Back in '94 I was 18 and a freshman at WSU. I ended up getting blotto and pulled some stupid shit that resulted in a theft charge on my record. Not a huge deal but enough to get me pointed back in the right direction.
The following summer I tried to cross into Canada and they pulled me aside, searched the car and sent me to Immigrations. There they told me that based on my record I would not be allowed into Canada and in fact they didn't have to let me back to the US either (WTF? No-mans land?).
Over the next several years I passed back and forth without any probelms, several times getting the '20 questions' or searched but not another trip to Immigrations.
So 3 years ago I was headed up with my wife's family. There were 8 of us between 2 cars and I was driving one. My inlaws get through just fine. When we pull up they ask the usual questions, including if anyone had ever had to speak with an immigration officer. I replied 'no' thinking it was so long ago, not a big deal. WRONG FUCKIN' ANSWER. The boarder agent calls me out on it and tells me I'm trying to 'sneak' into the country and I am in big trouble. We pull into the bay and step in to talk with the friendly Canadian Immigration officers. After an hour and a half of threats of bringing a dog in to search the car and telling me that they could refuse entry they finally let us pass on. Holy shit that sucked and then everyone else wanted to know what the hold up was.
So last year (same border crossing, same President's Day weekend) when we get to the questions I answer truthfully. Once again, inside we go with passports in hand. Another hour later they call me to the window. The Immigration Officer showed me something on the computer screen. He said "In the future, if you are asked it you have been arrested you have to say yes. But if you can tell them you have not been convicted." It turns out that it has since been expunged from my record. That was the best news ever!
This year, no questions and they didn't even ask for our passports on the way in. In fact, my father-in-law Russ fucked up every questions they asked. Agent: "You're all citizens of...." Russ: "Uhhhh....Washington?". Agent: "How many dozens of beer are you bring up?" Russ: "Dozens?.....uhhhh [looks for support].....4?" Agent: "4 dozen. You have 4 dozen beers with you?" Russ: "Yeah, that sounds about right...".
The question I always want to fuck with is:
"Do you have any drugs with you?" Uh, no, we can get them much cheaper up here. Besides, don't you just ship them all down to us anyway? How stupid would I have to be to bring them back?!
"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible" -Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
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