Sobriety, V2.

[riser4]

Sounds like you need to get your shit together.

[byates1]

Brilliant observation Watson

[PNWbrit]

She is done

Plea to Ullr thread is flying flag upside down.

[TWINS]

I don't count but do have a sobriety counter app that does when I'm interested.
638 days Alcohol Free.
No AA for me. Used science based information to change my subconscious mind that was creating my mental addiction to Alcohol.
If you are interested look up
This Naked Mind.
Science based on how we can reprogram our brain permanently.
Its works with all mental addiction s.
Life changing in more ways than just Alcohol addiction.
Then you can start your Recovery.
Thats a totally different issue thats stored in our subconscious mind.
Its the reason we wanted to sedate our brain in the beginning.
Find those reasons and you get your answers on what the hell is going on in your brain.
Its amazing once you get these two things done ? Sobriety then Recovery.

[el hefe]

^^^ great thanks, I will look it up. Is it a book? I am assuming the sober app is easy enough to find on an app store?

[atree]

Thanks! I will PM you. Seems I may have a chance of saving things with my family but she is dubious. Appreciate being able to chat on here. Fucking nasty sleeps and night sweats this week.

Hang in there. I don’t post much but read this thread and the first edition when I was trying to sort my problems initially. Found some really helpful stuff here.

Your family is worth doing anything for.

I hope you can become a student and figure out what works for you.


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[Dantheman]

Damn, jefe, hope you can save this. From the outside you seem to have a great life.

Thankfully I haven't dealt with this personally, but sobriety is probably a lot like losing weight. There's a thousand different diets and they all work equally well in a controlled setting. But, people don't get to live in a diet study (i.e., rehab) forever. In the real world what matters is adherence. A multitude of studies have proven that the diet people stick to long term is the one that leads to meaningful sustained weight loss (i.e., food sobriety) and otherwise the type of diet chosen is irrelevant. For a variety of reasons some work better for some people than others.

So, evaluate the strategies available to you and pick the one you think you can do consistently. You may find you need to try another plan and that's OK.

[Meadow Skipper]

^ This. There are different strokes for different folks. A friend has had good luck with Dharma Recovery because the AA thing turned him off.

[Core Shot]

Plus upvote for this naked mind.

If you are sciency it’s a great read to understand how your stupid brain is working against you.

Yeah. It’s a book. But if you don’t like meetings and confessional it helps you understand brain chemistry. And how to fight it.

[Bunion 2020]

This thread is what keeps me still clicking on TGR even with all the other occasional bullshit slinging and downright idiocy. So much good in it, both advice and empathy.

[el hefe]

Damn, jefe, hope you can save this. From the outside you seem to have a great life.

Thankfully I haven't dealt with this personally, but sobriety is probably a lot like losing weight. There's a thousand different diets and they all work equally well in a controlled setting. But, people don't get to live in a diet study (i.e., rehab) forever. In the real world what matters is adherence. A multitude of studies have proven that the diet people stick to long term is the one that leads to meaningful sustained weight loss (i.e., food sobriety) and otherwise the type of diet chosen is irrelevant. For a variety of reasons some work better for some people than others.

So, evaluate the strategies available to you and pick the one you think you can do consistently. You may find you need to try another plan and that's OK.

Life has always been great except for this little dark man that comes out randomly when I am drunk. It is like russian roulette and totally not worth it anymore. Some days/nights are great and totally fine and others I am a complete zombie asshole who doesn't remember anything! So frustrating.....

But this week has been good so far. Wife gave me a big hug, I know she loves me and we have been best friends for 25 years now ( I am only 44). No more night sweats and a solid sleep, been to the gym every morning. Things are looking up.

Now it is about the social aspects with my buddies who like to drink (they can handle it fine) have a big couple of events coming up.

Big thanks to byates1 (Bob) for a great chat yesterday, our paths have been very similar. Thanks for the support!

[el hefe]

Certainly worth fighting for

[The Reverend Floater]

Life has always been great except for this little dark man that comes out randomly when I am drunk. It is like russian roulette and totally not worth it anymore. Some days/nights are great and totally fine and others I am a complete zombie asshole who doesn't remember anything! So frustrating.....

But this week has been good so far. Wife gave me a big hug, I know she loves me and we have been best friends for 25 years now ( I am only 44). No more night sweats and a solid sleep, been to the gym every morning. Things are looking up.

Now it is about the social aspects with my buddies who like to drink (they can handle it fine) have a big couple of events coming up.

Big thanks to byates1 (Bob) for a great chat yesterday, our paths have been very similar. Thanks for the support!

Any possibility of one of your buddies joining you on this path? A good friend of mine had to make this choice and I joined him just so he wouldn't feel awkward around all of our other boozy friends--I've always been able to quit alcohol at will, so no big whoop on my part.

Before you say no, maybe ask. They might surprise you. Now my buddy hasn't had a drink in a year and a half. And FWIW, he is doing absolutely phenomenally.

I guess maybe the danger is that a sobriety partner caves down the road? Definitely some better experts in here.

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[Foggy_Goggles]

And, at least in the short term, consider the social engagements optional? It may be the lesser of two evils to just not go. Everyone is different but the alcohol culture, party, small talk thing is pretty toxic for me. One think that helps for me is just to stay for a couple of hours then leave.

[halliday]

And, at least in the short term, consider the social engagements optional? It may be the lesser of two evils to just not go. Everyone is different but the alcohol culture, party, small talk thing is pretty toxic for me. One think that helps for me is just to stay for a couple of hours then leave.

If I don't feel like drinking while out socially or for work I usually have a couple alcohol free beers then do the Irish Goodby

[Foggy_Goggles]

Its a bit different for me. I'm just introverted and social anxious. Its taken me a lot time to realize that drinking as a coping mechanism, even just a couple, isn't healthy for me. I'm down to a couple drinks a week and I've really been doing better rising to my challenges.

