friday game: stupid things said to you by non-skiers/riders

**PacRimRider1** · 09-25-2006, 01:50 PM

I just remembered another. Bluebird day at Alta, I'm riding collins for the 4th time maybe of the morning. They had just opened ballroom on my previous run, so the stoke meter is running high (hmm, no graphic for that.) I get on the lift and the guy I sit next to is explaining how he just got out of bed. "So" he asks, "what is the best run to ski?"

I just start laughing and shake my head. I tell him to follow the signs that say "main street," and bomb off to bad news again.

**Shepherd Wong** · 09-25-2006, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by Billy

Kayaking related:
An old-timer remarks to my buddy at a gas station, with those two pontoons, you outta be in good shape if you roll off the road.

I nominate this one for best post in the thread. Can't stop laughing.

**DJMingus** · 09-25-2006, 01:54 PM

From my Dad a few years back. I'm telling him about how great our weekend was after we had skied a few days during a heavy storm cycle. He proceeds to tell me "I just think it's great that you can still do that at your age."

I was 42 at the time.

**Blinkyjoe** · 09-25-2006, 02:22 PM

Very timely. I just got this jewel yesterday from a friend's new trophy wife in Bend:
"I raced ever since I was 10, and it ruined me. I can ski free at Bechelor but I just don't get it. Up, down, up, down. No gates, no stopwatch. What's the point?" I had no rejoinder. Just silence.

**Altaholic** · 09-25-2006, 02:25 PM

When I used to Work/Live at the rustler lodge in Alta:

Them: "Bundle up kids"
Me: "Take those layers off its not that cold out"
Them "Are you sure it winter outside"
Me "You don't need three layers and a neck warmer in March on sunny day in the high 30s"
Them "Are you sure???"
Me "I ski here everyday I think I can say yes to this, wear it if you want but you'll be back in the lodge changing in one run"

**doublediamond223** · 09-25-2006, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by Blinkyjoe

Very timely. I just got this jewel yesterday from a friend's new trophy wife in Bend:
"I raced ever since I was 10, and it ruined me. I can ski free at Bechelor but I just don't get it. Up, down, up, down. No gates, no stopwatch. What's the point?" I had no rejoinder. Just silence.

I've been around a lot of racers, and I've never heard that shit.

KQ · 09-25-2006, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by doublediamond223

I've been around a lot of racers, and I've never heard that shit.

I get it -

Like a grey hound or a race horse (or a friend of mine who was on the Australian Swim Team) it's hard to see things any other way after you've been conditioned for so long.

**Altaholic** · 09-25-2006, 02:44 PM

"Did Meteors hit the mtn last night?"

Some Guy was refering to the long range arty rounds fired above Little Cloud on the american twins at Snowbird

**doublediamond223** · 09-25-2006, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by KQ

I get it -

Like a grey hound or a race horse (or a friend of mine who was on the Australian Swim Team) it's hard to see things any other way after you've been conditioned for so long.

I see your point, but I've raced since I was about 11 too. I like gates and the competitive aspect, but I'd take powder in an instant if I had to pick between the two.

**Busheedo** · 09-25-2006, 03:39 PM

"Oh you're one'a them snowriders, Do have any of those little snowblades for doing tricks?"

**Ubersheist** · 09-25-2006, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by Kiki

Cohee [sic] really is the biggest tool ever.

Atleast he's gone now. However, his rediculous snow reports and various business dealings always gave us something to make fun of...

**Ubersheist** · 09-25-2006, 06:26 PM

Here's another story that I've posted up here before... not mine, but my old boss'es from when I used to work at Mammoth...

During a very, very windy day in which a number of lifts were closed due to the wind, one tourist was perturbed enough to ask my boss about it. I don't know exactly what she (the tourist) was thinking... Maybe the ski company could build some baffles around the runs or something. However, it came out to my boss as "Can't you guys do anything about the wind?"

Dumbfounded, my boss said he responded with a deadpan "Sorry, ma'am, but my connection with God is a little short today."

