Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[liv2ski]

Chances are great that it’s a Fannie or Freddie too, which typically precludes any assumption right out of the gate.

This is not an assumption but a release of liability of the co borrower. tgapp, read this https://servicing-guide.fanniemae.co...-liability.htm

Contact your servicing lender and tell them you want to release the ex from liability on the loan. FNMA will allow that if you credit qualify.

[Mustonen]

^^ Fair point re: release vs assumption, though I’m not sure it means what you think it means. An assumption is still happening. Probably still a “no” though.

But ask, ask away.

[MiddleOfNight]

tgapp, have you contacted the serving lender (that you make your payments to) and ask if they will allow the soon to be ex-spouse off the loan with proof the other spouse qualifies without them? For some reason I thought that was allowed without refinancing. You can definitely state who gets what property in the divorce degree and that it is their sole and separate property and obligation to pay the debt on it.

depends on the terms of the loan - some allow for assumption, others don't (mine didn't). if they do allow it, tgapp and ex could each assume 'their' loans (if they qualify solo), then each do a quit claim to get the other's name off 'their' title/deed. then the names on mortages = names on deeds. write those as terms into the separation agreement with a timeline post-divorce for completion. easy.

if their loans don't allow for assumption, they could write a timeline for refi as pretty much whatever they agree on (at least in co it seems like you could, so long as judge signed off).

yeah we should call it " the 6 month rule "

...

6 months is also about the amount of time your will feel better about being split but when you wait you are just using up life wallowing in a bad time so get it done sooner

once she filed, i just needed to move on. so i wrote in the refi, quit claims, one-time payment, done.
no interest in meeting for coffee's and no thanks on modifications - and everything in writing.

i wouldn't accept protracted timelines or drawn-out scenarios, even if it might have meant a little 'better' deal down the line. time is my most valuable, and least renewable resource. the ability to start the next chapters in my life sooner than later is just worth way too dang much to be tethered to that situation any longer.

but that was me, and as we all point out every situation is different.

[lowsparkco]

Rare to run across an assumable mortgage these days.

I do agree that time is a precious commodity.

tgapp- if you read this my advice would be to consult an attorney and figure out the easiest way to do what’s fair. Sometimes we have to stay in our lane and trust someone who looks at this every day. I’m glad my divorce was amicable, it helped me move on and not be angry, but 4 years later I gotta say I wouldn’t lose one night’s sleep to go above and beyond. It took 2 to get here, meet her half way and move on with your life.

[tgapp]

thanks all for the good advice, it's sincerely appreciated.

both of our lenders (different banks) say that our loans are assumable, pending approval - that itself is a 60 day process, and it sounds like approval is rare, if that. that said - this will be our first avenue of exploration. both banks said that the *only* two options were assumption or refinance, and that assumption was the same as release of liability.

were it not for extenuating circumstances that are difficult to explain here, I would be much of the same opinion ("don't bend over backwards for her") and I acknowledge that much of the advice given here is completely sound.

Sent from my Pixel 6 Pro using Tapatalk

[riser4]

Be careful who bend over backwards for.

[TahoeJ]

I agree. I'm forced to be tied to my ex by virtue of a kid. With no children? No way. While you both seem reasonable now and what you are considering sounds reasonable, what if her new boyfriend/husband is an asshole and convinces her to act in her best interests, and not in the spirit of the agreement? What if her life turns to shit and she starts looking at your great life and begins to act vindictively?

This. So much this. I don't mean to belittle anyone else's situation but not having kids and being connected to your ex forever is an absolute luxury that should be taken advantage of. Cut ties, collateral damage be damned. Just move on.

[Supermoon]

Alright, which one of you is this....



In other news I went on a date for the first time last night, and now I have to figure out how to tell her I'm not interested, so I've been avoiding her text all morning. If it's not one thing it's another, at least....

[Danno]

Alright, which one of you is this....

that was me in my brain.

[XXX-er]

Alright, which one of you is this....



In other news I went on a date for the first time last night, and now I have to figure out how to tell her I'm not interested, so I've been avoiding her text all morning. If it's not one thing it's another, at least....

just use the good old " its not you its me " which might make her feel better and its true

[Supermoon]

just use the good old " its not you its me " which might make her feel better and its true

Yeah. It’s almost more the follow up than the initial words I’m dreading

[Danno]

Don't stress over it. Just a simple "It was very nice meeting you last night. Unfortunately, I don't think we're a match. Good luck in your search!" is all you need.

[Danno]

Unless there is more to this date that you are not telling us.

[fatnslow]

Yeah. It’s almost more the follow up than the initial words I’m dreading

If you didn't bang her and she knows you're recently divorced a rational woman will understand.

[Supermoon]

Don't stress over it. Just a simple "It was very nice meeting you last night. Unfortunately, I don't think we're a match. Good luck in your search!" is all you need.

Thanks. Yeah. Been 13 years since my last first date so I’m definitely stressing/overthinking it. Lol.

[Danno]

Thanks. Yeah. Been 13 years since my last first date so I’m definitely stressing/overthinking it. Lol.

as we get older, it gets so much easier. everyone is (generally) more mature, and there is much more appreciation of directness, and much less crazy (ie, very unlikely to get a response like "why don't you think we're a match???").

[skaredshtles]

Unless there is more to this date that you are not telling us.

[Supermoon]

Shit man I wish!

[skaredshtles]

Shit man I wish!

No way - that would make the conversation WAY more difficult.

[Bunion 2020]

No way - that would make the conversation WAY more difficult.

Something like: "Nice meeting you, BTW can I have my arm back?"

[skaredshtles]

Something like: "Nice meeting you, BTW can I have my arm back?"

I laffed.

[Supermoon]

Something like: "Nice meeting you, BTW can I have my arm back?"

One day I’ll be ready for this. Until then I went Danno’s route and got a terse but final reply so all good.

[Danno]

It stings when you're on the receiving end and thought differently, but everyone of a certain age appreciates the direct approach so they don't waste any of their time and emotional energy.

Or so I have been told. I got insanely lucky and the second woman I met once I jumped back into the pool turned into a permanent relationship.

[Supermoon]

I think dating women in their late-30’s/early-40’s is going to be a whole different animal.

[skaredshtles]

I think dating women in their late-30’s/early-40’s is going to be a whole different animal.

You think?