I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[Lvovsky]

George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950), prominent Irish writer and co-founder of the London School of Economics once said, “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”

[halliday]

^^Just walk away.

[AK47bp]

6 Months ago:
Me: Hey I want to buy another safe, gonna put it in XXXX room, but it'll be smaller so I'll have to bolt it down to the floor
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

2 Months ago:
Me: Hey I bought that safe, moving it in tomorrow. Then I'll just need to bolt it down to the ground
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

1 Month ago:
Me: Hey so my dad is gonna come help me bolt that safe down some time (Dad is carpenter with more tools/masonry bits/etc)
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

2 Weeks ago:
Me: Hey so my Dad is gonna come over next Thursday to help me bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

1 Week ago:
Me: Hey just to remind you, my pops is coming over Thursday to help me bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: Yup! I know.

Yesterday:
Me: Hey so my old man is coming tomorrow to help bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: Yup, cool!

Today, after the job is done
Mrs Diamond Joe: (angrily) You know, I REALLY wish we had talked about this before you went ahead and drilled two holes in the floor!

“Bolt to floor”. There’s your problem.

You assumed she automatically knew that phrase meant drilling holes in the floor.

She likely heard, “I’ll be checkin the specs on the endline for the rotary girder”

[nickwm21]

What kinda diamonds you got in there Joe…


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[yeahman]

WTF do people put in safes anyway?

[AK47bp]

Guns’n’cash


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[dan_pdx]

Guns’n’cash

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Hookers and blow

[Core Shot]

WTF do people put in safes anyway?

The wedding photo album according to my wife.

For me it’s just important papers that shouldn’t burn up in a minor house fire. Plus enough cash to satisfy a burglar that makes me open it at gunpoint. Don’t want them pissed off and shooting me in anger.
But mine isn’t bolted down. If I get robbed when I’m not home they’re going to be pissed that there’s nothing worth the time of hauling it away and cracking it open.

[Bunion 2020]

If I get robbed when I’m not home they’re going to be pissed that there’s nothing worth the time of hauling it away and cracking it open.

You should keep a note in their to the effect of, "Hah! Haa!"

[Dantheman]

Even altachic was blown away by californiagrown's story

[fomofo]

[AK47bp]

Ha

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/BpYL8V0d4r



My bad, Wrong thread to post this but I’ll just leave it anyway because it’s funny.

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[Name Redacted]

Me: "I'm gonna clean out my closet this morning and get rid of all the clothes I don't wear anymore"

Pick one fucking shirt out of the closet

Her: "Oh you are gonna get rid of that one? It's so soft!"

WTF!?!? I have never worn that shirt, it is ugly AF, and it is a flannel. I won't miss it for another 4 months.

[MontuckyFried]

Some time ago, my wife went on a bit of a cleaning tirade and was clearing out kitchen supply shelving. Was hot as balls this weekend, I was roasting cleaning my garage, and a chilled gin martini sounded like just the ticket! Well, I look everywhere for my martini glasses to get one chilled and learned all my big beer mugs and martini glasses got donated. She made the point that if I used them so rarely that surely we didn't need them anymore to take up so much space, but I was still annoyed. I know I don't drink beer or martinis as much as I used to, but dangit. I made do with a champagne glass but wasn't the same. NOT cool. While I understand where she's coming from as she's the neat freak and I would definitely have packrat tendencies if it weren't for her, I still can't help but be annoyed over this one. Did I need a full set of glasses? Nah, I'm with her on that, but would've been nice if she left me ONE. Oh well. Nothing to get too worked up over. Just thought some of you could relate. Haha.

[skaredshtles]

Some time ago, my wife went on a bit of a cleaning tirade and was clearing out kitchen supply shelving. Was hot as balls this weekend, I was roasting cleaning my garage, and a chilled gin martini sounded like just the ticket! Well, I look everywhere for my martini glasses to get one chilled and learned all my big beer mugs and martini glasses got donated. She made the point that if I used them so rarely that surely we didn't need them anymore to take up so much space, but I was still annoyed. I know I don't drink beer or martinis as much as I used to, but dangit. I made do with a champagne glass but wasn't the same. NOT cool. While I understand where she's coming from as she's the neat freak and I would definitely have packrat tendencies if it weren't for her, I still can't help but be annoyed over this one. Did I need a full set of glasses? Nah, I'm with her on that, but would've been nice if she left me ONE. Oh well. Nothing to get too worked up over. Just thought some of you could relate. Haha.

