Coaching young kids sports teams

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Originally Posted by wyeaster

Girl who 'looks like boy' reason for soccer DQ http://www.espn.com/espnw/sports/art...team-looks-boy
via @ESPN App http://es.pn/app

Nebraska soccer tournament bans 8-year-old girl's team because she 'looks like a boy'

5:55 PM PT

ESPN.com news services

The family of an 8-year-old soccer player said her team was disqualified from a tournament in Nebraska because organizers thought she was a boy.

Mili Hernandez, who is one of the best players of the Omaha Azzuri Cachorros's 11-year-old squad, was about to play in the finals of the Springfield Soccer Club tournament on Sunday when she was told that her team had been disqualified because she looks like a boy.

Hernandez's parents claimed they showed organizers her insurance card to prove their daughter, who wears short hair, is a girl.

"Just because I look like a boy doesn't mean I am a boy," Mili told local TV station WOWT 6. "They don't have a reason to kick the whole club out."

Mili's father Gerardo Hernandez said his daughter "was in shock. She was crying after they told us... They made her cry."

After hearing Mili's story, U.S. soccer legends Mia Hamm and Amy Wambach showed their support on Twitter. Hamm invited Mili to her soccer academy and Wambach sent her a message.

According to WOWT, organizers told Mili's family they can file an appeal to the Nebraska State Soccer Association to challenge the disqualification.

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That's pretty fucked up. Overly zealous sport parents are the worst.

It's literally always some sort of BS going on with coaching hockey.

I now coach my son and my daughter.

So the clueless housewife that's the coordinator for my daughter's age group told one of the other dad's that he's the head coach of my daughter's team, because he was the first to volunteer. She did this 3 weeks before registration was over and a week before we registered

I know the guy. He might just be the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. Zero hockey knowledge...douchebag...negative all the time...yells at his special needs son constantly...barely able to communicate with kids...no experience as head coach (for a reason)...can't manage himself let alone a group of 6 and 7 yr olds.

I've been a head coach for about 10 yrs and known by everyone in the organization that I'm one of the better ones...well, except the person in charge of picking the coach

So now I'm the asshole that has to rock the boat and tell this lady he's the worst possibly option and a complete shithead, and that he needs to get to the back of the bus. She's really meek and obviously wants nothing to do with confrontation so this is a nightmare.

Super fun dealing with this shit every year.

it's not that important - seriously - take the kid out - put her on another team

you can't control what the coordinator does, but you can control what your kid does

it's not that hard to explain to your daughter. I was in the same position once and put my son on another team. to this day the coach hates me, and they are an ass to my ex-wife.

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Originally Posted by DBdude

it's not that important - seriously - take the kid out - put her on another team

you can't control what the coordinator does, but you can control what your kid does

it's not that hard to explain to your daughter. I was in the same position once and put my son on another team. to this day the coach hates me, and they are an ass to my ex-wife.

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All the girls are on the same team...which is a great idea I think. They'll have way more fun as a group than split up.

So I don't want her on another team.

The coordinator is new and just doesn't get it. Unfortunately I have to speak up and be a pain in her ass.

This guy wasn't even allowed to be an assistant last year (his older daughter was on my son's team last year) because he's so clueless and we had enough guys that aren't

Have someone loose his background check approval.

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Originally Posted by booner

All the girls are on the same team...which is a great idea I think. They'll have way more fun as a group than split up.

So I don't want her on another team.

The coordinator is new and just doesn't get it. Unfortunately I have to speak up and be a pain in her ass.

This guy wasn't even allowed to be an assistant last year (his older daughter was on my son's team last year) because he's so clueless and we had enough guys that aren't

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ok. you know best - you know the org and the history and I know you were just venting

good luck

Boomer has anger and control issues.

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Originally Posted by 4matic

Boomer has anger and control issues.

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Let's say you're an expert in your field. You've been doing it for 20 yrs and you're well respected and successful.

You volunteer to teach a group on the subject...for 8 months...3 days a week

Then you find out some guy that watched a couple youtube vids on the subject you're an expert in has been told he's going to run the show. This guy also happens to be a douchebag that nobody likes or wants around.

Make sense now?

Yer damn right I'm trying to control the situation

Every parent on the team last year can't stand this guy. Total weirdo too

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Originally Posted by booner

It's literally always some sort of BS going on with coaching hockey.

I now coach my son and my daughter.

So the clueless housewife that's the coordinator for my daughter's age group told one of the other dad's that he's the head coach of my daughter's team, because he was the first to volunteer. She did this 3 weeks before registration was over and a week before we registered

I know the guy. He might just be the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. Zero hockey knowledge...douchebag...negative all the time...yells at his special needs son constantly...barely able to communicate with kids...no experience as head coach (for a reason)...can't manage himself let alone a group of 6 and 7 yr olds.

