need Piss Test advice

[Parvo]

And please Parvo, come be my boss. Mine walks around all the lift shacks and smells them after each shift.

when i was a lift supervisor, i would have to help clean the lift shacks at the end of the season. EVERY SHACK would have enough seeds and stems to start a grow op, plus the occasional crushed soda-can pipe or two under the shack.

[nattydread]

thanks alot guys !
Going shopping for some stuff now.
A buddy sent me this
http://www.whizzinator.com/
I watched my 300 pound roomie from VT years ago brew up a batch of tea for detox , you were supposed to drink like 2-3 gallons of the putrid stuff the day of the test. He puked up alot of it and had to pull over on the Tobin Bridge in Boston during rush hour and pissed off the side he had to go so bad.
He passed tho.pretty funny !
He worked for an environmental testing company that tested underground gas tanks at gas stations for leaks, making big $$ for a guy in his mid 20's.
Big VT deadhead,wicked smart kid.
Thanks again !

[grrrr]

Seriously. Why let corporations run your life like that? Telling you what you can do on your own time, who you can't date, when you can and can't take your holidays.

If the government started dictating this shit you'd be up in arms. But when corporations tell you to jump...

Fucked up. Whatever happened to the American concept of freedom?

.

So do you want to impose "rules" on those corporations to make them accept "your" concept of freedom?

[Powow]

So do you want to impose "rules" on those corporations to make them accept "your" concept of freedom?

Won't someone think of the corporations!?

[Blurred]

This has been asked on TGR roughly a million times, use the search function.
Also, send me a PM, I was at CME at the same time.

[iceman]

Hilarious shit.

........................

[Blurred]

When I was younger, my folks warned me about 2 weeks ahead of time that I had a piss test for life insurance. Of course, I played it safe and smoked right up until the night before. I had a roommate tell me that he chugged a liter bottle of apple cider vinegar and passed no problem. Okay, easy enough, right? Wrong. I took 3 good chugs, fought off the pre-puke hot spits for about 5 minutes and gave up on that idea. I would have to resort to a couple other, ridiculous techniques I'd heard of; peeing through folded up toilet paper (to filter it, I assume) and swirling a potato chip in the piss....this one I have no idea, but I was desperate.

I was handed a cup and allowed to do my own thing. I tried the TP trick, not surprisingly, it fell apart immediately sending TP shards into the cup. I filled to the line, dug out the TP shrapnel and then tried the potato chip. Unfortunately, all we had were Pringles, which don't so much stand up to warm liquids. It also deposited some crumbs, so that, by the time I was done I was holding a cup full of warm, idiot-teenager soup. All I could do was say fuck it and hand it over. The lady didn't even glance at it.

Turns out they weren't even testing for drugs. Go figure.

That was hilarious.hahahaha!

[ill-advised strategy]

iceman has seen the wrath niacin hath wrought upon me.

[fez]

when i was in college i rented a room from this guy. crazy bastard who had a video sewer pipe inspection business. it was the early 90s and i think he was pretty much the only one in new england who did that work. had these robots and cameras in all sizes he could send through sewer pipes.

he also had a pretty sizeable grow op going on and was stoned ALL the time.

he got an emergency job to go video some pipes up at the NAS in Brunswick ME. like an easy 6 hrs from northampton MA where we lived. he hustled up there and spent a couple days working. probably smoked weed the whole way up and it wouldnt surprise me if he hotboxed his van the whole time the robot was crawling the pipes.

came time to leave and one of the administrators at the NAS told him they screwed up and he was supposed to drug test my friend before letting him be a contractor on base. they said it was just a formality, but they had to drug test my friend before he could get paid.

he pees, comes home to noho. a couple days later he gets a phone call asking him to go back up for another drug test because they think there was an error with the first one. he asks what the problem is. they tell him that he tested clean for everything except marijuana but he had the highest thc concentrations they had ever seen.

he said that sounded about right and didnt think another test would change anything. he got paid, but he also got banned from any future work for the NAS.

[iceman]

iceman has seen the wrath niacin hath wrought upon me.

Yeah I don't recommend hugely dosing yourself with niacin like Yetiman did, he looked like he was going to explode.

He passed the test though.

[ill-advised strategy]

I've done that a lot of times. It's like you just had the worst sunburn of all time. It's like your whole body just flexes and pushes that shit out HARD.

You don't have much time!!!!! Drink 3 gallons of good cranberry juice (not the high fructose corn syrup and water from concentrate kind...the 100% juice kind...the shit that's expensive) and take a bunch of niacin. You will turn bright red and be itchy and your body will become your enemy for a while. But ram it down and pass that shit!

heh..seriously.

[coreshot-tourettes]

When I worked for Cisco Systems they didn't piss test. It's one of the few engineering companies that doesn't. The reason is that Bosack was a stoner when he started the company, and so was Morgridge who became CEO in '88.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

what yeti sez.

also have to stress correct piss technique...

