Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[The SnowShow]

I used to think I had to do "hardcore" shit with my kids to make great memories but now I realize the simplest times spent together are just as important if not more so.

For sure. And my daughter has got me into things I never thought I’d like, simply because she likes them.

[schuss]

We appear to be in the middle of a four month sleep regression. Baby went from sleeping 4-7 hours at a time to waking up every two hours; often because she is hungry. The struggle is real.

Growth spurts suck ( usually what that is).

[Buster Highmen]

Somr of my best memories with my daughters are all the days we spent skiing the tram at Big Sky (obv) but the other is when I used to drive them both to school every morning and we listened to the radio show Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. Holy fuck it was so funny we used to laugh our heads off, even though it was early and we were all tired, etc. I used to think I had to do "hardcore" shit with my kids to make great memories but now I realize the simplest times spent together are just as important if not more so.

For the last 6 years of public school, my son had to be at the bus 1/2 mile away from our house at 6:05 in the morning. I drove him down there every damn morning. It was a quiet time, each of us still kind of sleepy. I'll remember those mornings for a while.

[Touring_Sedan]

I'm very lucky in that I get to walk my (7 y/o) son to school each morning, and sometimes on the way home if he doesn't have soccer/golf/tennis/scouts/etc. or the million other things that clog up a kids life.

That walk is the single greatest part of my day, and I try like hell to make sure that I don't ever take it for granted.

We walk or ride up the street every day. It's probably the best part of my day. I'll miss it when it's over.

[Buzzworthy]

^like a lot, miss these days

[BmillsSkier]

We walk or ride up the street every day. It's probably the best part of my day. I'll miss it when it's over.

^like a lot, miss these days

Yup, that's as good as it gets in my opinion. Well done.











Re: sleep discussion and the young ones, I think I mentioned it upthread, but we did the "Mom's On Call" method from the day we brought our son home through age 2/3. If you're not familiar, its all about the schedule. Kids that age thrive on a schedule. We were sold on the system by those we trusted and saw it work with their kids, we convinced others who didn't trust it and had terrible results trying to wing it and eventually bought in as late as age 2. It's no mlm program or anything like that, but its a roadmap for what works for children at that stage of their development - give them a predictable day, every day and they thrive. take that for what its worth.

[funkendrenchman]

We appear to be in the middle of a four month sleep regression. Baby went from sleeping 4-7 hours at a time to waking up every two hours; often because she is hungry. The struggle is real.

Probably less due to hunger and more due to the fact that she is starting to become more aware of the world and her sleep cycles are changing making falling asleep more difficult. Follow Takingcarababies on Instagram for some great tips. There are some key things you can do to make this less painful and set you up for success later. If you do it right, there’s a good chance this will be the only major sleep regression.

[riser4]

For thing#1 it was pure hunger. She needed to eat and couldn't hold much. Thing#2 on the other hand just wanted to go to bed. It took us a few weeks to figure out that he was fussy in the evening not because he wanted something, but because he was tired and wanted us to go away. Once that got figured out, we were all good. I don't even remember what happened with thing#3. Did we in fact have a third kid? We must have done something because we have a third kid as evidenced by the fact that with two away there's still somebody here. Maybe it's like with cats and a neighbor kid adopted us.

[BmillsSkier]

Fucking cats.

[mcphee]

We did “sleep training” at 6 months. Long story but she was sleeping in bed with us and neither my wife nor I were mentally comfortable with an infant laying between us.

Sleep training began on a Friday night. We established a bedtime routine in her room for a week prior. Changing of clothes and diaper, then reading and singing. Close curtains and turn off lights (make sure it’s completely dark, no night lights). Nurse then snuggle in the chair.

Friday night: setup the crib with 4 or 5 pacifiers around so she could find one if she lost one. Bedtime routine. Lay her in crib. She wailed. After 5 minutes of wailing, go in gently put your hand on her, tell her I love you and have a good sleep in a confident reassuring voice. Don’t pick her up, don’t give her a pacifier (let them find them on their own if they need it) After 10 minutes of wailing, repeat what you did earlier. After 15 minutes of wailing, repeat what you did earlier. Here’s where it SUUUUUUCKKKKKS. Leave them alone. Let them wail for as long as it takes for them to fall asleep. Keep a close eye on the monitor because they may vomit from screaming. This seriously sucked so bad and I’m a pretty callous and cold hearted person. I was crying by the 2nd hour of blood curdling screaming. My wife went for a hike at night in February AND stopped at the neighborhood bar on the way back…lol. It took 2.5 hrs but she finally passed out. For an hour. Then you start over, 5, 10, 15 minutes then let her wail. Oooof, rough.

Saturday night, same as above but she fell asleep after 2 hours. For an hour. Repeat process. Fell asleep in a half hour. For an hour and a half. Holy shit it might be working. Repeat process as she wakes up and wails. Don’t go into the room if she’s quiet but awake. It’s all good if they’re quiet by themselves, it means they’re comfortable alone and that’s what you want.