I've been a head coach for about 10 yrs and known by everyone in the organization that I'm one of the better ones...well, except the person in charge of picking the coach

So now I'm the asshole that has to rock the boat and tell this lady he's the worst possibly option and a complete shithead, and that he needs to get to the back of the bus. She's really meek and obviously wants nothing to do with confrontation so this is a nightmare.

Super fun dealing with this shit every year.

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Get a group of moms to express concern over the choice, and provide a list of more experienced coaches who might take over. The director will be less likely to ignore a group of moms saying they're uncomfortable with how this guy talks to kids, and the list of more experienced options gives her a way of removing the guy from the job without coming out and saying he's an asshole.

Never, ever get moms involved. They'll turn on you like a pack of wolves and devour the flesh off your bones, leaving your skate-wearing skeleton laying in a pool of blood at the blue line.

I'd just start a rumor that he abuses Ambien.

Ha Yeah I try to minimize unnecessary communication with the parents. Too many crazies out there

I have someone on the board I can call and ask him to help her with the situation if I can't work it out.

I've told her we should have a phone call because emailing about shit like this isn't going to get it done

my 12 year old plays on one of the top 2-3 soccer teams in the state in his age group. his coach sent this out to the team before the semifinals of a tournament they played in recently.

"The coach’s role is NOT to provide all the answers so that the kids win the game today. The coach’s role IS to provide ideas and pictures that help kids think in ways that will help them solve problems. A great deal of coaches at the youth level spend too much time organizing and controlling players, step for step, or play by play. The youth coach’s responsibility is to set up environments that allow for these repetitions in some sort of fun, competitive situation that allows for a balance of some guidance and a lot of “doing” by the player. Gaining experience by doing, by trying, by succeeding and by failing – are all central to how kids learn. “Learning is the kindling of the flame, not the filling of the vessel.“

Well, did it inspire them?

Sounds like he gets it

I have no respect for the coaches out there, coaching average to below avg talent...kids not even 12 yrs old...saying anyone not coaching to win is doing it wrong.

Fuck off

It's about teaching the kids the tools to win and how to work hard to earn it. There's definitely brief moments where you can insert the skilled players for a minute to try to make something happen, but those moments rarely happen.

And it's about prepping kids for the next level, whatever it may be.

The coaches that teach kids to do things like, get the ball to the most skilled players and let them do the scoring, are complete pieces of shit IMO.

My goal this year, with the 12 yr olds on the hockey team, is to help them get closer to being able to be a decent HS player, and just to be able to make the team for some of them.

I have a below avg talent pool this year and half the kids are on the path of not being able to make their HS team. None of them realize it so my goal is to try to avoid the disappointment they're headed towards.

Hockey is good around here. Half the kids play 10 yrs just to find out they can't even make the HS team. I don't want to see that happen to the kids I coach

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Originally Posted by Timberridge

Well, did it inspire them?

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i think it was more targeted for the parents, but they did end up winning the final 4-2 after being down 2-0 early.

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Originally Posted by booner

I have a below avg talent pool this year

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What about the moms?

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Originally Posted by getoutside

i think it was more targeted for the parents, but they did end up winning the final 4-2 after being down 2-0 early.

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Nice.

My kids just started playing HS soccer. Coach had a meeting with parents and players and had to say that playing time will not be even. No shit! Crazy that in today’s sports world parents need to be told that.


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Just started the hockey season. Sept to May and I'm always glad when it's over and never excited to start.

Now that I'm back in it I remember how much I really enjoy it. I'll be done with it and ready to golf by April

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Originally Posted by Timberridge

What about the moms?

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I like where yer head's at

Today was last day of tryouts and I saw a mom walk in that looked like Eva Longoria's hotter sister. VERY nice girl

I pray to Jeesas I picked her kid cause I have no idea who she is

Had a very disturbing incident last night at practice. 15th yr of coaching and the worst thing that I've been involved in yet.

We were sharing the ice with another team and I've coached most of the other team...split team scrimmage and couple of the coaches were skating too...myself included

Back story...The girl involved has a long history...she and her mother are the number one worst child/parent combo I've ever dealt with out of approx 150 kids I've coached. They HATE me cause I've done the unthinkable and told the daughter to knock it off when she's punching people at 7 yrs old, telling people she's gonna fuck them up at 11 yrs old, etc...countless incidents with her and zero accountability from mom...always a victim

The girl mistakenly went on the ice and had to be told it wasn't her turn and she started yelling at me cause she thought I was stealing her ice time in the confusion...I didn't respond

Couple shifts later I was talking to all the girls about a coaching point and this girl starts yelling at me about stealing her ice time...YELLING...and won't stop. I don't engage...let her go on and when she takes a breath I say...wow, that's really inappropriate. Any other kid I would have sent packing but I know her well...extremely unstable and angry and that would only make it worse. Never said anything else to her and she left crying shortly after when I was on the ice

Skate ends and I go right up to the mom and tell her what happened. Mom responds with...well she says you told her she doesn't know what she's doing out her,etc etc. I hadn't even talked to her. Told mom that never happened...mom told me I'm lying

This woman and her husband are best friends with our GM. Their daughter is really disturbed and scary...like shaking and completely blacked out crazy when she's yelling at me

I just submitted my application for HC next yr that goes straight to their best friend the GM...who is not a good guy.

