Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**skerrane** · 02-16-2009, 05:01 PM

Heard this on the bus back from Steamboat. One dumbass was mentioning how they have gondola's go up to restaurants on the mountain at night. Made sense until he started talking about them removing chairs to put gondys on. They are detachable chairs after all. They wouldn't take all the chairs off though only like 5 or 6 and replace them with gondola cars as the restaurant can only hold so many people

**khakis** · 02-16-2009, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by abe froman

Riding the chair with a dude from St. Louis and another from Tenn.

Dude from St. Louis: What is the difference between a blue square and a green circle?

Dude from Tenn: I don't know. I think the green trails are wider......

it's kinda like the difference between a man and a boy

**rideit** · 02-16-2009, 05:13 PM

On top of Rendezvous recently, One Bogner lady to her duaghter:
"Which way is down?" (bluebird day)

**nateski** · 02-16-2009, 05:14 PM

i heard the tram referred to as a "bucket" once. [texan accent] "they got that bucket there that'll take ya clean to the top of the mountain." [texan accent]

**kbuzz** · 02-16-2009, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by clarnitty

ha ha, had to post in this epic thread because it is high gaper season in alta, afterall.

I work at a chalet as a server/sous-chef. My boss, Bob, is awesome--puts up with some serious gaper comments while maintaining great composure. Last week:

Guest: Bob, how come you never ski with powder cords? They are soooo great.
Bob: Because the point of skiing powder is to ski in control and not lose your shit.
Guest: Well I can't believe you wouldn't even try it.
Bob: Have you ever looked at the tag when you buy them? It says "Beater Cords."
Guest: Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but you're wrong for not using them.

Bob allen-chef extreme?

**Roonski** · 02-16-2009, 05:39 PM

The other weekend I was at Saddleback, Maine. I'm talking with a guy in the lodge and he explains how hes from Mass, but moved first to Breck and then out to Rangeley, Maine where Saddleback. His reasoning for moving from Breck to Saddleback is the snow is "better".

**Meadow Skipper** · 02-16-2009, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by rideit

On top of Rendezvous recently, One Bogner lady to her duaghter:
"Which way is down?" (bluebird day)

Heh. I've been asked that in mid-slope twice in the last two years. Both times I just pointed down the fall line and said "Down."

**Greg_o** · 02-16-2009, 06:25 PM

On the lift today, one skiier and one boarder beside me talking about how the run we're over sucks now:

"Yeah man it sucks, it was way steeper last year"

**cdlv** · 02-16-2009, 06:30 PM

said to Infantile Egomaniac about his 192 rocker movement's yesterday @ LVSSR(which was so filled with gapers that one lift ride stopped 6 times due to idiots who can't ride lifts with snowboards)
"man those are some old school skis!!!"

**Greg_o** · 02-16-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by lionelhutz

Dumb question:

Can you be a beginner without being a gaper? ...

There's kind of a reverse aspect to it as well.

I was in the lift line a couple weeks ago beside a guy with a pretty decent looking set up, looking rpetty confident, and rocking a nasty purple oldschool one piece.

I naturally assumed he was probably a good skier, and like so many other folks, rocking the gaper look to be ironic and fun.

Nope, I advance to the chair, realise he isn't beside me, then he crashes into my back. Chair stops, we get alligned, and get on.

I was treated to all sorts of dumb ass comments from him on the way up. It was his first time going to the top. And yes, the chair to chair yelling is awlays such a treat.

You'll never guess who fell getting off the chair. The sinister side in me quite liked that.

Of course we were all new at first (I'm not exactly new but I don't want to come off as thinking I'm awesome), just don't act like a loud mouthed douche when you're clearly having problems with some basic stuff.

**Lelandjt** · 02-16-2009, 07:20 PM

Overheard at my bar Valentine's night:
40 something drunk Breck derel to equally derel female companion: "I'd like to snatch a kiss and vise versa."

**old goat** · 02-16-2009, 07:28 PM

Not a quote, but--I was bending over buckling my boots (actually I was stuffing my powder cords, but that would make ME sound like a gaper), when a guy starts to put on his skis right in front of me and falls over backwards on top of my head. I told him he was going to be on the internet. Oh, by the way, he had big fat skis too, apparently anyone can buy them.

On a serious note, a scary quote--woman testifying before a Calfornia legislature hearing on ski safety (what they do instead of passing a budget) told the lawmakers that all runs should have fencing along the edges from top to bottom, to keep people from hitting trees--I guess that way they can only hit each other.

**Choob** · 02-16-2009, 07:53 PM

Last year at Alta the following ensued:

I was riding the Collins Chair with three strangers, as many know the Collins Chair has an angle station. One of the guys asked me and the two others if we could get off at the mid station.

NO, you absolutely CANNOT get off at the angle station. We even pointed out the signs on the lift towers that ask you to "Stay Seated" and "Do Not Unload."

