I still think that! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by agentorange
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I still think that! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by agentorange
re-post:
"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."
-Bryant Gumbel
Try riding one of these and brace yourself for stoopid questions in the lift line .That's half the reason I'm going back to skiing half the time.
"The skiing was terrible! It was cold and snowy all day"
"I wish it would quit snowing, I came here to ski!"
And from a skiier who strayed off the groomed green run and into the 4 inches of new powder:
"This is too fluffy! Get me the hell out of here!"
This is sooooo easy.
"This place aint so bad, we do have a ski resort ya knaow"
Heard as a bunch of people streaked mid-Vail in the 70s.
Whiny woman with NY accent: "Get me ooaf of this mountain, NOW!"
Gaper in RMNP: Y'all didn't go skiing.
Me: Yea we did.
Gaper: There ain't no snow. Where did you ski?
Me: See that glacier up there?
Gaper: That ain't snow. That's SALT!
My co-worker last Friday: Don't you worry about getting lost?
Me: I know where I'm going.
I went a mile and a half up the wrong valley yesterday. :redface:
"where do you store the moguls in the summer"
so over played in this thread JONG.Quote:
Originally Posted by rometheworld
Okay its not a friday but this thread is classic. It has basically turned into funniest/stupidest things said by gapers.
so bizzump to the top
"at what altitude do the deer turn into elk?"
That's a weird thing for someone to say on the lift.Quote:
Originally Posted by Phill
Quote:
Originally Posted by TacomaLuv
Same thing..one depressed summer day at work, I was just lamenting how wonderful a blizzard in July would be to a co-worker....
The next day everyone thinks I have a problem and I have to explain to my boss how I have a snowboard addiction..not 'powder' addiction...
f'ing fiends...
In Chicago for work:
"You're from A$$pen?? A$$pen, California?"
funny thing today
Instructor "where do you live at?"
5 year old girl "south Amercia"
Instructor " what country in South America"
5 Year old girl "texas"
I overheard this from a woman at Snowbird during the busy powder week early March:
"Honey, we're not coming here again. They make us group up in fours every time we want to get on the chair."
Also have heard countless times: "We're never coming here again because they don't close the tram doors fast enough--it makes people think they can keep loading it."
The snow's too heavy here, I liked colorodo better.
OMG Just spit a bite of baked potato onto my keyboard...Quote:
Originally Posted by DukeBest
The following events took place at a Checker auto parts store while I was stocking up on fluids for a road trip.
"Changin' yer fluids, huh?"
"Nope, just grabbing some for the road"
"Where ya headed?"
"Jackson"
"You a skier?"
"Yeah."
"You ski in the out of bounds backcountry?"
"Yeah."
"Whooooooeeeee man whatchu guys do out there try to set off avalanches n shit then outrun em?"
"Uhhh...."
"I tell you man I was watchin the news the other day and this snowboarder came in and all of a sudden he was swooped off his feet. Man he was tumblin! You guys make bets of how many avalanches you can outrun?"
"Sure"
"Man you guys are adventure junkies. You make your buddies take a shot if they're to slow"
"Usually we dig them out first"
"What?"
"Nevermind"
It drives me nutz when they jump back and forth - in an "air guitar" version of skiing - and go swishhhhhhh swishhhhhh swishhhhhhh as though they are making turns. I usually stand there dumbfounded for words... any suggestions?
Smack them with your pole.Quote:
Originally Posted by Griz
Conversation a few years back with my now ex-wife:
Me: Check it out honey, Pocket Rockets!
Ex: Why do you need another pair of skis?
Me: Well, these are nice for skiing the deeper stuff, and they're fun.
Ex: You mean you need skis for snow that you'll ski like 6 or 7 times a year?
Me: Well, yeah. More if you count the annuals to Jackson and Alta!
Ex: I suppose you'll need bindings for those too?
I bit my tongue at this point.
I miss her.
Working the ticket office at Stevens Pass:
Jong: "Do you guys turn the lights on for night skiing?"
Me: "Nah, we hand out candles at the bottem of the lift." :nonono2:
On the gondola at the Canyons with some lady from California:
"So are you a local?"
"Um ... no. I just moved here."
"But you live here, right?"
"Yeah ..."
"So you're a local."
At that point I pretended my IPod was acting up so I wouldn't have to explain anything that might make her head hurt.
Me: "How's the reception down there?"Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankZappa
Then watching as gaper shows puzzled look as he/she continues to swiggle around with poles in perfect rabbit-ear antenna formation through armpits ...
