I've shit my pants.

[TAFKALVS]

11 years old. Had been hanging out with a cousin who had impressively loud farts. I asked about technique and he said, "when you feel a fart coming on, just push as hard as you can." I had always been a careful farter to keep the brown torrent at bay, but took his advice to heart.

For roughly 3 days I enjoyed a concert of foghorns and broken exhaust notes from my anus. It was glorious.

Then, one morning I felt the mother of all farts stepping up to the plate. Instincts kicked in and I braced, gripping the arm of the couch tightly while increasing inter abominal pressure to magnify the clearly glorious cacophony of gaseous noises that were about to happen.

Instead an explosion of what felt like hot refried beans shot down my legs, out the bottom of my pants. I tried to pump the brakes, but it was too late. My sister shrieked in disgust. I waddled to the bathroom with glue like bean shit down both legs.

I was no longer enthralled with chasing loud farts after that point.

[AK47bp]

Beautifully written.

I can almost smell it.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[TAFKALVS]

Beautifully written.

I can almost smell it.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

If I recall (very memorable moment obviously, being the first time I shat myself) it smelled of Kentucky Fried Chicken and burning tires.

Subsequent pants shittings have not been nearly as memorable, mostly in the "shart" camp. And of course, many near misses.

[Kopi_Red]

11 years old. Had been hanging out with a cousin who had impressively loud farts. I asked about technique and he said, "when you feel a fart coming on, just push as hard as you can." I had always been a careful farter to keep the brown torrent at bay, but took his advice to heart.

For roughly 3 days I enjoyed a concert of foghorns and broken exhaust notes from my anus. It was glorious.

Then, one morning I felt the mother of all farts stepping up to the plate. Instincts kicked in and I braced, gripping the arm of the couch tightly while increasing inter abominal pressure to magnify the clearly glorious cacophony of gaseous noises that were about to happen.

Instead an explosion of what felt like hot refried beans shot down my legs, out the bottom of my pants. I tried to pump the brakes, but it was too late. My sister shrieked in disgust. I waddled to the bathroom with glue like bean shit down both legs.

I was no longer enthralled with chasing loud farts after that point.

Thank you for this. It brought me some much needed laughter.

[CascadeLuke]

Oh man, W. Feel like I was there with you after reading that. As we age - definitely take’r easy with the abdominal pressure and use the brake taps for safety.

[ntblanks]

some life lessons smell worse than others.

[skizix]

never shit my pants, but in high school a friend of mine took a shit in one of his teamates football helmets. That dude said he washed his hair about 1000 times that night!

Never trust anyone who says they’ve never shit their pants!

[river59]

What a glorious tale of exuberant pants soiling!

[old goat]

Never trust anyone who says they’ve never shit their pants!

Many people shit their pants. Many successfully suppress the memory.

[dgilligan02]

Slightly off topic.

At my wedding, one of the groomsmen comes up to me during the reception wearing his street clothes and says “hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I changed into some other clothes?” Odd, but we’re into the drinking and dancing portion at this point so who cares…no objection offered.

A few days later he gives me the backstory. At some point prior to our reception interaction he had felt the urge, or rather THE GURGLE URGE. Long story short, the targeted bathroom for relief had an occupant which delayed deployment. Ended up aaaalmost making it, but in the final moment explosively half and half shat his tux and the bathroom itself. Called his wife from the bathroom and she went to the car and brought in alternative garb.

Further explained how he had wisely taken the tux insurance option at rental, so on return he walked in, threw the bag of shitty tux at the counter, and ran out without saying a word.

[MakersTeleMark]

Slightly off topic.

At my wedding, one of the groomsmen comes up to me during the reception wearing his street clothes and says “hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I changed into some other clothes?” Odd, but we’re into the drinking and dancing portion at this point so who cares…no objection offered.

A few days later he gives me the backstory. At some point prior to our reception interaction he had felt the urge, or rather THE GURGLE URGE. Long story short, the targeted bathroom for relief had an occupant which delayed deployment. Ended up aaaalmost making it, but in the final moment explosively half and half shat his tux and the bathroom itself. Called his wife from the bathroom and she went to the car and brought in alternative garb.

Further explained how he had wisely taken the tux insurance option at rental, so on return he walked in, threw the bag of shitty tux at the counter, and ran out without saying a word.

She's the real wingperson.

[John_B]

That seems to be entirely on topic.

[Core Shot]

Good times. Or was it bad times?

[Supermoon]

Bump

[riser4]

I've had two memorable situations where I managed to get my pants down but shit all over the back of the toilet and wall. Like a bean dip cannon.

One was at home. It bothered me for 20 years until we finally gutted and remodeled that bathroom.

The other was in the side lobby near the cafeteria of a work location that I was visiting for a week. I was on the phone after eating and waited way too long to run to the bathroom. How I didn't get any on my white pants is beyond me. Dog had a change of heart and didn't completely punish me


. The only wardrobe hit was a small speck on a shirt cuff corner. I washed that as best I could and tightly fold rolled my sleeves. I didn't have to duck out to my hotel room. The bathroom however was a complete loss. Sl8y3d. All over the wall. I got out of there as fast as I could and avoided even the elevator on that side of the lobby on the off chance I got recognized.

[Meadow Skipper]

I've had two memorable situations where I managed to get my pants down but shit all over the back of the toilet and wall. Like a bean dip cannon.

One was at home. It bothered me for 20 years until we finally gutted and remodeled that bathroom.

The other was in the side lobby near the cafeteria of a work location that I was visiting for a week. I was on the phone after eating and waited way too long to run to the bathroom. How I didn't get any on my white pants is beyond me. Dog had a change of heart and didn't completely punish me


. The only wardrobe hit was a small speck on a shirt cuff corner. I washed that as best I could and tightly fold rolled my sleeves. I didn't have to duck out to my hotel room. The bathroom however was a complete loss. Sl8y3d. All over the wall. I got out of there as fast as I could and avoided even the elevator on that side of the lobby on the off chance I got recognized.

What are you doing out of the PR?

[MarsB]

Dude, you gotta stay and make an effort to clean it up. That's just wrong.

[SpeLunker]

Back in college.. I was pretty sick once but still went out to play pick up basketball. Made a strong move in the post and shat myself. Ran to the locker room and cleaned myself up and got rid of my shat draws. As i was leaving I had to pass back thro the court so I got pressured to joining the game again. 10 mins in the same thing happened.

[skaredshtles]

[singlecross]

There are two types of people:

1) People who have shit their pants
2) Liars

[halliday]

I shit my pants one day on the Bath Bridge heading towards Bath, ME while going to pick up my buddy from rehab. Traffic was locked up tight and I did the deed mid span and had to stew for quite a while. Not fun.

[riser4]

What are you doing out of the PR?

Somebody left the gate unlocked.

[Self Jupiter]

Almost shit myself in waders the other night. Honestly wasn’t sure I didn’t until I got home. I tore the straps of my wading jacket clean off when I got my hands caught trying to get the fucking thing off right outside the bathroom. Thank god my wife was asleep and didn’t see any of this.

[halliday]

You'll know it when it happens for sure. the doubt just leaves your mind and you say to yourself, "I just shit my self. FUCK!!". And then you feel the unmistakable feeling of turd where it ought not to be. As far as shitting myself in waders well that's whole next level of shit. I usually keep a zip lock of paper towels in my pack for those moments. Maybe a few pieces of paper towel soaked in witch hazel for the clean out.

[Clownshoe]

I haven't read this entire Hall of Fame worthy thread, so maybe this is a repost. It's a classic either way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Qv25_DFR2k