We get to the Angle Station...
...And the asshole tries to get off. He got his reward for stupidity by falling into the concrete pit at the angle station. the lift stopped but he ended getting on a different chair.

**Zombie Reagan** · 02-16-2009, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Choob

Last year at Alta the following ensued:

I was riding the Collins Chair with three strangers, as many know the Collins Chair has an angle station. One of the guys asked me and the two others if we could get off at the mid station.

NO, you absolutely CANNOT get off at the angle station. We even pointed out the signs on the lift towers that ask you to "Stay Seated" and "Do Not Unload."

We get to the Angle Station...
...And the asshole tries to get off. He got his reward for stupidity by falling into the concrete pit at the angle station. the lift stopped but he ended getting on a different chair.

OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO HILARIOUS AND CLEVER. I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?! I'M SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AT LEAST TWICE A DAY OR ANYTHING.

WHY WON'T YOU BE MY FRIEND?

**Choob** · 02-16-2009, 08:41 PM

well we told him not to several times

**Zombie Reagan** · 02-16-2009, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by Choob

well we told him not to several times

OMG REALLY? YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD SAMARITAN.

**Kiko** · 02-16-2009, 08:54 PM

Saturday was one of the better powder days in an otherwise dry season for Tahoe. Since 2' had fallen overnight, I was lapping Lower Beaver Bowl (among other places) at Alpine Meadows throughout the day.

I decide to take my final run around 3:40pm and make the very far traverse over to the Beav from the Summit chair. Halfway down I see this rather rotund 20-something woman completely stuck in a flat in knee deep powder, struggling to pull out her skinny rental skis. I go up to her and offer to pull her out, but she refuses and tells me that I'll just get stuck too. At the same time, she keeps talking to me about how awful the (2 foot blower powder) day was and how she wants to forget about it and go home. This meant that I was just standing there listening to her trash one of the best days I had ever had because she wouldn't let me get near her to help her. Eventually I just gave her some half-assed advice (I knew the ski patrol would drag her down in a few minutes if she was totally screwed) and took off again and took a few face shots on the way down to hold me over for the week.

I wonder, though, how she got all the way to Beaver Bowl. It's a pretty damn far traverse for the gapers-who-hate-powder types.

**stuckathuntermtn** · 02-16-2009, 10:26 PM

Yes, it's possible to be new at something, and have a fucking clue.

**bestinthenw503** · 02-17-2009, 12:38 AM

heard today

"i dropped my wallet off the lift and i cant get down the run to get it"

**qwerty** · 02-17-2009, 03:52 AM

I don't know much about the quotes but I'm absolutely sure that when the chair stops 8 times on the way up on powder day then it's truly gaperific.

**This End Up** · 02-17-2009, 07:27 AM

Originally Posted by qwerty

I don't know much about the quotes but I'm absolutely sure that when the chair stops 8 times on the way up on powder day then it's truly gaperific.

Every time the chair stops you gotta say; "God Bless Texas".

**old goat** · 02-17-2009, 09:10 AM

Guy at Squaw yesterday called 911 for a lost ski--on the Mountain Run. Hey--it was a holiday wekend.

**Horu** · 02-17-2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by This End Up

Every time the chair stops you gotta say; "God Bless Texas".

I never knew how hard it was to load a high-speed quad until I became a liftie. I'll try to remember the next incredibly gaperific moment.

**anjinsan** · 02-17-2009, 11:59 AM

Can't add any comment!!

**stash searcher** · 02-17-2009, 12:13 PM

This last week, I was very excited to get an email from our patrol director, with an update from our last patrol meeting, which I missed, due to a quick ski trip elsewhere. The last topic listed was that the patrol had decided to buy a few pairs of fat skis for "training". Keep in mind our ski area brings you back in time anywhere from 2 to 25 years. It's a great place with great terrain, but small. I got super excited, because I spend hours thinking about fat skis anyways. I immediately offered up my services as "fat ski researcher", and was interested when I got a reply that it had already been taken care of.
When I got to the hill this weekend, I finally found the guy who had appointed himself "fat ski purchaser" (not our patrol director-who skis havocs, but he's an older gentleman, very nice. He skis on 5 year old X Screams, like about 5 other people on the patrol). I excitedly asked him what he was getting for our "fat ski" training.
He replied "We got a great deal on a pair of Rossi Bandit B83's. They're mounting up rental bindings on them so they'll be easier to change around for everyone. We're thinking about getting a pair of shorter ones for the girls, so it'll be easier for them."
He then looks down at my pontoons and asks "what's the width on those?"
me "120".
him "oh..."

I think he was maybe a little confused.

(I know people here get a little confused by the 'toons, but they'll get used to it... also, thank you skinnyskiers for leaving the woods for me! there's a foot and a half in there, barely tracked, within mere feet of every run. got all i could this weekend, and it'll be unchanged next weekend, unless we get more snow... )