Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[PowderBunny]

While ski instructing in Mammoth a woman pulled me aside and asked if we took precautions against wildlife during the lessons. When I assured her that there weren't many bear or mt. lions around, she pointed to a deer out in the parking lot and said, (while moving her hand like a mouth) "What about those? Don't they bite?"

This is pretty hilarious.

[Shadam]

can I get an 'app' for which resort does the best nightly grooming ???

[tBatt]

This thread would be Hilarious in the kayak forum if there were more raft guides on here. . . .those people make the "at what altitude" questions seem brilliant

"How do they get the water back into the dam so there's a release the next day?"

"Can I just leave my stuff [at the put it]?
No...
Why not?
Because you take out 15 miles down river.
Wait, so the river doesn't take us back here? "

Guiding gives you some good laughs for sure.

GAME OVER SON.
Out of nowhere Ski patrol swoops out from the woods to the right of the chair, a second patroller comes down from a ski run to the left of the chair, a third ski patroller steps out of the lifty shack. These kids are fucked. No where to run, and even if they did CB ski patrol would FSU.

This should have ended with all of them DRILLING them with snowballs... Then the passes pulled and stuff. Fuckers.

Or get an Alpaca on their asses.

[G]

This thread would be Hilarious in the kayak forum if there were more raft guides on here. . . .those people make the "at what altitude" questions seem brilliant

"How deep is the river?"
"Why do I have a paddle, you're the guide?"
"Will I get wet? ... I brought my raincoat."
"Do we end up in the same place we started?"
"Does the river follow the canyon the whole way down?"
"Can I wear jeans?"
"This boat can't really flip over, can it?"

[Beakjones]

"How do they get the water back into the dam so there's a release the next day?"

"Can I just leave my stuff [at the put it]?
No...
Why not?
Because you take out 15 miles down river.
Wait, so the river doesn't take us back here? "

Holy shit... some people just need to stay in the city

[Gnarcal]

I had a 30 year old lady in my boat lay on her stomach, nose 6 inches from the water, looking straight down in front of the boat for about 20 minutes. When I asked her if she saw anything cool down there she said, "No, I'm just looking for the track that the boat is on."

I also got "Does that Rock go all the way to the bottom of the river?"

[DanoT]

This is pretty hilarious.

This was in response to fear of being bitten by a deer in the parking lot.

While the thought of a deer biting is pretty ridiculous (they are vegetarians), you need to know that they can be dangerous and will attack people especially if defending fawns if you or your dog get too close. Ever think what a hoof to the head from a pissed off deer might feel like.

[TwinTipFlip]

you need to know that they can be dangerous and will attack people especially if ... more bullshit.

DanoT, you need to shut your mouth when your talking on the forums.

[TahoeJ]

[toast2266]

This is getting way off topic, but it's still a funny read:

http://www.bloggingwv.com/corn-fed-v...good-on-paper/

[sidewall]

haha classic stuff

[nobueno]

An Iowan: "I understand why the chairs go up, but why do they need to go back to the bottom?"

[crank54]

I also got "Does that Rock go all the way to the bottom of the river?"

This is awesome.

[tBatt]

"No, I'm just looking for the track that the boat is on."

I've had this before, just never with the face in the water. It took them getting stuck harcore to realize that they weren't on a track.

I also got "Does that Rock go all the way to the bottom of the river?"

This is absurd.

I get the "how deep is the river" question 35 times a day.
Solid group today though. We've had a lot of Indians this year. Generally, they don't paddle and they don't tip. These ones paddled pretty well, gave me a $40 tip, and offered to take me out to dinner.

It's amazing how many people go rafting who don't know how to swim.

Guide -"Alright, swim back over to the boat guys"
[Looks at you wide-eyed]
Indian #1 "we don't know how to swim..."
Indian #2 "Just do it doggy style!"

Good lulz for the day.

[skiing-in-jackson]

For the last 11 years I have been a road/mountain bike guide.

I've heard it all.

Guiding a road ride for a Backroads group- a family trip- a 16 year old boy was scarfing down this banana. In the mist of all the activity, he looks up and shouts:

(Context: We are underneath the Grand Teton and his Dad- a famous golf commentator for NBC Sports- everybody knew him- was bragging about the expensive private schools the three kids go to in NYC- waiting lists and everything)

These are the best bananas I've ever had, you guys have the best banana trees in Wyoming!!!