Only collect sample during the middle of your stream, and make sure its not your first piss of the day. Less drug metabolites in sample this way.

Detox tea has passed a few people. don't know if it is tested as a cover.

lots of water, and that b12 complex 4 correct coloration

If the sample is to diluted it at least gives U time to "study"
\If they give U shit about the sample being diluted, explain that U are a skier, athlete, and U have to cunsumo mucho aqua.

good luck

[ill-advised strategy]

When I worked for Cisco Systems they didn't piss test. It's one of the few engineering companies that doesn't. The reason is that Bosack was a stoner when he started the company, and so was Morgridge who became CEO in '88.

I imagine in an intellectual field it could become quite an advantage to scoop up all that nonconformist talent. That could be an awesome niche when competing for good employees.

[NorCascader]

stupid survey company just dreamed up a "policy". Fine. I can pass 1 test. But they also decided that monthly randoms was really the way to go.

I bought "the stuff"....it is sitting in my desk drawer.

fucking weed nazis.

It's an infringement on my fucking life.

[Tippster]

Reuters does not drug test, yet another reason why I heart my employer.

[rideit]

I smell a story...

[Tye 1on]

they tell him that he tested clean for everything except marijuana but he had the highest thc concentrations they had ever seen.

he said that sounded about right

dat's sum funny chit right der...

[altagirl]

that was our guess.

we (all the stoners) were hoping one of the mormons would fail, but never happened that i know of. who knows, maybe they held back the results if one did.

It's totally illegal to pick and choose who you want to piss test for random testing. I worked at a company where they had me research doing random tests and when they found out that they would have to test the mormons who worked there as well as the people they actually thought were using drugs, they bailed on the whole plan because they didn't want to waste money testing people they weren't worried about. You can have a policy that requires drug testing after an accident or before hiring or something like that, but you can't call it random if it doesn't include everyone, including management.

I'm not saying everyone does it the right way, but you do have to have a written policy about how random testing is done, how people are selected, and all of that.

[coreshot-tourettes]

I imagine in an intellectual field it could become quite an advantage to scoop up all that nonconformist talent. That could be an awesome niche when competing for good employees.

It is. There were some real hot-shit research engineers when I worked there. A few toked.

One of them was widely recognized as the foremost authority on the planet on 802.11g networks.

[Thrill Hammer]

Yeti is right dude, time is short. Start drinking 100% cranberry juice (from Wild Oats or someplace similar) right now. Alot of it. Like alot alot. The Niacin will work too, just don't be alarmed when you turn bright red and start itching. If you can get to a head shop you might want to get the 20 minute STAT pills. They come in a yellow bottle. Take them in the morning (along with your Niacin and B-12) and drink a shit ton of water. Then make sure you piss like 6-7 times that day before you go in, just make sure it's NOT YOUR FIRST!! You can drink some Mountain Dew to put the color back in too


hope some of this helps, good luck. Ridiculous that you could go take your test piss drunk and no-one would give a shit, yet a little bit of the heathen devil weed.....

[fez]

It's totally illegal to pick and choose who you want to piss test for random testing.

yeah, i dont know what the 'official' policy actually was or what was legal, just know what we (and some of our mormon co-workers) observed.

including management.

i believe ray peed

[SurfTheEarth]

drink water... hot tub.... drink water.... sauna... repeat as much as you can take.

Sweat it out and drink as much as you can take before your test... on top of any "other" remedies your doing.

[Nanuq]

it was sacrificed for lower insurance premiums.
we are a capitalist society.
you are free to work, or not work wherever you please.
and the governtment DOES tell you.
they dont test for booze or nicotineand you can get exempted for perscriptions you have for a reason.

That is a complete and total bullshit argument. We have convinced ourselves that everything is capital and has to be formed as such. This was never the intent and has gotten perverted over the last 25 years or so (mostly from the Reagan Years).

The guvment yells and squabbles about getting more jobs out there and that we are to be productive tax paying members of society. Choosing to work or not to work is as much of a strawman as saying "well you pay to get your car fixed at the mechanic, whhy don't you want to pay your medical bills?" It is not a real choice for the majority of people. And corporations have managed to turn the US into a fiefdom.

You want to smoke, fucking smoke up. The residuals are no greater than a drinker's hangover. And noether of them, boozers or stoners, should be doing either on the job (unless your job calls for entertaining or such).

Drug tests = BULLSHIT. And I don't even smoke MJ.

[crstlextrm]

Ive been taking at least one drug test a month for the last 9 months. What I have learned is that with my metabolism I can smoke 4 or 5 days before a test and pass without doing anything special as long as I only smoke once or twice a month. This has been great because not only do I not spend a bunch of money on weed, my tolerance has plummeted and I can truly enjoy smoking a bowl. During the Super Bowl however I smoked at least 4 blunts so before my next test I drank about 120 ounces of water and lemonade and peed crystal clear, I passed.