Coaching young kids sports teams

[4matic]

I will have him removed as coach.

What authority do you have to do that? Do they have a play everyone rule? Did he agree to a code of conduct?

[Smoova]

^^^ I've been on both sides of this issue. If this is a rec-level team, my bet is that the coach feels (consciously or subconsciously) that he has a duty to the parents to deliver a successful product on the field.

As a coach, some of the most constructive advice I got was from a parent who told me that (i) I cared more about the team's success (which is different than winning) than most of the kids and all of the parents, (ii) all of the parents appreciated my coaching and were delighted that their kids were on my team, and (iii) none of the parents ever thought that any of the team's losses/failures were the result of poor coaching.

This discussion helped me get a better perspective on the parents' expectations and allowed me to adopt the policy that every kid who showed up for the game played at least 50%.

[strawjack]

The Irish and English guys I've coached with and against are fucking nuts. Some have a similar meathead mentality of our football coaches. Obviously they are all individuals and you need to figure out the best approach. Sounds pretty good that he sent an email out though, so I wouldn't think a threat is in order, but more a reassurance about developing the kids, not sitting them on the bench.

[skiballs]

What authority do you have to do that? Do they have a play everyone rule? Did he agree to a code of conduct?

This u10 rec level. Yes there is a code of conduct and coaches are told specifically not to questions the refs calls.
Yes there are play everyone rules. I have no official authority, however I do business, play golf and drink with the league commissioner.

[4matic]

I worked with an old football coach that had been out of the game for a number of years after 30 years of coaching varsity. He was a great coach but he didn't play everyone or even practice the whole team (old school) and I took the heat for it. AD's office, meeting with The Dean, etc. I explained to him how times have changed and he went along with it. I took the heat from him when a substitution was misplaced at the wrong time. Comes with territory; it's a man's game. But we met often and he learned quickly that the world had changed so he changed and he even said it was better because it was more fun for everyone.

You should invite the guy to go out with you and the comish and talk about coaching.

[strawjack]

This u10 rec level. Yes there is a code of conduct and coaches are told specifically not to questions the refs calls.
Yes there are play everyone rules. I have no official authority, however I do business, play golf and drink with the league commissioner.

U10 rec. The dude is certifiable.

[old goat]

^^^
This discussion helped me get a better perspective on the parents' expectations and allowed me to adopt the policy that every kid who showed up for the game played at least 50%.

Is that mathematically possible? Or do you coach in Lake Wobegon? (But seriously, good post).

[skiballs]

You should invite the guy to go out with you and the comish and talk about coaching.

This is the right call. I did offer to help the guy coach and was told "I'll let you know if I need help".

[Smoova]

Is that mathematically possible? Or do you coach in Lake Wobegon? (But seriously, good post).

Ha! Good catch. Lacrosse team with 18 kids. 10 on the field at a time. "At least" = 50% or more.

[4matic]

This is the right call. I did offer to help the guy coach and was told "I'll let you know if I need help".

When I was coaching I was running a drill that was dangerous. Kids loved it but it was dangerous and I kinda knew it. One of the old varsity coaches said lets go for a run. He didn't bring up the specific drill but made suggestions that he thought would make me a better coach. Smart guy.

[booner]

Hockey season starts tomorrow for the team I coach. I'm actually excited

I used to have 35 kids from age 5-8 and mixed abilities that I had to wrangle. Now I'm on to a travel team with only 10 kids had to tryout for...all the best 8 yr olds. We have 2 different travel teams with 10 each that will practice together, but that's still going to be a breeze compared to coaching a bigger group that has kids that can barely skate mixed with kids that are good.

I can finally start to actually teach the game instead of just concentrating on skills 100% of the time. And I don't have to constantly manipulate the drills based on the different abilities I used to have

[dcpnz]

My third year coaching soccer - currently u8 rec. It's fricken hard!! I've got some kids who are pretty darn good, some who try hard and some who I'd be surprised if they could even pick their own noses.
I'm a wee bit self conscious of what the parents on the sideline think of what I do and how I coach but most seem very appreciative of what is a pretty substantial volunteer commitment.
I have a equal play time philosophy - its just the right thing to do at junior rec level - and I work very hard to make sure all are included in the flow of game as much as possible.
Overriding goal is to ensure everyone has fun and learns some skills.

[booner]

I have a equal play time philosophy - its just the right thing to do at junior rec level - and I work very hard to make sure all are included in the flow of game as much as possible.
Overriding goal is to ensure everyone has fun and learns some skills.

Absolutely

I have a buddy that coaches the next age group up from me...9 and 10 yr olds.

Last year the guy he coaches with was benching the weaker kids and my buddy pulled him to the side and told him he'd be picking his teeth up off the ground if he pulled that bullshit again...I love it...fuck that guy

My son's lax coaches are all douchebag losers that bench 7/8 yr old kids if they're not good enough. I hope they all die in a fire honestly

There certainly is a time where the weaker kids need to sit some...8 yrs old ain't it. Just thinking about it makes me want to drag them out of their houses one night and send them to the bottom of the lake

[Smoova]

Overriding goal is to ensure everyone has fun and learns some skills.

Almost every team that I have coached has been blessed with a bunch of good athletes and wound up winning more games than it lost. On teams like that it's always easy to enforce equal playing time. I'm always impressed when I run into a team full of lousy athletes that loses every game, but the coach still finds a way to make it fun for the kids. Those coaches are the good ones.

[Smoova]

My son's lax coaches are all douchebag losers that bench 7/8 yr old kids if they're not good enough. I hope they all die in a fire honestly

QFMFT - even worse when they trot out the "well, Johnny-the-6-year-old got a little more playing time when we were trucking a team 23-2, so it's OK that he rides the pine for every playoff game."