I'm beside myself right now...I barely slept last night

Sounds like you may get your weeknights back. You should thank her.

Time to start wearing the gopro for coaching sessions.

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Well obviously the girl must be trans. We have to put a stop to that.

But seriously, why would you subject yourself to that. Seems like the kid getting booted from the league might be the wakeup call the family needs that there's a problem that needs to be dealt with. But probably they'll just sue.

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Originally Posted by booner

Had a very disturbing incident last night at practice. 15th yr of coaching and the worst thing that I've been involved in yet.

We were sharing the ice with another team and I've coached most of the other team...split team scrimmage and couple of the coaches were skating too...myself included

Back story...The girl involved has a long history...she and her mother are the number one worst child/parent combo I've ever dealt with out of approx 150 kids I've coached. They HATE me cause I've done the unthinkable and told the daughter to knock it off when she's punching people at 7 yrs old, telling people she's gonna fuck them up at 11 yrs old, etc...countless incidents with her and zero accountability from mom...always a victim

The girl mistakenly went on the ice and had to be told it wasn't her turn and she started yelling at me cause she thought I was stealing her ice time in the confusion...I didn't respond

Couple shifts later I was talking to all the girls about a coaching point and this girl starts yelling at me about stealing her ice time...YELLING...and won't stop. I don't engage...let her go on and when she takes a breath I say...wow, that's really inappropriate. Any other kid I would have sent packing but I know her well...extremely unstable and angry and that would only make it worse. Never said anything else to her and she left crying shortly after when I was on the ice

Skate ends and I go right up to the mom and tell her what happened. Mom responds with...well she says you told her she doesn't know what she's doing out her,etc etc. I hadn't even talked to her. Told mom that never happened...mom told me I'm lying

This woman and her husband are best friends with our GM. Their daughter is really disturbed and scary...like shaking and completely blacked out crazy when she's yelling at me

I just submitted my application for HC next yr that goes straight to their best friend the GM...who is not a good guy.

I'm beside myself right now...I barely slept last night

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You’re a fucking hero for doing what you do and putting up with all that and not losing it. Pretty sure I couldn’t keep my cool throughout all that.


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Originally Posted by booner

Had a very disturbing incident last night at practice. 15th yr of coaching and the worst thing that I've been involved in yet.

We were sharing the ice with another team and I've coached most of the other team...split team scrimmage and couple of the coaches were skating too...myself included

Back story...The girl involved has a long history...she and her mother are the number one worst child/parent combo I've ever dealt with out of approx 150 kids I've coached. They HATE me cause I've done the unthinkable and told the daughter to knock it off when she's punching people at 7 yrs old, telling people she's gonna fuck them up at 11 yrs old, etc...countless incidents with her and zero accountability from mom...always a victim

The girl mistakenly went on the ice and had to be told it wasn't her turn and she started yelling at me cause she thought I was stealing her ice time in the confusion...I didn't respond

Couple shifts later I was talking to all the girls about a coaching point and this girl starts yelling at me about stealing her ice time...YELLING...and won't stop. I don't engage...let her go on and when she takes a breath I say...wow, that's really inappropriate. Any other kid I would have sent packing but I know her well...extremely unstable and angry and that would only make it worse. Never said anything else to her and she left crying shortly after when I was on the ice

Skate ends and I go right up to the mom and tell her what happened. Mom responds with...well she says you told her she doesn't know what she's doing out her,etc etc. I hadn't even talked to her. Told mom that never happened...mom told me I'm lying

This woman and her husband are best friends with our GM. Their daughter is really disturbed and scary...like shaking and completely blacked out crazy when she's yelling at me

I just submitted my application for HC next yr that goes straight to their best friend the GM...who is not a good guy.

I'm beside myself right now...I barely slept last night

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I'm sure there's another parent who has been witness to the behavior. I'd chat with them and see if they'd be willing to back you up if needed.

booner -
I am with jerlane in appreciating you for working with the kids - Thank you !

seeking brevity, I will offer two observations to your post
( the disclaimer is I do not understand how your youth hockey program is administrated with GMs and such ) -

regarding the girl, I understand you to have written any other kid would have been sent to the locker room following the tirade ;
I understood you to say you did not do that with her because it would have made the situation worse ;
in my opinion and in my experience, this child knows she has a different set of rules - to me, this is a mistake.
at some point in activities like sports, there does become a gradient - standouts get favoritism, But by allowing this child to behave in this way without repercussion is rewarding the misbehavior.

to the issue of the HC position responsible to the GM who is 'not a good guy. ', I think my response is, do You really want that job - and Why! ?
Life is Short.