:tongue:
1. You can't ski when it's snowing though, right? / Do they close the resort if it starts snowing?
2. Where did you learn to ski? Australia? But there's no snow/skiing in Australia, is there?
3. All this snow is man-made, isn't it? (often uttered during a snowfall).
4. Terrain parks are only for boarders (uttered while skiiers are sailing through the air like plane propellers in full view).
5. Do you work here? (No, I bought this suit with the mountain name and logo and "Ski School" all over it AND the name badge from the souvenir shop, you IDIOT).
I have heard all of the above about a billion times (I teach).
a tourist once asked me at baldwin beach lake tahoe in the summer.....
tourist points to mt. tallac.............
are those white patches snow?
35 degrees, raining steady.
"At least it's not snowing."
Kills me every time.
As I was the ticket office supervisor at Jackson Hole, I've heard way too many to mention, but the one that really pissed me off..."There's way too much snow out there, I can't ski it, I demand my money back. This is not what we paid for." Mind you, I was stuck inside the FUCKING OFFICE on a huge powder day when she said this. I walked to the back room and made someone else deal with her.
This has nothing to do with sking or riding but was said by a non-skier so I'll post it.
This didn't happen to me but my friend relayed the story to me. He was helping his brother and some of his brothers friends paint the inside of the house. My friend, his brother and his brothers girlfriend were painting one of the downstairs rooms while others were painting upstairs.
The girlfriend gives a little shiver and complains it is too cold.
My friend nicely says: "We got this. Why don't you go and help in one of the rooms upstairs".
Stupid bitch: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Friend: "Heat rises, it will be warmer up there."
Stupid bitch: "You won't get me with that one."
Friend: "Excuse me?"
Stupid bitch: "If heat did rise, then there wouldn't be snow on mountains."
I pray to god my friend was pulling my leg when he told me this story, but I have met the girl, and this seems like something that would fall out of her mouth.
Tonight at my daughter's Elementary School fundraiser auction:
I told a guy there we were heading to LCC on Thursday for Spring Break. His reply, in a very snooty and dismissive voice: "Why would you go to Utah in the spring? Skiing? Good God, it's GOLF SEASON!"
I got him back tho - when he wasn't looking I stuck my finger in my nose and dunked it in his wine glass.
"Skiing? Why would you like skiing?!"
- by someone who believes skiing is "classist" :fm:
+
Me: "Do you have any ski movies - Matchstick Productions, TGR, that kind of thing?"
Snotty owner of video store: "Hmpf. Of course not - we only have real movies."
Of course she had lots of Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore movies, so I don't know what gave her the right to act superior.
"well we had the nice weather here, it wasn't snowing"
fuckin retard
He was a considerate man. He'd been at the prunes, and was issuing public service announcements (punctuated with farts).Quote:
Originally Posted by doublediamond223
Another couple I have heard way too many times:
Do you own your own skis? (No, and carpenters rent their hammers, too).
How do you become instructors? Do you first work as lifties and then after a time get to be instructors? (Only heard that one once, and still cannot fathom how they dreamed it up).
Oh, and here's another how long is a piece of string one:
How many lessons must I have before I can ski blacks? (Skiing blacks is easy, a bag of laundry duct-taped to a pair of skis can do it; it's the stopping that might be a challenge).
So what do you do in the summer? Make water skis?
"....yeah, I just glue fins under the tails and sell 'em as water skis."Quote:
Originally Posted by splat
I read a funny question online today - "Is Jeremy Jones overrated?"
Conversation with dumb New Jersey girl that I know via AIM:
Me: i have a season pass, so if you ever go there, let me know
Her: my board is so awesome
Her: u think ill be ok?
Me: what do you have
Her: burton
Her: and i got a burton vest to match
::shakes head::
Meh... that's not so bad. She's got style, and will look good on the slopes.Quote:
Originally Posted by PearlJam09
Worry when she thinks about buying a snowboard to match her jacket.
Still one of my favorites:
"I CAN"T STOP!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!"
--Crazy asshole straightlining a green run, flailing poles everywhere. Screamed right before he ran into my dad and broke his finger.
Also:
"I CAN"T STOP!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!"
--Crazy asshole straightlining blue run, before his foot flew out of his BOOT and he ran into my mom, who got a concussion.
BTW both my parents can ski, and were standing still off to the side of the run when these events happened.