Protect the skiers - support beacon control

[Spats]

(I posted this to the latest gun debate, but I've revised and expanded it, and I believe it deserves its own thread.)

Many people have been lulled into a false sense of security by their avalanche transceiver, ventured into risky terrain, and consequently been killed in avalanches -- several this year alone.

This is terrible, and we should protect Americans from this very real danger by enacting "beacon control" laws, so that only trained professionals, such as ski patrol, are allowed to own or use an avalanche beacon. After all, the only way to ensure absolute safety is to not ski in potential avalanche terrain.

The first step is for all US citizens to register their beacons with the government, and for all buyers of beacons to undergo "background checks" against their medical records, to make sure that no one known to engage in risky injury-causing behaviors gets their hands on an avalanche beacon.

The next step is to require a "cooling-off period" of seven days between purchase of an avalanche beacon and its delivery. Allowing people to just walk into a sporting goods store, buy a beacon, and immediately take it with them simply enables unplanned trips into avalanche terrain, and other rash decisions that lead to injuries and death. There is no reason for any legitimate beacon buyer to need an avalanche beacon right away.

The next step is to pass laws restricting the battery capacity of beacons, so that they cannot be operated for too long without running out of power. This simply tempts people to stay in avalanche terrain for too long. Professional patrollers, of course, can own beacons with unrestricted battery capacity.

We will need to fund a new government agency to enforce these important new safety laws. Let's call it the "Bureau of Extreme Sports Protection". Once we have the BESP in place, we can do two important things to ensure the safety of all Americans. First, we can require tremendous amounts of paperwork to be filled out, submitted, and kept on file indefinitely, so that anyone who neglects to cross a "t" or dot an "i" will be fined, jailed, and prevented from owning a beacon ever again.

Second, and most importantly, we can use the BESP to begin regulating other "extreme sports" equipment that serves no purpose other than to tempt Americans into remote and dangerous places, where they frequently injure or kill themselves and their friends. Our first target will be rock climbing ropes and "protection", which should only be allowed in the hands of the US military, local police, and other government-approved first responders. Once better computer systems are in place, we will add kayaks and surfboards under 12 feet to the list, and though we recognize the need for bicycles as basic transportation on government-maintained paved roads, knobby "off-road" tires will only be available after a background check and two-week "cooling-off" period.

Thank you for supporting our efforts to make America safer for everyone!

[rideit]

You can do better.

Please try again.

With condoms as the subject.

[Jer]

Fuck you! You can have my BCA Tracker with the vented antennae shroud and 30 round AAA clip when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers! Which may actually happen!

Ride - you're a gay, you gay. Stop being gay.

[rideit]

You live in Wisconson.

I win.

[Jer]

You live in Wisconson.

I win.

No, I live in Wisconsin. I win. You gay.

[summit]

heh45678

[rideit]

No, I live in Wisconsin. I win. You gay.

So you admit to sailing in a sea of Cheese?

Your beacon can't save you.

Only an American Eagle can.

[Jer]

Your beacon can't save you.

Only an American Eagle can.

Damn. A weird reference I don't get. Ok - you win.

[timvwcom]

You live in Wisconson.

I win.

Hey (der)!

[kalisto]

Seriously?

That's exactly what we need, more restrictions...

If only we were in europe...

[Jer]

Seriously?

That's exactly what we need, more restrictions...

If only we were in europe...

Yeah, dude, seriously.

[jepilot]

Last time I checked, people weren't being robbed at beacon point.

[Jer]

Last time I checked, people weren't being robbed at beacon point.

This is exactly why I need my beacon - to defend myself against crazed, beacon-weilding robbers. And asphyxiation.

[stuckathuntermtn]

Ron Paul's not gonna win. And he may actually be insane. Sorry.
Pretty much the only person you can physically harm with a beacon, is yourself.
I agree with the condom idea.

[Jer]

Ron Paul's not gonna win. And he may actually be insane. Sorry.
Pretty much the only person you can physically harm with a beacon, is yourself.
I agree with the condom idea.

...and you may actually be a dumbass. In fact, I'm sure of it.

[skibuminwyo]

This makes me laugh.

[ak_powder_monkey]

so if we apply that logic to guns you are saying nobody should have guns because they will shoot people who aren't attacking them because they feel safer

Handguns should not be manufactured anywhere in the world.

[A-wreck]

Handguns should not be manufactured anywhere in the world.

One of the gayest things you've ever said.

[Tippster]

Is this really an "inside joke" thread about another thread in the Padded Room? Wow - you guys are cool.

[skibuminwyo]

Ubercool, tipp, ubercool. I kind of find it funny how it is playing out. And isn't all of TGR more or less an inside joke thread?

[Jer]

Ubercool, tipp, ubercool. I kind of find it funny how it is playing out. And isn't all of TGR more or less an inside joke thread?

No. Tipp takes his e-status here very seriously. It's very important to win e-arguements. Very important things are at stake here.