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Thread: Get Drunk, Post as much as you Can

  1. #576
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
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    YetiMan
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    It's a good thing I don't have a gun tonight. Everywhere I go I'm pounded by my own failure. I live in a city full of successful people, all of whom have figured out some way to game life into a nice house, a nice spouse, things to do, family, friends, dogs, retirement, god, country, peers, travel, security, healthcare, dentistry, reason for optimism...it goes on and on.

    I walk around a gathering of thousands of people my age, in my city, they all look so interesting to me, beautiful women, people talking, laughing. And there I am, and I can walk around this thing for hours and not find anyone I know except macdaddy, who knows everyone and would probably be nice to me if I had an infected 3rd eye coming out of the side of my forehead because he's just that nice of a guy. No, I come home to an empty house. The love is gone, the dog is shot, the career is shit, the motorcycle is a peice of shit, the truck shakes on the freeway and will not be fixed no matter how much money I throw at it like an idiot fool, the house is ugly and fucking hot as shit in the summer, and there is no betterment on the horizon. All these people I know, there's some miraculous story of things just falling into place. Oh we met on the chairlift and her family has tons of money! Oh, we met at (random place) and it turns out blah blah blah. It all works out for them: the end. I wouldn't believe it was true in my position except that I remember when things fell into place for me, for years. I never tried to make shit happen in my life in taos, I just lived it and it worked out. I move to this huge city and now I'm in an ocean, in a life raft in the pacific, water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. I can look around at almost any time and see people, none of whom are my friends, I can look around wherever I go and see awesome women who scowl at me if I smile at them or look afraid if I try to make conversation with them. What the fuck. am I some kind of freak, has it really gone from me being a great skier that people looked forward to seeing to in 4 years I suck ass and everything I touch turns to shit? How can that be! I'm the same person I was inside my head, but obviously everything else must have changed.

    Tonight, if I had a gun, I wouldn't be typing this and worrying about trying to wake up and do my shit job in the morning hung over, I'd probably write a nice long detailed note so my mother, who clearly had zero concept how to raise children, would have some real explanation why I quit at this. I'm tired of coming home every night a failure. I hate trying to figure out why everyone around me has their lives dialed in when I can't even figure out where to start on any of it.

    I have no goals remaining in life. The one thing I have to look forward to is skiing. I suck ass at skiing, for somebody who's skied well for 1500 or so days, thinking about how I'm basically no different than some accountant in salt lake that takes a day off to go beater around in pow and that's how any good skier at snowbird sees me, as just another obstacle that shouldn't be near their steeps and is just in the way...it kills me to think what a gaper I've become. it's going to kill me. This is when normal people who aren't repulsive to the opposite sex start raising children so it doesn't matter that they aren't so fast or so good looking anymore, they're a parent, they have goals in terms of raising children and the process of opening their little minds to the world covers whatever decline they're facing. But no, not here. I had my chance and failed. epic fail. So when I'm at a table in a bar with women and eventually they're not only so disinterested in me that they ignore what I occasionally say in their conversation, but they're so disinterested that they go into the kind of conversational mode that you'd have when there is no strange guy there that you don't know...when that happens I have no choice but to think that it's just nature telling me that I AM NOT VIABLE IN THIS WORLD. I'm not only not very interesting to them, I'm so much so that I'm INVISIBLE to them. Good thing though, because in these times you wonder what it would be like if you were gone, if it would be an inconvenience toward any of these people I casually deal with in my life. But really, not so much as it turns out. My opinions about how to do things at work are treated as no factor, I'm no factor in anybody's life other than to feebly grope out for some human contact because I'm lonely, I'm no factor to any family-all of whom live a thousand miles from me and don't call or write. Nature has somehow tagged me as a loser. I lose. So what is there now? Religion...is that what there is to convince me to keep going to get to another winter where I suck worse than the one before? What is it...I worry that what lies beyond is terrible, far worse than this because wherever place the good people on my street with the nicely mowed lawn and the suburban and the sunday school clothes end up, is surely not where I end up. Those people can't stand me, If they had a flat tire and I stopped to help they'd lock their frightened children in the car and their dog would bite me in the nuts....so I'm not going to their heaven. I'm going to some place where I wander around looking at everyone's unbridled success and know that I'm going to sleep alone tonight again and that all the thoughts and ideas I've ever had have amounted to nothing, and that nothing I can do will ever make a difference in this massive clusterfuck of life annd whatelse? That if God had a plan for me, that it must have been to let me get really close to that happy place, or to let me see it in thousands of small glimpses, but to jerk it away HARD and FAST when I wasn't looking and leave me alone with these thoughts. So there it is, eat the front sight and maybe the screen goes dark or maybe I wake up in hell. just some ridiculous gamble. Is it a test? Am i supposed to think: hey, things are so much worse for lots of other people so what's wrong with me? because I think that a lot too, why can't I be happy completely by myself like some pod, some lone tree in the desert that doesn't need anybody or anything? I don't know, it's clearly not for me to know.

