Dealing with annoying plane passengers

[willywhit]

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane,
train or bus ...

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Boot it.

4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen.

5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

6. Then hit this link: http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

[Bertier]

Since someone on a Qantas flight got booted for wearing a "Bush is a Terrorist" shirt, I bet this would go over wonderfully.

[ICEHOCEY77]

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane,
train or bus ...

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Boot it.

4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen.

5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

6. Then hit this link: http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

Headphones work great.

[Camel Toad]

My buddy was on a long flight with a larger type passenger next to him. The lady kept moving in on his space and crowding him out. He asked her to move over more than once, but she kept creeping back into his space. Eventually he got really tired of this, so he turned his ass toward her rested his butt on her substantial thigh and ripped a huge fart. He had no space issues for the remainder of the flight. True story.

[Tye 1on]

Reading the title reminded me of a flight back from Mexico years back. Grabbed a couple/three tamales and a liter of the cheapest vino rojo in Isla Mujeres for the ferry ride to Cancun. Finished the wine sitting in the airport waiting for the flight.

Ended up seated next to this talkative annoying dude. Coincidentally, right when he started getting way into his Mormon proselytizing, the wine and tamales started a reaction. Casually leaning to one side, I released what still stands as the nastiest, most toxic, worse-than-a-sewer, opaque fart.

He didn't say another word the rest of the flight...

[Nic.A]

good stories...funny link

I was on route to Amsterdam and this lady next to me was going to Africa on a "soul finding mission" . 1 hour into the flight she had not stopped talking about how she was going to find her "roots". Thankfully, I was quite hungover and passed out. Hours and hours later upon landing, I awoke, only to find that she was still talking to me...and still looking right at me...

then, all that beer I had the night before...made an escape in the most silent, but deadly way...

she pinched her nose, gave me the rudest look ever...and finally shut up.

I feel bad for the other people on the flight that had to smell what it took to make her stop...

[OldLarry]

how to deal w/ the dooshes that take so long to get their crap out of the overhead is the really vexing question...

[72Twenty]

Since someone on a Qantas flight got booted for wearing a "Bush is a Terrorist" shirt, I bet this would go over wonderfully.

Quantas never crashed.

[bc]

Quantas never crashed.

that one gets old too.

Incidents and accidents

Main article: Qantas fatal accidents

It is often claimed, most notably in the 1988 movie Rain Man, that Qantas has never had a fatal crash.[42] The company's official line is that it has never lost a "jet" aircraft. Prior to the jet era, Qantas had fatal crashes — in 1927, 1934, 1942, 1943 (twice), 1944 and 1951. However, the incidents in the mid-1940s were due to World War II, when the Qantas aircraft were requisitioned by the military.

[edit] Non-fatal accidents

* On 24 August 1960, Qantas Super Constellation VH-EAC crashed on take off at Mauritius en route to the Cocos Islands. Take off was aborted, the plane ran off the runway and the undercarriage collapsed. No-one was injured.[43]
* Qantas had a significant accident on 23 September 1999, when a Boeing 747-400 VH-OJH, overran the runway by 220 metres while landing in a severe rainstorm at Bangkok.[44] The aircraft ended up in a golf course, and there were no fatalities. The Australian Transport Safety Bureau criticised numerous inadequacies in Qantas' operational and training processes.[45]

[edit] Other incidents

* In 2000, a 747-300 VH-EBW was damaged when its landing gear collapsed while taxiing at Rome. It returned to service after repairs.
* On 29 May 2003, a mentally-ill passenger attempted to hijack Qantas Flight 1737 (Melbourne-Launceston) with a pair of sharp wooden stakes. He was tackled and restrained by the flight purser and other passengers.
* On 21 August 2005, Qantas Airbus A330-300 VH-QPE with 178 passengers and 13 crew aboard made an emergency landing at Kansai Airport in Osaka, Japan after an indication of smoke in the cargo hold. An an emergency evacuation was declared as a precaution. Nine passengers were injured in the evacuation. It is believed that the cargo fire sensors were faulty as no evidence of smoke or fire was found.
* On 2 February 2006, a Qantas Boeing 767-300ER VH-OGH, and a United Airlines 747-400, were involved in a collision while on the runway at Melbourne Airport. United released a statement saying its flight "reported a wingtip touch with a Qantas aircraft as it taxied".[46]
* On 29 May 2006, Qantas Boeing 747-438ER VH-OEE was taxiing to the gate at John F. Kennedy International Airport when it contacted a blast fence, damaging the starboard winglet.[47][48]
* On 14 August 2006, Qantas Boeing 747-4H6 VH-OED was taxiing at Los Angeles International Airport when it was hit by a baggage cart, damaging an engine.[49]
* In October 2006 a Qantas de Havilland Canada Dash 8 en route from Melbourne Tullamarine to Wollongong had to make an emergency landing back in Melbourne because of smoke in the cabin.
* On 9 January 2007, Seven News broadcast a report that a Qantas aircraft flew from Singapore to Frankfurt with "a huge hole ripped in its side" on 2006-03-08.[50] Qantas immediately stated that the aircrew were unaware of the damage at takeoff and denied that damage to the aircraft affected airworthiness or safety. It claimed that it undertook an initial investigation and determined, along with the Civil Aviation Safety Authority and the Australian Transport Safety Bureau, that no further investigation was required.[51]
* On 16 January 2007, loud cracking noises startled crew and passengers on flight QF11 to Sydney, forcing the Qantas Boeing 747-4H6 to return to Los Angeles. The plane involved in the incident had been grounded in 2003 after the discovery of large cracks in the aircraft's fuselage. The source of the cracking sounds was not found. The plane, formerly operated by Malaysian Airlines, has been returned to service. [52]

[Sethpistol1]

I actually closed that window just before it reached zero...just in case.

[Free Range Lobster]

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane,
train or bus ...

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Boot it.

4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen.

5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

6. Then hit this link: http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

You just want large fat men from TSA shoving their fingers up your ass as they do a full body inspection don't you?

[72Twenty]

I actually closed that window just before it reached zero...just in case.

You're such a vagina.

[Rontele]

valium

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