ago when he steer wrestled a cow that was charging him in the middle of a pasture. Yeah, shit. That happen to me now that bitch'd knock the bones right out my mouth.
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  16. 09-19-2011, 04:49 PM #41
    Downbound Train
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatlander#2 View Post
    My Dad (an old rancher) has a shitton of great ones. Recently was talking to him on the drive home, I could no more do that than throw a bull by the balls. I told him I remember once about 30 years ago when he steer wrestled a cow that was charging him in the middle of a pasture. Yeah, shit. That happen to me now that bitch'd knock the bones right out my mouth.
    Your dad sounds meaner than a Honey Badger in a Garbage Disposal.
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  17. 09-19-2011, 05:14 PM #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by hooked View Post
    Uglier than a bucket of assholes.
    On a slightly related note, I once overheard a woman say that her friend's baby daddy looked like a bag of smashed assholes.
    No kick turns
    No mercy
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  18. 09-19-2011, 05:21 PM #43
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    Can't beleive no one else has said it but theres always the classic:

    Gayer than a bag full of dicks.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________
    "We don't need predator control, we need whiner control. Anyone who complains that "the gummint oughta do sumpin" about the wolves and coyotes should be darted, caged, and released in a more suitable habitat for them, like the middle of Manhattan." - Spats

    "I'm constantly doing things I can't do. Thats how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso

    Cisco and his wife are fragile idiots who breed morons.
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  19. 09-19-2011, 05:24 PM #44
    goldenshowers
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    That's close enough for the girls I go out with.
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  20. 09-19-2011, 05:31 PM #45
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    "Man shes so ugly/skanky/stupid I wouldn't fuck her with your dick."
    Quote Originally Posted by TheDingleberry View Post
    pissing in a sink? fucking rookies. Shit in an oven, then you'll be pro.
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  21. 09-19-2011, 05:34 PM #46
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    Duller than a sack of wet mice.
    Outlive the bastards - Ed Abbey
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  22. 09-19-2011, 06:08 PM #47
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    hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
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  23. 09-19-2011, 06:20 PM #48
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    Tits on a whale don't make it cute.

    I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out.

    Cold enough to freeze the testicles off a polar bear.

    Stick your dick in her ear and fuck some sense into her head.
    It doesn't matter if you're a king or a little street sweeper...
    ...sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper
    -Death

    Quote Originally Posted by St. Jerry View Post
    The other morning I was awoken to "Daddy, my fart fell on the floor"
    Kaz is my co-pilot
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  24. 09-19-2011, 06:38 PM #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post

    Maybe they're analogies, who cares, what's your favorite?
    You know better than that, son - this is TGR.

    My favorite euphemism - zombie killing.
    Help out a pup or kitteh

    Do it for the critterz

    Res dogz could use a break
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  25. 09-19-2011, 06:49 PM #50
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    That guy could fuck up a wet dream.
    I've concluded that DJSapp was never DJSapp, and Not DJSapp is also not DJSapp, so that means he's telling the truth now and he was lying before.
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