Thank you for coaching the kids. !

With Respect,

skiJ

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Originally Posted by jerlane

You’re a fucking hero for doing what you do and putting up with all that and not losing it. Pretty sure I couldn’t keep my cool throughout all that.


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Seriously.

booner, you're a class coach letting that roll off you in front of the team and still giving mature feedback, even if only the teammates heard it

if the gm is a buddy of the family (maybe even: ESPECIALLY IF), gm is probably more than aware of the girl's uh "sensitivities"

Thx for all the support...Geez

Coaching (well) is one of the most challenging things I've done in my life...it's so tough and takes a lot of development. I played my whole life and it barely sets you up to be average at it. You have to put a lot of work into learning and naturally have some specific personality traits. When I had my first kid about to get into it I was set on not coaching since I was pretty familiar with the bullshit from playing at a high level and seeing psycho behavior in the bleachers. Once I got through the first yr or two I knew I was really good at it and just kept building my skills. Coached my son all the way through and now it's just my daughter. I'm at the point of being a big asset now and know I need to be around for them...it's not like there's qualified people lined up to coach teenage girls...it's torture if you're not really into it.

I called the org pres today after sharing the story with a guy at work and him telling me I was nuts to not call someone. She was very familiar with their history and had my back. I've known her for probably 10 years of coaching and she's great.

The GM is just a slimy bullshit artist. Bad guy is a stretch but I don't like him or trust him.

She's going to have a conversation with the girls program director that hires the coaches and knows me...good dude that has an insane coaching resume at a few high levels of female hockey. He coached a D3 national title winner and his current team is top 20 in US out of like 400 teams.

I'm sure it all sounds nuts and it is. I'm in the largest hockey org in NYS and many of these girls are on the path to play some really good college hockey.

When I coached rule #1 was, if your mouth is running when the coach is talking, you’ll be running.



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Good luck, booner !

it sounds like you are in the right place, and
the prez would be a good ally to have.

Good luck !

What a turn of events...

Just had long conversation with girl's director and he hired me for next year. He knew what was up and knows my best friend that spoke highly of me.

LFG

FKNA booner, way to go

Congratulations, booner !

As someone who has coached at all levels (youth, MS, HS, College) over the last 30 years…..I am happy to hear your good news.

The worst part of coaching is the “my kid is going Division I”/ but are totally unrealistic parents. Long ago it used to be the LL playing dads….now it’s totally the grizzly moms and their social media accounts. Behind their phones/keyboard they are killing the souls of coaches of all ages..….and why there is such a shortage of good young/knowledgeable coaches…..and for that matter, teachers in our society.

The best part of coaching is working with the kids who are coachable/look you in the eye….and are willing to try our “tips” and “tricks of the trade”..…..to help “them”….

Keep up the good work….

I was also a coach for 7 years while my kid was in it, and president of the club for 5 of those. Most thought provoking advice I got from the previous guy was to just remember... When it comes to the biggest problem kids--the ones you want to tell to fuck off and find another sport to ruin for everyone--just remember you may be the closest thing to a positive adult role model they'll ever have. It changed the way I was interacting with my version of what you just dealt with. It was not easy, and it didn't look like it was making a difference for the first year and a half. Then it did.

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Originally Posted by booner

What a turn of events...

Just had long conversation with girl's director and he hired me for next year. He knew what was up and knows my best friend that spoke highly of me.

LFG

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I started replying before reading the whole thread. Nice to see the outcome!

Side note...just saw that one of the girls that I coached on my son's team committed to play college hockey this week. That's the second girl from my son's team...one is in her freshman year now and doing well.

That's just the coolest thing to see happen for them

I had forgotten that I posted about that ridiculous situation that happened a while ago.

I actually came on here to post about just how much I hate the tryout/coach hiring part of the season...it's so toxic and sickning every year regardless if I have any personal connection to any of the bs.

Well...I've heard rumblings that the family of that girl that had that episode with me is assassinating my character to anyone that will listen...because obviously I did what their daughter said I did and she didn't do anything wrong.

Got a weird vibe from the guy that hired me and no response when I asked him to call me. Unfortunately that's not exactly atypical from the board guys that do the hiring this time of year. It's all so so weird with this shit.

Anyway...I just sit here and wait for this guy to call me again a day before they broadcast the coaches all over social media nonstop...I'm definitely not feeling good about things at this point. I'm all to family with this family and their pattern...they mettle

I have a feeling I'm going to HAMMER red wine all weekend