I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[XXX-er]

once a day in the AM after that 2nd or 3rd espresso, but I only eat enough to maintain weight, anymore than that is from altering diet

[Core Shot]

All this talk about shit annoys me.

Can we get back to wives and dishwashers and laundry and empty gas gauges?

[californiagrown]

My wife just had somewhat minor abdominal surgery. Makes it so she is in pain, and pretty much useless b/c they sliced and diced her abs. So i am bucking up and pulling all the household/child rearing weight while also dealing with some really unfortunate issues at work. It was all going fine, and wifey was waited on hand and foot, wanting for nothing during the first couple days of her recovery.

And then she mentions that "oh btw, i told my sister that we could watch their dogs Thurs-Sun". One is an old dog with arthritis and incontinence issues, the other is a full grown intact puppy with dominance and incontinence issues and no training and who doesnt get along with my dog because he tries to dominate and hump everything in sight. So, thursday was filled with near constant dog fighting anytime the dogs were let out of their rooms together, constant barking and whining to be let out of their rooms when they were in their rooms, and doggy pee walks every 2 hours. All while WFH and taking care of an immobile wife and a precocious toddler. so on Friday wife cannot take the noise/commotion and unbeknownst to me decides to call in my FIL to stay at our house over the weekend to help with the dogs- he proceeds to mostly just offer unsolicited parenting advice the whole weekend, and make extremely poor decisions about when and where to let the dogs out together (he lost SILs dogs 3 times out the front door and i had to chase them down, and also consistently let them fight and scrap right next to my toddler). I really do love my wife, but JFC she sometimes has horrific foresight.

[MontuckyFried]

^^
Dang. That's enough to just about put ANYBODY over the edge. You poor guy.

Pro tip: Whenever anybody has dogs over to visit (usually a relative) and their dog decides to bolt out the door when somebody else let them slip right past them, I just say "Have fun with that" and walk away. Let THEM round 'em up. Funny thing is, the dogs always return without any of my intervention or running around like a screaming maniac like all the hens tend to do. When the ladies get all chaotic, I just pour a drink and walk off. There's so much chaos going on, they usually don't even notice when FIL and I slip out the back door to chill while he has a smoke, laughing at the girls. LMAO. (I learned from him. He rules! Kick ass dude FR)

[dan_pdx]

Oof, vibes CG.

[evdog]

Fucking dog has fucking papers.

[PB]

Jeebus.
You sure you got the correct wife back after surgery? Were there any "unexpected" complications?!?!

[XXX-er]

Fucking dog has fucking papers.

well played sir

[Meadow Skipper]

My wife just had somewhat minor abdominal surgery. Makes it so she is in pain, and pretty much useless b/c they sliced and diced her abs. So i am bucking up and pulling all the household/child rearing weight while also dealing with some really unfortunate issues at work. It was all going fine, and wifey was waited on hand and foot, wanting for nothing during the first couple days of her recovery.

And then she mentions that "oh btw, i told my sister that we could watch their dogs Thurs-Sun". One is an old dog with arthritis and incontinence issues, the other is a full grown intact puppy with dominance and incontinence issues and no training and who doesnt get along with my dog because he tries to dominate and hump everything in sight. So, thursday was filled with near constant dog fighting anytime the dogs were let out of their rooms together, constant barking and whining to be let out of their rooms when they were in their rooms, and doggy pee walks every 2 hours. All while WFH and taking care of an immobile wife and a precocious toddler. so on Friday wife cannot take the noise/commotion and unbeknownst to me decides to call in my FIL to stay at our house over the weekend to help with the dogs- he proceeds to mostly just offer unsolicited parenting advice the whole weekend, and make extremely poor decisions about when and where to let the dogs out together (he lost SILs dogs 3 times out the front door and i had to chase them down, and also consistently let them fight and scrap right next to my toddler). I really do love my wife, but JFC she sometimes has horrific foresight.

I’m a bad person - I started laughing when I read the part bolded above. Sorry man, no disrespect meant - it sucked to be you that weekend.

