Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**stash searcher** · 02-17-2009, 12:21 PM

Also, I have to add a few Alaskan cruise ship tourist comments on here, because they're simply the best. And yes, they're for real.

"What time do they turn the waterfalls off?"
"Where do they put the machines that made these glaciers?"
"When do they let out the bears?"
#1 most common thing to ask people working on the cruise ship docks: "What elevation are we at?" favorite answer: "high tide or low tide?"

But my all time personal favorite is one someone asked me. We were waiting for the helicopters to arrive to pick up the next load of passengers (working for a heli tour company). The heli base has a great location right on the edge of where the local river meets the fjord. The cruise ships are right nearby, though not quite visible behind the building. It's less than a 2 minute drive from the dock, all flat.
He asks me- "What is this lake called?"
I reply- "This is the ocean."
He exclaims with great surprise- "Oh! I didn't know the ocean got this small!"

Also, an avalung in bolton valley is going to have me laughing for days...

**johngenx** · 02-17-2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by stash searcher

Also, I have to add a few Alaskan cruise ship tourist comments on here, because they're simply the best. And yes, they're for real...

"What time do they turn the waterfalls off?"
"Where do they put the machines that made these glaciers?"
"When do they let out the bears?"
#1 most common thing to ask people working on the cruise ship docks: "What elevation are we at?" favorite answer: "high tide or low tide?"

Wow, some things never change. 25 years ago we'd be "gettin' ripped" at the Riptide in Haines or at varying establishments in Skagway and the cruise ship tourons would ask the same friggin' questions. While in Haines we'd also repeatedly be asked about who trained the bald eagles, and so on.

**Bcar** · 02-17-2009, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by stash searcher

I excitedly asked him what he was getting for our "fat ski" training.
He replied "We got a great deal on a pair of Rossi Bandit B83's. They're mounting up rental bindings on them so they'll be easier to change around for everyone. We're thinking about getting a pair of shorter ones for the girls, so it'll be easier for them."
He then looks down at my pontoons and asks "what's the width on those?"
me "120".
him "oh..."

classic! but sucks for you...

Best one I heard, at the beave of course… “at what altitude do deer turn into elk?” and they were serious…

**counterfeitfake** · 02-17-2009, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by Bcar

Best one I heard, at the beave of course… “at what altitude do deer turn into elk?” and they were serious…

This quote has showed up in this thread several times, and I don't understand where it's coming from at all. Does anyone know what the hell makes people ask this?

**OSECS** · 02-17-2009, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by counterfeitfake

This quote has showed up in this thread several times, and I don't understand where it's coming from at all. Does anyone know what the hell makes people ask this?

I'm assuming they mean at what altitude do you stop seeing deer and only see elk. Elk tend to range in higher altitudes (during certain times of the year) . I think deer: whitetail, mule and black tail all range at lower altitudes ?????? Just a wild ass guess.

But one time, years ago, I do remember this gaper.............. oh shit, that was me !! nevermind

**LIP** · 02-17-2009, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by OSECS

I'm assuming they mean at what altitude do you stop seeing deer and only see elk. Elk tend to range in higher altitudes (during certain times of the year) . I think deer: whitetail, mule and black tail all range at lower altitudes ?????? Just a wild ass guess.

It all depends on if they are African, European or North American deer. They all change into Elk at different altitudes.

**old goat** · 02-17-2009, 07:20 PM

Heard today at Sugar Bowl (It's different up here but apparently not different enough)--guy asks his friend in the parking lot where the pro shop is--what an idiot--everyone knows it's right by the first tee.

**rideit** · 02-17-2009, 07:39 PM

In Peru, the deer turn into Mules, generally at a hotel near Jorge Chaves airport.

**johngenx** · 02-17-2009, 08:31 PM

When I was young I saw dogs turn into foxes, but it had nothing to do with altitude, but instead number of beers...

**qwerty** · 02-19-2009, 07:25 AM

http://www.epicski.com/forum/thread/...-on-groomers/0
This is the cornucopia of gaper quotes!

**Lizhnik** · 02-19-2009, 09:15 AM

My favorite Gaper quote was heard in line for the lift down the lower part of the mountain after a sick powder day. Guy says to his friend, "I am never coming back here, ever again." His friend answers, "Why? I think it'll be much better if we come back when there isn't so much goddamn snow..."

**HankScorpio** · 02-19-2009, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by qwerty

http://www.epicski.com/forum/thread/...-on-groomers/0
This is the cornucopia of gaper quotes!

Did you notice on that thread that almost everyone is from the midwest, or mid atlantic? What do they know about powder skis when it snows 30 inches a season where they live?

**qwerty** · 02-19-2009, 01:51 PM

My home mountain has 300' vertical and gets 40'' snowfall every year. Well, I know something.

**OSECS** · 02-19-2009, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by VTsession

Did you notice on that thread that almost everyone is from the midwest, or mid atlantic? What do they know about powder skis when it snows 30 inches a season where they live?

Hey man, we just use our water skis as powder skis here in the south.

**sixstringski** · 02-19-2009, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by stash searcher

#1 most common thing to ask people working on the cruise ship docks: "What elevation are we at?" favorite answer: "high tide or low tide?"

Love this answer! Certainly the most common Alaska dumb-ass question! We used to say "ocean level, which is just a shade above sea-level" the looks were priceless.

Working in a heavily wooded area in Skagway we used to always get asked where the pine smell came from. "Nature."

