work bathrooms = SLAY3D

I work at a University... so we have an abundance of places in which to shit. Particularly over Spring Break. Still, this morning I chose the oft overlooked toilet in the basement because coming off of 5 solid days of flu things in my system are still a bit shifty and untrusted.

I roll into the empty stall and start my business, when in comes someone. Now.. who the hell is even around this week? I think to myself. The guy proceeds to wash his hands, and then what I can only assume is his face, his ears, his back, probably brushed his teeth and just about everything short of a full shower. Took him about 5 minutes.

Some of that time, I'm holding back, figuring I'll be nice.

He heads to the urinal. Does his thing, and just walks out the door.

No washy wash hands.... Of course before he's able to get out I figure I've had enough and release a LOUD stream of gaseous nastyness, only to hear him mutter "Jesus", under his breath.

I am also equally certain he heard me say "Nope, Jesus would've washed his damn hands" as the door was closing.

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Originally Posted by iceclimb

...He heads to the urinal. Does his thing, and just walks out the door.

No washy wash hands.... Of course before he's able to get out I figure I've had enough and release a LOUD stream of gaseous nastyness, only to hear him mutter "Jesus", under his breath.

I am also equally certain he heard me say "Nope, Jesus would've washed his damn hands" as the door was closing.

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LOL... :D

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Originally Posted by flatNshallow

Sprite - years ago (many) at Pine Knob (winter = pimple sized pseudo ski hill, summer = killer outdoor concert venue) for a Bob Segar Show (told you it was MANY years) some random chica with the floating eyeballs pulled an even better assault on the mens room: She walked in, dropped trow, and hopped up on to the sink and let fly.

The guys were all VERY impressed.:D

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That wasn't a chick, that was Bob Seger. I heard he had just shaved the beard off.

There's a guy a work that take no less than 4 shits per day (it's not so much that I follow him, we just work in openish cubes and everyone knows where he's going...that and everytime I'm in the restroom, he's in there). Anyway, this guy just blasts away. There's no regard for anyone else in the bathroom, he just goes to town...and he's in there for no less than 20 minutes at a shot. Anyone else have a chronic shitter in their office? I can't imagine over an hour a day in the bathroom is normal...is it?

I did a shameful stint in Dominoes while I was in college; they have a single holer in the back that for some reason doesn't have a fan (presumably to curb drug use?). Beer gives me the most god awful shites the next day and I had pulled a Saturday morning shift with the boss. Friday is for partying, period. We killed a thirty rock or three, and I passed out early and got some zZz. Next morning I wake up 20 to work, roll through the shower, throw on the uniform and run to my pickup and make it in the door 5 minutes late. We fold boxes for most of the morning and I am feeling my gut most of this time. I get a free minute just before lunch and do the deed. I scared myself with this sucker, flushing at half time nearly wet my nuts as the turd fought the John. It all vanished thankfully but an unholy stench remained. I just washed up, walked out, and left the timebomb. I am eating lunch and my boss comes to the front and looks me straight in the eye and says: Your fired. I stammered at him and he started grinning for what you did to the bathroom, he says. Obviously I kept my job but it really feels good when your reeking ass violates your boss.

Walked in this morning and my stomach decided that it wanted to evacuate the system. Had to squeeze the cheeks as I dashed from my desk to the can. Total slayage. Kinda feel bad for the cleaning lady.

Older dude with sketchy health...

A week ago he didn't quite make it... and I was unforetuneate enough to visit this particular washroom shortly after his colonic ji'had...

I distinctly remember thinking "Damn, its a long way from the outside door for there to be muddy foot prints in here...."

Apparently he'd been suffering from an exotic strain of "explosive diarhea" and didn't quite make it to the seated position... He manged to hit both side walls and the back of the stall. Needless to say the throne itself and the floor were utterly slain. Surprisingly the stench was not all that bad but the visual was near puke inducing... You'd think he would have at least closed the fucking stall door!

2 days later = repeat.

Good god did some absolute disrespectful carnage just go down.

I had full on colon blow, smell like a baby's diaper slayage.

I feel better now!

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Originally Posted by RootSkier

Can't you shit at home before work? Moderate your schedule, man!

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Boss gets a dollar I get a dime thats why I shit on company time

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Originally Posted by Skijunkie

Boss gets a dollar I get a dime thats why I shit on company time

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And the TP is free.

Anasazi Beans, Onions and Sweet Hot Chili sauce for dinner last night.

My work here is done.....

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Originally Posted by WWCD

And the TP is free.

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you know, i was just thinking that this morning! helps with the budget. :biggrin:

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Originally Posted by Camel Toad

You do realize that you are shattering the conception that millions upon millions of males have that women do not pass gas,

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I was told this was due to them not closing their mouths long enough to build up pressure.


/me dons flame suit and hides :FIREdevil

I worked at a theater a while back. Keeping the bathroom clean was part of the duties when you were on door(ripping tickets and cleaning theaters was the other part). Check the bathroom to see that someone with issues in the handicap stall had sprayed shit behind the thunderbucket and on the wall to the side. It was brutal. Went and got my manager and asked if I needed to clean *points to jackson pollock copy* that. He helped hold the door shut so I could reach over the top and latch it closed for the janitorial staff to clean later on.

Another one was when someone dropped a fat deuce in one of the urinals. That was a gem.

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Originally Posted by Tap

what do you call it when the shit piles up out of the water?

