About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

[Buzzworthy]

Buzz,
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this is what you have been and are currently going through. Your feelings are real and valid and no one here doubts it.
I'm sorry you feel like you need to attack my spouse and partner personally, but please stop it.

I have given you my phone number in the past and have said to reach out. If you would like to now, please do so. I can't even imagine what you are feeling, but have felt similar feelings after our daughter Naomi died....right in my arms after giving birth to her.
If I can get through that, I feel if you give it all you've got, you can get through most anything.

I am so, so sorry. Please feel free to message me.

Edit: DTM has never ever once said anything negative or poorly about you. I just wanted you to know that even though you are set on him fucking himself right off. I'm so sorry.

You e always been so nice to me and I appreciate that. I’ve never once felt like that with Dan. It seemed the opposite and he sure has made multiple comments over the years. Many many years.

But on the other hand, Dan can certainly stand up for himself. He doesn’t need his wife coming to his protection when this has nothing to do with her.

Ok fine, I’ll stick around for a bit longer and let’s hash this out. We’ll turn this into a fighting thread, why not, there’s plenty of that in my shitty life too. Why not add more right?

Is your household so fucking clueless that you want to fight with a guy that no longer wants to be here anyway??? How tone deaf can you get Liz Jesus fucking Christ. Now I’m back in my funk that these kind souls had successfully talked me into going outside and now I’m in fucking years again (most of which don’t know me at all but you have for 20 years) because you want to fight for your man?

What the fuck?

Huge thank you for that, so needed today.

[skinipenem]

Buzz

I haven't met you. I enjoy your posts and your contribution to the community.

Not finding joy in activities you used to is called anhedonia; a common symptom of depression.

Go get professional help. If you are considering suicide call the suicide hotline.

This is not medical advice.

Think about how much more it world suck of you had to ski ice and dirt like those of us on the east coast



Sent from my SM-S908U1 using Tapatalk

[MontuckyFried]

All my good close friends moved out of the state a while ago.

Yeah. That'd be difficult for sure. I know you're maybe not in the headspace for it right this second, but hopefully in the long term you can get a new crew going again! Middle-aged men are known for being one of THE highest demos for severe depression. While some if it could be the lower T levels as talked out above, that's the part of our brain that's lying to us. However, what we feel at this age is deeper than that. For many men, it's a deep feeling of isolation and loneliness. We've been working our asses off for so long to support everybody else that we forget to take care of ourselves when it comes to friendships outside the immediate family unit. Whereas wives are ENCOURAGED to hang with the girls, they do girlz brunches, wine and gossip nights, etc., us men are kind of expected as a society to just grind it out til the end, and then by the time even remotely approach retirement, we've lost all of our friends along the way. And nobody seems to care (as a society I mean). My grandfather's generation was SO much more social with the homies. Think post-WWII. Back in the 50s/60s, fraternal orders ( like Elks/Moose Lodges) were a big thing, bowling leagues, poker nights, you name it. My grandmother played bridge with the ladies. When I was a kid, he kept up with so many old buddies, doing work reunions, Army reunions, college class reunions, etc. Something's happened to our society where we've lost that and men are paying the price. We gotta bring that shit back!!! Haha.

So no not really, just people that are here on this forum but I’m not close to any. I’ve hurt people in the past herewith my benzo addiction coupled with alcohol on top of that so I’ve been hesitant for a good decade now to make good friends here. There’s mags here I’d like to be friends with again but I burnt that bridge in my stupor. Which leads me to posting on here but not seeing much of you because I don’t like what I became and still feel I’m that same person still. Which scares me so I sit in the background wanting to play with the class but do not feel worthy. So I stay seated. As I sit in the dark, the darker it gets. I don’t see a way out of this.

Let me make something EXTREMELY clear here. There is the real world and there is the online world. I don't hold ANYTHING said here against the person IRL. My friend Harry's a great example. We've flung plenty of poo at each other in PoliAss, but in the REAL world I would take a freaking bullet for the man. And he's been there for me when I needed somebody the most. He's a brother from another mother. In the real world, our differences are minimal and meaningless and we bond over the stuff that matters. He's a great person and somebody I actually trust implicitly. Sometimes we can get a bit wound up here about this divisive issue or that, but if we were hanging out in the real world, those things would melt away and it wouldn't matter. Plenty of way more interesting things to talk about. You have not burnt any bridges, so even if you and I have talked some trash to each other on teh TGRs, it's not personal, and we're here for you all the same as if we somehow all magically agreed on everything in every thread.

Going from TGR-land to the world is kinda like how Maverick and Iceman set aside their differences at the end of the movie, realizing they actually make a pretty kick ass team. Bring it in for the bro hug!


I'm really glad that you had the courage to create this thread and I pray it provides you at least some of the support you need.

[Buzzworthy]

You’re reaching out for help, and we’re trying to answer. Pick up the phone.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

This. But I can’t yet. Feel like more of a failure now than earlier

[gaijin]

This. But I can’t yet. Feel like more of a failure now than earlier

Take whatever time you need. I know how it feels.

Dm me your number. Just click it.

[EWG]

Good job reaching out, man.

Your daughter isn't done with you. She's kicking some ass and from what you've said she loves where she's ended up. I've seen how much you care about her and the pride you show about who she is.

You love her. You can't leave her. She's not ready. I got a daughter at the same stage, as you know. They ain't done with their dads.

It ain't fun, and you don't have much energy for it, but you have to take the next steps to get help. She needs you too. I'm sending you a PM too.

[altachic]

I just sent you my number again. I meant what I said about reaching out. Please do so.
I hope i was clear on the fact that I am here if you can and want to reach out.
I'm sorry you feel that I'm tone deaf, didn't mean that in any way.

