Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 04-23-2022, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I’d agree with you, but wouldn’t you say that raising a successful, happy human is every bit as relevant to one’s parenting aptitude as your value judgment over whether a baby monitor is capable of helping you monitor your child from a couple hundred feet away?

Seriously, what is it you imagine might happen that won’t happen while you’re in the next room? A rat?!

Are you afraid there might be a rat?!?!

Attachment 414114

I had forgotten the brutal insanity of other parents’ crazy judgment. I stopped tuning in to that shit years ago with my kids, who are all middle school or older these days.

Oh hey, skiJ: this post above originally had some parentheticals and dashes. That’s lazy writing and, out of respect for my audience, I cleaned it up. Why don’t you give that another go? Every time you’re tempted to use a parenthesis or a dash or a bunch of weird spacing, stop and reword it. Quit being weird and lazy about it, eh?

Sitting in the yard while occasionally getting up to check on your infant is normal. Relying on a baby monitor further removes people from what is a really important part of bonding and the sacrifice of being a parent. We were given baby monitors when my first daughter was born, we regifted them and never used them.

It’s just my opinion and I could be entirely wrong, I think technology(baby monitors included)is a big part of what’s wrong with society today and dehumanizes us. Yes, I’m very aware that I’m typing this on a smartphone.

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**Mustonen** · 04-23-2022, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

Sitting in the yard while occasionally getting up to check on your infant is normal. Relying on a baby monitor further removes people from what is a really important part of bonding and the sacrifice of being a parent. We were given baby monitors when my first daughter was born, we regifted them and never used them.

It’s just my opinion and I could be entirely wrong, I think technology(baby monitors included)is a big part of what’s wrong with society today and dehumanizes us. Yes, I’m very aware that I’m typing this on a smartphone.

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Technology doesn’t do that. Technology is entirely neutral, and as much as it can take away from the human experience, it can also add to and enhance it. In this circumstance, there is literally no difference between sitting on my cell phone a few rooms away or interacting with humans across the street, except with one you’re actually building human connections and with the other you aren’t. In either circumstance you know what’s going on with your child and are able to provide a reasonable standard of care that will allow them to grow up to be happy and successful.

For discussion: I never got a buzz on if I was solely responsible for childcare, and I still won’t even though my youngest is 12. I’ve seen plenty of parents who are totally ok with tossing more than a few back, though, after they go to bed. I don’t direct harsh judgment their way because I’m not insane and that isn’t productive anyways. But between that and the situation described above, they aren’t even in the same universe in my mind.

**J. Barron DeJong** · 04-23-2022, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

Sitting in the yard while occasionally getting up to check on your infant is normal. Relying on a baby monitor further removes people from what is a really important part of bonding and the sacrifice of being a parent. We were given baby monitors when my first daughter was born, we regifted them and never used them.

It’s just my opinion and I could be entirely wrong, I think technology(baby monitors included)is a big part of what’s wrong with society today and dehumanizes us. Yes, I’m very aware that I’m typing this on a smartphone.

Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

Are you saying that you’d be ok with going outside -without- a monitor, as long as you check in on the baby periodically? Cause that seems much higher risk to me than to be outside for a somewhat prolonged period of time -with- a monitor.

I don’t see how listening for a baby’s crying through a closed door provides any better bonding experience than listening over a speaker.

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 04-23-2022, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by J. Barron DeJong

Are you saying that you’d be ok with going outside -without- a monitor, as long as you check in on the baby periodically? Cause that seems much higher risk to me than to be outside for a somewhat prolonged period of time -with- a monitor.

I don’t see how listening for a baby’s crying through a closed door provides any better bonding experience than listening over a speaker.

Use a baby monitor, I was just giving my opinion as a parent. Our daughters were usually always with us, inside or outside, so a baby monitor was certainly not something that we would consider. We never isolated either child from the family group. I guess that’s the real point of my dislike for baby monitors. Be present as a parent from infancy and beyond.

My daughters are independent adults now and seem happy for the most part.

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**skiJ** · 04-23-2022, 03:03 PM

I still love this thread -
I love reading of the joy new Dads find in fatherhood - Thank you.

my reaction was to a specific scenario :
leaving a baby home alone so one could go to a 'block party' three houses away ( with the belief that either being able to see the front door, or a 'smart phone-linked monitor' was responsible parenting - leaving the baby alone. )

no. and still no.

my "value judgement" does not extend to any of the other scenarios that seek to minimize the decision in the scenario I commented to.
Those who believe it is acceptable to leave a baby home alone to go to a party. . .
we can part ways right here.

