I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[MontuckyFried]

You know, I try my hardest to stay out of this thread because I’m no fucking saint myself but goddamn this was exactly my thought before I read your post. I’ve often wondered why my car doors get raped and the door to my house gets a reach around while spread eagle. It takes everything I have to not passive aggressively explain the concept of hinges. How can two actions so consistently come from the same people.

Perhaps we've all been too nice with not making THEM repair the hinges and seals on our car and house doors. That's something I had to explain to my wife recently when she asked what the big deal was and how I've broken things too (true). I said the difference is that when I break something, I'm the one who has to fix it. Whereas when she breaks something, I'm still the one who has to fix it. In either scenario, it becomes my problem no matter what.

Now do I mind doing household and auto repairs? Absolutely not. Heck, most of us get a sick satisfaction out of doing so. However, my only humble request is to not unnecessarily speed up the process of breaking crap, please. Be gentle to our car doors. These aren't 1970s coupes with 7 foot long doors that weigh 500 lbs. They close easy and gently. With a satisfying "thunk."

[paulster2626]

My wife got a letter in the mail recently.

It was a $350 red light ticket. Good job!

[paulster2626]

These aren't 1970s coupes with 7 foot long doors that weigh 500 lbs. They close easy and gently. With a satisfying "thunk."

Oh man, when I rent a car on vacation and it has lighter doors than I'm used to.... that first door close that's too hard and it makes that louder, slamming sound - I physically feel that mistake in my bones. Dunno how anyone could do that on a regular basis.

[Core Shot]

Fuckkk. Tree fiddy? Thats harsh.

NY put those in. The revenue wasn’t as high as promised. So they shortened the yellow light time. Max revenue. Fuck those fucks.

Now, when visiting, I have to watch out for people slamming the brakes at a stoplight so they don’t get a ticket.

[Art Shirk]

Perhaps we've all been too nice with not making THEM repair the hinges and seals on our car and house doors. That's something I had to explain to my wife recently when she asked what the big deal was and how I've broken things too (true). I said the difference is that when I break something, I'm the one who has to fix it. Whereas when she breaks something, I'm still the one who has to fix it. In either scenario, it becomes my problem no matter what.

Now do I mind doing household and auto repairs? Absolutely not. Heck, most of us get a sick satisfaction out of doing so. However, my only humble request is to not unnecessarily speed up the process of breaking crap, please. Be gentle to our car doors. These aren't 1970s coupes with 7 foot long doors that weigh 500 lbs. They close easy and gently. With a satisfying "thunk."

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[californiagrown]

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I am a sports guy so i think in terms of sports analogies a lot. So many of the arguments with my wife are situations are the football cliche of "its always the second guy that gets flagged". E.g. she walks into the house with dogshit all over her shoes and asks where the scrub brush is so she can clean the dogshit off the shoes she is still wearing. I get mad and tell her to GTFO, why would you knowingly track dogshit into the house!?. It is now my fault for overreacting and yelling at her to GTFO and i need to apologize and do better next time. Oh, and i also need to clean up the dogshit on the floors while she cleans her shoes.

[muted reborn]

I am a sports guy so i think in terms of sports analogies a lot. So many of the arguments with my wife are situations are the football cliche of "its always the second guy that gets flagged". E.g. she walks into the house with dogshit all over her shoes and asks where the scrub brush is so she can clean the dogshit off the shoes she is still wearing. I get mad and tell her to GTFO, why would you knowingly track dogshit into the house!?. It is now my fault for overreacting and yelling at her to GTFO and i need to apologize and do better next time. Oh, and i also need to clean up the dogshit on the floors while she cleans her shoes.

Now this I can relate to. Seems like wives, and probably all people, hate getting their dumb-ass actions pointed out and to feel stupid about it. Especially being told this in a rude tone. Because we are freaking out on all the dog shit and not focusing on our 'tone'. So they hold their line about the 'overreaction' to avoid confronting their dumb-ass action. So we all should work on 'tone' like Jerry complains about here:



"the regular speaking voice you here me talking to you right now is not welcome in my house..."

[johnnyg82]

Matching?

Yeah, night camo?

[vt_ski]

I feel like I spend a not-insignificant amount of my waking hours shutting things after my wife.

If she cooks, every cabinet door is left open. Used the microwave? Door open, inside light burning out. Grabbed something in the fridge and using said thing on the counter? Fridge open and open door thing beeping annoyingly, with her oblivious to it. I posted a pic down thread of both her bathroom cabinet doors open. Lights in a room you're no longer in, bathroom fan you used an hour ago, or heated blanket you used this morning when you were cold? On, on, and on.... I just like, follow her around shutting things and shutting things off

You're not alone here. Same with my wife (and kid). Why are all the lights in the house on? You guys know this shit costs money right??
Infuriating.

[old goat]

My wife is better at fixing some stuff--mainly stuff with little tiny pieces. And when I drop some piece of glass or ceramic that needed to be dropped, she's the one putting it together. Think the lamp in A Christmas Story. Except I'm the one doing the breaking.

[riser4]

My wife is better at fixing some stuff--mainly stuff with little tiny pieces. And when I drop some piece of glass or ceramic that needed to be dropped, she's the one putting it together. Think the lamp in A Christmas Story. Except I'm the one doing the breaking.