Sunday night: mostly the same process but do not touch her when we needed to go in, just the loving, reassuring voice to let her know we’re still here and we love her and we want her to sleep. Sunday night was much like Friday night.

Monday: same as Sunday. Time it took to sleep got shorter and sleep time for longer.

Tuesday: she was asleep in a half hour and slept 11 hours straight.

Wednesday: she was asleep in 10 minutes and slept 12 hours. Ho-Lee shit. It worked.

It’s been 2 months and she sleeps from 7p - 7a. She wakes up from time to time and screams for a few seconds but it’s right back to sleep. Wife and I are well rested and a week of miserable hell and feeling like complete assholes was totally worth it and hopefully sets her up for a predictable routine in the years to come.

[Norseman]

^ that sounds brutal, bro. Good work sticking it out.

We had good luck with just never letting them in our bed at all. Little crib nearby for a while, wrapped or sleep-sacked, then to their room after a few months.

[mcphee]

We started out well with the no baby in bed rule doing what you did. But then she finally figured out latching after having her tongue and palette tie corrected. Then she became mommy’s little monster who wanted them sweet titties in her mouth all day everyday (don’t blame you kiddo!). She wouldn’t sleep at all without the food source within arms reach.

If anyone is contemplating doing what we did for sleep….it works and we ran it by the pediatrician to make sure she didn’t think it was cruel and unusual. Take the week off work too!

[californiagrown]

We started out well with the no baby in bed rule doing what you did. But then she finally figured out latching after having her tongue and palette tie corrected. Then she became mommy’s little monster who wanted them sweet titties in her mouth all day everyday (don’t blame you kiddo!). She wouldn’t sleep at all without the food source within arms reach.

If anyone is contemplating doing what we did for sleep….it works and we ran it by the pediatrician to make sure she didn’t think it was cruel and unusual. Take the week off work too!

Yep, we did similar sleep training but started it at 4 months per consultation with our pediatrician. little guy is pretty laid back like his dad so he pretty much nailed it first try- wailed for 15 minutes then knocked out for 6hours till his nightime feeding. He's 7 months now and sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, or early to babble to himself for 10 mins and then goes back to sleep, but mostly he just sleeps a solid 11-12 hours. We keep a tight schedule with naps and feedings and he seems to thrive with it... also makes it easy for me to know why he is getting fussy if he is 15mins away from nap time, or a feeding, etc. He sure is cute when he babbles and motorboats to himself at 3am, cant even get annoyed at it.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I have no fucking idea how 18 years goes quickly for people. Do you guys just ignore your kids for 10 years or so to make this happen?

How old are you?


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[RootSkier]

There's no rhyme or reason. They can start out great sleepers and then turn to shit, or start out never sleeping and suddenly start sleeping all night. Parents want to figure out why but there is no why, it just is.

This may be true, but there are things you can do. We did the whole Babywise sleep training thing with both our kids and it worked extremely well, though it was very difficult and mom definitely struggled with letting them cry at first. Neither ever slept in our bed, and they have always been good sleepers.

[Mazderati]

Is the US aversion to cosleeping mainly related to the safety aspect?

[funkendrenchman]

Is the US aversion to cosleeping mainly related to the safety aspect?

Not sure, but my aversion to it was that I prefer to sleep with my wife rather than my kids. Kids can sleep just fine independently.

[skaredshtles]

Not sure, but my aversion to it was that I prefer to sleep with my wife rather than my kids. Kids can sleep just fine independently.

I'm with this guy.

[Mazderati]

Interesting. Anyone else prefer to sleep with funken's wife?

[muted reborn]

How old are you?


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48

[riser4]

Interesting. Anyone else prefer to sleep with funken's wife?

Needs pics.

[Mustonen]

Needs pics.

For you to decide whether you’d rather sleep with his wife or his kids?

Jesus Christ, man.

[riser4]

For you to decide whether you’d rather sleep with his wife or his kids?

Jesus Christ, man.

You're sick. It isn't a one or the other type situation. At least not for me. Maybe it is for you.

[Mustonen]

You're sick. It isn't a one or the other type situation. At least not for me. Maybe it is for you.

Well that was the question on the table. Not whether, but which would you rather. You’re the one looking for pics.

It’d be weird to sleep in the same bed with somebody else’s kids. That’s all I’m saying.

[mcphee]

Is the US aversion to cosleeping mainly related to the safety aspect?

It was for my wife and I. Those couple months where she slept with us were great bonding experiences. Being woken up by an angel gently touching my face with her hands was a feeling of pure joy and love that i’d never felt before.

I don’t sleep well to start. My mind races, I overthink, etc, etc. With my daughter in the bed, when I finally would fall asleep, it would be for a half hour to an hour. I would jolt awake to make sure she hadn’t repositioned to where her mouth and nose were blocked. It was stressful for me. There were some nights where I really needed to be rested for work and I would sleep in the guest bedroom.