[bubbalicious_14]

SHADAM . Randy and Brodie wanted me to write you. Hoping your still coming to Golden this winter. email me at bubbalicious_14@hotmail.com and i can give your there phone number and such.

[Gnarcal]

I get the "how deep is the river" question 35 times a day.

Answer them every time. It is awesome. They ask a question give them an answer. "How deep is the water here?" "37 feet" (you respond without even looking at the water). Sounds stupid but the mixture of confusion and awe is one of the funniest things I have ever seen, hands down.
Also knock the lenses out of a pair of reading classes and wear them while you guide. People get so weirded out and when they finally do ask about em you just say "These are river readin' glasses"

[snapt]

I used to carry a dead cell phone on the river and talk to my financial manager through rapids. No, I said sell sell sell! Guests were thoroughly in awe of my multitasking abilities.

[Powder Pussy]

...then these kids really send one hard and it drills, i mean drills a pregnant lady in the head.

There chair is next to unload at the top, and the lift suddenly stops. These kids are five feet from the unload ramp. They can taste the freedom ahead. Coincidence? No.

GAME OVER SON.

Out of nowhere Ski patrol swoops out from the woods to the right of the chair, a second patroller comes down from a ski run to the left of the chair, a third ski patroller steps out of the lifty shack. These kids are fucked. No where to run, and even if they did CB ski patrol would FSU.

passes: pulled. Blacklisted: hell yes.

Pow Puss <3's CB!

[DasBlunt]

For the last 11 years I have been a road/mountain bike guide.

I've heard it all.

Guiding a road ride for a Backroads group- a family trip- a 16 year old boy was scarfing down this banana. In the mist of all the activity, he looks up and shouts:

(Context: We are underneath the Grand Teton and his Dad- a famous golf commentator for NBC Sports- everybody knew him- was bragging about the expensive private schools the three kids go to in NYC- waiting lists and everything)

These are the best bananas I've ever had, you guys have the best banana trees in Wyoming!!!

I think that kid got you if you took it too seriously. I hope everyone laughed....

Are you a roadie first, or mtnbiker?

[old goat]

DanoT, you need to shut your mouth when your talking on the forums.

What's wrong with that post. This is the gaper quote thread--I thought that was a pretty good one.

[TahoeJ]

Little confused by this. The only NBC golf announcer everyone would know is Johnny Miller, and his kids went to high school in Napa.

EDIT: Nevermind, I guess you could have been talking about Dick Enberg or Dan Hicks.

For the last 11 years I have been a road/mountain bike guide.

I've heard it all.

Guiding a road ride for a Backroads group- a family trip- a 16 year old boy was scarfing down this banana. In the mist of all the activity, he looks up and shouts:

(Context: We are underneath the Grand Teton and his Dad- a famous golf commentator for NBC Sports- everybody knew him- was bragging about the expensive private schools the three kids go to in NYC- waiting lists and everything)

These are the best bananas I've ever had, you guys have the best banana trees in Wyoming!!!

[astralboy15]

Meadows opening day, about 2:30:

Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "How has the day been so far?"
Me: "Really fun"
Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "That's cool, I just go out of the HPC. Been there ALL day."
Me: "What's the HPC?"
Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "The high performance center."
Me: "Oh. What time did you get up here?" (because he mentioned ALL day)
Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "About 10. You?"
Me: "Around 8:30"
Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "Yeah, I don't like to get here while it's still storming."
Me: "Well, I love it anyways. But there are still plenty of deep turns to be had" (it was really deep)
Guy with no goggles and a crazy face mask: "Oh, NO! I only stay on the groomed stuff"
Me: "Oh."

[astralboy15]

Meadows opening day, first chair ride up, about 9:

Me to the rest of my chair: "Ha, look at all those guys slogging out their run-outs."

Four minutes later I was slogging out MY run-out....

[Sessiøn]

Meadows opening day, first chair ride up, about 9:

Me to the rest of my chair: "Ha, look at all those guys slogging out their run-outs."

Four minutes later I was slogging out MY run-out....

LOL...Mid way down laying the first tracks in O-ring I realized they didn't groom the run-out as deep in as they usually do under Shooting Star, and that there was no way my current trajectory was going to put me anywhere close to the cat tracks. Slog was had.