Older parents-WWYD?

[ticketchecker]

My step mothers memory care crib just had the Norovirus rip through this week, lovely change up from Covid


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[gravitylover]

Hickory BBQ flavored sufficient? My current situation
Because they're a bunch of fukn morons. The director said to us on the phone today that they're overwhelmed with little hope of it getting better before next week. They don't even have a head nurse and the corporate regional is sick... with Covid

[gravitylover]

Oh and today's my dad's 81st birthday but I've had a gnarly cold for a few days so I didn't go visit him. The way he answered the phone today he sounds like he's mostly done. He said that he's tired of fighting it so he won't anymore. So that was fun

[Meadow Skipper]

Jesus gl, that is all beyond shitty…except for the porter.

[ticketchecker]

Sorry GL, sounds brutal


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[gravitylover]

We need a break. We have a pair of (expensive) plane tix from the trip we had to cancel after our armed intruder episode that have to be used before April 24th but with our dad's situations we can't make a res because we don't know what's gonna happen. If we go and one gets hurt/sick/dies then what. We're constantly on each other's shit because things are so on-edge. This is no good... Is it weird to say we need her dad to pass? This is no way to live (she fully agrees) but he's so deeply programmed to always survive after living through 2 concentration camps that what's left of him just keeps going. Then we can disappear for a few days, my brother can deal with whatever if it happens but she's solo and has to be here.

I hope y'all don't mind me leaning on you a bit.

[riser4]

We're here for you. But I'm not driving 5.5 hours to hang out and catch COVID. Hope you don't mind.

[Cisco Kid]

Wishing it was over for someone who is suffering is not a bad thing IMO. I had the power to pull the plug but waited til he said "Enough" with dialysis. Went from nursing home to hospice without leaving the bed. I was amused watching the change in nursing practices. For the good. All situations are different and I only know mine. Can he opt for hospice status and receive only palliative care until the end? Do you have or want to have the legal power to act in his behalf? Does he know palliative care is an option? Good luck.

[fatnslow]

Gravity, you can't be much of a care giver if your not refreshed once in awhile. Just take the time to get away and pretend like your newly weds. IF anybody dies while your gone they won't care cause they'll be dead.

[KQ]

Oh and today's my dad's 81st birthday but I've had a gnarly cold for a few days so I didn't go visit him. The way he answered the phone today he sounds like he's mostly done. He said that he's tired of fighting it so he won't anymore. So that was fun

Dude.... I'm so sorry for you both. Wish I could do more than offer words.

[Buster Highmen]

Condolences gl. Vent here if it helps.

[gravitylover]

@cisco My dad is already in hospice. He's still taking critical meds but mostly just painkillers. Most of the time now he just sleeps. @fnslow it does matter though. In the Jewish religion you're supposed to be buried within 24 hours and my FIL was very religious and has told us that it's important to him that we do our best to follow that. I think my wife (rightly) feels obligated to honor that directive so we do kind of need to be pretty close to make that happen. I also realized recently that all of this has me not doing things I usually do that could take me out if I get hurt, like mt biking, I can't be broken and help anybody so I've backed off and that's not me. It's weird.

[Hopeless Sinner]

@cisco My dad is already in hospice. He's still taking critical meds but mostly just painkillers. Most of the time now he just sleeps. @fnslow it does matter though. In the Jewish religion you're supposed to be buried within 24 hours and my FIL was very religious and has told us that it's important to him that we do our best to follow that. I think my wife (rightly) feels obligated to honor that directive so we do kind of need to be pretty close to make that happen. I also realized recently that all of this has me not doing things I usually do that could take me out if I get hurt, like mt biking, I can't be broken and help anybody so I've backed off and that's not me. It's weird.

It is you, you just haven't been called to duty like this before.

[gravitylover]

Yeah, I guess so. You know how you don't think of yourself as "mature" (aka old) until it's obvious?*sigh*

[Cisco Kid]

My dad wanted to be buried between his wife who died after 60 years of marriage and his 2nd wife who died after 3 years. It didn't happen. I believe, where he is, that he is un aware or doesn't care.

[JohnF]

Hey gravity, sorry to hear about all this. Take care.