[TWINS]

^^^ great thanks, I will look it up. Is it a book? I am assuming the sober app is easy enough to find on an app store?

It's a book written by Annie Grace.
William Porter also has a book called Alcohol Explained.
A great read on exactly what we are doing to ourselves drinking ethanol.

[RShea]

Life has always been great except for this little dark man that comes out randomly when I am drunk. It is like russian roulette and totally not worth it anymore. Some days/nights are great and totally fine and others I am a complete zombie asshole who doesn't remember anything! So frustrating.....

But this week has been good so far. Wife gave me a big hug, I know she loves me and we have been best friends for 25 years now ( I am only 44). No more night sweats and a solid sleep, been to the gym every morning. Things are looking up.

Now it is about the social aspects with my buddies who like to drink (they can handle it fine) have a big couple of events coming up.

Big thanks to byates1 (Bob) for a great chat yesterday, our paths have been very similar. Thanks for the support!

Just if you do go to the events keep strong and do Mocktails or order juice or sodas even. It could be non-alcoholic beers also if they have them. I ask sometimes and if they do not or if they only have O'Doul's then I ask for a Ginger Ale or 7-Up or something like that if nothing else to have something in my hand. The times that everyone wants to do a round of shots, I just decline... Easy to say you are driving (if you are in fact driving home) and your not going to drink for the the night and risk any DWI or DUI.

If they are true friends and you can be honest with them- tell them you are no longer drinking alcohol for a very valid reason- to save your beautiful relationship with your wife and family!!

[The Reverend Floater]

Just if you do go to the events keep strong and do Mocktails or order juice or sodas even. It could be non-alcoholic beers also if they have them. I ask sometimes and if they do not or if they only have O'Doul's then I ask for a Ginger Ale or 7-Up or something like that if nothing else to have something in my hand. The times that everyone wants to do a round of shots, I just decline... Easy to say you are driving (if you are in fact driving home) and your not going to drink for the the night and risk any DWI or DUI.

Word. I often drink soda with a lime just so people don't ask. And it's surprisingly delicious, even without vodka!

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[riser4]

Word. I often drink soda with a lime just so people don't ask. And it's surprisingly delicious, even without vodka!

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That's my usual. It's a good thirst cutter too.

[Danno]

Occasionally in college I'd go to a party and not want to drink; drinking water out of a red solo cup was always a great way to avoid any inquiries.

[basinbeater]

Just if you do go to the events keep strong and do Mocktails or order juice or sodas even. It could be non-alcoholic beers also if they have them. I ask sometimes and if they do not or if they only have O'Doul's then I ask for a Ginger Ale or 7-Up or something like that if nothing else to have something in my hand. The times that everyone wants to do a round of shots, I just decline... Easy to say you are driving (if you are in fact driving home) and your not going to drink for the the night and risk any DWI or DUI.

If they are true friends and you can be honest with them- tell them you are no longer drinking alcohol for a very valid reason- to save your beautiful relationship with your wife and family!!

^^^ love the end of this. Because friends and family are the ones who will ask. Just be straight with them. Be straight with yourself too.

I also do the soda water with lime so people don't ask as much, but, if people do ask, I am straight with them I say I don't drink. With friends and family you might need to add "anymore" because they know you. I don't say I am not going to drink because I'm the driver and I don't want to risk a DUI, it's not true. I think one of the reasons I've been able to not drink the last 6 or 7 years, (lost track now) is because I've internalized it. It's not that I don't drink at an event, it's that I don't drink.
For a the first while after I quit, I was asked more about it than now, and I would usually give some variation of yeah, I just decided I didn't want to anymore. Most of the time it was fine, and sometimes I would drink too much and regret it so I stopped. And that is pretty much the truth. The response was almost always positive and chatter would quickly move on. But to try and pretend to people, oh, I can't tonight I'm driving, you are lying to them and lying to yourself. And that reduces your likelihood of success for long term sobriety. In my humble opinion.

I wish all success with their efforts.

[riser4]

^^^ love the end of this. Because friends and family are the ones who will ask. Just be straight with them. Be straight with yourself too.

I also do the soda water with lime so people don't ask as much, but, if people do ask, I am straight with them I say I don't drink. With friends and family you might need to add "anymore" because they know you. I don't say I am not going to drink because I'm the driver and I don't want to risk a DUI, it's not true. I think one of the reasons I've been able to not drink the last 6 or 7 years, (lost track now) is because I've internalized it. It's not that I don't drink at an event, it's that I don't drink.
For a the first while after I quit, I was asked more about it than now, and I would usually give some variation of yeah, I just decided I didn't want to anymore. Most of the time it was fine, and sometimes I would drink too much and regret it so I stopped. And that is pretty much the truth. The response was almost always positive and chatter would quickly move on. But to try and pretend to people, oh, I can't tonight I'm driving, you are lying to them and lying to yourself. And that reduces your likelihood of success for long term sobriety. In my humble opinion.

I wish all success with their efforts.

Like.

[RShea]

Word. I often drink soda with a lime just so people don't ask. And it's surprisingly delicious, even without vodka!

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Orange Juice and club soda, Cranberry juice and some clearer soda or club soda if wanted some fizz, Pineapple Juice.

7-Up and any twist- lime, lemon, ginger ale, Coke or Pepsi most any of the traditional mixers used.

Mocktails have all sorts of things that would be some juices and mix with a fruit slice or cherry, etc.

[riser4]

A standard refresher in our house is seltzer water, cranberry to taste and a lime. I like it on the splash of cran side. Other folks like it more juicy. Organic cranberry sweetened with other fruit juices only.