friday game: stupid things said to you by non-skiers/riders

[woodsskier]

Walking by the cable car, "Can you tell me how to get to K2?"

"I hate skiing powder, it's SO hard to turn"

"You think there is actually a sub culture of skiers! You have a funny imagination."

"you think that's a lifestyle"

On the lift, "Why are your skis so long and wide?"

"You are under arrest for trespassing"

[Tippster]

"If you live in DC why do you ski in Utah? Wouldn't Colorado be closer?"

"Obviously Park City is the best resort there, otherwise it wouldn't be so famous."

"I'd like some skis to match these boots." (I made $100 commission on this one, because I bet my boss that I could sell them some 3 yo discontinued Elans.)

"I heard that Vail will finally start grooming the Back Bowls - right now Poppyfields is truly the only good run back there."

"Does the duct tape mean you're in some kind of Gang?"
--later, from same asshole: "Maybe you should consider buying a nice one piece ski suit instead of a new pair of skis. You look like a hoodlum, and this resort deserves better."

[steve]

--later, from same asshole: "Maybe you should consider buying a nice one piece ski suit instead of a new pair of skis. You look like a hoodlum, and this resort deserves better."

wow, where was this?
and what did you say back to him?

-steve

[Tippster]

Vail, more precisely LionsHead (in 1994.) I laughed in his face and told him I'd get right on it. It was my own fault for skiing the Born Free Express on a Long Board Day.

[Endlessseason]

I have wrapped a small amount of emergency-supply duct tape around the shafts of all my ski poles. It's amazing how many times I use the tape either for myself or for others.

But, what it also amazing is how many times I've been asked by complete wankers how I broke my poles and, "how can duct tape possibly hold your poles together?"







......you know duct tape. It's the stuff that holds the world together.

[waxman]

the celebrity race anecdote sparked a memory, this is a long one :
Sunshine Village hosts an event every season to support some chatrity or other. One year a while back it was areally big deal and all the Hollywood A,B,C and D listers were there
The hills demo shop knew they were going to run out of skis so they asked a couple of companies to bring their fleets to the hill (I worked for Rossi at the time and one of my helpers was a City of Calgary cop) so K2/Salomon/Rossi show up to supplement the Dynastar demo center.
One of the "celebrities(sp)" is Robert Shapiro the lawyer who defended OJ Simpson. On the first day this guy is a total asshat, treats everyone like slaves, rude to other celebs, abusive to the "coppertone suntan girls" just a clown.
So on the second day there is a big "race" and Shapiro comes in and wants a Lange boot on on foot and a Salomon on the other. Plus a K2 on one foot and Rossi on the other because he feels that with this set up he will really shine in the race course, of course he is announcing this the world at the top of his lungs while people try to explain that it really isn't a good idea. He gets more boisterous and ignorant but to top it off he says: "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM.....?"

To which my friend and helper replies: "yes I do, and as far as Í'm concerned, you are an accessory to murder....."

TOTAL silence, then a couple of giggles, he storms off and the day continues......

[Altaholic]

"What's up with the tails on your skis???" They were asking questions about the twin tip on my gotamas and my swallowtail on my sanouks

[Altaholic]

Some beater talking to one of my tele buddies
"Excuse me,... you broke the heels off your bindings"

[Gebster]

"Does the duct tape mean you're in some kind of Gang?"

And SBDT is the lead gangsta

[WWCD]

"yes I do, and as far as Í'm concerned, you are an accessory to murder....."

Fucking priceless.

[P_McPoser]

"Excuse me,... you broke the heels off your bindings"

I say that to piss them off.

[Parvo]

"my family want to ski your resort this spring, how much snow will you have?"

[Deep Days]

this HAD to be said:

My friends were getting on the A-Basin-to-Keystone shuttle today, putting their B4's on the back of the shuttle when the driver yells at them, "Hey! You can't put your snowboards on the back! You have to bring them inside." My friends are puzzled, wondering to whom he is speaking. To them, apparently, as he repeats himself, looking straight at them. At this point, the driver gets out and comes around to the back to verify that they do not have snowboards.