    I know this: I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, i'm lonely, I hate how lame my life is, I would trade everything I have for a time machine to go back and have friends and be a good skier with a family again. That's the only goal that makes any sense to me is to somehow find a way to be in a coma where I remember what my life was life when I couldn't help but kill it. I'd wake up at 3:30AM with my beautiful girlfriend next to me and quietly roll that way and kiss her, and when she woke up gently and we had our middle of the night sex so the kids wouldn't hear it, it would be good. and I'd let my dog out to howl at the running coyotes in taos canyon and look at my wood pile, the fruit of my labor, an expression of love and friendship. My love for the girls, my wanting them to be warm and comfortable in the winter, my friends helping me split it, my mentoring the kid next door to learn to drive the wood truck and cut trees...all of it in front of me on the porch with the dog howling and the stars out and my girls upstairs sleeping peacefully. I'd wake up the next day and go to my job with my best friends and laugh and laugh at some stupid something and make plans to do something fun somewhere...dirtbikes or shooting guns in the desert or swimming in the river or what ever. That's what the time machine is. There is no such thing, of course, I've thought: hey, why give up now, just keep going and sooner or later things will get better. sure they will, but I will be older, fatter, sadder, and stupider if they do, and surely they'll take another shit, because that's what things in my life do, they find some amazing ways to fuck themselves up.

    It's a good thing I don't have a gun tonight. Because there's nothing for me tomorrow but another day of having my face rubbed in my own massive failure at life. Failure at life. think about that, so many failures on top of one another so as to constitute an entire life failure. there's no figuring but I'm afraid it just gets worse from here as I go crazy and homeless. If I had a gun I'd make it easy to clean up because I don't need people traumatized by my mess. I'd be sure everyone knew it was my failure, I'd do a good job being sure my stuff was really well written so no judges had to go through and worry about who gets what stuff. If I had a gun I'd still be courteous and try hard to be good at it. I imagine I'd find some way to fail at that too.

  2. #577
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    What's today's date?
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    That's a tough read after waking up on the couch at 3:30a and trying to shut down the mac.

    First off, you are not alone and from what I know and see you are a very good man.

    Second, please get some help immediately if you really need it. Dial 911 and ask. There is no shame in asking for help.

  3. #578
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    112
    Hayzus, that’s some heavy shit. You aren’t alone. Hold on. If nothing else hold on; barely is better than not.

    Nothing is ever as it seems—talking about the people whose lives you think are perfect. Fack, I’m no armchair psychologist, but please call someone. Like anyone. Talk to them. (I hesitate to nominate the iceman or skifishbum--yer parents friends from home whoever-- but there it is). Hope it’s mostly the booze talking but don’t do anything. Hold on for now.

    Things do change; especially when you want them to.

    Read some Bukowski. Read Celine’s Journey to the End of the Night. Life.

    Can someone go kick Yeti in the ass?

