I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

**XXX-er** · 03-08-2025, 12:56 PM

It never is I was gona suggest re-watching

The War of the Roses

**yeahman** · 03-08-2025, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Diamond Joe

Mrs Diamond Joe (this morning); "you know what the most irritating thing you do is?" (oh boy here we go) "chopping those fucking strawberries every single morning! like, why can't you chop a bunch extra for the next day or something??" (I dice up a few frozen strawberries every morning to add to my smoothie - without dicing them up, my little Ninja personal blender wouldn't be able to handle them.)

I said "if me chopping strawberries is that irritating to you, well thats a YOU problem. Not a me problem"

Awfully quiet around here today!

Sounds like a classic case of cabin fever.

**plugboots** · 03-08-2025, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by Danno

It's not about the strawberries

Nice. Direct, with a subtle reference.
I guess Joe could’ve answered with:
”Oh yeah, and you know what you do?”

**John_B** · 03-08-2025, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by XXX-er

You can warm up that console with a hair dryer or a heat gun but i think you wana warm her up by saying nice shit like " wow i like how you look today ! "

DJ you could take some inadvertent advice from XXXer and warm the strawberries up with your wife's hair dryer before chopping them.

**riser4** · 03-08-2025, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by John_B

DJ you could take some inadvertent advice from XXXer and warm the strawberries up with your wife's hair dryer before chopping them.

Chop the strawberries with the hair dryer and tell the wife to dry her hair with the blender.

**muted reborn** · 03-08-2025, 08:07 PM

What direction did you take the strawberry chopping this morning? Loud and proud or soft and subtle?

**yeahman** · 03-08-2025, 08:21 PM

He made a pancake instead.

**Rideski** · 03-08-2025, 08:27 PM

Chopped strawberries on top of pancakes are the bomb.

**Name Redacted** · 03-08-2025, 08:37 PM

I am now an uncle apparently. SIL just had a baby. Happy for them. But at what point should I actually pretend to care? I mean, I haven't met the little shit yet, but from all accounts, it sounds like he is "Cute". Which is great, and awesome and stuff. But I just cannot bring myself to be interested in the concept of human life. Should I seek help? Or just dive into the maelstrom of baby madness? I guess, what I mean is, well ummmmm, when can I buy the kid a dirt bike and a pellet gun?

**Nobody Famous** · 03-08-2025, 08:42 PM

A neighbor told this story the other day. The subject is my neighbor's wife, but it's worth repeating here. The neighbor, who I like to talk to, has been married for 35 or 40 years.

He and his wife have one adult daughter, who is about to move from the east coast to the west coast for a promotion in a university teaching job. The neighbor told me this a few months ago, and occasionally mentions it. So it's not news.

The other day the neighbor's wife announced she's moving to the west coast, for a six-month trial run, to be close to the daughter. In the same breath the wife tells the neighbor 'he can some along if he wants.' The wife then walked out of the room and proceeded to put the dinner dishes in the dishwasher like any normal day in the life.

The neighbor tells me the topic hasn't come up since and he's waiting to see any sign the wife really means it.

**Meadow Skipper** · 03-08-2025, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by Name Redacted

… I guess, what I mean is, well ummmmm, when can I buy the kid a dirt bike and a pellet gun?

IME (I’ve got a metric buttload of nephews/neices) you should start a little slower - when the kid’s able to stand and run pretty well, a visit to the fireworks stand is a good place to start.

**old goat** · 03-08-2025, 10:52 PM

Puberty at the earliest, 21st birthday at the latest. Kid's got a father and hopefully a grandfather to handle things until then. Uncle is more like an older and crazier friend.
One of my unlces who I had never cared for took me under his wing when my dad died when I was 19. I even visited him in prison. When I was younger I did go to Lions, Red Wings, Tigers, and Pistons games on his dime but I don't think I ever thanked him. Another uncle just yelled at us for messing up his snooker table until we got old enough to listen to his great, x rated stories (one of which involved a movie called Pinocchio Rated X). The other two--a holocaust survivor my grandfather paid to marry my ugly aunt and a lawyer with a wife everyone hated--I never had much to do with.

**Danno** · 03-08-2025, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by Meadow Skipper

IME (I’ve got a metric buttload of nephews/neices) you should start a little slower - when the kid’s able to stand and run pretty well, a visit to the fireworks stand is a good place to start.

Uncleing at its finest.

**Danno** · 03-08-2025, 11:00 PM

I was the cool uncle for a long time. I got less cool when I had a kid.

**gaijin** · 03-09-2025, 12:14 AM

Name Redacted— if you have to ask…

It’s probably either not for you, way out of your price range or you’re the one everyone else is helping along.

I’ve been all three in various lots of life. So I get to type that.

Good luck in discovering that you’re not viewed as a kid anymore.

**Name Redacted** · 03-09-2025, 08:00 AM

WTF are you talking about?

**old goat** · 03-09-2025, 01:36 PM

My kids' "cool" uncle--my cousin-- showed up for a Bat Mitvah in a tank top and got tossed for getting handsy with the 13 year old girls. In his 60's at the time. At a Bar Mitzvah he got in trouble with his sister for taken her 13 year old son and a bunch of other cousins to Kill Bill.

**dan_pdx** · 03-09-2025, 02:02 PM

13 isn't old enough for Kill Bill?

**old goat** · 03-09-2025, 05:18 PM

Not this 13 year old. Not any 13 year old but that ship sailed a long time ago and hit an iceberg.

**gravitylover** · 03-10-2025, 02:10 PM

Does it make my wife feel better about herself when she criticizes everything? You'd think that imperfect isn't a part of her world but... No.

**riser4** · 03-12-2025, 02:40 PM

The solution, after looking online, to the Subaru heated seats switch problem was pretty simple. The dealer took it apart, cleaned and lubricated, and put it back together. It was all free of charge.

**plugboots** · 03-12-2025, 03:29 PM

Win.

**dan_pdx** · 05-23-2025, 07:42 AM

Dog was whining this morning around six so I got out of bed and let her out. She wouldn't even step out the door, so I went outside to encourage her to join me. She just looked at me: clearly not desperate for a potty break. She was watching me from the doorway and when I started to go back inside, she turned, ran to our bedroom, and jumped into bed with my wife, who had been asleep and was highly unamused. She shooed the dog out and slammed the bedroom door. I assume I'll be dealt with later this morning, if I don't make it, it's been a pleasure.

**riser4** · 05-23-2025, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by dan_pdx

Dog was whining this morning around six so I got out of bed and let her out. She wouldn't even step out the door, so I went outside to encourage her to join me. She just looked at me: clearly not desperate for a potty break. She was watching me from the doorway and when I started to go back inside, she turned, ran to our bedroom, and jumped into bed with my wife, who had been asleep and was highly unamused. She shooed the dog out and slammed the bedroom door. I assume I'll be dealt with later this morning, if I don't make it, it's been a pleasure.

We'll miss you!