Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[SkiLyft]

Brutal, tough experience with the girls.


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[Dromond]

@markb, @dromond and anyone else with au pairs - What services did/do you use to find them? Were/are your contracts 12 months? Is extension common? Things you liked or didn't?

Our first au pair arrives next week - so I’m hardly a veteran - but we are taking the lead from friends who have had au pairs for years. They used AuPairCare and so are we. Our local representative is really good, providing reasonable and useful advice. Their strongest advice was to find someone with strong English skills, that you can communicate well with. The process of actually combing through their listing and finding your au pair is really all on you, and their website is kind of jank, but it works. We spent hours watching repetitive au pair introduction videos, narrowed it down, interviewed 4 or 5, and matched with someone who we communicated easily with and are excited to host. We are putting a lot of energy into getting ready for her arrival, communicating regularly over the last months, and getting her excited for the trip. I get the sense that you really need to invest in the person to host them well, and ensure that they have a good experience.

All of the contracts start at 12 months, and can extend for 6, 9, or 12 months. Our au pair experienced friends have had various ones for six years, and I know at least one extended six months, maybe more have as well. They had some au pairs they really clicked with and are very close even years later. One has even made the trip to visit. Others were not great roommates (I think messy, did not clean up after themselves, stuff like that) but still took good care of their kids. I’ve heard similar ratios and stories from other host families. My fingers and toes are crossed.

[TahoeJ]

But is she hot? We’re all wondering even if no one has said it yet.

[Mazderati]

Our first au pair arrives next week - so I’m hardly a veteran - but we are taking the lead from friends who have had au pairs for years. They used AuPairCare and so are we. Our local representative is really good, providing reasonable and useful advice. Their strongest advice was to find someone with strong English skills, that you can communicate well with. The process of actually combing through their listing and finding your au pair is really all on you, and their website is kind of jank, but it works. We spent hours watching repetitive au pair introduction videos, narrowed it down, interviewed 4 or 5, and matched with someone who we communicated easily with and are excited to host. We are putting a lot of energy into getting ready for her arrival, communicating regularly over the last months, and getting her excited for the trip. I get the sense that you really need to invest in the person to host them well, and ensure that they have a good experience.

All of the contracts start at 12 months, and can extend for 6, 9, or 12 months. Our au pair experienced friends have had various ones for six years, and I know at least one extended six months, maybe more have as well. They had some au pairs they really clicked with and are very close even years later. One has even made the trip to visit. Others were not great roommates (I think messy, did not clean up after themselves, stuff like that) but still took good care of their kids. I’ve heard similar ratios and stories from other host families. My fingers and toes are crossed.

Good insight. Thanks for that. I didn't realize there is a local component so that's helpful. I may reach out with other questions toward the end of the year which is when we hope something like this is an option.

[Dromond]

But is she hot? We’re all wondering even if no one has said it yet.

Nothing is more attractive that reliable childcare

[Dromond]

Good insight. Thanks for that. I didn't realize there is a local component so that's helpful. I may reach out with other questions toward the end of the year which is when we hope something like this is an option.

There is the agency you sign up with, and a separate agency in the au pair’s country. Together they handle the visa application, au pair training, health insurance, etc. our local representative is in our city, so seems very familiar with problems that au pairs run into when adjusting. Our fingers are crossed. Feel free to message me later in the year as I’m sure I will have more to share.

[SkiLyft]

Nothing is more attractive that reliable childcare

QFT


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[Beaver]

Going back to the talk of sanitation and sterilization. Fuck that, don't worry so much about it. Clean is clean enough. Encourage them to eat dirt. Mine grew up on a farm playing with chicken, ducks, cows, dogs, cats.... It wasn't until my youngest daughter was preparing to go on a Rotary exchange at 18yo and needed a Dr to say she was healthy that we realized she had never seen a doctor in her life (born at home, no Dr.)

[Cisco Kid]

IMO, let them eat a little dirt. We used to take our 3 and 5 yo down the road to watch the crop duster airplane at work. Probably would rethink that today.

[TahoeJ]

Nothing is more attractive that reliable childcare

Ha! Absolutely...

[J. Barron DeJong]

Nothing is more attractive that reliable childcare

Of course there is: reliable childcare provided my someone who’s hot as balls.

I only know of one couple with an au pair, and really just know them in passing, but it appears the child care is reliable, and the au pair is definitely hot.

Not sure how the wife approved that. If it were my household, we’d likely end up with someone who looks like a fairytale witch.

[Todd Zander]

Going back to the talk of sanitation and sterilization. Fuck that, don't worry so much about it. Clean is clean enough. Encourage them to eat dirt. Mine grew up on a farm playing with chicken, ducks, cows, dogs, cats.... It wasn't until my youngest daughter was preparing to go on a Rotary exchange at 18yo and needed a Dr to say she was healthy that we realized she had never seen a doctor in her life (born at home, no Dr.)

Ours are growing up JUST like that, beyond the breastfeeding i can count on one hand the # of times our 3 boys have thrown up.

[TahoeJ]

First kid: bottle sterilized.

Second kid: quick wash with soap.