[halliday]

My wife just had somewhat minor abdominal surgery. Makes it so she is in pain, and pretty much useless b/c they sliced and diced her abs. So i am bucking up and pulling all the household/child rearing weight while also dealing with some really unfortunate issues at work. It was all going fine, and wifey was waited on hand and foot, wanting for nothing during the first couple days of her recovery.

And then she mentions that "oh btw, i told my sister that we could watch their dogs Thurs-Sun". One is an old dog with arthritis and incontinence issues, the other is a full grown intact puppy with dominance and incontinence issues and no training and who doesnt get along with my dog because he tries to dominate and hump everything in sight. So, thursday was filled with near constant dog fighting anytime the dogs were let out of their rooms together, constant barking and whining to be let out of their rooms when they were in their rooms, and doggy pee walks every 2 hours. All while WFH and taking care of an immobile wife and a precocious toddler. so on Friday wife cannot take the noise/commotion and unbeknownst to me decides to call in my FIL to stay at our house over the weekend to help with the dogs- he proceeds to mostly just offer unsolicited parenting advice the whole weekend, and make extremely poor decisions about when and where to let the dogs out together (he lost SILs dogs 3 times out the front door and i had to chase them down, and also consistently let them fight and scrap right next to my toddler). I really do love my wife, but JFC she sometimes has horrific foresight.

Family (in-laws) is awesome and sucks at the same time. If you are not staring at the ground with your hand over your face wondering what the fuck is gong on then something is not going as it should. This is all normal. My in-laws are so weird I wonder how they all made it so far in life.

[Diamond Joe]

Wow, CaliforniaGrown *vibes* (but also, thanks for getting us back on track after ANOTHER pooping thread drift)

So, gents; your wife is droning on and on about something completely unimportant to you (like which color drapes she was thinking about switching to in the guest bedroom, or the chair she saw at the store and almost bought and now regrets not buying or how her stupid coworker did something so stupid and can you believe how stupid she is?) and you're pretending to pay attention with an "mmm hmm" and a "ohh really" here and there while you're really paying attention to something that IS important to you (can't you see that I'm trying to watch this 4th quarter game 7 thats on the TV right in front of me?? Can't this wait 5 fucking minutes when you'll have my undivided attention??) when all of a sudden you realize she's now silent and staring at you and it dawns on you that a question has been posed and you have no idea what it was?

Do you A, run the risk of her violent WRATH by admitting she did not have your full attention? B, try your best to take some contextual clues and make a guess what the appropriate answer should be, possibly risking even MORE violent wrath when your answer makes no sense and she realizes on her own that you were obviously not paying attention AND didn't admit to it, or C Just pull something out of your ass and hope for the best.

Asking for a friend.

[muted reborn]

It's OK to cry sometimes, CaliforniaGrown.

[muted reborn]

Wow, CaliforniaGrown *vibes* (but also, thanks for getting us back on track after ANOTHER pooping thread drift)

So, gents; your wife is droning on and on about something completely unimportant to you (like which color drapes she was thinking about switching to in the guest bedroom, or the chair she saw at the store and almost bought and now regrets not buying or how her stupid coworker did something so stupid and can you believe how stupid she is?) and you're pretending to pay attention with an "mmm hmm" and a "ohh really" here and there while you're really paying attention to something that IS important to you (can't you see that I'm trying to watch this 4th quarter game 7 thats on the TV right in front of me?? Can't this wait 5 fucking minutes when you'll have my undivided attention??) when all of a sudden you realize she's now silent and staring at you and it dawns on you that a question has been posed and you have no idea what it was?

Do you A, run the risk of her violent WRATH by admitting she did not have your full attention? B, try your best to take some contextual clues and make a guess what the appropriate answer should be, possibly risking even MORE violent wrath when your answer makes no sense and she realizes on her own that you were obviously not paying attention AND didn't admit to it, or C Just pull something out of your ass and hope for the best.

Asking for a friend.

"I just sharted, I'll be back in ten minutes"

Then come back and say "What was the question again honey?"

