Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[skiballs]

Awesome idea about the new-form marriage contracts, now go talk the chicks and get back to us. I'm sure they'll be all in.

Well it could only get bester or worser.

[m76b74]

Fucking shit, I need to get out of my own head. Every time I hear my wife's demands all I can think of is how much more convoluted her lies are. I actually can't believe that I wasn't wise to her shit earlier. Fucking cheating bitch. This week will be a fun one. More disappointment delivered on my end, followed by her own attorney telling her that she can't hide all the 100's of thousands of dollars she transferred out of the joint account for her own use unless she has a way of paying it back. joy, joy.

[ghosthop]

Awesome idea about the new-form marriage contracts, now go talk the chicks and get back to us. I'm sure they'll be all in.

The lady told me about a month ago she would sign papers asap if there was a cheap and feasible way to do something like liv2ski suggested, 2 year contract sounds about right.

There's something to be said about waiting until you're in the right place in life and certain but there is a part of me that wouldn't mind going through with it if I knew that in two years there would be an obvious out if life happened to take us in different directions.

Not sure how much legalese it would take and if it would hold up in court, but if someone offered a flat fee for such a contract we would have paid and signed the papers. Google says a prenup costs about $2000, we would save more than that just in the first year from tuition savings/fafsa/etc.

ETA: really sucks to see all these mags going through divorce woes, it's easy to see from this forum how often modern marriages end in failure.

When my parents split my mom asked my brother and I if we were upset about them living separately and we both immediately said not at all, they had finally shut the fuck up and given us back peace in our home.

[wyeaster]

When my parents split my mom asked my brother and I if we were upset about them living separately and we both immediately said not at all, they had finally shut the fuck up and given us back peace in our home.

i'm dreading telling my son but i know i will be a better dad and that was the final straw. i owe it to him. and i finally figured out i owe it to me. it's breaking my heart but i know the other side will be better.

[sb]

No more like Germans and Russians...

I think they tried that once or twice before, didn't go so well.


Vibes to my brutha mags suffering thru a marital crash landing.

It gets better, eventually.

[Tippster]

I agree. In the beginning of the 5-10 marriage contract, there should be a solid prenup that spells out everything if the contract is not extended at the end of the term and then is re negotiated for each term of the continuing marriage.
Perhaps if people knew the marriage contract needed to be extended by each party at the end of the term, they would be a little nicer to each other during the marriage. If not, when it expires and is not renewed, easy peizy, you're no longer married and on with your life.
No conflict of divorce, it is just over per the prenup done in the beginning.

The one problem I see here are the assets you accrue during the marriage that still need to be split.

Awesome idea about the new-form marriage contracts, now go talk the chicks and get back to us. I'm sure they'll be all in.

Right? Not in my world.

The lady told me about a month ago she would sign papers asap if there was a cheap and feasible way to do something like liv2ski suggested, 2 year contract sounds about right.

There's something to be said about waiting until you're in the right place in life and certain but there is a part of me that wouldn't mind going through with it if I knew that in two years there would be an obvious out if life happened to take us in different directions.

Not sure how much legalese it would take and if it would hold up in court, but if someone offered a flat fee for such a contract we would have paid and signed the papers. Google says a prenup costs about $2000, we would save more than that just in the first year from tuition savings/fafsa/etc.

ETA: really sucks to see all these mags going through divorce woes, it's easy to see from this forum how often modern marriages end in failure.

When my parents split my mom asked my brother and I if we were upset about them living separately and we both immediately said not at all, they had finally shut the fuck up and given us back peace in our home.

Prenups only cover the shit you have before getting married. It gets really fucking murky afterwards I assume.

How would you have saved "tuition?"

[MagnificentUnicorn]

How about we all just realize that the idea that you find someone when you're young and stay married to them for the rest of your life isn't the norm? It works for some, sure, but that isn't the norm. Just like changing relationships frequently isn't the norm. It's all on the spectrum of relationships and none of it is right or wrong. Enter into a contract, or don't. Co-habitate forever, or don't. Have several fulfilling relationships in your life or one committed lifelong relationship. It's all good. We need to stop judging other people on their relationship choices and we will all be better in the long run once the bias and pressure to have that one lifelong relationship are gone.

[riser4]

How about we all just realize that the idea that you find someone when you're young and stay married to them for the rest of your life isn't the norm? It works for some, sure, but that isn't the norm. Just like changing relationships frequently isn't the norm. It's all on the spectrum of relationships and none of it is right or wrong. Enter into a contract, or don't. Co-habitate forever, or don't. Have several fulfilling relationships in your life or one committed lifelong relationship. It's all good. We need to stop judging other people on their relationship choices and we will all be better in the long run once the bias and pressure to have that one lifelong relationship are gone.

Yup. Different folks for different strokes. And I think a changing the mindset would go a long ways towards making it a little less painful when it does happen. Of course a lot of divorce dentists would then see a decline in their income.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Yup. Different folks for different strokes. And I think a changing the mindset would go a long ways towards making it a little less painful when it does happen. Of course a lot of divorce dentists would then see a decline in their income.

The funny thing is that if you remove the resentment and spite out of a breakup, no needs a lawyer for a divorce.

[ghosthop]

Prenups only cover the shit you have before getting married. It gets really fucking murky afterwards I assume.

How would you have saved "tuition?"

I would assume as well, I have no clue about marriage law but would imagine there would be a ton of trouble with having that sort of agreement hold in court.