The baby monitors I gave ( 'first and second generation monitors to first-time parents' ) were so the parents could listen to their babies from other rooms in the house than the baby's room.
it was not so that they could be doing other things, or ,,, other things.
it was so they could listen to their baby from other rooms in the house.

Mustonen, back to stalking me "eh? "
how about you go 'jump in the lake' (?) ( it's not really a question, though it could be a rhetorical question -
there is plenty of room for improvement in your writing, or just letting it be. )
it saddens me that you have to frame the defense as an accusation of fear. But we are at least half a generation apart and your belief in technology ,,, is acknowledged.
I have also worked on my 'style' as I am aware in at least one form of dyslexia, parentheses are meaningless ; as for your claim that my writing is "lazy" - see above.
'go jump in the lake'

I still love this thread, and perhaps
I give the pages of these forums too much credit, and perhaps
this community is more important to me than it should be.

having witnessed the wreckage of SIDS, and having been touched by deaths of children a few times,
those are wounds I live with.

I still love this thread.

good luck. and Thank you.

skiJ

**TahoeJ** · 04-23-2022, 03:58 PM

Cool if someone doesn’t feel comfortable with the baby monitor, they can do what they want, but to say those who do shouldn’t have had children is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on TGR.

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 04-23-2022, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Cool if someone doesn’t feel comfortable with the baby monitor, they can do what they want, but to say those who do shouldn’t have had children is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on TGR.

You really haven’t been paying attention if that’s the dumbest thing that you’ve read on TGR. By all means encourage people to buy more stupid gadgets to “enhance” parenting. It’s all garbage and the fact that you’re arguing about that says something

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**Mustonen** · 04-23-2022, 04:52 PM

Originally Posted by skiJ

I still love this thread -
I love reading of the joy new Dads find in fatherhood - Thank you.

my reaction was to a specific scenario :
leaving a baby home alone so one could go to a 'block party' three houses away ( with the belief that either being able to see the front door, or a 'smart phone-linked monitor' was responsible parenting - leaving the baby alone. )

no. and still no.

my "value judgement" does not extend to any of the other scenarios that seek to minimize the decision in the scenario I commented to.
Those who believe it is acceptable to leave a baby home alone to go to a party. . .
we can part ways right here.

The baby monitors I gave ( 'first and second generation monitors to first-time parents' ) were so they could listen to their babies from other rooms in the house than the baby's room.
it was not so that they could be doing other things, or ,,, other things.
it was so they could listen to their baby from other rooms in the house.

Mustonen, back to stalking me "eh? "
how about you go 'jump in the lake' (?) ( it's not really a question, though it could be a rhetorical question -
there is plenty of room for improvement in your writing, or just letting it be. )
it saddens me that you have to frame the defense as an accusation of fear. But we are at least half a generation apart and your belief in technology ,,, is acknowledged.
I have also worked on my 'style' as I am aware in at least one form of dyslexia, parentheses are meaningless ; as for your claim that my writing is "lazy" - see above.
'go jump in the lake'

I still love this thread, and perhaps
I give the pages of these forums too much credit, and perhaps
this community is more important to me than it should be.

having witnessed the wreckage of SIDS, and having been touched by death in childhood,
those are wounds I live with.

I still love this thread.

good luck. and Thank you.

skiJ

Fortunately, I guess, it isn’t neglect, abuse, or child endangerment just because you say it is.

And nobody is stalking you, skiJ. I’m on the fence re: whether or not improving the clarity of your posts is actually a good thing, given how fucking sanctimonious you are. An impenetrable scramble of punctuation and spacing that most scroll past is likely best. I’m sure I’ll jump in the lake at some point soon here, question or not a question or whatever the hell you were after.

**TahoeJ** · 04-23-2022, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

You really haven’t been paying attention if that’s the dumbest thing that you’ve read on TGR. By all means encourage people to buy more stupid gadgets to “enhance” parenting. It’s all garbage and the fact that you’re arguing about that says something

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Feel free to show me where I encouraged parents to buy stupid gadgets. You douches were ragging on someone for doing something perfectly common so I called you out on that shit.

Worth noting that I never even said I personally did this (maybe once or twice, I really don’t remember). My wife and I would usually just take turns but I have plenty of friends who did and I thought it was fine.

**InspectorGadget** · 04-23-2022, 06:21 PM

Regarding baby monitors, I have absolutely nothing to add where children are concerned. Though, I do know a couple that keeps a baby monitor under the guest bed so they can eavesdrop on their guests. They think it's funny, but I think they are creepy and will never spend the night in their home.

On being a dad: I think it is the best and the hardest job a man can have. Period. I would not trade being a father for anything. Many years ago, I remember writing about my daughter, now 29 and married, and Mini Gadget, now 28 and married, on this forum. I am still and will always be their father, but our relationship has grown and now they are also some of my favorite people to ski with, ride with, and spend time with. I also love the people they chose to marry.

