Quotes from the Chairlift: 05-06 Edition

[tomw_n]

I saw this from the chair, but it's still priceless: A dad and a son were on the trail below the chair which had stalled for a second. The dad has this 7 year old on a steep, bumped-out section and the kid bails, and double ejects right in front of the Dad. Here's how it went...

Dad: What the hell are you doing!?
Kid: Daaad, I don't like this trail
Dad (in a fey, wussy voice): I'm you, I can't ski, ohhhhhh, this trail is too hard (then back to regular dad voice) I'm dad, I'm amazing, I rip everything on the mountain.

Then he just skis away.

Penny to a pound that was a mag

[Nohillsnearby]

Nothing quite like skiing deep powder in Michigan, yeeeeeeeup, doesn't get any beter than this.

That was you I rode the lift with???

[jpcski]

This wasn't on a chair lift, but is worth mentioning...

I am in a condo in Vail late one Sunday evening. The pass is closed, I can't get home and I have to work early the next day. I am hanging with friends of friends for the evening. I have just had an incredible day, 1-2 feet and still snowing, I am reveling at how good the day was.

Cool dude from CA says to me "Do you know when this is going to be really good?"

Me: (thinking I missed the weather and it is going to snow all week) "When?"

CA guy: "Wednesday or Thursday when this is all packed down and groomed real nice".

Me: "uhhh, you are missing the point here I think."

[Garnshit]

This is from a few years ago, but riding the snowbird tram w/ an agro backcounty buddy... A mother on a tourist ride points to two teleskiers ands says to her daugher "See look them. They are on cross country skis".

The diatribte explaining the diff between xc and tele skiing didn't happen, but was very close. I could feel it.

[AstroPax]

Any other priceless chairlift quotes in this young season?

Well, don't have anything from a lift...

...so I'm standing at the top of East Castle (Alta) shooting some pics. This other dude is up there squaking about what an extreme skier he is, and telling me how often he skis and hikes all over the place at Alta, and then he asks me "do you know where you are at?", as if I don't know...like I'm stranded and lost or something. Then he looks at my AT set-up and says "Oh, you're on telemark skis"....and then he skis away. What a dork!

Seems like once a month, while standing around with my camera hanging from my neck, either adjusting the settings or setting-up a shot, some idiot will stop and ask me something like "are you all right?"...like I might be injured or something. Half tempted to reply..."No, I'm just STANDING here playing with a camera because I have a BROKEN FEMUR, dumbass!"

-Astro

[Long duc dong]

Yesterday at Mammoth:

Someone commenting on my Seth Pistols: "Is it possible to ski those on hardpack?"

Afew years ago at squaw: Two gapers next to me, husband and wife, going up Gold Coast, "It's too bad this place is not as steep as Heavenly."

Another classic one from squaw: A slushy, sticky day in march, my buddy, skiing on pocket rockets, comments on how sticky the snow is, in the liftline at solitude. "Well maybe it's your skills," we hear. We turn around to see a bovine, aging yutz on skinny intermediate skis from 1987 or so, wearing tight black pants and a PINK jacket. We could'nt believe what we had heard. At the top of solitude we found him and asked him to ski silverado with us. He followed, but got so scared by the line under the silverado chair(not exactly schmidiots) that he had to hike back out. As luck would have it we kept running into him over the next few days, spraying him whenever we got the chance. My only regret is that I do not have a picture of him, because that pink jacket was classic.

[Cornelius]

Second hand story but pretty entertaining:

A friend's sister was skiing in Europe and happened to be in the liftline behind Arnold Schwarzenergger. Arnold was on deck and had skiied a bit past 'the wait here' line. The chair whipped by and just missed him as reflexively dodged it. He turned around and looked at the people behind him and said in his classic accent, "That would have been like metal on metal."

[XtrPickels]

Seems like once a month, while standing around with my camera hanging from my neck, either adjusting the settings or setting-up a shot, some idiot will stop and ask me something like "are you all right?"...like I might be injured or something. Half tempted to reply..."No, I'm just STANDING here playing with a camera because I have a BROKEN FEMUR, dumbass!"

-Astro

Just drop a deadpanned..."Do you even know who I am?" and go back to adjusting your camera while shaking your head.

[WWCD]

Just drop a deadpanned..."Do you even know who I am?" and go back to adjusting your camera while shaking your head.

Now that is funny.

[ski-smurf]

I was riding a lift up with a couple of other people one who was on snowblades at a very small east coast resort on my public enemies and the blader looks at my skis for a while and asks me "are those are some type of new skiboards or somthing? because they are too fat to be real skis" to which I asked if he was on some new type of inline skates. he gave me a funny look

[ptavv]

Setting: Me riding my Spatulas at Schweitzer Mountain sitting next to some 30 Year Old Lawyer Type (YOLT) wearing a bright red helmet, pink goggles, and one of those goofy Masque things (it's not windy at all).

30 YOLT: "Are those water skis?"
Me: "No, they're Spatulas."
30 YOLT: "What kind of skis are they though?"
Me: "Volant Spatulas."
30 YOLT: "Are you sure they're not water skis?"
Me: "Pretty sure."
30 YOLT: "Are they good in the park?"
Me: "No."
30 YOLT: "What about groomers?"
Me: "No."
30 YOLT: "What a waste."
Me: "..."

[fortysix&2]

Guy from OK: You ain't got any good lookin girls out here
Me: Huh
Guy from OK: Guess that's cause skiing is a man's sport
Me: Huh

[thegnar73]

new 2 boards, so ill start with a qoute from last week at Baker..

