Coaching young kids sports teams

[Smoova]

^^^ This worked out well for everyone.

[Timberridge]

"Son, I'd love to keep you on this team because all your friends are on it and I enjoy watching your coach's big bouncy tits but she offended me, you understand?"

[DBdude]

she did offend me. and she is a wore out hag - no eye candy to put it mildly. the coach on the other hand...

the last thing I want to hear after a day of bullshit at work, is bullshit about being late for an eight year old's soccer game. it's not important, and I don't want my kid to think it is important and I am not going to make a commitment to being on time or act like I did anything wrong

[DBdude]

^^^ This worked out well for everyone.

sarcasm, hmmm what does this concept sarcasm entail?

[Timberridge]

she did offend me. and she is a wore out hag - no eye candy to put it mildly. the coach on the other hand...

the last thing I want to hear after a day of bullshit at work, is bullshit about being late for an eight year old's soccer game. it's not important, and I don't want my kid to think it is important and I am not going to make a commitment to being on time or act like I did anything wrong

I maintain that children learn more from their parents' actions than they do from others. So, what you taught your son is:

1. Dad is easily offended, and cares about this stuff more than he's letting on
2. The way to deal with conflict and adversity in life is not to work it out, but switch teams (coaches, teachers, bosses, etc.)
3. Big bouncy tits and his friends are less important than your feelings as a parent

[DBdude]

all true except the team he is on now is with his best bud

in some things it is my way or the highway in regards to what I do. I have never had too much of an issue with that. I own my shit and I do it my way - it's worked out ok for my career.

and really what is there to work out? I am a single parent and I don't have family to help me and I ask for help from other parents for only really important activities. I am not going to jump through hoops for after school soccer for an eight year old because I don't think it is important in any way. Him being on another team is a better fit for me, and that is more important.

[strawjack]

^

I can't say I go quite that far with totally equal time but I'm coaching middle schoolers so they know that everyone will play plenty. 8th graders always start and those girls that show up regularly and practice hard earn more playing time. Those who want to use practices as social time will get plenty of time to yap on the bench during games. My experience, they learn very quickly that practice is for more than just recess play if their field time is reduced.

You're obviously coaching girls We did the same at that level (travel, not school) and ended up winning our leagues states in which every player played in the final. I'm not going to lie as it was kind of hard to get everyone in that game, but we made a point to do it. Reflecting back it would have sucked to win and not have every member a part of it and it would have been fine to lose if every member was a part of it.

Fucking assholes...he was 7...already pushed out of the sport essentially

Give it time and he may be back as my oldest had a bad experience at try-outs for LAX when he was young...maybe 10-11, I forget exactly. Anyway he bailed and continued with his other sports. Sophomore yr in HS he was tired of the travel soccer scene (truly the traveling...car time) so he decides to give LAX a shot again. Three games into the season he ends up on varsity and plays against the coach he tried out with years ago.

My youngest has it figured out. He's on the golf team, but really it's the surf team. The HS just doesn't know it. The four surfers on the team don't care about their internal qualifying matches if waves are predicted. If they lose, the don't go to the match and get to surf instead. Life is good.

[Timberridge]

DBdude, I certainly understand the single parent time aspect, as someone I know deals with that.

Having coached youth sports in my town, I've had really good experiences *knock on wood*, and we've always worked any issues out, but I've seen parents handle adversity in interesting ways.

In one extreme case, our neighbors moved to another town, because their son was not getting enough playing time on his U12 team and the situation between the parents and coaches in town devolved. The kid was a nice kid and friends with my son, and it was quite traumatic for him to move. But the parents wanted to prove a point I guess. An extreme example of switching teams.

[4matic]

My youngest has it figured out. He's on the golf team, but really it's the surf team. The HS just doesn't know it. The four surfers on the team don't care about their internal qualifying matches if waves are predicted. If they lose, the don't go to the match and get to surf instead. Life is good.

I coached HS golf. Although "coach" is probably not an appropriate term for the position. It was great. Typically good kids that love the game. Our matches were a 9 hole stop on the way to the back nine. I had one very good player who was not my favorite kid. I know that he and his opponents from other schools would subtract shots to lower their average (kids are kids. never did catch them). This kids dad was high octane and after a bad round he was yelling at the kid to play better as he probably had a lot of money invested. I'll never forget that the team just looked at each other like wtf...it's golf. We all headed off to the back nine. I see those kids years later and they still love golf.

[4matic]

We arrived 20 minutes late for an after school game and missed the team meeting.

I don't know man. They probably handled it wrong but on time is a basic rule for most team sports.

[DBdude]

ouch

those parents are crazed

i get what you are saying, but I have a silly job in some ways that I really like, that takes priority at certain times. I work from home when I want, but right now, I have to be in the office a lot. It sucks, but that's the way it is. I could do my gig 100% remote, but our company culture does not allow that.

I am actively looking for a remote gig - but it is hard - they are all contracting gigs, and I don't have any savings to tide me over between jobs

[DBdude]

I don't know man. They probably handled it wrong but on time is a basic rule for most team sports.

I am aware, but it really doesn't work for me. I have two kids, and between the older boys sports, the music lessons, I can't always leave work early. I commute 40 minutes each way and don't like putting the eight year old on the bus in the morning. It comes at 7:15. So I drop him at school at 8:00, I am at my desk at 8:45. I need to put full days in. It is expected

edited to add

my ex's job is less flexible than mine - and I end up covering a lot of their activities on my off weeks.

Divorce is a bitch - it was a lot easier before we split

[4matic]

I am aware, but it really doesn't work for me.

I have the same issue with some of my staff members.