[half-fast]

The place my mom is in has apparently had an outbreak of covid or something because they went on almost full lockdown. Everyone has to be masked. They’re not serving meals in the dining rooms or restaurants, residents get meals delivered to their apartments. There were 3 rooms in assisted living that were marked with signs saying staff had to go full gowns, gloves, etc. Today there’s only 1 room with the sign. Hopefully they got ahead of it.

[riser4]

The place my mom is in has apparently had an outbreak of covid or something because they went on almost full lockdown. Everyone has to be masked. They’re not serving meals in the dining rooms or restaurants, residents get meals delivered to their apartments. There were 3 rooms in assisted living that were marked with signs saying staff had to go full gowns, gloves, etc. Today there’s only 1 room with the sign. Hopefully they got ahead of it.

That's the kind of response I expect. Not like the fucksticks at the place where GL's FIL is.

[gravitylover]

Even with the place effectively locked down since after dinner on Monday they added one more case yesterday making it 32 positive.

[Art Shirk]

Major vibes to everyone posting in here.

I’m lost on my end so I’m not sure what to expect by posting but any small thread that I can pull will maybe help me or provide a lifeline.

My MIL has gone from a confident independent woman to a near vegetable in the last month. She has finally been diagnosed with a very rare form of lung cancer that is not only rare due to type, but due to the effects it is having on her body.

Her body is fighting itself and she now cannot walk at all, is incontinent, cognitively slow etc. she is living with my wife and I know for the last month and we are on call 24/7 and also at constant dr appointments. Maybe sleep an hour at a time and I need to do everything including hoisting her on the toilet.

We are exhausted. We are awaiting them to start treatment and this cancer is so rare they have no idea if she will ever get her faculties back even if she goes into remission.

We have two kids, full time jobs, and we aren’t equipped to keep this up. My MIL has no real money to speak of but has a house worth a few bucks. Immigrant who did what she needed to do to raise her girls by herself and then scrape by to the end of her days.

She has Medicare with no other supplements. Every single person I talk to from the various social and resource offices and from her insurance have stated that there is zero support they can wrap in that would be in any way covered.

Of course if we have to, we will pay out of pocket but that will bleed us completely dry, especially as the healthcare system is so fucked that her appointments for treatment are so far out. When they do start, my wife will have to quit her job and be with her full time as she will have radiation 2 times a day for 21 days straight. She won’t see her kids, work, do anything else.

Does anyone have any leads for what sort of resources I could tap into to help with in home care, appointment driving etc that isn’t completely out of pocket?

That’s an unfair question as you don’t have all the details, but I am flabbergasted that Medicare doesn’t have some sort of coverage. If she had no family, would she simply rot in her own home?

Fuck I’m lost


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[liv2ski]

@cisco My dad is already in hospice. He's still taking critical meds but mostly just painkillers. Most of the time now he just sleeps. @fnslow it does matter though. In the Jewish religion you're supposed to be buried within 24 hours and my FIL was very religious and has told us that it's important to him that we do our best to follow that. I think my wife (rightly) feels obligated to honor that directive so we do kind of need to be pretty close to make that happen. I also realized recently that all of this has me not doing things I usually do that could take me out if I get hurt, like mt biking, I can't be broken and help anybody so I've backed off and that's not me. It's weird.

GL, you better look into that as my mom sat in a refrigerator for weeks until the Medical Examiner released her for cremation.

Art, I am no expert on this, but at the end my mom was on hospice, which meant a nurse came by every two to three days to check up on her and maybe a LVN to bath her once every 10 days
I had to hire additional care out of my own pocket, as that was not covered by Medicare and she didn't have Long Term Care insurance.

[gravitylover]

Your state's Medicaid program might be able to help but other than that you're probably on your own. It SUCKS!

I haven't updated in a few days but I figured I'd just let y'all know that my fil's place hasn't bothered testing the residents for Covid since Monday. They actually had the ballz to say that they've been doing great because the numbers haven't gone up since the last round of testing...

[gravitylover]

GL, you better look into that as my mom sat in a refrigerator for weeks until the Medical Examiner released her for cremation.

