"What are the economics surrounding that?" and other fucktard bizspeak

[GiBo]

Got this email this morning:
Good Morning- I want circle back with you regarding...

Uh, no. We are not 'circling back'. That's why I didn't respond to your last cold call email.

[horizon]

An ex-MBA colleague posted this today on facebook:

"Good point on keeping promisses, strong activator for your base line driver called congruency. ''when you promise something to your kid and don't do it, a fairy will die''-Brendon Burchard."

Someone passing by my office wondered why I banged my head on the desk a couple of times.

[Like a Boss]

Well, I'm glad this discussion has been tabled.

[XXX-er]

In casual conversation with an elected official at a fundraiser buddy used the term "Organic " process which I was unfamiliar with so I asked, he replied " all fucked up " ... he got the check

[farmer]

out of pocket
behind the 8-ball
at the end of the day
hardstop
engaged
bandwidth
organic
OOO
etc...

The dumb hookers they hire to pretend they know fuck all about mining use "organic growth" as a buzz word to describe our exploration. The irony is that the rock we mine is older than any life more complex than algae.

[huckbucket]

News announcement in my local business paper ... gold.

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Sutherland Global Services Inc. late Monday night announced it has agreed to acquire India-based Apollo Health Street Ltd. to boost Sutherland’s health care business.

The deal is expected to close in February. Apollo Health, a subsidiary of Apollo Hospitals Group, provides strategic and technical support to more than 150 health care partners through United States and has 10 global operation centers.

The acquisition is to add 3,200 employees to Sutherland.

Officials from Sutherland said Apollo Health will be integrated into Sutherland’s business. Sutherland plans to combine Apollo Health’s technology and global resources with Sutherland’s secure and scalable global infrastructure.

“We have been extremely impressed by Apollo Health Street’s deep domain understanding and world-class platform based delivery capabilities,” said Dilip Vellodi, CEO of Sutherland, in a statement. “With this acquisition, Sutherland addresses the central challenge facing major North American and European health care providers and payers: to provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner.

“Apollo’s expertise, combined with our proven capabilities, strengthens our portfolio of payer, provider, and health IT solutions in driving significant value to our client base.”

Sutherland, based in Perinton, ranked second on the Rochester Business Journal’s most recent Private Companies list, with 2,600 local employees.

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[Benny Profane]

http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/86f03...#axzz2HO1XBJzb

[that dude who did that thing]

I'm guessing that this year's retarded bizspeak is going to be all about "leadership." I just sense it will be this year's main theme. Not that any of the speakers will actually know a goddam thing about leadership.

[Tippster]

News announcement in my local business paper ... gold.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sutherland Global Services Inc. late Monday night announced it has agreed to acquire India-based Apollo Health Street Ltd. to boost Sutherland’s health care business.

The deal is expected to close in February. Apollo Health, a subsidiary of Apollo Hospitals Group, provides strategic and technical support to more than 150 health care partners through United States and has 10 global operation centers.

The acquisition is to add 3,200 employees to Sutherland.

Officials from Sutherland said Apollo Health will be integrated into Sutherland’s business. Sutherland plans to combine Apollo Health’s technology and global resources with Sutherland’s secure and scalable global infrastructure.

“We have been extremely impressed by Apollo Health Street’s deep domain understanding and world-class platform based delivery capabilities,” said Dilip Vellodi, CEO of Sutherland, in a statement. “With this acquisition, Sutherland addresses the central challenge facing major North American and European health care providers and payers: to provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner.

“Apollo’s expertise, combined with our proven capabilities, strengthens our portfolio of payer, provider, and health IT solutions in driving significant value to our client base.”

Sutherland, based in Perinton, ranked second on the Rochester Business Journal’s most recent Private Companies list, with 2,600 local employees.

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Clearly just a re-printed press release, but how is "provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner" anything like biz-speak? Seems pretty straight-forward to me.

[concretejungle]

Clearly just a re-printed press release, but how is "provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner" anything like biz-speak? Seems pretty straight-forward to me.

Sounds a lot better than "bend over we've skimped on lube," no?

[bagtagley]

A lot of things need to be vetted at my job right now. It was my impression that horses and people were vetted, but apparently you can vet anything you want.

I used "feather in our caps" once a couple years ago. Now my boss and her boss use it fucking daily, and often in the wrong context. The karmic gods of bizspeak don't mess around.

[stfu&gbtw]

My boss caught me levitating the other day. That's what I get for facilitating and leveraging at the same time. And here I thought I was maximizing my value added efficiencies.

[GordonShumway]

Heard these two gems during a data governance forum, which was as painful as it sounds.

In response to... who knows, I wasn't paying attention: "we need to expose more sausage." I. shit. you. not. I can't even begin to decode this one.... what the fuck does that even mean?

[GordonShumway]

lets drive to a standard, that get's leveraged by the business. Oh my god I can't type fast enough to get them all in, ha ah!... Sausage lady is talking again, this should be good :\

[GordonShumway]

the business architecture umbrella

what is the hygiene around that?

match our cadence with the rhythm of the business

what are the impacts, so we can right-size the delivery mechanism.

I can't keep a straight face anymore.

[bagtagley]

Sounds like she's looking for some action.

[OldLarry]

I used to spend a fair a,punt of time in meetings with no- native English (American) speakers. I can't imagine what this must be like for them.

[Hutch]

I used to spend a fair a,punt of time in meetings with no- native English (American) speakers.

...and you handed them your phone to make this post?

[Tippster]

The funneh being efforted well in the most recent cycle of this thread.

[OldLarry]

...and you handed them your phone to make this post?

I lol- ed. Or, ror- ed, as it were...

[Hugh Conway]

A Qualcomm Keynote

[berko]

A Qualcomm Keynote

WTF? Total comic mishit, or the crowning moment of ironic-insane-strangeness-and-randomness-as-marketing-tool strategy?

[Benny Profane]

Proof that most of Silicon Valley is on drugs.

[Tippster]

The new face of Qualcomm?

[Hugh Conway]

this one's pretty good:

it would be better if it were an iPad though.

benny - a tip - neither qualcomm nor Microsoft are based anywhere near silicon valley.