Your Favorite Euphemisms

[BmillsSkier]

Busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Maybe they're analogies, who cares, what's your favorite?

[MMP]

dude gets more ass than a toilet seat (I know, I know, lame, but trying to get the ball rolling for the really funny mags)

If i had your money, I'd burn my own

[BmillsSkier]

Overheard this one at a kid's birthday party (8 y/o) this summer:

My kid pulls more tail than a retard at a petting zoo.

[advres]

I get more bumper than a tow truck.

Doesn't really work with today's type of tow trucks though.

[Smoova]

Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

[zion zig zag]

I'd eat a mile of her shit to see where it came from.
I'd crawl over a mile of razor blades to smell her snatch through a screen door.

^^My old, southern boss was full of these when I was a teen. I'll have to try and remember some more.

[advres]

^OMG I forgot about this. I worked with a guy who told me one once. We were at an airport waiting for a flight and this is what he said after the bartender took our orders.

"I would drag my balls through a mile of hot coals just to jerk off in the shadow of the guy that is fucking that".

I seriously couldn't keep my shit together. His dry look on his face all the time and direct attitude is what completely sold it too. This one has to be my favorite.

[HankScorpio]

I believe the term is idiom. A euphemism is a term used to descried something better than it actually is. Example: Calling a garbage man a sanitation engineer.

I'm kinda drunk so I'm trying not to sound like a dick.

[BmillsSkier]

^^My old, southern boss was full of these when I was a teen. I'll have to try and remember some more.

I think southerners have a way with these sayings that no one up north can even fathom. With straight faces at that.

A couple more come to mind:

That girl/dude looks rode hard and put away wet.

Working with ______ is like trying to push molasses through a screen door in January. In Vermont.

[TahoeJ]

An idiom is when you use a common phrase that isn't predictable based on the normal use of those words. i.e. it's cold as a witch's tit outside.

This thread has me thinking of quotes from the Naked Gun movies, even though they aren't quite the same. Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes. Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

[ill-advised strategy]

"like a one legged cat trying to bury turds on a frozen pond."

[MMP]

he was born on third base and acts like he hit a triple.

(too may of these type douches in this town)

[DJ2]

Son, you'd rather jack off a mountain lion with a burr in each hand than fuck with me...

[zion zig zag]

As ugly as ten miles of bad road.
As ugly as a lizard on a mud fence.

[BCJC]

she fell out of the ugly tree,
and hit every branch on the way down

[Tye 1on]

Only time there's not two sides to a story is when there's three.

[toast2266]

[awkward guy] looks like a monkey fucking a football.

[bad dancer]

Hes gayer than a pink fart.

[kiwipete]

Busier than a brick layer in Baghdad

[MMP]

i dont know whether to shit or go blind

[Ver iz ze money LePowski?]

That's a sore pecker deal. Can't beat it.

[ill-advised strategy]

drier than a popcorn fart.

[brice618]

It'll shine like a diamond in a goat's ass!

[goldenshowers]

he's more useless than 22 tits on 11 nuns.

[wicked_sick]

I could shit through a screen door from 30 yards and nothing would stick.

I'd rather jump ass first into a dildo factory than _________