This was my approach to one aspect of being a parent with both of my children when they were babies: since I couldn't nurse the kids, I would get up with them in the middle of the night as many times as necessary. I would change their diapers and then take them to Mrs. Gadget to get hooked up for feeding. Then I would take them back to bed when they were finished. I believe this helped Mrs. Gadget get the rest any new mother desperately needs. I think it also brought me closer to my kids. I remember one of those first nights when I walked up to my daughter's crib and looked down at her. I was overcome with emotion and thought of all the things my parents did for me. And all the shit I put them through.

**idahospud** · 04-23-2022, 06:23 PM

The high horses a couple of you fuckers are on are really something else. It's pretty clear skiJ's is high enough that there's less oxygen up there.

This is the kind of enthusiasm that I expect to see around a discussion of co-sleeping and if my memory serves, that didn't get nearly this much attention a while back.

**skiJ** · 04-23-2022, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by InspectorGadget

Regarding baby monitors, I have absolutely nothing to add where children are concerned. Though, I do know a couple that keeps a baby monitor under the guest bed so they can eavesdrop on their guests. They think it's funny, but I think they are creepy and will never spend the night in their home.

On being a dad: I think it is the best and the hardest job a man can have. Period. I would not trade being a father for anything. Many years ago, I remember writing about my daughter, now 29 and married, and Mini Gadget, now 28 and married, on this forum. I am still and will always be their father, but our relationship has grown and now they are also some of my favorite people to ski with, ride with, and spend time with. I also love the people they chose to marry.

This was my approach to one aspect of being a parent with both of my children when they were babies: since I couldn't nurse the kids, I would get up with them in the middle of the night as many times as necessary. I would change their diapers and then take them to Mrs. Gadget to get hooked up for feeding. Then I would take them back to bed when they were finished. I believe this helped Mrs. Gadget get the rest any new mother desperately needs. I think it also brought me closer to my kids. I remember one of those first nights when I walked up to my daughter's crib and looked down at her. I was overcome with emotion and thought of all the things my parents did for me. And all the shit I put them through.

Thank you. skiJ

**skinipenem** · 04-23-2022, 07:33 PM

Never really bit on this thread much, but unless your baby monitor has willy wonka's smell-a- vision then leaving the baby alone in the house seems like a really bad idea. [emoji91]

The monitors we have had relay a limited amount of data... small sight radius, temperature, and poor sound quality.

Just sayin...

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**Mustonen** · 04-23-2022, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by skinipenem

Never really bit on this thread much, but unless your baby monitor has willy wonka's smell-a- vision then leaving the baby alone in the house seems like a really bad idea. [emoji91]

The monitors we have had relay a limited amount of data... small sight radius, temperature, and poor sound quality.

Just sayin...

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

You don’t have fire/smoke detectors in your house?? Our cheapo surveillance cameras will detect a fire alarm going off and send alerts to my phone. Even an old analog baby monitor will transmit a fire alarm sound pretty obviously, though.

**TahoeJ** · 04-23-2022, 08:33 PM

So if you’re downstairs and the baby’s room with a closed door is upstairs you can smell the shit from there? I don’t think anyone advocating for the baby monitor method is saying oh just head out for 3-4 hours and you’re good! The whole point is it’s still very close by and easy to go check in.

Some serious mental gymnastics going on in this thread. FFS.

**Mustonen** · 04-23-2022, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

So if you’re downstairs and the baby’s room with a closed door is upstairs you can smell the shit from there? I don’t think anyone advocating for the baby monitor method is saying oh just head out for 3-4 hours and you’re good! The whole point is it’s still very close by and easy to go check in.

Some serious mental gymnastics going on in this thread. FFS.

I took it to mean he was talking about fire, but a quick google shows me that they have poop alarms too that would notify your phone. So I guess technology has solved that one too.

Block party opportunities abound!

**Mazderati** · 04-23-2022, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by idahospud

This is the kind of enthusiasm that I expect to see around a discussion of co-sleeping and if my memory serves, that didn't get nearly this much attention a while back.

That died a lot faster than I thought it would.

**SkiLyft** · 04-23-2022, 10:04 PM

Woof, salty folks are salty.

I’m not sure people buy monitors to abandon their kids; and frankly, it is quite the opposite. We buy monitors to be even more cautious with our littles.

Regarding monitors: it revolves around knowing your kid. Right now little E has pretty predictable naps and bedtime windows. Her crib is safe and devoid of SIDS risks.