" wow, i really threw it into those death cookies over there... fealt like a bunch of midgets punching me in the back."

[cdlv]

not on a lift but online this week by some bay area friends:
"ski weekend in jeopardy due to... too much snow"
also heard by person staying at the house in alta the week before we came out when we called to see how sking was:
q: how's the skiing?
A:"it's horrible, it's been snowing all week and they havent been able to groom and there is no sun"

[Huck_Schmuck]

I get alot of them on my carving board:
"dude, you broke the tail off your board"
"how can you ride with your feet turned that way"
"are those ski boots on your snowboard"
and the classic - 5 times in one day at Bachelor last month...
"How do you like your Monoski?"

This one has to be best... You were on the carving board, in hard boots and you're laughing at OTHER people... classic.

[Haus]

Last Sunday at Squaw while riding up Solitude...notice a guy hollering at his kid(5-7 years old) to just 'do it, it's easy, control your speed and make lots of turns." The kid was noticably intimidated and clearly made it known both verbally and through his hesitation. People on the chair start yelling at the guy about the kid being in over his head, don't make him do it, etc.... The kid slowly starts down and after three turns buries a tip in some soft snow and goes down head first. He quickly picks up speed and starts to yell in terror...scary moment, he just kept going faster. Finally came to a stop a hundred or so yards down and was shaken and crying. More shouts from the chair are directed to the dad and he just looks up and shrugs. Dad finally pushes off, makes some sloppy turns, crosses his tips, ejects, somersaults twice, and yardsales down past his kid. The chairlift erupted in cheers and insults slung at the dad....awesome!

[leroy jenkins]

Ok, I heard another today. Not on the lift, but in the shop I work at. Its about 50 something degrees outside and this woman says to her husband.
"My feet shrunk a full size since its so cold outside," to which the man concurs and says his have too.

[MOHSHSIHd]

Around 2 weeks ago, Wolf Creek after they got 100" in 3 days.....half of our 2 car crew gets to the main lot, and my truck (with me, my friend, and everyone elses skis in it gets banished to the lower lot a mile away)

Keep in mind its around 9:30 on a powder day, and literally 97% of the people there are from Texas....most gapers I have ever seen ANYWHERE....word on the street was that they had allready begun to run out of rental skis!!


So we wait in line for 30 minutes to get on their "shuttle bus system" which is really 2 vans......seriously, they had 2 fucking VANS to move all these people in this 200yd line to the base area......horrible planning

So we finally get on the bus, carrying a huge quiver of fat skis....3 pairs of spats, 1 pair of powder xs, and my friends mega banged mega bangs...

older texan couple: "Where did you guys come from?"

us: "Boulder"

otc: "So are you here for a few days?"

us: "No, we drove straight here and havent slept yet, we came for the snow"

otc: "Why? There is so much that the groomed runs are packed...we actually saw people getting stuck in the deep snow....they looked very unhappy."

us: "Thats ok, cause we came to ski the deep snow.....thats why we ski is for powder....thats pretty much why we live is to ski powder"


the couple and everyone else on the bus gave us the weirdest look ever after that convo.....

good stuff

[MOHSHSIHd]

Last Sunday at Squaw while riding up Solitude...notice a guy hollering at his kid(5-7 years old) to just 'do it, it's easy, control your speed and make lots of turns." The kid was noticably intimidated and clearly made it known both verbally and through his hesitation. People on the chair start yelling at the guy about the kid being in over his head, don't make him do it, etc.... The kid slowly starts down and after three turns buries a tip in some soft snow and goes down head first. He quickly picks up speed and starts to yell in terror...scary moment, he just kept going faster. Finally came to a stop a hundred or so yards down and was shaken and crying. More shouts from the chair are directed to the dad and he just looks up and shrugs. Dad finally pushes off, makes some sloppy turns, crosses his tips, ejects, somersaults twice, and yardsales down past his kid. The chairlift erupted in cheers and insults slung at the dad....awesome!

ahahah, good shit

[beaterdit]

On a rare hardpack day at Wolf Creek:
Gaper re. my 1080s "Powder skis today? Wishful thinking huh?"
Me: "???...These are the skinniest skis I own."

[powpig]

Second hand from my buddy. He was skiing Vail a few years back, long liftline first thing in the AM and Tony Robbins w/his entourage cut the line and get on ahead of everyone else. A couple hours later TR is standing at the top of a bump run looking all sheepish while my buddy's riding a lift. He yells, "C'mon Tony, assert yourself!". TR responds with a slew of expletives and hand gestures. Puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it.

[soul_skier]

this year in the tram at jay peak with the bros, i was asked if i made them myself, but the part that really cracked me up was being told by some old guy that i was too young and small to handle them. Anyway, we're spinning laps on big jay, a last tram ride we see the same guy, he asks us where we've been skiing, we of course say big jay BC, he says ya, me too, and points to a glade i can piss to off the tram. i love gapers.

[stuckathuntermtn]

some of these quotes make me want to tear my hair out. why can't texans stay in texas? working at a ski shop i get asked some pretty dumb questions, especially by asians. this one woman asked after i pulled the liner out "why does it do that?" or something. i was dumbfounded. cuz it fucking does you bitch

[bigtrubs]

some of these quotes make me want to tear my hair out. why can't texans stay in texas? working at a ski shop i get asked some pretty dumb questions, especially by asians. this one woman asked after i pulled the liner out "why does it do that?" or something. i was dumbfounded. cuz it fucking does you bitch

That was a pretty hateful comment... Some people, of all races, are actually THAT stupid, pure and simple. Stupidity is not a race-specific problem.

[bklyn]

^^^