They tried that with my mom after she died in her sleep and my brother went nuts on them and got the rabbi to deal with it. They let her body go a few hours later. I'm hoping we don't run into a problem but there's nothing that can be done until it comes down to it.

[mcski]

Major vibes to everyone posting in here.

I’m lost on my end so I’m not sure what to expect by posting but any small thread that I can pull will maybe help me or provide a lifeline.

My MIL has gone from a confident independent woman to a near vegetable in the last month. She has finally been diagnosed with a very rare form of lung cancer that is not only rare due to type, but due to the effects it is having on her body.

Her body is fighting itself and she now cannot walk at all, is incontinent, cognitively slow etc. she is living with my wife and I know for the last month and we are on call 24/7 and also at constant dr appointments. Maybe sleep an hour at a time and I need to do everything including hoisting her on the toilet.

We are exhausted. We are awaiting them to start treatment and this cancer is so rare they have no idea if she will ever get her faculties back even if she goes into remission.

We have two kids, full time jobs, and we aren’t equipped to keep this up. My MIL has no real money to speak of but has a house worth a few bucks. Immigrant who did what she needed to do to raise her girls by herself and then scrape by to the end of her days.

She has Medicare with no other supplements. Every single person I talk to from the various social and resource offices and from her insurance have stated that there is zero support they can wrap in that would be in any way covered.

Of course if we have to, we will pay out of pocket but that will bleed us completely dry, especially as the healthcare system is so fucked that her appointments for treatment are so far out. When they do start, my wife will have to quit her job and be with her full time as she will have radiation 2 times a day for 21 days straight. She won’t see her kids, work, do anything else.

Does anyone have any leads for what sort of resources I could tap into to help with in home care, appointment driving etc that isn’t completely out of pocket?

That’s an unfair question as you don’t have all the details, but I am flabbergasted that Medicare doesn’t have some sort of coverage. If she had no family, would she simply rot in her own home?

Fuck I’m lost


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How old is she? Honestly, from your description it sounds like she’d be better suited for hospice than trying to fight a cancer battle. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow though when it’s your loved one but your description doesn’t sound like a lot of upside. I highly recommend the book/documentary “Being Mortal” to anyone facing their or a loved ones mortality

If she is in hospice, there are a lot more services available

[Hopeless Sinner]

Major vibes to everyone posting in here.

I’m lost on my end so I’m not sure what to expect by posting but any small thread that I can pull will maybe help me or provide a lifeline.

My MIL has gone from a confident independent woman to a near vegetable in the last month. She has finally been diagnosed with a very rare form of lung cancer that is not only rare due to type, but due to the effects it is having on her body.

Her body is fighting itself and she now cannot walk at all, is incontinent, cognitively slow etc. she is living with my wife and I know for the last month and we are on call 24/7 and also at constant dr appointments. Maybe sleep an hour at a time and I need to do everything including hoisting her on the toilet.

We are exhausted. We are awaiting them to start treatment and this cancer is so rare they have no idea if she will ever get her faculties back even if she goes into remission.

We have two kids, full time jobs, and we aren’t equipped to keep this up. My MIL has no real money to speak of but has a house worth a few bucks. Immigrant who did what she needed to do to raise her girls by herself and then scrape by to the end of her days.

She has Medicare with no other supplements. Every single person I talk to from the various social and resource offices and from her insurance have stated that there is zero support they can wrap in that would be in any way covered.

Of course if we have to, we will pay out of pocket but that will bleed us completely dry, especially as the healthcare system is so fucked that her appointments for treatment are so far out. When they do start, my wife will have to quit her job and be with her full time as she will have radiation 2 times a day for 21 days straight. She won’t see her kids, work, do anything else.

Does anyone have any leads for what sort of resources I could tap into to help with in home care, appointment driving etc that isn’t completely out of pocket?

That’s an unfair question as you don’t have all the details, but I am flabbergasted that Medicare doesn’t have some sort of coverage. If she had no family, would she simply rot in her own home?

Fuck I’m lost


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The only thing I could suggest would be to have your wife get power of attorney, and get a heloc for some cash to pay for her care.