Quotes from the Chairlift: 05-06 Edition

[Jer]

Seems like once a month, while standing around with my camera hanging from my neck, either adjusting the settings or setting-up a shot, some idiot will stop and ask me something like "are you all right?"...like I might be injured or something. Half tempted to reply..."No, I'm just STANDING here playing with a camera because I have a BROKEN FEMUR, dumbass!"

-Astro

I can't wait to try this.

[pappag]

This thread is classic.

I can't recall any good ones from last year except the typical "How do you ski with those things?" comments directed at the Comi's.

[fonixmunkee]

Late entry here.

Skiing in the Midwest, going up a chair. Underneath us, skiing in the clearcut below the chair, this guys is just making the most over-the-top turns through about 2" of "fresh." It's not even enough to cover up the brown weeds, and the slope is so flat that he's barely moving, but he looks like he's skiing the most extreme terrain ever. My friend on the chair with me slams his PBR and just yells "YEAH GNAR TOWN CITY, DUDE!"

It was hilarious.

[ballsagna]

Super hot girl that absolutely kills it everytime was riding up the lift and some beater fartbag starts in...

"Those skis are too long for you, honey."

She looks at him...gives him the finger and says,

"Is this long enough for you?"

[f2f]

Super hot girl that absolutely kills it everytime was riding up the lift and some beater fartbag starts in...

"Those skis are too long for you, honey."

She looks at him...gives him the finger and says,

"Is this long enough for you?"

are you sure about that being an actual "quote"?

[dark mavidson]

A few years back, I was skiing at Tyrol in WI for the day. Nice sunny saturday, mid-january maybe. Riding up single on the main triple, there was a son and daughter in the chair in front of me, and their mom and dad in the chair in front of them. The son is bugging the girl/asking for stuff/complaining, you know, standard things that little boys do. The dad turns around and yells, "Brian, you've managed to ruin another vacation! No more out of you or we're leaving, NOW. I mean it!" That shut him up.

Rode up at t-ride one time, 3 of us and a random guy, he spent the whole time lecturing us on how beautiful and awesome the San Juans were.

[KungFu Eddie]

While I was in St Mortiz a couple of years ago a posh english woman asked me and my buddies where we had been skiing. We pointed to a small and pretty mellow powder bowl between two groomers. To which she replied "Ohh I never go off piste without my guide" I shit you not, you could have spat from one groomer to the next.

[RockBoy]

At Kirkwood, after a large dump, I was on the backside just as it opened. Nearing the end of the ride the little boy next to me yelled down, "STOP MAKING GIRL TURNS!" to a guy below us that must have thought he was in the gay-8's comp. I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the day, mostly because the boy wasn't more than 8 yrs old.

I am ashamed of this one. I was in the lift line next to a friend of a friend at WP during a nice storm. The friend of the friend says (in a loud voice), "I WISH IT WOULD JUST STOP SNOWING". I went to the singles line after that.

[Wiilbert]

Riding up the chairlift as Sunshine a few years ago, some dipshit wearing a cowboy hat pulls the bar down before I've even managed to fully sit down and smacks the back of my head with the bar. He laughs and says 'I guess that's why you wear a helmet'.

Right asshole, I wear a helmet so people can smoke the back of my head.

[lifts4turns]

I was riding Glacier Chair @ Louise with this old Polish lady who started telling me about her son. Apparently he was booking it down mens downhill and when it merged back on juniper this little 4 or 5 year old got in his way. So he picked up the kid instead of crashing into her. She then told me 'Well what can you do, little kids going slow on these runs just isn't fair, they should be more careful of where they ski"

[stuckathuntermtn]

quotes from the ski shop this year:
"the ski shops in georgia..."
wow

[Chemical Ali' The Wax Master]

this lady, a little bigger, probably mid 50's, is skiing below the lifts in a leopard print speed suit. one of the guys in the chair in front of me yells out "Yeow baby, nice couch! "

[Shaggy]

On fitz last season with a Texan couple;

texan husband: "Which way do we go to get to 7th heaven?"

Me: "That's actually on Blackcomb"

Texan Husband: "Ohh, how do we get there?"

Me: "You ski back to the bottom and go up the Blackcomb Gondola, it's the one that doesn't start in a building."

Texan Husband: "Well thank you"

Texan Wife: "It's pronounced 'gondo-oh-lah', you know".

WTF? So rude and wrong, yet I couldn't stop laughing.

[grskier]

this lady, a little bigger, probably mid 50's, is skiing below the lifts in a leopard print speed suit. one of the guys in the chair in front of me yells out "Yeow baby, nice couch! "

She was carrying furniture?

[Chemical Ali' The Wax Master]

She was carrying furniture?

uh, she was furniture

[vbeaureg]

"Those skis are too long for you, honey."
She looks at him...gives him the finger and says,
"Is this long enough for you?"