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You crater laked.... :D

^^^ naw naw he merely "broke water"

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Originally Posted by somegeek

Another one was when someone dropped a fat deuce in one of the urinals. That was a gem.

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It was Rontele.

... in Las Vegas for a major convention right now ... last nights beers, tequila shots, and gin & tonics after an oily spicy plate of chinese noodles ....

Hilton lobby bathroom = p0ached and slay3ed

good god there were some avy bombs and slides set off in there :FIREdevil:

I have a pretty iron stomach and GI tract, and I've never had any food-related ignominy down there despite eating in some of the worst sanitary conditions in restaurants all over the world.

There was one place in China that had a whole yak leg (hair still on) nailed to the wall. I was so hungry but it was the only place to eat in town. Ate there anyway, no problems.

Shralph, I'm particularly impressed with the fact you did this to the Hilton lobby bathroom and during a convention. You're a slayer with standards and also chutzpah, man.

Sprite

From about 8th grade to HS graduation a few of my friends and I frequently took part in "barn dumping". This is a sport of skill where you hang your ass out of the 2nd story barn window and shit with great joy. Then you gather around the pile for a good laugh at the resulting gravity patty.

Some of my dorm-mates in undergrad would shit at the toilet balanced at the top of the stall. They called it the 'high-altitude shit'.

I am a mover so I always try not to slay a customers bathroom, Im always afraid that it might affect whether I get tipped or not. If I am getting the no tip vibe I will go for it, but that doesnt happen very often.

Does anyone else lose there need to frequently shit while mountaineering? I took a nice 10 minute dump last friday around 7:30 pm while getting a wilderness permit for a 3 night stay in Olympic National Park and didnt duece again till Monday morning around 9 am. It was a GREAT dump too, not nearly as dense as one would think a shit would be after such a long wait. Thanks to the park for not locking the bathrooms at Obstruction Point as the nearest TP was 7.6 miles away! I think in all my overnight BC trips I have only taken 2 dumps though, the other one being in Glacier Basin at MRNP if Im not mistaken. On average I let er rip twice a day.

I definitely poop less when backpacking/mountaineering. I am not sure why.

Prolly burning up more of the food due to activity?


Side note - this thread keeps delivering... should be a sticky.

about 6 or 7 beers last night + colby jack cheese and crackers for dinner (lotsa cheese) = splattery goodness this morning. don't think there was one thing solid about it.

but man i feel better.

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Originally Posted by crstlextrm

Does anyone else lose there need to frequently shit while mountaineering?

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Unfortunately, NO!! I pretty much stick to my normal once a day schedule and it can be really inconvenient as I'm often hanging from a cliff come 10am. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this.

I think there are a lot of reasons for people to shit less when they're camping/climbing/whatever and I think one of them is dehydration. Sometimes I can feel I kind of have to go but it's not urgent, then I pound some water and it's abruptly go-time.

i'm sure you are all familiar with this site : http://www.ratemypoo.com/

don't forget to check out the top 20 and honorable mentions

NSFW or lunch

I just got slay3d...girl poop is so much worse

This belongs here
http://www.sfwchan.com/pics/84441716.jpg

That was the best thing I've ever read.

Good one!

And with a name like that Nathan, it's about time you showed up in this thred.

Sprite

That was great, I was crying...

Oh my god that is awsome!!!

after that story, mine doesnt compare
i cried

its been a year since I posted in this thread, so here we go:
New internship, new bathroom to obliterate.
After a long weekend of drinking vast amounts of PBR, grilled food, and heavily seasoned meat it was time to unload. Our bathroom is 3 stalls and 2 urinals. All 3 unoccupied but 1 urinal is being used. I had to run to the bathroom as dark coffee was the straw that broke this camels back. Thus there was no waiting to be alone for this one. Initializing the episode with one tremendous exhale out my ass. It echoed. There are some drafting cubicles on the other side of the wall. I heard a co worker say holy shit, did you hear that?
I was just getting started. After taking hold of the toilet paper holder and my left knee, i gave it the first of many goes. In the mean time the first pissed literally ran out the bathroom, and a second victim joined the party. After what felt like an eternity of shitting, i needed a break and relaxed. The smell that had quickly propogated from my stall to the rest of the room was that of stale beer and rotting flesh. Pisser #2 caughed a few times, then started to gag. Guess he had to piss badly because he didnt stop and run. He continued to gag till he vomit in the urinal. My first puker ever. I was proud and shamed. After he left shamefully I gave it my all. 2 victims, 4 flushes, and no less than 100 feet of toilet paper I left. As I walked through the door there was a crowd standing outside the door. The looked horified and enraged. The entire office smelled for no less than 30 min. This is a large building too. Due to the fans we have set up around the building, the stench kept recycling.
When I go in there now, my co workers quickly ask me to wait for 2 min while they get their last shit of the day in, just so they can see when they drive home.
this was my best shit ever, and i never expect to top it

don't sell yourself short. that was pretty good. a crowd outside the door...wow

that was good samurai. had me laughing at my desk.:D

You are to be commended on your storytelling prowess, samurai, and on your usage of "exhale out my ass."

I laughed out loud. As for your work compadres, they must fear and hate you yet stand in awe of you.

Good work, son!

::::Pat on the back::::

Sprite

i promise i wont do that to your bathroom if we do ullrfest at your place again.
I cant bring myself to unleash hell like that unless its justified or im getting paid to do it

Just about to spend the last few minutes of work on the pot. Allriiiight...