[nickwm21]

Wrong turn at literally every fork in the road in that story… vibes…


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[MontuckyFried]

It's OK to cry sometimes, CaliforniaGrown.

Yeah, no kidding. And here most of us are sharing anecdotes of harmless foibles while CG's over there dealing with a scene straight out of a National Lampoon movie with Chevy Chase. How long til he cracks and goes full Clark Griswold on the situation?

[californiagrown]

It's OK to cry sometimes, CaliforniaGrown.

I was hanging on by a thread there for a bit. On Sunday while this was all wrapping up, my FIL mentioned that he wasnt paying the supplier to install/permit/erect the new 1200sf two story pole barn he had just purchased because "we can turn a wrench just as well as they can and we need something to do this summer, right!?". I was included in that "we".

I excused my self to the backyard and if i was a crier, the water works would have been a flowing.

[riser4]

That's when you tell him exactly where the pole can go.

[XXX-er]

I know the BiL so I said well i hope I'm not a pain in the ass to which he said " oh not you are not the pain in the ass your ex-wife is the pain in the ass "

so back in the day my exwife said something to which my very smart as a whip grand daughter said " stupid stupid grandma " my saintly daughter-in-law wanted to crawl under the table

I'm the father / father in law / grandpa who mostly stays the fuck away and never stays very long, 3days tops

[Meadow Skipper]

bI'm the father / father in law / grandpa who mostly stays the fuck away and never stays very long, 3days tops

Yo también. My wife gave me this rule: 3 days max, for fish and house guests.

[XXX-er]

Not sure what to do with visitors but if I didnt eat fish within 3 days I just put it in the freezer

[Bunion 2020]

CG, please confirm FIL is the spitting image of Randy Quaid?

Diamond Joe, fake a seizure?

[MontuckyFried]

CG, please confirm FIL is the spitting image of Randy Quaid?

That's exactly what I pictured too! LMAO

[nickwm21]

On Sunday while this was all wrapping up, my FIL mentioned that he wasnt paying the supplier to install/permit/erect the new 1200sf two story pole barn he had just purchased because "we can turn a wrench just as well as they can and we need something to do this summer, right!?". I was included in that "we".

I try to think of these exchanges as friendly reminders that someday you will be a FIL and you may think you are best buds with your SIL, but no, no you aren’t…. And no, you don’t need to be…


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[muted reborn]

I was hanging on by a thread there for a bit. On Sunday while this was all wrapping up, my FIL mentioned that he wasnt paying the supplier to install/permit/erect the new 1200sf two story pole barn he had just purchased because "we can turn a wrench just as well as they can and we need something to do this summer, right!?". I was included in that "we".

I excused my self to the backyard and if i was a crier, the water works would have been a flowing.

That's when you will find me with a thousand yard stare looking into nothing (probably a bunch of dimly lit trees in the back part of my backyard) with a drink in hand. Been there, fuck that. It's when life becomes completely absurd and you realize you are the only functional person in the room that can keep everything from falling apart. For me, this absurdity usually starts at home 30 minutes after a tough, demoralizing day/week at work.

[Diamond Joe]

6 Months ago:
Me: Hey I want to buy another safe, gonna put it in XXXX room, but it'll be smaller so I'll have to bolt it down to the floor
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

2 Months ago:
Me: Hey I bought that safe, moving it in tomorrow. Then I'll just need to bolt it down to the ground
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

1 Month ago:
Me: Hey so my dad is gonna come help me bolt that safe down some time (Dad is carpenter with more tools/masonry bits/etc)
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

2 Weeks ago:
Me: Hey so my Dad is gonna come over next Thursday to help me bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: OK

1 Week ago:
Me: Hey just to remind you, my pops is coming over Thursday to help me bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: Yup! I know.

Yesterday:
Me: Hey so my old man is coming tomorrow to help bolt that safe down
Mrs Diamond Joe: Yup, cool!

Today, after the job is done
Mrs Diamond Joe: (angrily) You know, I REALLY wish we had talked about this before you went ahead and drilled two holes in the floor!