[Elkhound Odin]

I was depressed for years. Got to the point that I saw no point in continuing. Platitudes about people caring were pretty irrelevant. I just didn’t care. I wanted out. I was unsuccessful in my suicide attempt. Therapy was completely useless. Zoloft helped smooth me out, but left me sort of numb. It’s actually what I needed. I was able to find a better job without the constant pressure (which was a big part of my life stress). After a few years I was able to get off the Zoloft and enjoy life again. If you haven’t spoken to a doctor, try to before you pull the plug. Nothing to lose and you can always fall back on final plans if they can’t help.


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[Trackhead]

Pick up the phone and dial 988.

Almost seems like someone should do it for you.

Seems like you probably shouldn't be alone right now.

[::: :::]

I have close family member who has dealt with depression and found a solution with meds, and later without meds once restabilized -- please know hope is real even if it sounds trite or somehow not relevant to you from so far away on the internet.

For me, I discovered I had hypothyroidism just after turning 50. It had made me literally slow down. I walked slowly, thought slowly, libido tanked, acted like a much older person. I had just blamed this on my lack of full recovery from a second back surgery & age. But there are effective meds for low thyroid. It restored that part of my life. Not a panacea. But a real step that made a real difference in my day to day physically & mentally. I tell this story to you to just encourage you to speak to your doc about how you are feeling.

Mental health services are pretty available these days under all health plans - take advantage of them.

[cat in january]

Hang in there Buzzman. I think the fact that life can be really tough at times is one of the universal things that unites all of us as humans with that shared experience. So all of us share a little of that pain that you feel. Hopefully you hear that from all of us behind the screens. We are all pulling for you.

[bennymac]

https://healthcare.utah.edu/hmhi/tre...amine-infusion

Again I’m not saying that this ^ is a guaranteed solution. But for a significant number of people struggling with longstanding depression it helps.

[Jen]

I just sent you my number again. I meant what I said about reaching out. Please do so.
I hope i was clear on the fact that I am here if you can and want to reach out.
I'm sorry you feel that I'm tone deaf, didn't mean that in any way.

Saying, I’m sorry you feel that…IS tone deaf. You’re assuming you know how the other person feels. You’re trying to help someone feel better but you’re raising my blood pressure with your tone deaf phrasing.

[gaijin]

August 22nd, 2019. 10am. Her voice at the other end of the line sounded like an angel. She was so caring and wise and loving. Changed my whole world.

The support lines can be amazing.

[tgapp]

just a quick update me & stb mrs tgapp are en route to go chill with buzz

if someone has a K hookup we could go for a little therapy sesh but unfortunately I'm all out myself

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

[Conundrum]

We’ve never met and I’m not local to you. If you want to talk to someone with no medical training or opinions on drug and alcohol use nor judgement, pm me your number or pm me for mine. I’ll listen, talk or both. Never made an offer like this before and might not be worth much or not helpful but at least worth a shot.

[Toadman]

My child is an adult. I’m no longer needed.
Skiing isn’t fun anymore. Mountain biking isn’t fun anymore. Life hasn’t been fun for a long time. Caring has become difficult. Fuck I don’t even enjoy beer much anymore. I just don’t give a shit anymore and it’s scary.

That's a talk to have with your son. Don't be disappointed when he tells you that he needs you.

Definitely talk to someone in your life and if you don't feel comfortable opening up there are plenty of resources on-line that can help.

https://www.counseling.org/knowledge...ces/depression

Just the fact that you have reached out here to the Mag community is a huge plus.

[Trackhead]

Saying, I’m sorry you feel that…IS tone deaf. You’re assuming you know how the other person feels. You’re trying to help someone feel better but you’re raising my blood pressure with your tone deaf phrasing.

Relax, Altachic and DTM are good people, some of the best.

[altachic]

just a quick update me & stb mrs tgapp are en route to go chill with buzz

if someone has a K hookup we could go for a little therapy sesh but unfortunately I'm all out myself

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

I messaged you.
Glad you are going to see him. You are good people.

[Mofro261]

just a quick update me & stb mrs tgapp are en route to go chill with buzz

if someone has a K hookup we could go for a little therapy sesh but unfortunately I'm all out myself

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

This is promising.

But if you can't find the K then maybe just pick up a couple of ribeyes?

[rideit]

I feel for you, Buzz. I too have battled severe depression and alcoholism, and have (more or less) come out the other side with 14 years sober. Life isn’t easy!
I currently am going through some extremely heavy medical stuff, and some recent surgeries. Possible neurological disorder, blah, blah. Absolutely the hardest two years of my life, including when I was an alcoholic disaster.
But curiously, depression has not yet reared its ugly head. And that is due to medication, loving support, and being basically 100% honest in my life to my friends about everything.
Things have changed, depression is normal, in a weird way, as compared to even 20 years ago.

All that said, I think back in the mid oughts, if this had come up, someone already would have requested naked pics or whatever. Look how we have all grown up!
Hang in there, and hang out.

[Mazderati]

But if you can't find the K then maybe just pick up a couple of ribeyes?

I'm dead.

[riser4]

Depression my whole life has gotten the best of me.
I’m over it. Nothing gets better. It’s just one evil cycle after another. I’m tired of living this way. I’ve been doing some real stupid shit lately and I no longer care about the consequences. Or really anything for that matter.

Don't you quit on me maggot!!! Seriously. I get in some rather dark spots myself. Not really doing the best right now. A few years older than you but similar point in life. Emptying nest and midlife with all that it brings is a bitch plus a kick in the nuts. But I've realized it's worth sticking around.

[rideit]

There is more poutine to smell.
And Kale to reject.

[ötzi]

You gotta go before too long anyways, what’s the big rush?