There was a million other dumb questions asked by the tourists... some typical ones were:

"Where's the [_insert_name_here_] chairlift?" Mind you, most of them asked that question while in the cue line for [_insert_name_here_].

I heard this on an empty weekday just after a solid 2+ foot dump: "So... where's the good snow today?"

This one wasn't stupid, but just sort of funny: One chair that I was working had a very cute girl on our crew. She was working at the bottom, and I rotated out with her so she could work the top or something. Some guy came up to me and asked where the cute girl went. After I explained that she's not working at the bottom anymore, he jokingly ranted about not having her around or something. My response to him was something like "well, Mammoth as a company believes in equal opportunities. You had your time, but the ladies could use some eye candy now." I had to pat myself on the back for that line.

**satori** · 09-25-2006, 08:20 PM

wanker: There's skiing in Japan?
me: nope. not a fucking flake. Japan's a complete waste of your fucking time. Dont ever come wanker.

Jap: Can you ski on Japanese snow? Isnt it different from American snow?
me: Yup, its sooo different and sooo difficult

**roll - gybe** · 09-25-2006, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by TacomaLuv

Guys on trading floor: Do you want to go skiing this weekend?
Me: Hell yeah! Where?
Guys on trading floor: Probably at Collin's apartment, then Bungalo 8, maybe latenight at Misshapes
Me: ????

Now I know not to talk about 'skiing' at work.

One night a couple years ago one of my old roommates - a floor broker - had some buddies over. There was a copy of Powder - the one with the red letters and almost totally white cover.

One guy goes - who's is that?
Roommate - that's his.
Goon floor broker: dude, you like to party, huh?

**roll - gybe** · 09-25-2006, 09:08 PM

...and then I dropped in parallel

**CrackerPlease** · 09-25-2006, 09:39 PM

Drunk girl after Squatch, Max, Nick and I are done skiing, and after talking about it to the remaining ten people at the table. Thought the shots of everclear were impresive.

You can't go skiing.

**nick > jesus** · 09-25-2006, 09:47 PM

oh yeah, that was pretty funny,

Drunk Chick: huh, its not open though...?
Max: Well the forest service tends not to close...
Drunk Chick: But there are not lifts, you cant ski this time of year
Max: we hiked
Drunk chick: you cant ski

**PARIdaho** · 09-25-2006, 10:09 PM

While running races above the Squaw Vally Hotel on the Red Dog side of the Mountain. Have approx. 55 racers and celebrities lining up for dual elimination slalom with Horse gates. running start and standing next to entrance to Horsegates. Gaper skis up to me, 55ish, 270 lbs, very round; "Can I race, I've never done it before, can I get in line here? Answer NO, duh and then I thought to say. Sure have you had a race lesson? "Well no". Go down to the ski school and ask for a race lesson and then come back up when you've sucessfully finished the lesson and get a specail race pass from the instructor. Gaper; " wheres the ski school". Unbelieveable.

**baxter** · 09-25-2006, 10:22 PM

This is great!
"how do they make moguls? Do they put big plastic things under them?"

**Bring On The Snow** · 09-25-2006, 10:23 PM

Dumb Fuck At Skool "Snowblades are so cool they take so much more skill and you can do more stuff"

Me"stfu u queer"

**WhiteHunter** · 09-25-2006, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by Bring On The Snow

Me"stfu u queer"

Wow. Are you on the juice?

**flatNshallow** · 09-26-2006, 05:41 AM

How do you like those FAT skis?

(I was on iM75's!)

**Affix Snow** · 09-26-2006, 06:53 AM

Happening on some snowshoers while skinning on my Splitboard:

Snowshoers: Are those skis?
Me: Kind of....
Snowshoers: What do you mean?
Me: Its a Splitboard. Its a snowboard that splits into skis to climb and back into a snowboard to come down.
Snowshoers: (shaking head) What will they think of Next?

Hiking up to Tuckerman Ravine w/board on back.
Hiker: You gonna snowboard today?
Me: Nope. Just taking the board for a walk.