I'm sorry, but I just fail to see the resemblance.

My friends have asked me before: "Max, who's gonna have the most snow this year?"

[Altaholic]

I remember a great line when I used to work at the rustler @ Alta from somebody on the phone trying to book a stay in Alta. One of the best conversations I have ever heard of all time things said by gapers/beaters

gaper "Will you have snow in late March?"
friend "we have a lot of snow"
gaper "What if it melts? Will we get a refund?"
Friend "It won't, is never has,.. ever in march"
gaper "but what if it does?"
Friend "It won't"
Gaper "How do you know?"
Friend "I ski here a lot, I think I know what I'm talking about"
Gaper "Will you give us a refund if there is no snow on March 27th?"
Friend "Well will if that happens, relax lady it won't, you'll be skiing"

[velox]

So I am on this very wide cat track that you have to tuck on to keep up your speed or you will have a long walk. Near the end of the cat track where it is flat and very wide I pass this guy 20 feet or MORE away from him. I stop at where the trail merges to wait for my friend.

He comes up to me in huff.
Some guy: "you need to tell people when you pass them, I could have turned into you and we could have collided."

Me: “I was 20 feet from you; you have got to be kidding right?"

This makes him even more mad, he keeps going on and on about it. Mind you the cat track would be the last place you would want to make a turn you are going really slow and need to keep your speed up. Did I say it was really wide to.

I finally say "well what’s the cut off to let some one know you are passing them 30, 40 50 feet?"

So what do you all think we call it 75 feet just to be safe? I can see it now the whole ski area: “passing on the left/right” all day long.

[gr8fldoug]

working as a tech in a shop during holiday week
Lady: "The guy up stairs told me that you would mount these skiis for my daughter right away"
Me: "yeah sure just fill out the form"
Me again:"You forgot to select a skier type. please look at the poster and select a skier type for your daughter"
Lady:"So 1 is beginner and 3 is the best?"
Me:"yeah that's the gist of it"
Lady:" Well me daughter has never skiied before but we have a house up here so she's pretty good. She's a 3. yeah 3 is her"

[gr8fldoug]

a customer returns his rental gear to us after only an hour on a powder day that most of us were dying to get out in. I politely asked the guy," if there was a problem with the epuipment or another reason why he was returnig his gear so early on such a great day?" He turns to me and my boss, points ourt the window and wails, "Look out hose windows how could this be a good day, there's so much fucking snow the groomers can't even keep up with it! I'll be back once they've had a chance to clean it up"
My boss promptly sent me out on my break!

[Squatch]

So I am on this very wide cat track that you have to tuck on to keep up your speed or you will have a long walk. Near the end of the cat track where it is flat and very wide I pass this guy 20 feet or MORE away from him. I stop at where the trail merges to wait for my friend.

He comes up to me in huff.
Some guy: "you need to tell people when you pass them, I could have turned into you and we could have collided."

Me: “I was 20 feet from you; you’re to be kidding right?"

This makes him even more mad, he keeps going on and on about it. Mind you the cat track would be the last place you would want to make a turn you are going really slow and need to keep your speed up. Did I say it was really wide to.

I finally say "well what’s the cut off to let some one know you are passing them 30, 40 50 feet?"

So what do you all think we call it 75 feet just to be safe? I can see it now the whole ski area: “passing on the left/right” all day long.

I look really core so this kind of stuff never happens to me.

[72Twenty]

This is what I have decided as a non-skier, even though he thought he was Johnny fucking Mosely....