Good luck. Being a good single parent is tough enough.

[DBdude]

LOL - yes I remember

[DBdude]

so the whole nasty thing comes out - i was criticized about something I am a little sensitive about. I start to think I am getting shit about an eight year old's soccer game, and I got steamed immediately.

It is what it is. I am what I am and I know what I can commit to and what I can't. And to be criticized by someone who I assume doesn't have a job with the responsibilities I have makes me pretty damn angry pretty fucking quickly

I carry my job every where I go. I don't ever get far from my laptop. I can vpn in on my phone. I like my work, but it is always there at the back of my mind and then for total bullshit reason, I have to be at my desk to do tier one support.

I am always rushing home for the boys or the dogs or rushing to work. It's a drag and it wears you down.

[MMP]

forgive me stating the obvious, but why not drive the homeward leg of a carpool if you cant get out early to get him there on-time. stay at home milf drives them there, you swing them home.

we juggle a bunch of kids of all ages, all over the place, so FULLY appreciate what's involved.

[DBdude]

not good with the milf's - small town - don't like asking - not socially part of the scene - don't know anyone

I live in a rural small town in Vermont - there really aren't a lot of options

[Buster Highmen]

s'ok...you did fine. Don't get jerked around by people.
On the other hand, maybe an opportunity was missed. Sometimes it might be a good experience for all to have the "little chat" with the control freak and do some tweezing.

Overall, though, yeah, don't waste time with negative experiences.

In general, yeah, people take their kids sport experiences too seriously. I ski raced as a kid and saw more than one parent absol00tely flip out at their kid or sometyhing peripheral to skiing and ruin the kids experience. I'm probably parentling to the other extreme and don't force mine to go if they don't want to - the love has to come from within.

[Smoova]

sarcasm, hmmm what does this concept sarcasm entail?

I wasn't being sarcastic - at least in the short term, everyone's a winner: you are happy to be off the team, the coach is even happier that you're gone and your kid is playing with his buddy. Long term is up for debate, but other folks have already pointed that one out.

From the idiot coach's perspective, you can avoid issues like this in the future if you let the coach know about your circumstances at the beginning of the season (even if it's only 8 year-old rec ball) - he/she has significantly more time, emotion and energy invested in the silly team than you do and when your kid isn't there without notice you piss on them just as bad as you feel like they were pissing on you.

[booner]

I coached HS golf. Although "coach" is probably not an appropriate term for the position. It was great. Typically good kids that love the game. Our matches were a 9 hole stop on the way to the back nine. I had one very good player who was not my favorite kid. I know that he and his opponents from other schools would subtract shots to lower their average (kids are kids. never did catch them). This kids dad was high octane and after a bad round he was yelling at the kid to play better as he probably had a lot of money invested. I'll never forget that the team just looked at each other like wtf...it's golf. We all headed off to the back nine. I see those kids years later and they still love golf.

HS golf was fucking awesome. I quit lax once I hit HS just to golf on the team. My mom flipped out about it too...still talks about it 20 yrs later..."I can't believe you..blah blah blah"

I was really good so the coach never even saw me at practice. The top 4 guys would go out ahead of everyone and smoke cigs, dip, smoke weed. We all still golf together all these years later, and all love it. One of the guys is a superintendent at one of the local courses and it's in ridiculous shape for a cheap public course...greens are fucking PURE. His big tourney is actually this weekend...can't wait.

My golf coach was the coolest MFer ever. He had a conversion van he'd drive us to the away matches in and we'd just all make fun of each other the whole time. He's a pro at one of the courses in town and I stop in to see him a few times a year. Private course and I can play it for free whenever I want...great guy. Dude was a stick too...the coaches always played for money behind our last group and he never lost. He'd shoot high 60s and take everyone's money

[Tuckerman]

So Coach, what should I do when my kid starts telling the Coach what position she plays and on which side and refuses to play a different position. I told she has to play where the Coach wants to play her she disagrees and says "not if he wants to win." I feel bad for him.

[booner]

So Coach, what should I do when my kid starts telling the Coach what position she plays and on which side and refuses to play a different position. I told she has to play where the Coach wants to play her she disagrees and says "not if he wants to win." I feel bad for him.

I don't know...cringe?

If it were me I'd let the coach know that you're on their side. A lot of coaches are afraid to deal with that the way they should to avoid a confrontation with the parents.

I'd be all for benching my kid in that situation...might make her reconsider

[Timberridge]

So Coach, what should I do when my kid starts telling the Coach what position she plays and on which side and refuses to play a different position. I told she has to play where the Coach wants to play her she disagrees and says "not if he wants to win." I feel bad for him.

I had a kid once who refused to play the outfield. As a result, I told him he could not bat in an everyone bats Little League. I told his parents why he was sitting on the bench--in the battle of wills he ended sitting there for the whole game. They were fine with him learning his lesson. We never had a problem the rest of the season. As a coach if you let one or two kids push you around, the whole team devolves into chaos.

[4matic]

So Coach, what should I do when my kid starts telling the Coach what position she plays and on which side and refuses to play a different position. I told she has to play where the Coach wants to play her she disagrees and says "not if he wants to win." I feel bad for him.

I'd probably go all Bobby Knight and bench the whole first string and blame her for losing.

[strawjack]

HS golf was fucking awesome. I quit lax once I hit HS just to golf on the team.

What's funny is how all his friends that play soccer or football are so jealous of the golf team guys. They all know it's the best HS sport due to the freedom.

Coaches and parents care way more than the kids do about all this shit. They know they're not going pro, but some of the parents seem to think their little johnny is going...even in HS. Kooks.