I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[MontuckyFried]

Sometimes when I say something reactionary and probably correct, (but I know it’s gonna hurt me later), the Earth slows down, and I see the words coming out of my mouth like it’s a cartoon or a comic strip, or there’s a balloon and the words are inside, and they’re slowly coming out of my mouth and I would like to pull them back in, but I can’t. It’s a bad dream. They just keep coming out and I’m saying to myself, Self: “Pull it back, pull it back!”
And it just won’t happen.

LMAO! Same! The pause after said quip is also in slow motion as you see her mouth slowly drop open. But dang. Sometimes the satisfaction from a witty truth bomb is worth the inevitable repercussions. Especially when it actually sinks in after the dust settles and you can both have a laugh.

An oldie but a goodie I originally saw somewhere here on TGR, but it still remains so true. As my car still sits in the body shop awaiting repairs, my wife and I both got a good laugh out of it when I showed it to her again the other day.

[subtle plague]

I always assumed you were male


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

I always assumed he was different from riser 3.

[ironhippy]

Now this I can relate to. Seems like wives, and probably all people, hate getting their dumb-ass actions pointed out and to feel stupid about it. Especially being told this in a rude tone. Because we are freaking out on all the dog shit and not focusing on our 'tone'. So they hold their line about the 'overreaction' to avoid confronting their dumb-ass action. So we all should work on 'tone' like Jerry complains about here:

This and the fact that I want to solve problems and she wants to complain about problems leads to the vast majority of our fights.

[MontuckyFried]

This and the fact that I want to solve problems and she wants to complain about problems leads to the vast majority of our fights.

See:

[lowsparkco]

LMAO! Same! The pause after said quip is also in slow motion as you see her mouth slowly drop open. But dang. Sometimes the satisfaction from a witty truth bomb is worth the inevitable repercussions. Especially when it actually sinks in after the dust settles and you can both have a laugh.

An oldie but a goodie I originally saw somewhere here on TGR, but it still remains so true. As my car still sits in the body shop awaiting repairs, my wife and I both got a good laugh out of it when I showed it to her again the other day.

And herein lies the rub. If it’s witty enough to make you both laugh it’s great.

I get in trouble for “tone” a lot with all the women in my life. Rather than using my traditional argument of listen to the words not the tone, I’ve been really working on it, but it’s hard. I tend to use a robotic insincere tone to hide the condescending super annoyed tone, but that’s not a big improvement. The alternative of holding your tongue, as mentioned above, is usually the right move.

Props to puma. I would have laughed out loud at my wife if she tried to push the car while in park. I’m such a jackass I probably would have run over and earnestly pushed real hard with her. If you can’t laugh at that though, must be something else going on, because that’s pretty funny no matter who done it. Even a manual you gotta take out of gear and pull the e brake.

[californiagrown]

I am an engineer. Do not bring me your problems if you dont want me to provide solutions. It is in my nature. Just like the scorpion, i can only fight my nature for so long before i sting and we both drown.

[AK47bp]

Seems this needs posted again.

https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg?si=xkSGqVI6n8misi5P

[Diamond Joe]

Everything has a place in my house. This way, when I'm looking for something, anything, I can usually put my hands on it right away.

My wife has a place for everything too. Its called "anywhere thats out of sight", usually the closest drawer or closet. I bitch when she goes on a cleaning tangent because NOTHING goes back to its "place", it goes to the closest random out-of-sight spot thats different every time.

I was trying to find the battery for my impact driver yesterday. Mind you, in my mind there are two places for this item to be. In the charger, or in the fucking driver. I could. Not. Find. It. ANYWHERE. I was like "love, do you remember where you 'cleaned' the cordless drill battery to?" - of course she never remembers where those things went, because its completely random and different every time, depending on what part of the house they were in when they were "cleaned up". After an hour of searching every closet and drawer I gave up and ordered another one.

[skaredshtles]

Everything has a place in my house. This way, when I'm looking for something, anything, I can usually put my hands on it right away.

My wife has a place for everything too. Its called "anywhere thats out of sight", usually the closest drawer or closet. I bitch when she goes on a cleaning tangent because NOTHING goes back to its "place", it goes to the closest random out-of-sight spot thats different every time.

I was trying to find the battery for my impact driver yesterday. Mind you, in my mind there are two places for this item to be. In the charger, or in the fucking driver. I could. Not. Find. It. ANYWHERE. I was like "love, do you remember where you 'cleaned' the cordless drill battery to?" - of course she never remembers where those things she "cleaned" went, because its completely random and different every time, depending on what part of the house they were in when they were "cleaned". After an hour of searching every closet and drawer I gave up and ordered another one.

You'll find it 3 hours before the new one arrives.

[J. Barron DeJong]

You'll find it 3 hours before the new one arrives.