Pathetic.

[booner]

QFMFT - even worse when they trot out the "well, Johnny-the-6-year-old got a little more playing time when we were trucking a team 23-2, so it's OK that he rides the pine for every playoff game."

Pathetic.

yep. we played a couple tourneys and the weaker kids literally played about 2 minutes the entire game. They'd put them in...kid would lose the ball...pull the kid right back out.

These kind of people need to go away...like, forever


I play every kid the exact same amount of time no matter what. I don't care if the kid's legs don't even work...he's getting his time in the game

[FussyDutchman]

^

I can't say I go quite that far with totally equal time but I'm coaching middle schoolers so they know that everyone will play plenty. 8th graders always start and those girls that show up regularly and practice hard earn more playing time. Those who want to use practices as social time will get plenty of time to yap on the bench during games. My experience, they learn very quickly that practice is for more than just recess play if their field time is reduced.

[spook]

between parents and coaches it's amazing that kids play sports at all.

[booner]

^

I can't say I go quite that far with totally equal time but I'm coaching middle schoolers so they know that everyone will play plenty. 8th graders always start and those girls that show up regularly and practice hard earn more playing time. Those who want to use practices as social time will get plenty of time to yap on the bench during games. My experience, they learn very quickly that practice is for more than just recess play if their field time is reduced.

That's fair. If and when I coach that age I'll be pretty tough on them like that.

I've been coaching hockey for 4 years...always my son's team since he was 4. I'll have the 100% equality policy for another few years and then it's reality check for the kids. It's select travel, so it has to be that way at some point.

My son is a good hockey player, but he's one of those kids that are on the bottom of the talent pool at lax. The lax coach thing burns me on both sides...he's my son AND that's the complete opposite way I coach, and think kid's that young should be treated. I really have a hard time standing on the sideline and not just tearing into the coach for being a total piece of shit. The HS team is amazing and all the coaches think it's HS already with these little kids.

My son played last year at a different school district...much smaller program The coach was awesome and treated the kids great...played em all the same amount of time and ENCOURAGED them...imagine that!!! My son had a better time AND he played better cause he didn't have any pressure...and played in games. He knew exactly what was going on this year and by the half-way point in the season wanted to quit and just stopped trying. Fucking assholes...he was 7...already pushed out of the sport essentially

[dcpnz]

..he was 7...already pushed out of the sport essentially

Booner that sucks. It's amazing how much and how quickly young kids can get better when you give them the opportunity to learn, practice and play. Not to mention that they all develop physically at different rates too. Hate to see a "coach" push a kid away from any sport like that.


Fussydutchman - I think middle school is a different deal and sounds like you have found a good way to manage it. I don't know where the transition away from equal play time is, but I know my thoughts on it are very different for 6&7 year olds in a rec league than it is for 13&14 year olds on competitive travel teams.

[Cono Este]

We're in fall ball now, and picked up 3 great players. Two of which take turns in the outfield because the coaches kids are hogging the infield.

I'm not a baseball player, but it seems to me at this age this fathers/coaches are just geared towards getting their kids enough time at a position to learn it, and then hang on to it for as long as possible. Sad because without those errors we win every game.

I just sent me yearly reality check to the head coach in email, I'd end up yelling if I did it in person. I reminded him we did not win a game in the spring that my kid did not pitch, and his response was that in 4 innings of fall ball my sons numbers were slipping. I then responded by adding them to spring ball numbers and my sons ks % was still almost 50%!

Little league has driven me to drink again.

[MMP]

semantics regarding playing time are important when speaking with parents. They want EQUAL time, and they have a stopwatch for their kid only. We had a saying "all players in good standing receive meaningful playing time" good standing? attendance, attitude, effort... Miss practice, mouth off, disrespect a teammate, opponent, official....not good standing.

"Meaningful" meant a regular shift, throughout the game (lacrosse and football were the sports I coached). Equal is not possible given man-up, down situations, but to go from your second line to your man-up group, then back to your 1st line without fielding the 3rd line of middies? Parents of those kids pick up on that shit quickly.

[creaky fossil]

between parents and coaches it's amazing that kids play sports at all.

doesn't count if it's not organized and capable of creating entries for junior's C.V. in the future

[skiballs]

^ It's cute when one paste eater tries to bond with another paste eater.

[DBdude]

there are idiot parents and idiot coaches at all levels

For me it's about having fun. I don't really care about what age the kid is at. I am not interested in my kids excelling at sports. I don't have a lot in common with parents that think it is important.

The following happened recently with an assistant coach for my eight year old's soccer team. We arrived 20 minutes late for an after school game and missed the team meeting. The assistant coach remarked that she needed to talk to me and my son after the game.

I said how about now?

She replied that my son needed to make the team meetings.

I replied it's hard to get away from my desk early.

Her response, was that she could do it and I was expected to have him there for the meeting.

I pulled my kid off the bench, took him home, and now he is on another team.

I was seriously pissed. He is in third grade and wants to hang with his buds and have fun. It's not about winning, it's not about anything except fun.

Second, I have a flexible, but demanding job, I support 1400 users between the accounting system and health record systems we use. I just can't leave my desk when I want to. And I am certainly not going to make a commitment to being on time for a 3rd - 4th grade soccer match. My kids see me working at all hours of the day and night, they know what the deal is with my job.

Third, the coach needed a word with me and my son? WTF, like he has anything to do with it. Is he supposed to be ashamed of his dead beat not on time dad?

The coordinator is a friend of mine and I strongly suggested that the assistant coach needs to take a fucking chill pill.