Do what my wife does - she'll go to Goodwill, get the type of glasses she needs, buy them for like $2 each, we'll use them, then they'll sit, then she donates them back to Goodwill eventually.

It's like Goodwill is our JIT specialty glass store.

[MontuckyFried]

Do what my wife does - she'll go to Goodwill, get the type of glasses she needs, buy them for like $2 each, we'll use them, then they'll sit, then she donates them back to Goodwill eventually.

It's like Goodwill is our JIT specialty glass store.

Brilliant! Will scope out Goodwill this week then. Again, I kinda understand. I used to have a full set in our china cabinet just taking up space and literally nobody but me would ever use them. Not even friends who came over would ever take me up on a proper martini. Guess I'll buy a single glass then and call it good. It's a fair compromise I suppose.

[californiagrown]

I made a pan of brownies this weekend. As of Sunday night only 1 brownie remained. Now begins a few days of my wife halving that brownie down to the size of a stamp in an attempt to put off taking the last brownie and having to clean the plan.

And for those about to ask why dont i just take the last brownie and clean the damn pan myself... its because she will then be annoyed that i didn't leave her the last brownie. I know this from experience. Odds are 50/50 that i will end up cleaning the pan anyways because she has eaten the last brownie and then left the pan out for a couple days claiming she thought i might want the crumbs.

[MontuckyFried]

^^
Kind of reminds me of that old Simpsons ep where everyone's trying to avoid being the last to top of the trash...

[skaredshtles]

I made a pan of brownies this weekend. As of Sunday night only 1 brownie remained. Now begins a few days of my wife halving that brownie down to the size of a stamp in an attempt to put off taking the last brownie and having to clean the plan.

And for those about to ask why dont i just take the last brownie and clean the damn pan myself... its because she will then be annoyed that i didn't leave her the last brownie. I know this from experience. Odds are 50/50 that i will end up cleaning the pan anyways because she has eaten the last brownie and then left the pan out for a couple days claiming she thought i might want the crumbs.

Get yourself some cannabutter and next time you make brownies these shenanigans will not happen, mainly because nobody will give a shit about the empty brownie pan.

[AK47bp]

Some time ago, my wife went on a bit of a cleaning tirade and was clearing out kitchen supply shelving. Was hot as balls this weekend, I was roasting cleaning my garage, and a chilled gin martini sounded like just the ticket! Well, I look everywhere for my martini glasses to get one chilled and learned all my big beer mugs and martini glasses got donated. She made the point that if I used them so rarely that surely we didn't need them anymore to take up so much space, but I was still annoyed. I know I don't drink beer or martinis as much as I used to, but dangit. I made do with a champagne glass but wasn't the same. NOT cool. While I understand where she's coming from as she's the neat freak and I would definitely have packrat tendencies if it weren't for her, I still can't help but be annoyed over this one. Did I need a full set of glasses? Nah, I'm with her on that, but would've been nice if she left me ONE. Oh well. Nothing to get too worked up over. Just thought some of you could relate. Haha.

You had to drink a Martini out of champagne glass instead of a Martini glass?


Divorce that bitch!!



Kidding.

Stay strong brother. Remember , it’s times like these that may seem impossible but we come out at the other end better people, more resilient to life’s challenges.

Out of darkness comes light…..


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[TahoeJ]

Talk about champagne problems. Just kidding - a martini glass is very specific and necessary IMO.

[MontuckyFried]

Stay strong brother. Remember , it’s times like these that may seem impossible but we come out at the other end better people, more resilient to life’s challenges.

Out of darkness comes light…..

Hahaha. You guys are hilarious.

Talk about champagne problems. Just kidding - a martini glass is very specific and necessary IMO.

Thank you! It is indeed! I learned there is no substitute.

[dan_pdx]

More information needed: was the champagne glass a coupe, or a flute?

A coupe doesn't seem terrible to me, but I'm not a martini guy.

One of the things that Mrs. PDX brought to our union is her grandfather's sterling silver martini set. It must be at least 75 years old, the martini glasses are only about an ounce each. Pretty sure I don't have to worry about that set making its way to Goodwill

[TurxSki]

Out of darkness comes light…

??
When? Where? How? Why?

[XXX-er]

You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day