Struggling Hardcore: Who am I?

[steezybomber]

very rare 10yr bump indeed. i am surprised i never saw this thread before, but really lots of good insight and its nice to see the tribe really come together and support one another. not that i dont enjoy the constant bullshit spewing that goes on here, but there really are some quality people on here.

i am a few days from 29 and although not going through the same issues or to the same extent, but the world is changing and almost everyone i know is getting engaged/married, involved in the rat race and not making time to enjoy the small things in life.

my personal issues have been more related to injury. adrenaline sports are always my release. its where I feel calm. whether it be ripping on the DH bike, skiing in the BC, sky diving, cliff jumping, racing cars etc, it always keeps me at peace and balance. however, when I am hurt, I have no release, and the ability to slip into the one too many beers situation is easy.

I had many of these same thoughts after a series of really bad concussions (I guess now called TBI's). really changes things but with the support of family/friends we can overcome whatever we want to.

Updates on how life of being a dad is like? Cheers all -- heres to a good season.

[gonzo_lives]

The rare 10+ year bump, but there's a lot of good advice in this thread. I'm a few months shy of 28 and am confronting many of the same issues.

You been here since 2003 and you are 28? Amazing

[old goat]

Turning 30 was no big deal. When my kid turned 30 is when it hit me.

[AK47bp]

Life ends at 30. Kill yourselves now.

[sanjuanworm]

alot of OG mags first few pages of thread that you just dont see anymores

[DBdude]

Face it, you've been cursed with a brain. It sucks. But maybe you'll use that brain to figure out your life one day. I'm still waiting for the day when I figure my shit out, and I'm a lot older than you.

12 years later and at 52 still trying to figure it out - listening to new order and in a deep funk. it's my ex's bday and I miss my sons.

[mcski]

Turning 30 was no big deal. When my kid turned 30 is when it hit me.

I wish I was 30 again. I try to remember that whenever I'm down about how old I currently am at time and try to remember that hopefully someday I will be old enough that I'm bummed I'm no longer this age - whatever it happens to be at the time. Repeat as necessary.

I think the wake up for me was when there were no more pro athletes in any sport my age anymore.

[glademaster]

You been here since 2003 and you are 28? Amazing

Indeed, and I was on PowderMag for a year or so before that.

This place has given me a lot and I haven't always reciprocated. I am at the point in my life where I am groping for purpose and direction. I got fired last August, and strung together a couple of short term jobs until I landed in my current position. In some respects, it is a significant step in the right direction, but it makes me quite unhappy. It isn't a job that could transform into a career on its own, but it could function as a stepping stone; however, I'm not sure that is the right path for me. I get frustrated with the lack of flexibility in my schedule, it makes it a challenge to get outdoors and enjoy hiking, skiing, etc. but it also severely limited the time I could invest in friendships and relationships.

While getting what you want out of life inevitably involves sacrifice, right now I feel like I am sacrificing my happiness for minimal upside. I spent a good chunk of my twenties being sort of an asshole, and I don't think I will ever have a saintly disposition, but that attitude combined with the maelstrom of shit that has been swirling through my life for a year+ now has cost me friendships and relationships that I need. It doesn't reflect well on me that I didn't realize the damage I was doing until I was standing in the metaphorical rubble, but perhaps it will take such a blow for me to recognize that I need to be a kinder, more patient person.

I don't really know what a satisfying, self-actualized existence looks like for me, but I do know that I won't get there by spending 35 years at this job.

I try to stay active and get outside a good amount for someone who works 50+ hours a week, and that does provide a respite from the drudgery of work, but I don't find the experience as satisfying as I have in the past. I'm not sure if that's a result of my general malaise, or if it's that I miss having someone to share those experiences with. For most of my life I have been at my happiest being alone, and while I still enjoy time to myself, I find myself craving human connection more than in the past.

I feel blessed to have the hobbies I do, my physical health, and the opportunity to live in such a beautiful place, but there is still more to life than those things. Yesterday evening I hiked up to Desolation Lake and the Crest Trail from Mill D, which is an easy hike, but a fantastic fall route, as the foliage viewing is stellar. It was beautiful and peaceful and gave me a chance to clear my head, but I also can't shake the lingering feeling of being sick of having to experience such beauty alone.

I need a good woman and I job that doesn't make me hate getting up each day. My Mojo is seriously off.

[Bromontana]

I don't really know what a satisfying, self-actualized existence looks like for me, but I do know that I won't get there by spending 35 years at this job.

I need a good woman and I job that doesn't make me hate getting up each day. My Mojo is seriously off.

Just send a pm to fish, climb or tour. I'll make time & have extra gear.

Like a lot of others around here, I jumped around through several jobs before finding a spot to balance things. Patience is key: you have 6+ decades to figure this thing out. Being more in the present and less wrapped up with bigger questions can help. Do what you're doing well and try to fit in studying the next step.

Tolerance and service pay big dividends socially and professionally; google "this is water" to get some perspective. I've had a rough 18 or so months with friends passing, family frustrations & other pressures winding me up more than I am used to. Death has always freaked me out. Losing friends has been a big crack in my perception of life & risk.

Chin up

[The Gnarwhale]

Here's the two things I go back to again and again when I'm feeling directionless or without control:



In April of 1958, a 22 year-old Hunter S. Thompson wrote a letter on the meaning of life when asked by a friend for advice. What makes his response all the more profound is the fact that at the time, the world had no idea that he would become one of the most important writers of the 20th century. Therefore his beliefs about purpose were hypothetical—they were statements of faith.