  4. #579
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    May 2006
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    Yeti,

    In the past year: (1) My elderly mother died, after a multi-year nursing home stay, (2) My elderly father (81 and still working) is up past his ass in debt over that stay because he felt obligated to pay every bill he couldn't afford and the bank would write him a huge personal note, (3) My fathers 55 YO business is on its last legs because general aviation is dead and my younger brothers runaway coke habit was consuming all incoming cash flow, and (4) We finally found out why my younger brother was acting like such an asshole. But, from outside appearances, we may have been the illusionary model American family. Be careful what you wish for.

    On the plus side, my brother got picked up on a minor charge, and due to some more extensive findings, has spent the last couple of months as a guest of the county. He is finally beginning to get the picture, and has been admitted to a long term treatment program. We hope it is a start down the right path. My father is finally beginning to understand that it is time to liquidate assets and close up shop. The only real question is if we can keep the wolves at bay long enough to allow this to happen. It helps tremendously that many long time customers have stepped up to pay for debts that they were never properly billed for by my brother, and a couple of long-term employees are hanging on to the bitter end.

    Despite the non-stop shitfest that is life, the world continues to turn. My 8 year old daughters finally made their first training wheel free circuit of the playground this past week, and I've been having a rip doing the bicycle commuting thing. Our family vacation trip is soon, and skiing is less than 6 months away.

    In general, I'm a pretty negative guy, but things generally have a way of working out. Ignore the material excesses of those around you. Disarm a grump, by smiling and saying hello. People that have done likewise to me have caught me off guard, and made my day. And if you want to meet someone, try volunteering for a local group doing something you admire.

    I don't know you personally, but keep reaching out. Peace.

  5. #580
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    Oct 2007
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    Yetiman, hang in there. Try to find things to be positive about, and reasons to get out there, find things to look forward to. Try to avoid too much drink (& drugs), if you are on a downer it makes things worse. Get out there, do more sport, meet more people, and they will know more people, etc

    I have taken the liberty of replying directly to some of the things you've said:


    Quote Originally Posted by YetiMan View Post
    for somebody who's skied well for 1500 or so days, thinking about how I'm basically no different than some accountant in salt lake that takes a day off to go beater around
    You have had 1500 days on the mountain!! I would be stoked if I had memories of half that number of days. That accountant having spent a career staring at $$ signs, a VDU and paper would be envious.

    Quote Originally Posted by YetiMan View Post
    I'd wake up at 3:30AM with my beautiful girlfriend next to me and quietly roll that way and kiss her, and when she woke up gently and we had our middle of the night sex so the kids wouldn't hear it, it would be good. and I'd let my dog out to howl at the running coyotes in taos canyon and look at my wood pile, the fruit of my labor, an expression of love and friendship. My love for the girls, my wanting them to be warm and comfortable in the winter, my friends helping me split it, my mentoring the kid next door to learn to drive the wood truck and cut trees...all of it in front of me on the porch with the dog howling and the stars out and my girls upstairs sleeping peacefully. I'd wake up the next day and go to my job with my best friends and laugh and laugh at some stupid something and make plans to do something fun somewhere...dirtbikes or shooting guns in the desert or swimming in the river or what ever. That's what the time machine is.
    Wake most mothers up at 3:30 for sex and you will probably get told to piss off, she will be too tired!! But there is a lot of optimism here. That whole paragraph shows that you have some pretty solid dreams to work towards. Think of a game plan, step by step.

    Quote Originally Posted by YetiMan View Post
    hey, why give up now, just keep going and sooner or later things will get better. sure they will, but I will be older, fatter, sadder, and stupider
    You may be a bit older, but there is no reason why you should be fatter, sadder or stupider. If you focus on being fitter and happier in yourself; you will be someone others want to be around, if you don't like things about yourself change them. You really don't need to be fatter, get exercising. Don't be sadder, you've had 1,500 days on the mountain; if you made bad decisions in the past try and learn from them.

    'The only bad experiences are the ones we fail to learn from.'

    'Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall' Confucius
    Last edited by Sparky; 09-02-2008 at 02:10 PM. Reason: was drunk

  6. #581
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    May 2006
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    You've spent 4 years worth of days of your life skiing. Thats badass.

