I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[iceman]

Attachment 328858

Hi^5! killer. just saw this.

[iceman]

You win both sides of that.

glad it wasn't wasted, I was amused but i thought I was the only one. Which happens.

[RShea]

I forget which comedien said it but i would just repeat his joke and say " I'm white, I'm male, I'm sorry " and she would say no yer not

She would say "No yer not" to which- White, Male or obviously you are not genuinely Sorry.

[Ted Striker]

Hi^5! killer. just saw this.

Thanks, Hi^5 back.

I post a lot of silly stuff and it's nice to hear when something lands.

[XXX-er]

The joke in her mind was ... not very white

not really very sorry

and like the ted said ... one out of 3 ain't bad

[warthog]

After finding yet another ding on her ride I asked her when she decided to drive by feel. Anyone have a room I can use for a little while?

[liv2ski]

O, that was a good one. Your girl didn't find that funny. She needs to lighten up. That was funny.

[XXX-er]

I should point out haven't actualy been married in 25 yars, the kids cost zero and all of my fukcups are consequence free

[plugboots]

After finding yet another ding on her ride I asked her when she decided to drive by feel. Anyone have a room I can use for a little while?

Oooooh, that’s a tough one. Hard to bite your lip. I tend to be real snarky about that kinda shit too. Oh well, sometimes it just slips out. I just started to figure it’s just material stuff, so...

[iceman]

T
I post a lot of silly stuff and it's nice to hear when something lands.

I try to give props for funny because I like funny and like getting props. If I havent thrown any your way it means one of us could be doing a better job.

[Skidog]

this^^ are we in the projects or something, no dishwasher ... wtf ?

unless you are the leaf liking enviro nerd in which case i undstand cuz i have friends like that who won't load a dishwasher even if its right there

Most new dishwashers are way more efficient than hand washing

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[Nobody Famous]

Most new dishwashers are way more efficient than hand washing

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Agree, not only on water usage but also energy usage.

[Name Redacted]

Just falling asleep last night after along day at work. Wife jumps and grabs me waking me up. She heard something. As her attack dog husband I jump into action and run downstairs, ready to beat some ass, even though I'm pretty sure nobody is breaking into our house, I gotta put on the show right? It was the ice maker in the fridge. I was up for three hours after that...

[XXX-er]

Most new dishwashers are way more efficient than hand washing

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yeah I know just don' tuse the drying option which uses the most energy, I used to tell the enviro nerds I was gona use the DW so if they also wash their dishes by hand we ain't saving the world on bit but it was a philosophical thing

same guy would be all vegetarian and say don't use my cutting board to cut meat so I just didnt use his cutting board

[Ted Striker]

I try to give props for funny because I like funny and like getting props. If I havent thrown any your way it means one of us could be doing a better job.

Well, one of us will have to up their game!

[californiagrown]

-Fiance spends a whole day every couple months or so pissed off at me because i broke up with her in last nights dream.

-Fiance has a habit of putting cups and bowls in the drying rack right-side-up because... she doesnt understand gravity???

-She is an enviro lawyer. A good one. Was a "one B in her life" type of student. But, put any movie or mini-series on TV and she will be confused about the plot once every 30 minutes or so. I used to have a roommate like that, successful as well. I dont understand how these people function so well in the world, yet cannot follow a goddamn plot meant for the masses to understand.

[Norseman]

I try to give props for funny because I like funny and like getting props. If I havent thrown any your way it means one of us could be doing a better job.

Well, one of us will have to up their game!

be assured that a lot of funny goes un-propped on this board. i get lazy, or self-conscious of over-responding by typing too many stupid empty lol's. need to work on the e-props

[iceman]

Circling back to the dog topic...wife brought it up a couple days ago. And started crying when I kept saying no. This woman doesn't cry. It was kind of stunning. I tried to make a joke about her bringing the big guns out but that didn't work at all. I didn't say yes but i'm toast boys. Now the challenge is to manage this somehow. And love the new dog when we get it. Fuck.

[iceman]

be assured that a lot of funny goes un-propped on this board. i get lazy, or self-conscious of over-responding by typing too many stupid empty lol's. need to work on the e-props

A "like" button would be far too simple apparently.

[Conundrum]

When I drink I sometimes snore. Usually I get a shove which is the sign to go to the couch and I'm really fine with that. This morning, I woke up with my hair sweaty and couldn't see anything. It was a little scary at first like I was having a medical issue. Then I broke through the two layer pillow fort built over my head with every pillow in the GD house. It's actually pretty funny if you're not the one disoriented, profusely sweating, and it feels like a cat crapped in your mouth.

Maybe I need to lay off Monday night sessions once in awhile.

[Boissal]

When I drink I sometimes snore. Usually I get a shove which is the sign to go to the couch and I'm really fine with that. This morning, I woke up with my hair sweaty and couldn't see anything. It was a little scary at first like I was having a medical issue. Then I broke through the two layer pillow fort built over my head with every pillow in the GD house. It's actually pretty funny if you're not the one disoriented, profusely sweating, and it feels like a cat crapped in your mouth.

Maybe I need to lay off Monday night sessions once in awhile.

I don't snore but I gnash my teeth. Hard. Or so every woman I've ever shared a bed with claims. I think they all lie as my teeth show no sign of wear and if the stories Ms Boissal tells are true I should have nothing left but gums, and well rounded ones at that.
Anyway, I routinely wake up with the pillow fort built between us and occasionally with a pillow on my face, always makes me wonder how long she contemplated killing me before going back to sleep. This morning however I woke up with a really sharp pain in my front teeth and a phone on my face. Apparently I was making a weird enough noise that Ms B decided to take a close look and use her phone light to see what was up. She "accidentally" dropped the phone straight into my face. And she wasn't looking from up close cause the fucker dropped from what felt like 20' in the air. I woke up confused as hell and in pain to howling laughter because apparently dropping phones into peoples's mouths is a good way to have fun. I'm sleeping in the chicken coop from now on.

[AK47bp]

When I drink I sometimes snore. Usually I get a shove which is the sign to go to the couch and I'm really fine with that. This morning, I woke up with my hair sweaty and couldn't see anything. It was a little scary at first like I was having a medical issue. Then I broke through the two layer pillow fort built over my head with every pillow in the GD house. It's actually pretty funny if you're not the one disoriented, profusely sweating, and it feels like a cat crapped in your mouth.

Maybe I need to lay off Monday night sessions once in awhile.

This experience highlights the dangers and risks we’re all exposed to here with this ridiculousness need to festoon our homes with various pillows.

And for what? So our homes look like some HGTV commercial to appease some inner need to conform to the standards set by corporations and Big Pillow!?

Enough is enough here, we almost lost a good Mag last night.

How many pillow related deaths are we willing to accept? 1? 2? 12?




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[Conundrum]

Our ladies are cut from the same cloth. Whenever her accidents cause me physical pain, she laughs. Hard.

[muted]

I told my wife last year that my multiple ear infections after my second kid was born was because of her. She responded, I'd love to hear this explanation, dead-panned.

She snored so loud I had to put pillows over my ears to sleep. Moisture build-up caused the ear infections. Once she stopped snoring because of weight loss or whatever after giving birth, resulted in no more pillows over my ears, no more ear infections. She listened to this, and silently walked out of the room.

[NW_SKIER]

Circling back to the dog topic...wife brought it up a couple days ago. And started crying when I kept saying no. This woman doesn't cry. It was kind of stunning. I tried to make a joke about her bringing the big guns out but that didn't work at all. I didn't say yes but i'm toast boys. Now the challenge is to manage this somehow. And love the new dog when we get it. Fuck.

I'm still holding out. Vibes