Third kid: the dog licked it clean, it’s fine.

[Beaver]

First kid: bottle sterilized.

Second kid: quick wash with soap.

Third kid: the dog licked it clean, it’s fine.

Sounds about right

[riser4]

Noticed with #2 that I’d just wipe stuff on my pants, nearby cloth, back of #1’s shirt, etc. Still sterilised fairly often because we had one of those microwave doohickeys, but if it wasn’t sterile…meh.

Then I can only imagine what you would have done if you had had a third kid. I know from personal experience that my standards on everything pretty much evaporated with thing#3.

[Marshall Tucker]

While we never went through much I think having dogs is such a great way to teach kids about life. You lose one, you morn, you move on. You find another who then press thier quirks and personality on you. rinse and repeat.

[VTskibum]

Still look back at myself boiling bottles/pacifiers in the middle of the night, like WTF was I doing?!? #2 got way more of the it's clean enough approach and she's turned out well enough.

For some reason we didn't use the dishwasher NEARLY enough b/c it wasn't officially sanitized. Also should have bought one of the rapid water boilers back then. Live and learn. Did get a ton of use out of our 2x Bob stroller though, that was one of the $$$ purchases that I think was worth it.

[muted reborn]

First kid: bottle sterilized.

Second kid: quick wash with soap.

Third kid: the dog licked it clean, it’s fine.

First Kid: Holy shit, life is so precious, let's be careful and not kill this thing.

Second Kid: I gotta cut some corners here just for my own survival.

Third Kid: We have extras now if one doesn't make it

[Yonder_River]

Pretty much about the three kid thing. Makes me wonder if many who just have one never let go of their analness.

[Touring_Sedan]

The past 36 hours have been some of the most difficult in my journey of being a Dad. This story doesn’t have a happy ending.

Backstory: I have two daughters - 5 and 2. We adopted an adult corgi from a breeder last Dec as we didn’t feel ready for a puppy and couldn’t seem to find a rescue dog since we have young kids. We were all surprised to find out the dog was pregnant in Jan and also in labor. She needed emergency C-section since there was a singleton pup and was too big to deliver naturally. Mom and pup did well and came home. We also caught COVID the day after they came home from the vet.

Even though we didn’t want a puppy at the time, we decided to keep her and raise her ourselves. We had to bottle feed her, track her weight closely and fought through a stint of pneumonia. It was hard but my whole family fell in love with this pup and she was doing so well.

Fast forward to Thursday night, the pup was almost 11 weeks old. She suddenly started having trouble breathing so we took her to the ER vet. They diagnosed her with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia that allowed her abdominal organs to slip into her chest cavity. She wasn’t able to breathe on her own and they couldn’t stabilize her. She died within 2 hours of her first symptom.

My wife took the pup in while I stayed home with the girls. We talked about how the puppy was sick but both girls fell asleep before the pup died. My wife brought the pup home later that night so we could bury her.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was tell my daughters that our puppy had died. We told them Friday morning. The second hardest thing was burying her together as a family. My 5 year old wailed both during and after. My 2 year old didn’t seem to understand, but is now saying how she misses the pup.

I’m not one to get emotional, but this experience has broken me. Someone told me to be strong, but I can’t keep it together and am fine with it. I think there’s strength in being vulnerable and setting the example that letting out our emotions is healthy. One of my favorite quotes that embodies fatherhood is “give me calloused hands and tender hearts.”

Anyways, thanks for reading. We’re devastated but hanging in there. Give your furry family members an extra hug today. Be extra tender with your kids and SO.


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We had to put one of the cats down 6 months or so ago. I hadn't ever considered how ill prepared I was to talk to my kids about death. Oof. They handled it better than I did and I think everything turned out all right. I listened to a few podcasts afterwards that I wish I had listened to beforehand. Maybe they'll help.

https://www.npr.org/2019/04/24/71670...-about-the-end

[Mazderati]

I mentioned it earlier in this thread or another but my best friend's mom used to say about him and his brother, "The first one broke me in, the second one broke me." I love that line.

Nothing is more attractive that reliable childcare

Heh. No doubt. I'll take all the babushka help I can get.

https://www.npr.org/2019/04/24/71670...-about-the-end

That's good. Bookmarked.

[Gcooker]

While we never went through much I think having dogs is such a great way to teach kids about life. You lose one, you morn, you move on. You find another who then press thier quirks and personality on you. rinse and repeat.

This is very similar to my experience dating after divorce too....

[riser4]

This is very similar to my experience dating after divorce too....

D00d, dial back the chloroform dosage.

[BS720]

There's just no sex after kids. It's almost impossible. Yet, yesterday, my wife and I threw the three year old in the tub and had an intimate moment. I'm not sure what the kid's beef was, I'm just assuming it was with the amount of water in the tub. Anyway, there we are, having our time, when the baby yells out, "Daddy, daddy!! It's too small!!" Ruined.

[BmillsSkier]

My 7 year old son, despite the many, many, many, many, many, many repeated requests to stop throwing the puppy's toys around the bigscreen tv proceeded to put a 6 inch cow femur bone through the screen last night.

That was neat.