What do you do ...

[NorCascader]

when your wife constantly threatens to leave your ass.

lame.

[renoenvy]

that sounds terrible.

seriously, call her on her bluff.

if she leaves, at least you got 21 year old ass.

really, if she does that, man, i don't know, you're married.
makes it harder.

but, if it was just a girlfriend. you make her act on it.

uncool....

if you love her, find out why,
if she does it repeatedly, fuck a 21 y.o. emo
bartender with cool hair and a cool ipod, and a cool
ass.

[MeatPuppet]

Threats are lame, especially in a relationship.

In general, threats are a control mechanism. She might be trying to control you in a good way(you keep fucking up, etc) or in a bad way(she has unreasonable expectations, etc.). You two are the only ones who can figure that out.

If the two of you can't figure out what is missing(in her, in the relationship, or in you) that is causing her to try to control you, maybe it's time for some professional help.

[4matic]

Get all your money and assets in cash and hide them. Close all joint credit cards.

[Tippster]

Lock her ass out of the house and tell her she's welcome back in when she 1) grows the fuck up, and 2) is ready to talk. That is one stupid fucking game.

[Hurricane]

when your wife constantly threatens to leave your ass.

lame.

The floodgates of strange pussy have been opened.

Rejoice.

[bklyn]

when your wife constantly threatens to leave your ass.

lame.

1. Do you still love her? Figure out how you can clean up your act.

Someone else will be on his best behavior to get a piece of this. Then you will be looking in from the outside, begging to get another chance.




2. Work on your communication as a couple

If she was really going to leave, she'd be gone. You'd come back home to a half empty home with no wife. Her style of communicating is not the best, but she's probably very frustrated with the current situation.

How did your relationship get to this point?

You need her to change. You don't want the threats anymore, so you want her to talk about the real issues so they can be addressed. You may already know what that root issue is. Can you compromise? Is she asking you to change? Can you do it?

If this is about picking up your socks and dirty drawers or some other relatively trivial thing you could do, but are just being stubborn about... man, just do it. If you are fucking up or fucking around, just stop.

If it's about fundamentally changing who you are, and the change would not be for the better (stop smoking, get drunk less often...) then you might be headed for divorce court.

Good luck. Being single may look great from the outside, but being single with alimony/child support payments is not so fun.

[snowsprite]

I think I threatened once or twice, because I was pretty desperate for change.

After nothing changed, I made a solid decision and never looked back.

(translation: it may truly be the beginning of the end)

Sprite

[Karl Stall]

get a good counselor, get counseling. The quality of the person that you go see is paramount to this $100/hour exercise.

BTW - probably better to find a male counselor, bud. Take it from me.

But, like the ladies said, you probably need to clean up your act - I know I do sometimes.

[Tippster]

I forgot you belonged to this one:



Maybe listen to her complaints a little and perhaps modify your behavior a tad? (Then post more pix)

[grrrr]

1. Do you still love her? Figure out how you can clean up your act.

If it's about fundamentally changing who you are, and the change would not be for the better (stop smoking, get drunk less often...) then you might be headed for divorce court.

Good luck. Being single may look great from the outside, but being single with alimony/child support payments is not so fun.

Cleaning up the act is a moot point when it comes down to having a spouse want you to be someone who you are not.

I went through this. "Change, or I'm leaving."

...oh, if i was the man you wanted, I would not be the man that I am...

Five years of counseling didn't change a damn thing...so I left her. The alimony is killing me, but I'm free...Oh God thank so you much...I'm free.

So now I live in a little cottage, and I'm broke all the time, but I live with someone I love and i wouldn't change that for the world. I would say that I wish I had left her ten years earlier, but the past is in the behind, and I'm so, so much happier.

I don't give relationship advice, I don't think I'm qualified, nor do I think anyone listens to much except what they want others to say. I can just tell you where I am.

[grrrr]

BTW - probably better to find a male counselor, bud. Take it from me.

A good counselor will be neutral...that said...we went to a woman and she saw right through my ex. After working with us for quite a while she asked to see me alone...and basically agreed with me that I would never be happy if the marriage stayed together.

[NorCascader]

It comes down to me saying "you knew who I was before you married me".
she never likes that.

I have bad habits. drinksmokecuss

Never too excessive by my standards, but everyone has different opinions of what's what.
But I have fun and take really good care of my little family, she fell in love with me because of our craziness.

It's a yo-yo, I'm either in trouble, or about to be.

There is some really good advice here.
Amazing how TGR becomes therapy after awhile.

[TyWebb]

Leave her first....if serious threats are being made, the relationship may be on the way out anyway. Whoever ends the relationship typically holds all the power. Something about scarcity breeding desire.