We use a goggle nest camera that we can pull up on our phones and google docking stations. Great audio/image clarity (even in the dark).

Longest I’ve left the house is to run and get the mail; but I frequently will pull up the google app and let it run while I wrench on bikes or tune skis.

If I was buddies with my neighbor, I could easily see going over there for a beer while the google app was pulled up on my phone. There isn’t any difference between tuning in my ski shop vs walking next door to see my neighbor. My home is entirely automated via nest and alerts of smoke and CO go to my phone.

This is ever changing though; if one day E learns to escape her crib then I’m sure we will adjust.

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**ötzi** · 04-23-2022, 10:07 PM

wait, co-sleeping?

**J. Barron DeJong** · 04-23-2022, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by SkiLyft

Woof, salty folks are salty.

I’m not sure people buy monitors to abandon their kids; and frankly, it is quite the opposite. We buy monitors to be even more cautious with our littles.

Regarding monitors: it revolves around knowing your kid. Right now little E has pretty predictable naps and bedtime windows. Her crib is safe and devoid of SIDS risks.

We use a goggle nest camera that we can pull up on our phones and google docking stations. Great audio/image clarity (even in the dark).

Longest I’ve left the house is to run and get the mail; but I frequently will pull up the google app and let it run while I wrench on bikes or tune skis.

If I was buddies with my neighbor, I could easily see going over there for a beer while the google app was pulled up on my phone. There isn’t any difference between tuning in my ski shop vs walking next door to see my neighbor. My home is entirely automated via nest and alerts of smoke and CO go to my phone.

This is ever changing though; if one day E learns to escape her crib then I’m sure we will adjust.

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That seems entirely reasonable to me.

skiJ has already called Child Protective Services, so expect a visit shortly.

**riser4** · 04-24-2022, 05:23 AM

I fir one enjoyed the story about the 5 yo clown. Kid's got potential.

My wife put a camera in the garage a while back when we left the 17yo home alone for 6 days. The camera was because of the neighbor kid with the sticky fingers who might have decided to help himself knowing we were gone and our kid was at practice. Anyway, my wife and the kid were away for a few and so everytime I went in the garage I'd do a little silly dance and or wave. A lot. However, it made me realize I missed a pretty good April fool's prank. This would be the perfect application for a chicken or gorilla costume.

**skiJ** · 04-24-2022, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by Summer

I think one of the key points of baby monitors is being missed here.

We have one of those cameras that swivels and can see in the dark, play music, do your income taxes, etc. Occasionally the 5 year old gets a brainwave and disappears off to the baby's room. Eventually he'll yell out for dad to look at the monitor. So I'll wander around the house to whenever the monitor is, find out it's not charged, plug it in, turn it on, and see my 5 year old bent over smacking his ass like he's riding a horse and laughing. Dad laughs too. Then he'll yell for mum to look at the monitor. Mum laughs too.

Modern day shit stirring is the point of all this modern technology so far as I'm concerned.

I saw your post, Summer - and
I appreciate you post. - Thank you...

I'd like to see this thread drift back to the joy of fatherhood...

Today is a new day.

Thank you, Summer. skiJ

**skiJ** · 04-24-2022, 06:32 AM

I stand by my posts.

some people do live to argue - and internet forums seem to be a good place to find an argument...
I try not to feed the trolls, but throw out an idea like this was, and I may be your huckleberry --

I, too, hope your kids remember you for your jokes and your sense of humor ;
it can be a long, adventurous journey that passes in the blink of an eye
( there are a couple of posts up-thread that reference a lyric about the long days, and the years passing quickly... )

Time marches on...

Good luck. skiJ

**Touring_Sedan** · 04-24-2022, 06:55 AM

My wife works a normal 9-5, I work a 2-11. We're ships passing in the night. Years ago I installed an IP camera in the garage so she wouldn't get up in the middle of the night to check if the door was closed. That has since progressed to 8 other cameras scattered inside and outside including one in each kids room. Those were positioned above their cribs and gave us both a bunch of piece of mind when we heard a strange noise, but it also allowed me to be there virtually when my wife tucked in the kids for the night. IDGAF how you decide how or if you decide to use your cameras, but this worked wonders for our sanity, and still does.

**riser4** · 04-24-2022, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by Summer

See? That’s funny. It’s also an excellent insight into how dads think. We live for pulling stunts like that, not for arguing about whether or not going to the neighbour’s house for a cheeky beer warrants a visit from CPS/DOCS.

I hope my kids remember me for the smartass stunts I pull long after I’m gone. Kind of like how I’m going to remember that my neighbour bought the second cheapest red wine from the shops, bloody tightarse. Lucky he’s good people.

Hold my beer and watch this!