Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[ncskier]

I'd make sure to document those FB messenger discussions with the old flame that's back in her life.

It can't help her case if she's been cheating on you. You might never need the ammo, but in case she goes full tilt at you, it's best to have a checkmate

In NC you can actually sue the spouses cheating lover under an obscure provision call "alienation of affection"
Had a friend nail his ex-wifes old high school BF for a big time settlement. Was able to prove they had rekindled a romance via FB messenger.

"In North Carolina, you may sue an individual who has caused a married person to suffer the loss of affection of their spouse, so long as the marriage was peaceful and intact at the time of the affair. In layman’s terms, you may sue your spouse’s paramour. To prove this case legally, however, you must satisfy the following:"

You and your spouse were happily married and a genuine love and affection existed between you.
The love and affection was alienated and destroyed.
The wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant produced the alienation of affection

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

20 years happily married.
What's confusing? Having mutual respect for a lifelong partner. Maybe you didn't notice that I said its a two way street. Not a male dominated 50's mentality.
Why on earth would anyone spend their entire life supporting another grown adult on this planet who doesn't meet their emotional and physical needs.
I've met too many men and women that after 15-20 years have become nothing more then a wallet to their significant other.
If you go to work all day and come home to a mess and no food and your dry cleaning couldn't even be put out or hung up, you may have a crappy roommate.

Congrats!

My point is what may seem simple and works for you does not work for everyone. For every marriage like yours that works I can tell you of just as many like yours that fell-apart. And I can find just as many that you might think are doomed for failure for any number of reasons that you listed that are successful and long lasting. IME speaking in absolutes when it comes to things like marriage or child-rearing generally illustrates a lack of experience. But I'm glad you've found what works for you.

[ncskier]

Congrats!

My point is what may seem simple and works for you does not work for everyone. For every marriage like yours that works I can tell you of just as many like yours that fell-apart. And I can find just as many that you might think are doomed for failure for any number of reasons that you listed that are successful and long lasting. IME speaking in absolutes when it comes to things like marriage or child-rearing generally illustrates a lack of experience. But I'm glad you've found what works for you.

It's fine. I apologize for coming across so harsh. it is very complicated for sure.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

It's fine. I apologize for coming across so harsh. it is very complicated for sure.

No worries, we're only at 10 years so with 20 years in I'm sure you could teach me a thing or two.

[Gepeto]

As I recall, she found you in a berry patch somewhere.

[DBdude]

every time I see the word pie on this website I think of honey pie

[Marshall Tucker]

i was into baking

[Micol]

nobody is put on this earth for a free ride.

easy now everybody needs a freeride



married and divorced in relatively short time frame. wife couldn't tell the truth. never noticed it when dating because my brain was lulled by lots of sex. the day i was married things changed with regard to truth. when asking her what was going on, i was told she couldn't keep up with all the little details. i tried to live with it for a while, but that didnt' work for long. trust is the foundation for a relationship. its easy not to keep up with little details if you don't lie. i knew that bigger things and deception was coming down the road. divorced, was sad, but never looked back. i did feel pretty stupid for not paying more attention through dating process....

[Gepeto]

i was into baking

lol... so, nothing's changed [emoji95]

[shroom]

6am summer morning out picking blackberries for a pie.
i was into baking

that is killer

[Benny Profane]

FREDERICK, VA—Scoffing at the idea of letting some so-called expert charge him an arm and a leg, local father Dave Gordin told reporters Wednesday that he is fully capable of fixing his marriage himself. “I’ve got pretty much everything I need to patch this thing up right here at home,” said Godin, adding he could always run out to the bookstore for any relationship guides he might need to get the marriage back up and running smoothly. “These phony professionals are just going to rip you off, and half the time they leave your marriage in worse shape than it was before. It’s usually just a small issue with communication anyway, so I’ll just open up emotionally and it’ll be good as new. It’s nothing I can’t knock out in a week or two.” At press time, a frustrated Godin was beginning to wonder if it might be easier to just scrap this marriage and go out and get a new one.


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[FLS]

easy now everybody needs a freeride...

Ahhh! I see what you did there. Nicely done

You are also right about the trust thing. Once it's compromised, tough to get back, if ever. YMMV.

[stuckathuntermtn]

I'd be the best stay-at-home wife. No kids. Just bang the doctor after she takes a nice bath I had prepared for her after she got home after I spent part of the day cooking, cleaning, and drinking beer.