But if it’s true that our beliefs really do become our reality, then there’s no better example of a life fully realised than the one of Hunter S. Thompson. Let his perspective inspire you:

…

April 22, 1958

57 Perry Street

New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre.” These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”

And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.

If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

your friend,

Hunter

[glademaster]

Funny, I am well acquainted with "This is Water" and that HST letter. Thanks for extending the words and thoughts.

[yeahman]

IMHO...One of the best things you can do for yourself is find an affordable place to live in the mountains where you don't have to work more than 40 hours a week to survive. Capital cities and state government jobs are a good place to start if you want to work to live, rather than live to work. Good luck man.

[summit]

I think it blows my mine that glademaster was 15 when this started and BW's daughter is 11 now.

[glademaster]

Yeah, it is crazy, I met Buzz and his wife several months before this thread was started at the Utah Mini. Gordy Pfeifer gave me a pair of KevGloves at the Utah Mini Apres Bash in the GMD bar. I can even credit getting my first real job to this place.

I skied with a lot of maggots when I was in high school, come to think of it. Far more than I have since moving to Utah full time five years ago. Weird.

How many maggots out there convinced their parents to plan a ski trip centered around meeting up with a bunch of people from the internet?

[ill-advised strategy]

I see bunnies out my window, their whole job is just to skidge around and eat stuff they see in front of them. I wish my job were to walk around eating.

[ClarkleberryFinn]

I try to stay active and get outside a good amount for someone who works 50+ hours a week, and that does provide a respite from the drudgery of work, but I don't find the experience as satisfying as I have in the past. I'm not sure if that's a result of my general malaise, or if it's that I miss having someone to share those experiences with. For most of my life I have been at my happiest being alone, and while I still enjoy time to myself, I find myself craving human connection more than in the past.

I feel blessed to have the hobbies I do, my physical health, and the opportunity to live in such a beautiful place, but there is still more to life than those things. Yesterday evening I hiked up to Desolation Lake and the Crest Trail from Mill D, which is an easy hike, but a fantastic fall route, as the foliage viewing is stellar. It was beautiful and peaceful and gave me a chance to clear my head, but I also can't shake the lingering feeling of being sick of having to experience such beauty alone.

I need a good woman and I job that doesn't make me hate getting up each day. My Mojo is seriously off.

Seriously, Tinder is fucking awesome for meeting women you just wouldn't otherwise.

[Phill]

How many maggots out there convinced their parents to plan a ski trip centered around meeting up with a bunch of people from the internet?

I just lied. There was no way to make it not seem weird and plus, if they ever met any of the maggots they would have been even more freaked out.

I sometimes reflect on how crazy it is that an internet bullfighting/ski forum was such serious influence on me for so long but you've got me beat by a couple years I think.

[Phill]

Fuck I just realized that in a few days it will have been 10 years. 37% of my life with you weirdos.

[Cono Este]

You have to lighten up. Not everything can be figured out on demand. Time goes on and you will see everything happens for a reason and life is about enjoying the moment and finding a way to enjoy a little something in eachday.

At 30 I was a big shot who thought i knew everything, at 40 I realized I knew jackshit at 30.

[ill-advised strategy]

Fuck I just realized that in a few days it will have been 10 years. 37% of my life with you weirdos.

You know you love it.

[raisingarizona13]

I wish I was 30 again. I try to remember that whenever I'm down about how old I currently am at time and try to remember that hopefully someday I will be old enough that I'm bummed I'm no longer this age - whatever it happens to be at the time. Repeat as necessary.

I think the wake up for me was when there were no more pro athletes in any sport my age anymore.

I thought the thirties (at least the first 7 years of em) were the best years. Being single for a few during the 30's is hard to beat. You can date 19 year olds and hot 50 year old milfs that were recently divorced and just want to have some fun. Most of us are generally in a much better place mentally and with our confidence than our 20's as well. It's awesome.

[Canada1]

Find what makes you smile, repeat. Passions change and no one way is better than another. Find someone who will put up with your shit.
This is the advice I give. I often find I don't follow it well.

[liv2ski]

You have to lighten up. Not everything can be figured out on demand. Time goes on and you will see everything happens for a reason and life is about enjoying the moment and finding a way to enjoy a little something in eachday.

At 30 I was a big shot who thought i knew everything, at 40 I realized I knew jackshit at 30.

QFT, take it easy guys. Have goals, 5 years 10 years, etc. Don't let the daily shit wear on you two heavily. Just stick to the plan.
At 57 we are 4 years from exiting the Rat Race and living great life's together.
You can do it too.

[b0ardski]

Great ressurection

Passions change and no one way is better than another. Find someone who will put up with your shit.
This^^

My "existential crisis" was 25yrs ago; chose skibum; let a cougar that also wanted to skibum catch me; still doin' it.
here's the short version

find your zen, practice it

in hindsight your chaos appears as synchronicity

[raisingarizona13]

I would add that if your hitting 30 and still not making any money you should make that change now. Start figuring out how to maintain your preferred lifestyle somewhat and make some money. Hitting 40 as an unprepared ski bum that didn't get over the PPS (Peter Pan Stage) earlier on sucks.

Seriously, I look at my kid and feel really guilty that I wasn't more prepared for her. Instead of taking her on vacations and far off adventures I'm in school trying to make up for all of my selfish playtime. We go hiking and skiing locally but I wish I could be doing so much more for her. I guess that stuff isn't that important compared to just being a caring and loving parent but I still want to have that ability.