This dude that knows one of my wife's friends... I met him at a get together one spring. He saw me in a TGR hat and without a pause proceeded to tell me that he just got back from a big film shoot with TGR, shooting his segment. He also said that he was goingt o be in that year's MSP film AND Warren Miller. On top of that, he tells me that he was in a bump comp at snowbird because he is also.... you guessed it, on the US SKi Team while attending the University of Utah. He said in this comp he pulled off a trick that had never been done before.

The TGR movie that came out that fall? Mind: The Addiction (which I knew at the time was going to feature 12 athletes, and that he was so not one of them).

I told him that I was going skiing the next day at Winter Park and he saw my Dynastar Concepts on my ski rack. He told me he was sponsored by Dynastar and that he broke 2 pairs of Concepts in the span of a week in bump comps and jibbing. I asked him if he wanted to come to Winter Park and he said, "well, not if we are going to be in the park all day. I only ski moguls."

I said, "that's fine. I don't jib that much anyway. We'll go to Mary Jane. Be at my place at 5am ready to go" (2 hr drive to WP from Laramie). The peckerwood never showed, not that I expected him to.

Everytime he'd spew some story, I'd say something simple and matter-of-fact that would totally disprove his story, and he'd immediately jump into a new story.

WHATTADOOSH!

[Rossimo]

Can you check to fluid level in those bindings?

[Rossimo]

working as a tech in a shop during holiday week
Lady: "The guy up stairs told me that you would mount these skiis for my daughter right away"
Me: "yeah sure just fill out the form"
Me again:"You forgot to select a skier type. please look at the poster and select a skier type for your daughter"
Lady:"So 1 is beginner and 3 is the best?"
Me:"yeah that's the gist of it"
Lady:" Well me daughter has never skiied before but we have a house up here so she's pretty good. She's a 3. yeah 3 is her"

Haha..... yeah we get on our tickets all the time, type 4 or type 3 +++
and "oh i am really good i ski back country."

[MonkeyBear]

Me: So you snowboard?
Chump at work: Yah for sure I love it. I got all new gear this year on sale over the summer.
Me: oh Cool, you get up alot last year
Chump: nah busy year last season, but I had a season pass.

[robokill1981]

Lady renting skis: "So Breckenridge has the highest lift in the world, right?"

Co-worker: "Yep, they just opened it this year. It's been pretty popular and the ski down from it isn't too challenging. You should check it out while you're here."

Lady renting skis: "Ohhhh I don't think so. I'm scared of heights so I only want to ride the lifts that are close to the ground."

[PaSucks]

I look really core so this kind of stuff never happens to me.

No shit. Who's going to yell at bigfoot?

[FrankZappa]

Nor ski related but it happened in the backcountry...

We were camping down in the depths of the Grand Canyon and one evening after dark the four of us were relaxing after a nice meal. We were kinda sprawled around the stove and dirty pans like you would around a small campfire. Did I mention it was dark?... Just starlight. Any ways, there was some clunking of the pans and we all thought it was one of the others in there, right? Now here come the "stupid" part... All of a sudden one of us goes rolling away from sprawl central yelling "Don't anybody move... It's a skunk!" leaving the rest of us face to face (or shall I say face to butt) with that lil' fucker.

BTW We all made it out of that one unscented.

Sooo... There's only one lil' tree (sappling actually) around and we figure with the local "wildlife" in the neighborhood we better put the food up out of harms way, right? Well, you all know what happens to the hangin' tree... it bends way over so now the food bag is just four or five feet off the ground. So pretty soon it's sleep time and we all fall asleep... for a few hours. In the dark one guy had put his head to rest unknowingly below the said hanging food bag. He wakes up in the middle of the night (and wakes the rest of us up in doing so) to the skunk dangling right along with the food bag right above his head. Course the additional load of the skunk brought our mighty sappling down to about two to three feet off the ground. This is where some intelligent mutterings were spoken - basically they went like this "Awwww Fuck!"

BTW He got out alive... unscented.

Somehow we got our guest to go away and the next day we went on our merry way... smelling only like BO... with all our required stuff.