Nah, in that case you’d still be able to return the new one for a refund. The old one will turn up shortly after the new one is used for the first time.

[Danno]

Everything has a place in my house. This way, when I'm looking for something, anything, I can usually put my hands on it right away.

My wife has a place for everything too. Its called "anywhere thats out of sight", usually the closest drawer or closet. I bitch when she goes on a cleaning tangent because NOTHING goes back to its "place", it goes to the closest random out-of-sight spot thats different every time.

I was trying to find the battery for my impact driver yesterday. Mind you, in my mind there are two places for this item to be. In the charger, or in the fucking driver. I could. Not. Find. It. ANYWHERE. I was like "love, do you remember where you 'cleaned' the cordless drill battery to?" - of course she never remembers where those things went, because its completely random and different every time, depending on what part of the house they were in when they were "cleaned up". After an hour of searching every closet and drawer I gave up and ordered another one.

I'm sorry to hear that you married my ex-wife.

[skaredshtles]

Nah, in that case you’d still be able to return the new one for a refund. The old one will turn up shortly after the new one is used for the first time.

That's a good point. And likely very accurate.

[Diamond Joe]

I mean, whether or not I find the original battery is besides the point. I should really have two anyhow.

[skaredshtles]

I mean, whether or not I find the original battery is besides the point. I should really have two anyhow.

That's the spirit!

[Buzzworthy]

I'm sorry to hear that you married my ex-wife.

Your future wife will do the same. ALL wives do this and they are really good at it. Power of the ring.

Wife: You’re going to put that stuff away right?
Me: Sure, once you move it to somewhere I can’t find and I do finally find it and get mad you put it away in a completely wrong spot, I certainly will.

[AK47bp]

I mean, whether or not I find the original battery is besides the point. I should really have two anyhow.

Now who’s the asshole eh?


Here she went doing you a solid and you shit all over her. [emoji38]

[concretejungle]

You should have ordered a third.

[Diamond Joe]

I mean the battery was just the most recent thing I could think of to illustrate this phenomenon. Here's another:
I always kept the little propane refill bottles for my mini-weber grill in the same place. Apparently, she decided to "tidy up" that room, and when the grill ran out of gas - mid-steak - I ran down to grab a new bottle, to replace it while the grill was still hot, and surprise! they aren't there.

So I called her (she was away on business) "HEY! Do you know where the full propane cylinders are??" Her "Uh, aren't they on the half wall in the shit room?" (This is where they're SUPPOSED to be, and were, before she tidied that room up). Me, annoyed now "No, thats where they WERE but remember you cleaned that room all up and moved a bunch of stuff??" Her "Oh yeah. Hmmmmmm. Are they in the upstairs closet?" No. "Are they in the front coat closet?" No. "Are they in the shed?" No. "Hmmmmm. Maybe I put them in the downstairs closet?" No. Meanwhile, my fucking steak has gone from cooking in a nice 450 degree environment, to around room temperature. Finally, Her: "Ohh! Wait I think I know! (after we've exhausted like every other place they could be) Are they in the basement on one of the shelves where all your tools and stuff are???" Yup, there they are BEHIND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF that also found a new home on one of those shelves. Steak = ruined.

[Buzzworthy]

So at this point you should have known and checked for spare fuel beforehand. That’s a mean game she’s playing.

[halliday]

See:

That sums up every woman ever born.

[halliday]

I forwarded that to my wife and she asked me "why do you have to be such an asshole"? I guess she didn't see the humor.

[PB]

Weird.

My wife swears everyone in the entire world except her has a nail in their forehead.

[lowsparkco]

Diamond Joe, check some deals on tools that come with the same battery. I need batteries for DeWalt. My ex-wife gave them to her boyfriend. I went to the Home Depot and a real good salesman found some super sale drill / cutoff saw combo with two batteries that was cheaper than 1 extra battery on its own, crazy but true.

[californiagrown]

I typically cook, and usually do the dishes as i go typically leaving 1 or 2 pans for me to wash at the end of the meal. I also usually do all the dishes from the day, before i start cooking so i am working with a clean kitchen. I am sick right now and so last night i didnt do the days dishes before dinner, and then asked my wife to please take care of the dishes afterwards so i could go to bed early. I wake up early this morning to the dinner pan and pot soaking in the sink (they didnt need to soak), and any dish i used the day before was undone while the dishes she used had been done. WTF?

My wife is one of those people who will use up the last roll of TP in the bathroom, and then not get more to replace the stock. When she does replace a roll from the bathroom stock, she orients the TP so it rolls off towards the wall. SMH.

[zion zig zag]

My wife is one of those people who will use up the last roll of TP in the bathroom, and then not get more to replace the stock. When she does replace a roll from the bathroom stock, she orients the TP so it rolls off towards the wall. SMH.

So your wife actually installs the roll and doesn't just balance it on top of the dispenser? Lucky!