    Keep your head up and go get outside, it has a way of healing.

  7. #582
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    Yeti- Quit yr damn job, ditch the house, go someplace new. Imagine it. Completely clean slate. Nobody will know who you are or what to expect from you. You could completely redefine yourself. A whole new life. DO IT!

  8. #583
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    Sep 2006
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    Come to Idaho, buddy! It's a great state! I found myself a new life here when I was down in the dumps 7 years ago! I haven't looked back since! Just pack up your truck and find the next town that sparks an interest!
    Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't
    help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...

  9. #584
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    Feb 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by AsheanMT View Post
    Yeti- Quit yr damn job, ditch the house, go someplace new. Imagine it. Completely clean slate. Nobody will know who you are or what to expect from you. You could completely redefine yourself. A whole new life. DO IT!
    He's right.

    Yeti, your in a hole and you are the only one to get yourself out of it. i would suggest reading man's search for meaning. i'd suggest that you find out what your standards are for calling yourself "superman" and acheive those goals daily. if your doing the best you can possibly do, the hell with everyone else.

    you should also know that most people wont spend 5 seconds thinking about you over themselves, so dont worry about them; just impress yourself with yourself.
    TGR forums cannot handle SkiCougar !

  10. #585
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    Dec 2006
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    Have any of his friends or people he knows talked to Yeti today?

  11. #586
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    Quote Originally Posted by YetiMan View Post
    Everywhere I go I'm pounded by my own failure. I live in a city full of successful people,
    What the fuck is 'success' going to work, routine, more $£$£$, leaving the house at 08:00 in a pressed shirt and tie? 1,500 mountain days= success

    Don't bail out of your current job until you have found another that you will enjoy more, or that pays you more.
    Last edited by Sparky; 09-02-2008 at 02:04 PM.

  12. #587
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    sorry, I'm fine. it was a rough night. having re-read all of that I can't believe I wrote it barely able to stand and with one eye open from the double vision. I have no means to cause myself or anyone else harm. I'm fine, it was a shit night in the middle of shit times and the gates opened because my seams are only so strong. it's been one thing to be isolated in a city and think that my kind of people are spread out everywhere and I'm not finding them or whatever, but when I go and see them all in one place, thousands of them all with their friends in groups and couples and there I am and I might as well be standing in the middle of the salt flats by myself for all the human contact. i just wasn't made for the rat race that goes on in the city and it's in the process of chewing me up and spitting me out. sometimes I do get to the point of where you know you're going down, like the edge is caught and that leg is behind you at 50 mph and it's just better to get to the ground and take it than to keep fighting the fall...but whatever, that's skiing and this is everything else and there's really no other option but to just march and smile until something better comes along.

    I feel badly to have caused any of you concern. I probably ought to have just written all that on a word document or something, it did need to come out in writing and tgr is kind of my default sometimes, which is lame because this isn't my diary, it's a ski website and there is no stoke, actually antistoke: that post that probably cancelled any and all other skiing stuff I posted before. I'm not deleting it because I'm kind of amazed at how it came out, that fucking screed actually belched out straight through in like 5 minutes of drunk typing then I passed out and somehow it's coherent and it's what goes on in my head these days and I read it today and think "yeah, that's about it"...but there's no therapy that's going to make me different. There's nothing any of those shrinks will say or do that I can't sit here and imagine, head games get me through long hikes in the smoke, I know how to manipulate people too, I don't really need therapy, I need a relocation to a place with friendly people and a good job.

  13. #588
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    This is pretty much how I felt living in San Diego.

    I would see people that I knew I could be friends with but, they just weren't really looking for any new friends. They would kind of ignore me, but would kind of ask me to go out every once in a while. I decided it was out of pity.

    I really felt lost there.

    The only thing that kept me sane was this one particular insanely hot girl who, for some reason, decided she liked me and wanted to be friends with me. That kept me sane. Honestly, just knowing that I could hang out with her every once in a while kept me going. I swear, to this day, my heart skips a beat when I see her name on my phone....calling me....or txting me. I had a huge crush on her but never told her until the day I left San Diego.
    Thank you Meghaan Molo.