I got a "How do you like those girly skis?" (Volkl Auras) at A-Basin. I believe "What the fuck does 'girly' mean?" was my response.

[Steepdeepnlong]

Not exactly on a lift, but I was fortunate to get a shot at climbing Hood this past June with the intention of skiing down. We must have met 6-8 groups walking down from their climb. Keep in mind, we are either skinning, or bootpacking with skis on our back. Every group we passed asked us, "Are you guys gonna ski down?"

[skier666]

I'm going to have to really dig into my brain to get some good ones other than the typical (me on Karmas or something similiar)....'on powder skis today eh boy"

But one I do recall is the first day I skied in Colorado when scouting for colleges back in 93-94ish. On the farthest lift that goes up to the bottom of the Outback at Keystone, and I'm on the chair with my father and a patrol. Never skied Colorado in my life, and being from Tahoe, I ask the patrol..."so where's all the gnarly stuff?" Patrol looks at me, and then points over to Breck. I'll never forget it.

[Phall]

my friend and I were riding downhill at Jiminy Peak in mass when we got on with this random dude....we were all commenting on the cuteness of the lifty when the random dude said "i want to...no i cant say it"
me and my friend "aw come on man, now you have to say it"
dude "no i cant"
us "you pussy just say it"
Dude, "well ok, i just want to put her in a kiddie pool and piss all over her"

needless to say we were pretty quiet for the rest of the ride

[sequoiashan]

well this wasn't actually on the lift but...it was the first legit pow of the season and everyone it getting after it, one of the patrollers (the bad kind of coptroller, an evil little troll he is) says to us..."Now I remember why I hate powder" He, as he should, was left sitting in the shack waiting for wrecks for every powder day the rest of the season. The punishment is a life sentence.

[ikkin]

i'm sure you'll jong me, but whatever.

at deer valley (an important thing to note) last january on a beauty of a powder day. 10 inches and still dumping at 11am or so, which replaced the hardpack of the previous 7 days. was riding up the lift with a woman and her two kids. and so went their exchange:

boy kid: man, i'm hungry.
girl kid: yeah, me too
mom: we should stop for lunch soon. are you going to come back out after lunch?
boy kid: i think so
girl kid: maybe
mom: i think i'll stay in
boy kid: why?
mom: i don't know, i'm just not having that much fun today.
boy kid: why not?
mom: i don't know...i had a much better time yesterday. this snow is just too soft. it's just too fluffy. it's not fun.

classic DV experience.

[Amenruse]

At Whistler I overheard this young boy ask his father while pointing at a skier if he was a telemarketer. His dad and I had a good chuckle.

[doublediamond223]

Second hand from my buddy. He was skiing Vail a few years back, long liftline first thing in the AM and Tony Robbins w/his entourage cut the line and get on ahead of everyone else. A couple hours later TR is standing at the top of a bump run looking all sheepish while my buddy's riding a lift. He yells, "C'mon Tony, assert yourself!". TR responds with a slew of expletives and hand gestures. Puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it.

This is one of my favorites. I would have told him that he's not following the Ultimate Success Formula. You have to TAKE ACTION! Your biggest obstacle is fear!

(I realize no one will get this if they have not listened to one of his tapes, but w/e.

___________________

Aside from being asked if my Bros are water skis, or if I race, (while wearing shin guards, pole guards, slalom skis, and a chin bar) I can think of one story from a while back:

I was on the gondola at Loon, where I grew up skiing, and these guys were talking about the previous night's debauchery. One guy pipes up and says, "Well I can beat all of those stories. I was fucking this chick from behind, right, and she's pretty into it. All of a sudden, she takes a shit. My dick and the bed were covered in shit. She apologized and left."

I started laughing, and the guy goes, "I bet this is the most interesting gondola ride you've had, huh?"

[Huck_Schmuck]

I was on like this one lift, one time, waving my dick in the air. And there were these gapers, and they were like, laughing at my skis 'cause I'm so much 'core than them. And then one of the gapers was talking about the powder and how it wasn't as good as the groomers. So we totally laughed at them. My crew is down with building kickers 'n' shit right into that mofo. So we asked the gapers to come ski a line with us. And when we got to the bottom the gapers beat us, 'cause our pants were SO low they caused extra drag in all the sweet pow pow.



To be fair. Some of the posts have been funny. A little have sucked. And the others make me want to wretch, why would you even tell us you behave / think like that. Losers.

[klaxed]

Aside from the 'how do you like those fat skis' comments that I have gotten since i picked up my flites, the best one was when I was skiing under the tye mill chair. I was skiing pretty fast, and some person from the chair yelled at me to slow down. One of my proudest moments on skis.