[Gcooker]

Marriage is an illogical business deal and that fact only becomes apparent ... when its over

I missed this quote the first time around. Spot on


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[Benny Profane]

In NC you can actually sue the spouses cheating lover under an obscure provision call "alienation of affection"
Had a friend nail his ex-wifes old high school BF for a big time settlement. Was able to prove they had rekindled a romance via FB messenger.

"In North Carolina, you may sue an individual who has caused a married person to suffer the loss of affection of their spouse, so long as the marriage was peaceful and intact at the time of the affair. In layman’s terms, you may sue your spouse’s paramour. To prove this case legally, however, you must satisfy the following:"

You and your spouse were happily married and a genuine love and affection existed between you.
The love and affection was alienated and destroyed.
The wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant produced the alienation of affection

How in the hell do you prove that last part, especially since it's all come down to this lawsuit?

[Meanfruit]

It's a damn shame when the polo ponies get involved.

Sig worthy

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[anonalias]

So… definitely getting divorced.

We finally separated a few weeks ago. There was some ridiculous back and forth the first couple days… where she moved to the guest bedroom…or started to, but decided sex made more sense. Then I moved out for a night…told her I needed space, and I didn't know for how long… but the next night she decided sex made more sense. I tried several times to shut it down that last time, but she wore me down. It was not a good experience, though. Part of that was because in between, she told me that I'd "basically been raping her for years" on account of how she didn't think she could really say no, even though she wanted to, to the once every week or two schedule we were on. Her batshit FB friends thinking that is one thing…but her taking it to heart pretty much killed any desire I have to ever be intimate with her again.

Some of the FB group stuff was genuinely hilarious, for a while. Things like "give him a couple weeks of doing his own laundry and feeding himself, he'll come crawling back" or "see how much luck he has finding somebody who wants to have sex with him every day and pretend to enjoy it" or "lock your bedroom door, he's obviously a sociopathic sex addict!" They also went off on some really crazy prepare for divorce tangents, like scheduling consults with all the lawyers in a 100 mile radius so that I couldn't get one, or documenting all the shitty mean things I've said or done in the past decade, or whatever. All of which she did (I'd already consulted a lawyer, and my state is no fault, so…she wasted huge amounts of time).

Anyhow, the sex was only ever a part of it, and even that was under the broader umbrella of general physical affirmation and intimacy. At/around the point of separation, she told me she finally, truly recognized that she had basically been a shitty person for years, and that she was going to change. I don't want to question her ability to change for the better - and I really hope she does for the sake of our kids and her future relationships - but I'm just not interested in seeing that through with her.

I'd told her that I need space and time to figure out my head, which she found impossible to give…. Which was always another big issue. I haven't been able to have space, guilt free, for years. This just reinforced that…and eventually she pushed to where I had to tell her I wanted a divorce. I'm not sure that's where I would have ended up, given time, but that's where it is now, and damn is it a relief.

Now we're going through the negotiation phase, which isn't fun. She would like the house (meaning she would like me to make the mortgage payments indefinitely), and she wants full custody, and she wants alimony approximately equal to half of my take home for the next decade. She says her lawyer consults and therapists and everybody else assure her that this is pretty much what the courts will give her. So that's fun….. In the meantime, I live in the guest bedroom and things are just generally fucking weird. But… I have time and space, and opportunity to connect and reconnect with friends I've neglected for years, and things are generally feeling better, even if it's stressful as hell.

[AK47bp]

Ouch. Full custody, the house, and half your income for a decade?

You're getting fucked if she gets that.

That sucks ass

[grskier]

There is a lot there...

1) Get your own space, not just a room.

2) She's said some very damaging things about you to you... ask her not to go out and say it others.

[oftpiste]

So sorry man. This shit sucks wild rat dicks.

[Kevo]

Why does she deserve half of your income, full custody and the house? Why is that the default arrangement?

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[Micol]

vibes +++++++++++

[Kevo]

Also, it is not advisable that you ever vacate the house in advance of a court order. Push to sell the house, split the equity and be separate. If you move out first, you lose negotiation position and it makes it easier for her to keep the house.

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[DBdude]

if it is a great house for kids, then you keep it and split custody 50 50 and she has to stay in the school district

[Danno]

Make sure you have a good lawyer and don't make any decisions without consulting the lawyer.