    I don't know if that helps.
    I don't know why I posted it.
    I guess, Your post just made me remember how I felt when I was living around a couple million assholes.
    If anything, take comfort in the fact that you truly are not the only one.

    I hope you feel better soon

    Sincerely

    Aaron
    Last edited by A-wreck; 07-11-2008 at 09:26 PM.
    Buy nice things here.
    www.motorcityglassworks.com

  14. #589
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    Dec 2006
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    Yeti... Glad to hear you are doing a'right! And was probably good you could get that vented, now keep on keeping on.

    Oh, FWIW I've always thought Meghaan is much hotter as a brunette.
    If some of the best times of my life were skiing the UP in -40 wind chill with nothing but jeans, cotton long johns and a wine flask to keep warm while sleeping in the back of my dad's van... does that make me old school?

    "REHAB SAVAGE, REHAB!!!"

  15. #590
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OdbCLfXUV4

    Embedding is a black art. Those who know are the keepers of te gate, Anyways, enjoy FSP and rub a dub dub - mofos. Drinking and thinking do NOT go hand in hand yooooooooo!!!!!!
    Last edited by Fejj; 07-18-2008 at 10:25 AM.

  16. #591
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    wow what was he thinking 123456789!!!!!!!!!!

  17. #592
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    ........
    Last edited by Fejj; 07-18-2008 at 10:24 AM.

  18. #593
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    Seven & 7. Teh quistion is 1more or not?
    `•.¸¸.•´><((((º>`•.¸¸.•´¯`•.¸.? ??´¯`•...¸><((((º>

    "Having been Baptized by uller his frosty air now burns my soul with confirmation. I am once again pure." - frozenwater

    "once i let go of my material desires many opportunities for playing with the planet emerge. emerge - to come into being through evolution. ok back to work - i gotta pack." - Slaag Master

    "As for Flock of Seagulls, everytime that song comes up on my ipod, I turn it up- way up." - goldenboy

  19. #594
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    chard oj gren....babaabbsdjdfjcbfnhdfnmdndfdb............ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............ .................................................. ............
    "There's a truth that sanity denies...." --Sprung Monkey

  20. #595
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    This is my first time even opening this thing, so just in case any of this has been covered.....well you all can eat my ass.

    2. Peta and all other self serving people groups sucks ass
    3. Lots of beer on thursday nights kicks ass
    4. Guns are fun to shoot, people kill people not the gusn
    5. Both Obama and Mcane suck, any one see the south park with the shit sandwitch and the giant douche.....same thing
    6. Oil is here and needed now, although we need a good long term solutiuiong, higher prices only fuck the working class, and not all of us can drive a hybrid or elecrtic car, some of us work for a living. WHen was the last time you saw a contractor like me carrying a bunk of lumber on their prius. But we are the first people you call when you need work done to your home. Awesome, and thanks, but you can take your cloud of smug and shove it up your ass just because I NEED a truck.

    Thats about all,
    The Worst mistakes, make the best memories.

  21. #596
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    ^^^

    Lighten up, mate...go drink a 2-fer or something mang.

    paz,
    D.
    "There's a truth that sanity denies...." --Sprung Monkey

  22. #597
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    isaac hates desad
    shut yur mouth

  23. #598
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    bwaszer
    plagts kee
    vegas drunk trumps all

  24. #599
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    Mar 2007
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    Right Coast transplant
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    beer olympics last night
    Das Boot Champion
    holy hell im still drunk
    today is gonna be rough
    Live

  25. #600
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    Quote Originally Posted by skiingsamurai View Post
    beer olympics last night
    Das Boot Champion
    holy hell im still drunk
    today is gonna be rough
    Be a man, STAY drunk all today!
    If some of the best times of my life were skiing the UP in -40 wind chill with nothing but jeans, cotton long johns and a wine flask to keep warm while sleeping in the back of my dad's van... does that make me old school?

    "REHAB SAVAGE, REHAB!!!"

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