Who’s got jokes?

[Labcabin]

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter....






Jill came down with $2.50

Aoooooohhhh!!!

[billyk]

My Dad told me this one:

My wife asked what to get for my birthday. So I suggested she could buy me a seersucker suit from Coxes.

Unfortunately, she ended up going to Sears, instead.

[TBS]

My nephew Johnny was an out of the box thinker. Once in first grade the teacher asked “If there are four birds on a fence, and I shoot one, how many will be left?”

Johnny - “None because the others will get scared and fly away”
Teacher - “well the correct answer is three but I like the way you think”

Johnny- “I have a brain teaser for you teacher. There are three ladies with single scoop ice cream cones on a bench.
One is slowly licking all around the sides of the ice cream and taking bites out of the top.
The second puts her mouth completely over the ice cream and sucks.
The third nibbles her way up the cone and takes bites out of the ice cream from the side.

Which one is married?”

Teacher thought for a bit and said, “ Well I’ll guess it’s the second one who put her mouth over the ice cream”

“Well, the correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring’, but I like the way you think!”

[Labcabin]

From my four year old.

How do you get a tissue to dance?






You put a little boogie in it!

[basinbeater]

How many doors does the chicken's car have?


2, it's a coop.

From my 8 year old.

sent from Utah.

[The AD]

From my four year old.

How do you get a tissue to dance?






You put a little boogie in it!

This reminds me of the classic:
why couldn't the warlock get the witch pregnant?

He had a hollow weenie.

[MiddleOfNight]

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

[schindlerpiste]

Thanks, my keyboard needed me to spit tea on it.

Made me laugh

[XXX-er]

At the physio yesterday getting the monthly ACL checkout,

he asked me if its stiff in the morning

So i said " do you mean the knee ? "

[Mazderati]

What does Charles Dickens have in his spice cabinet?

















The best of thymes and the worst of thymes.

[TBS]

Why is it that cannibals will not eat divorced women?

They’re too bitter

[Benny Profane]

A priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a bar.
The barman asks the Rabbit, What do you want?
The Rabbit replied, I don't know, I'm only here because of autocorrect.

[Benny Profane]

Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.

[Benny Profane]

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

[billyk]

The three-legged dog walked into the bar and announced, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

[stuckathuntermtn]

Since it was inevitable that Polly ass hat reared its little head in this thread

Attachment 351174

That was a political joke? If you thought the joke before you was political, you might be in a cult.

Also, why is this funny? Is it one of those things where if you've never been stumped what snow tires to put on your 5 series, you wouldn't get it? Please, enlighten me.

[stuckathuntermtn]

Anyway, antivax jokes are just like antivaxers' kids. They never get old!

[wicked_sick]

What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?




The location of the dirtbag.

[Labcabin]

[stealurface831]

Townes Van Zandt from Live at the Old Quarter:

“There were these two drunks having this argument outside a bar,“ Townes Van Zandt said towards the end of his 1973 set at the Old Quarter in Houston. “They’re arguing as to whether that object up in the sky was the sun or the moon. This other drunk stumbles out of the bar and one of ‘em walks over and says, ‘Buddy will you help us out? We are having an argument and we can’t decide who is right… Is that the sun or the moon?’ [The man replies:] ‘aw I don’t know man, I ain’t from this neighborhood.’”

[refried]

Bob Weir's yellow dog story

[TBS]

What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?




The location of the dirtbag.

Also works with snowboarders

[chaka]

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?






With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

[chaka]

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?


Mick Jagger yells: "Hey... You!... get off of my cloud!"


Scotsman yells: "Eh... Ewe!... get off of McCloud!"

[irul&ublo]

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?


Mfffgggh