Good luck man!

[pappag]

Pay the milkman 5 bucks to stay away for a while.

[grrrr]

I have bad habits. drinksmokecuss
It's a yo-yo, I'm either in trouble, or about to be.

Dude, you can have the craziness and ease up a bit on the self-destructiveness. That isn't relationship counceling, it's life counseling. Comes a time when you realize that you're getting closer to 50 than 15 and you got to think about what you're going to doing after that mark...if it's getting you in trouble, even just domestic trouble, ask yourself how much it's worth.

think about the kids, man...

[advres]

kick ass and take names

[Yossarian]

It comes down to me saying "you knew who I was before you married me". She never likes that. I have bad habits - Drinking, Smoking, and Cussing. Never too excessive by my standards, but everyone has different opinions of what's what.

Hmm.

Well, you asked, so try to remember that if you don't like my response.

I know this'll sound crazy, but I suggest you try out this thing called "compromise."
It's this wild concept where you do things you don't always want to do.

The upside is that you get to do some of the things you want to do.
More importantly, get to do it with someone else who hopefully loves you, cherishes you, and supports you in other ways.

Playing is fun, playing with others is more fun.
Is living your way alone really better than the alternative?

Personally, I think the ole "you knew who I was when you met me" line is crap.
I mean, yes, it's one thing to recognize that some things are unchangeable about a person.
But that said, it's kind of not the point in many situations.

Here's the response:

"Yeah, I knew who you were, so what?
Here's what I need now.
Are you, or aren't you going to attempt to work with me on this?
Do you want to make this work, or not?"

I mean, do you really expect that neither of you will change at all from who you are when you met?
That's ludicrous.
The ONLY thing you can count on is that you two will change over time.
But you have to decide whether you will change together, or not.

Since it sounds like we're talking about drinking/smoking, maybe you should consider doing them less.
They're not exactly good for you, eh?
If it were a change for the worse, like, you didn't party enough, okay, that'd be different.

But from what you've said so far, she's just asking you to tone down. And party less. And I guess stop smoking.
So yeah, that's gonna be tough, no doubt. Okay, very tough.
But...would you REALLY chose those things over her and your family?

I dunno, if she has felt this is the only way to get your attention, isn't it at least possible that you might be drinking/smoking too much?
The point is, it actually doesn't matter how much you do these things.
What matters is that it's too much for her.

All that said, her threatening to leave is a super shitty way to go about communicating if this ISN'T truly a relationship-threatening issue.
So, either way you cut it, one or both of you need to change and grow to the middle a little bit. You need to tone it down, or she needs to communicate better, or both.


Sincere good luck bro!

[SheSkisTrees]

I'm going way out on a limb here, since I don't know either of you. But could it be that she is scared that your "craziness" that she fell in love with will also end up cutting your life short and she'll end up all alone? Sometimes, when you're scared, you don't express yourself in the most logical way. Just a thought...

[Geronimo]

the past is in the behind, and I'm so, so much happier.

Poopenhausen.

[Cono Este]

Just in case, get a great attorney and keep his card with you, that way you dont have to call Karl in the middle of the night.

And I am not kidding.

[NorCascader]

What matters is that it's too much for her.

I think you nailed it Yoss.
How much beer is too much beer?
I think I know that too.

Seems like there is always a reason for coldies " I'm rafting on the river and its 90 out, of course we'll bring beer" or "But we're going to the beach, of course I'll bring beer"

In fairness to wifey she backs off from time to time, and we have reached a "compromise" on some things.

I think there should be some kind of class for ski bums-turned-married-with kids-types. I mean I spent 4 years in Big Sky for gawd's sake, no one is right after all that wrong.

[Tuckerman]

class for ski bums-turned-married-with kids-types. I mean no one is right after all that wrong.

I would like to take that class where do I sign up?

[brutah]

I'm going way out on a limb here, since I don't know either of you. But could it be that she is scared that your "craziness" that she fell in love with will also end up cutting your life short and she'll end up all alone?

did you see the pictures??? No way she ends up alone, Norcaster your wife is hot and obvisously digs skiing which to me means shes probably worth it.... curb your ways, there are other ways to be 'crazy' other than getting tanked

[Skidog]

Dude if thats her in the pics....no offense...but shes probably pissed that there isn't (at least in the pics) a ROCK on her finger..

Go sport forth some cash and get her a rock for her finger.....that may keep her at "bay" ...

Dude...like mentioned...she seems like a catch, certainly looks wise, and shes stoked on skiing....dont eff it up...figure out whats pissing her off and change it...

M