That's amusing, considering you were a surgeon.

[waxman]

As a long time married person that lives vicariously through TGR, maybe the excess pillows could be used as props for sexy time?

[Supermoon]

Don’t bring logic in here! This is about bitching, not about solutions.

[Core Shot]

As a long time married person that lives vicariously through TGR, maybe the excess pillows could be used as props for sexy time?

Nope. The prop pillows are not to be used. No splooge. No sweat. No dirt.

[plugboots]

As a long time married person that lives vicariously through TGR, maybe the excess pillows could be used as props for sexy time?

Guests come over…”Hmmm, what’s that smell?”

[puma]

I certainly have recent dishwasher stories. I also have great examples where I've paid the price for my accidents, AND her accidents...but I thought I'd touch on something new for me...

I come home, the garage is open with her car in it. Strange...we usually shut that. We are headed out to walk the dogs, I hit the garage door opener to close the garage via my car, and it hits her car, and goes back up. I've actually put a 2 X 4 on the ground she can use to drive up to, but apparently she did not bother with that. Anyway, she says she will take care of it. Gets out of the car, heads up to her car in the garage, opens the door, and proceeds to try to push it forward. Yeah...that does not work on an automatic car in park. How could she think this would work? It's not like she switched from a manual transmission yesterday...that shift (pun intended) happened at least a decade ago...Luckily I did not laugh or did not express my amazement...but just mentioned she'd need to go grab the keys and pull it forward...Nothing else was said and we were off. I feel like biting my tongue was the best call.

[plugboots]

I certainly have recent dishwasher stories. I also have great examples where I've paid the price for my accidents, AND her accidents...but I thought I'd touch on something new for me...

I come home, the garage is open with her car in it. Strange...we usually shut that. We are headed out to walk the dogs, I hit the garage door opener to close the garage via my car, and it hits her car, and goes back up. I've actually put a 2 X 4 on the ground she can use to drive up to, but apparently she did not bother with that. Anyway, she says she will take care of it. Gets out of the car, heads up to her car in the garage, opens the door, and proceeds to try to push it forward. Yeah...that does not work on an automatic car in park. How could she think this would work? It's not like she switched from a manual transmission yesterday...that shift (pun intended) happened at least a decade ago...Luckily I did not laugh or did not express my amazement...but just mentioned she'd need to go grab the keys and pull it forward...Nothing else was said and we were off. I feel like biting my tongue was the best call.

[TBS]

I feel like biting my tongue was the best call.

This is always the best call, in virtually every situation

[PB]

So ..... we're all tongue-less, right??

[gaijin]

Last year (after 12 years of living in this house and having the same parking arrangement) she told me that she wants the space closer to the house and that I was being misogynistic when I "chose" that parking space and "made her" park a car width's distance further from the house. I told her I didn't recall making that decision, that it just happened.

I then proceeded to walk away because surely she was just looking to start a fight about something else I must have done.

[Mazderati]

Nothing else was said and we were off. I feel like biting my tongue was the best call.

God tier restraint.

[Gepeto]

...How could she think this would work? It's not like she switched - biting my tongue was the best call...

"scream in a bag moment"

You're not meant to understand. Logic was never introduced, and the moment is beyond your scope

duh

[Boissal]

Last year (after 12 years of living in this house and having the same parking arrangement) she told me that she wants the space closer to the house and that I was being misogynistic when I "chose" that parking space and "made her" park a car width's distance further from the house. I told her I didn't recall making that decision, that it just happened.

I then proceeded to walk away because surely she was just looking to start a fight about something else I must have done.

Ms Boissal has a newer car, and it's her house in the first place so she always uses the carport. I give 0 shits about having to remove snow or frost from my car, parking in the driveway has never bothered me. Sometime last week I parked in her spot cause it was raining and I didn't want to rinse the baby on my way inside. I didn't leave the house again that day so when she came home her spot was still taken. She walked in and asked why I was in her spot, I explained, all good. Next morning she goes out and there's frost on her windshield. She came back in to complain. I asked her what it felt like to park like the rest of us peasants, then went out and scraped her car. Next time the baby is getting rained on I guess.

[plugboots]

I asked her what it felt like to park like the rest of us peasants,

Sometimes when I say something reactionary and probably correct, (but I know it’s gonna hurt me later), the Earth slows down, and I see the words coming out of my mouth like it’s a cartoon or a comic strip, or there’s a balloon and the words are inside, and they’re slowly coming out of my mouth and I would like to pull them back in, but I can’t. It’s a bad dream. They just keep coming out and I’m saying to myself, Self: “Pull it back, pull it back!”
And it just won’t happen.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I sleep with 5 pillows. 1.5 under my head, one between my ankles, one between my lower legs and knees, and one I wrap my arm around and hug to my torso. I tried some body pillows and the multiple pillow route is more adjustable. What annoys me is when I purposefully reserve a hotel room with two queen beds so that I can have enough pillows and they upgrade me to a king. Gee, thanks asshole. Now send up some extra pillows. 1st world problems.

I always assumed you were male


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