I'm out of state, currently after scholarship and fafsa I pay about 5k a year, she is from MT so I would get in state tuition, the way I understand it is because my scholarship is based on SAT scores I would get the equivalent WUE for my scores, after WUE and fafsa I would recieve tuition reimbursement every semester, ie cold hard cash. I am sure there are more tax implications, but from my limited perspective it looks like a winning deal from a financial standpoint.

[skiballs]

That's not really true because property needs to be divided and even reasonable, non spiteful people can and will disagree on that.
t.

Wrong. Price assets, here's your half, here's my half. It ain't hard at all.

[Timberridge]

That's not really true because property needs to be divided and even reasonable, non spiteful people can and will disagree on that.

Nobody has to get married, but there is some security in a forever partner. Again, nobody HAS to promise that to anyone.

That is not a judgement, it's a fact.

Who pays for the Valtrex?

[Danno]

Wrong. Price assets, here's your half, here's my half. It ain't hard at all.

simply not true. Assets aren't always easy to price, and folks need to have agreement as to how to price them. Splitting up assets, even in a cordial divorce, can be extremely difficult. Or were you just disagreeing because it was mtgirl who said it?

[Gcooker]

That's not really true because property needs to be divided and even reasonable, non spiteful people can and will disagree on that.

Nobody has to get married, but there is some security in a forever partner. Again, nobody HAS to promise that to anyone.

That is not a judgement, it's a fact.

Not sure how it works in the states but up here there's common law rules. Marriage rights are extended to non married couples if they live together for a set amount of time. Married or not, breaking up can be shitty and expensive.

[skiballs]

simply not true. Assets aren't always easy to price, and folks need to have agreement as to how to price them. Splitting up assets, even in a cordial divorce, can be extremely difficult. Or were you just disagreeing because it was mtgirl who said it?

I just did exactly what I said above. You can either spend money for vodoo dentistry, or have your shit appraised and make a deal. I rather my ex got 20-30k more than some dentist.

[Danno]

I just did exactly what I said above. You can either spend money for vodoo dentistry, or have your shit appraised and make a deal. I rather my ex got 20-30k more than some dentist.

So you split up your assets with your now-ex, and it was simple for you. Excellent. But how you translate your experience to one that is universal is a little beyond me. Because not everyone splitting up, even with 2 parties trying to play nice, will be simple. Certainly don't think lawyers always need to be involved, but there certainly could be a need, as well as a need for accountants, appraisers, etc. Just because you would handle something a certain way doesn't mean that everyone who is reasonable must handle it your way, or that every situation is the same as yours. A divorce could involve real property, perhaps something from before the marriage, maybe there's a business involved, stocks, maybe someone has stock options from an ESOP, etc. It's not always "here's the property we bought, here's it's appraisal, here's the bank balances, let's split!"

[wyeaster]

i guess limited assets makes it easier. yay.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

That's not really true because property needs to be divided and even reasonable, non spiteful people can and will disagree on that.

Nobody has to get married, but there is some security in a forever partner. Again, nobody HAS to promise that to anyone.

That is not a judgement, it's a fact.

It is really true. I didn't use a lawyer and I just tried to be as fair as possible and not be selfish(taking the resentment and spite out of the equation). Even if you disagree you can talk it out or use a mediator. But really most disagreements come down to bitterness and spite.

There is no security, that's a fair tale.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

simply not true. Assets aren't always easy to price, and folks need to have agreement as to how to price them. Splitting up assets, even in a cordial divorce, can be extremely difficult. Or were you just disagreeing because it was mtgirl who said it?

It's not extremely difficult, that's the lawyer in you talking. Again, just accept the situation and try and remove any bad feeling and it works out.

[Danno]

It's not extremely difficult, that's the lawyer in you talking. Again, just accept the situation and try and remove any bad feeling and it works out.

I certainly agree that any two people can resolve a financial disagreement if they are willing. In that sense it's easy. You could have a very complex financial situation, and still say "fuck it, I am not sure how to value it, but sure, give me $50k and we'll call it good". That is true no matter how complex the situation. But whether that is the right call, the smart call, depends. And someone could be reasonable and amenable to fair compromises and still find that it's not as simple as you say, if they're not willing to just say fuck it and attach arbitrary values to things.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

It's also more complicated when you have children, child support, and one partner with significantly less earning potential, especially if that partner made sacrifices for the relationship/children that made it that way.

Again, nobody HAS to get married. If you do, and then want to get unmarried, you are breaking a pretty big promise/vow.

You can down play it all you want, but that's what it is. Most of the time, one partner still wants the relationship to continue, too.

I have two children and had to deal with child support and maintenance(alimony) because my ex was a stay at home mom and in her previous career had significantly less earning potential than me. Again, I had an hour long consult with a lawyer and he said we could do it ourselves if we could just be reasonable, fair and not get greedy. I did everything else myself. We had to split things equitably and that meant retirement, savings, debt, home equity and household goods. Also had to determine how long maintenance would be paid(by me) and talk about residence and visitation for the kids. It's all doable without an attorney if both parties can refrain from being stupid cunts.

Getting divorced is really no different than ending any long term relationship or business partnership if you can realize it's the end and not be selfish, bitter and hateful.

[MakersTeleMark]

CW though it was fair to give me herpes since someone else gave it to him.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

People are not robots. People also have different definitions of fair.

CW though it was fair to give me herpes since someone else gave it to him.

Having a sense of fairness when it comes to the equitable distribution of assets and liability in the division of community property really has no other "definition". There really aren't different definitions of fair, it's all emotions and avarice.

None of this has anything to do with you and CW.

[Timberridge]

None of this has anything to do with you and CW.

Not so fast, I'm beginning to think Chainsaw Willie is like the Grand Unified Theory.

[abraham]

That's surprisingly awesome, never seen it