**brannen** · 02-19-2009, 03:03 PM

i heard the tram referred to as a "bucket" once. [texan accent] "they got that bucket there that'll take ya clean to the top of the mountain." [texan accent]

i love these, and of all the gaptasticness that goes on here in tahoe, rarely do we get texans, especially those anywhere near the caliber of the ones at breckstone

**gbarnum** · 02-20-2009, 12:30 AM

I was riding up the gondola this week. Gaper across from me asks other gaper what were the "batteries" for in her bindings. "You know, those AA batteries there (It was a Marker Piston binding, that I guess, looks like a AA battery.....

Another one, "where did you get that little map", referring to the grooming map, provided to gapers.

**dumpy** · 02-20-2009, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by This End Up

Every time the chair stops you gotta say; "God Bless New Jersey".

edited for the East Coast

I was at Iceface earlier this week (Presidents Week), I think that is the first time I've been on a gondola that stopped. The detachable quad stopped at least once everytime I rode it. Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of a detachable??

Nothing like getting your skis run over in the lift line, turning around to say hey watch it buddy and realizing they are on snowlerblades. I think he may have been trying to grab my ass.

**JimmyCarter** · 02-20-2009, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by gbarnum

Another one, "where did you get that little map", referring to the grooming map, provided to gapers.

Not a gaper quote, but I was amazed by how much people track on mountain grooming. Was riding the bachelor's gulch lift at Beaver Creek with my brother and some 80 year old who was back skiing on a new hip. He proceeded to tell me that the best way to find the "good snow" at the resort was to check out the trail map up top and find out when things were groomed. If they were groomed at night they would have frozen over but if they were groomed in the morning they'd be nice and soft. Not trying to give him shit, because I'll be amazed if i'm still skiing/alive at that age, just really had no idea these things were actually tracked by people.

**dumpy** · 02-20-2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by JimmyCarter

Not a gaper quote, but I was amazed by how much people track on mountain grooming. Was riding the bachelor's gulch lift at Beaver Creek with my brother and some 80 year old who was back skiing on a new hip. He proceeded to tell me that the best way to find the "good snow" at the resort was to check out the trail map up top and find out when things were groomed. If they were groomed at night they would have frozen over but if they were groomed in the morning they'd be nice and soft. Not trying to give him shit, because I'll be amazed if i'm still skiing/alive at that age, just really had no idea these things were actually tracked by people.

For people with artificial hips, following the grooming patterns makes lots of sense. If anyone else is tracking it that closely, well they suck.

**littlefatkid** · 02-20-2009, 09:31 AM

Riding up the tram at big sky a few weeks ago, minding my own business, when the culmination of all gaper quotes occured and changed my life forever.

Four young, besnowboarded bros are clustered on one side of the tram, and as my mind drifts back into the cabin, i pick up on thier conversation and realize that they are lamenting vociferously the fact that the assholes of the big sky ski patrol dont lend out avy equiptment to payin customers so that they can ski the Big Couloir. By now, the brains and voice of this small crew has reached peak pitch, and, no longer able to adequetly cope with his frustration in a relatively quiet manner, bursts out with the following:

"Well i just dont get what the big deal is. I mean, they could just lend us the stuff for a run no problem. And anyways, whats there to understand? You've got your shovel, your probe, and your tranceiver, and you push the button to talk..."

At which my mouth dropped open involuentarily. And then closed. And then we got to the top, and stepped out, and i skied quietly down, dwelling heavily on what i had just heard.

**dumpy** · 02-20-2009, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by littlefatkid

Riding up the tram at big sky a few weeks ago, minding my own business, when the culmination of all gaper quotes occured and changed my life forever.

Four young, besnowboarded bros are clustered on one side of the tram, and as my mind drifts back into the cabin, i pick up on thier conversation and realize that they are lamenting vociferously the fact that the assholes of the big sky ski patrol dont lend out avy equiptment to payin customers so that they can ski the Big Couloir. By now, the brains and voice of this small crew has reached peak pitch, and, no longer able to adequetly cope with his frustration in a relatively quiet manner, bursts out with the following:

"Well i just dont get what the big deal is. I mean, they could just lend us the stuff for a run no problem. And anyways, whats there to understand? You've got your shovel, your probe, and your tranceiver, and you push the button to talk..."

At which my mouth dropped open involuentarily. And then closed. And then we got to the top, and stepped out, and i skied quietly down, dwelling heavily on what i had just heard.

The human gene pool thanks you for not saying anything.

**JimmyCarter** · 02-20-2009, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by littlefatkid

Riding up the tram at big sky a few weeks ago, minding my own business, when the culmination of all gaper quotes occured and changed my life forever.

Four young, besnowboarded bros are clustered on one side of the tram, and as my mind drifts back into the cabin, i pick up on thier conversation and realize that they are lamenting vociferously the fact that the assholes of the big sky ski patrol dont lend out avy equiptment to payin customers so that they can ski the Big Couloir. By now, the brains and voice of this small crew has reached peak pitch, and, no longer able to adequetly cope with his frustration in a relatively quiet manner, bursts out with the following:

"Well i just dont get what the big deal is. I mean, they could just lend us the stuff for a run no problem. And anyways, whats there to understand? You've got your shovel, your probe, and your tranceiver, and you push the button to talk..."

At which my mouth dropped open involuentarily. And then closed. And then we got to the top, and stepped out, and i skied quietly down, dwelling heavily on what i had just heard.

Everyone knows you need to switch it to "Talk" first, then push the button. Idiots.

**johngenx** · 02-20-2009, 10:21 AM

How else will be you be able to tell your buddies where you're buried...?

**JimmyCarter** · 02-20-2009, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by johngenx

How else will be you be able to tell your buddies where you're buried...?

"Hey guys, ummm...I'm in a pile of what appears to be snow, rocks and tree parts...i must've gone somewhere between 10 and 300 ft downhill from where I was...not sure if I'm upside down right now..."