Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[Slaag Master]

does this lift go to the top?

how come you have duct tape on your ski pants?

[admx]

I just can't stand it... I just can't buy outfits that some else doesn't have. I think I'll go to Europe this year that way I can buy the latest fashion and no one else will have it! Probably be a really nice one piece!

[maloneSTAR]

Riding up the chair at Tyrol Basin, WI during high school, there was a brother and sister on the chair in front of me, and their parents in front of them. The brother and sister are arguing and the parents are trying to mediate from in front. Finally, the Dad yells, "That's enough Brian! You've managed to ruin yet another vacation!!" When the kid whines "but Dad.." the Dad yells again, "That's enough!!", and turns around for the rest of the ride.

priceless

[IAMULLR]

two days after the 15" dump tuesday, that has since been tracked out and rained on ...guy at the gym says "I'm going up to the mountain tonight I heard its powdery up there. All I can say is "ya, have fun"

[Moralkaka]

Apparently from Engelberg (Freeride.se):



:-)

[StevieG]

^^

Can vouch for the above - Engelberg is bizarrely popular among Indian tourists who'll be braving storms at the top of Titlis in nothing more than some natty knitwear. Something to do with a couple of Bollywood movies and possibly a soap opera being filmed there.

[pbourdon]

Overheard at Caberfae (small midwest area) while skating a not very well covered access trail to one of the lifts...

Gaper to his kid coming out of the fancy-schmancy members clubhouse, "Don't ski over the dirt ok Timmy, it'll ruin your skis."

I almost laughed out loud.

Also....

I spent the better part of a half hour shoveling out a little hip on the side of one of the runs, it didn't turn out totally how I wanted it because I had a cheap little plastic shovel with me, but that's beside the point. A couple of kids (proably between 16-18) come up to me just when its about done and ask...

"Are you building a jump?"

I really, really had to bite my tongue so as not to give a really smartass remark. I just chuckled a little, smiled and said, "yeah."



edit:
One of my friends (chick) that went up with us yesterday says this to me....
Her: "yeah, I mean my board is pretty beat up, look at the base....I really needed to get a new one"

Me after looking at her base:"Hahaha....those scratches are from twigs and shit and aren't even that deep, they still hold wax. "

Her:"I know, but my boards totally dead"

Me:"........................"

[old goat]

This could go in the lame plates thread, but I think its better here.

Passed on the way home from work: Camry driving through mild snow excessively slowly in the left lane with the Montana license plate "IMATEXN"

You sure it didn't say IMTEXTN?

[Peruvian]

Heard on a SoVT gondy yesterday:
Race coach (complete with Mountain Creek Ski Team jacket full of spancership patches from various financial planning firms ) to 13 year old girl racer (in full makeup): "You can't ski Mt. Hood in February, the weather's too bad."

[guroo270]

Guy in Philly eagles jacket and beanie... Wanted to give him a chance cause I like cheesesteaks more than life. In your best hey Joey voice, "you know you're at the best mountain when the weed is as good as the mountain. They have the same characteristics."
Wait, what? You lost me there, buddy.
Later on the lift, I'm perfecly happy being an average snowboarder. I'm trying out a new angle. 21* and 6*.
Me, I'm at 0and 0 so that means nothing to me.
Hebproceded to cut me and my wife off as he got off the lift. Average...
Also, riding up sourdough express, I saw a train of 25 people following right behind the train of groomers, going super slow so as to not run into the groomers, obviously just trying to get those "fresh tracks". I couldn't believe it.

[f2f]

Guy in Philly eagles jacket and beanie... Wanted to give him a chance cause I like cheesesteaks more than life. In your best hey Joey voice, "you know you're at the best mountain when the weed is as good as the mountain. They have the same characteristics."
Wait, what? You lost me there, buddy.
Later on the lift, I'm perfecly happy being an average snowboarder. I'm trying out a new angle. 21* and 6*.
Me, I'm at 0and 0 so that means nothing to me.
Hebproceded to cut me and my wife off as he got off the lift. Average...
Also, riding up sourdough express, I saw a train of 25 people following right behind the train of groomers, going super slow so as to not run into the groomers, obviously just trying to get those "fresh tracks". I couldn't believe it.

what is this i don't even

[PulverSchwein]

not a gaper quote, but a pretty funny line at the mall today.

Me: trying on and putting away various slippers as I dial in the pair I want
hot young girl and her guy: doing same
Me: put away one more slipper, keep looking
Girl: "hey, you just put it in my box!"
Me: raise eyebrows, snicker
Girl and Guy: awkward pause
Me: look at the guy, and say "dude, I didn't even touch her!!"
Guy: laughs and jokes around about it
Girl: turns red

and we laughed. They left and I laughed even harder

[Lindahl]

It only got worse when he asked if I would be using my 136mm waist, reverse reverse, 195cm Powder Boards for park...

I get this one a lot - people asking me if the Billy Goats are my park skis.

And that rope tow video.... ... couldn't help from laughing out loud in my cube.

Couple gaperish moments of my own:

1) Cambell Basin at Crystal Mountain last year, hitting some untracked ~under the lift above the main cliff band near the top. I come ripping around the corner of some trees and speed check at the top of the cliff band - rocks in the landing. A snow snake grabs my uphill ski and pulls it off, sending it down the face of the cliff directly under the chair. The bastard stops right in the middle of the cliff! Had to downclimb in my alpine boots, grab the ski and climb back up. All sorts of great comments from people on the lift right above me (wish I remembered them). Time to turn up the DIN.

2) Last year, heading out on the packed trail to Earls gates at Vail to cut into the glades farther up, a pack of at least 6 are gaping in the middle of the packed trail. I lose speed in the deep, getting off the trail to avoid them. We have a not-so-friendly exchange, and I turn my head back to make another smart-ass comment when my ski catches the deep and I go down. They got a good laugh at my expense on that one. I hope none of them were maggots, but if they were: if you're not moving, get off the f'in trail/traverse!

[halcyon]

I'm not normally the ragefull protective type, but some big dude on a snowboard cuts off my girlfriend in the slow zone and I chase him into the lift line where I yell:

"Hey fuckface!" (he's the first one to turn around) "If I see you cut someone off like that again, I'm going to stab you in the fucking forehead."

He replies with a pissed off and self-righteous "Well obviously I didn't do it on purpose."

Dude would've destroyed my girl if they'd collided, and he was riding fast enough and in control enough that he had no excuse for nearly running over her skis. I really don't know which one of us is the gaper in this story, but I'm willing to let it be me, if only for the priceless look on his face and how he kept bitching to his buddy after I'd mostly brushed it off.

'Stab you in the forehead'... no idea what I was thinking with that one.

[Bullet]

I'm going to stab you in the fucking forehead."

That's your best tough guy line?

[dumpy]

No good quotes, but man was it gaper day on my local hill's (Greek Peak) opening WROD day.

Saw the extraordinary bibs over the jacket combo, I guess she takes her pants off whenever she goes inside. Wish I had gotten a pic.

Another gaper flailing downhill, jacket all the way unzipped (18 degrees, 20+ mph winds, snow guns running on only open trail), didn't know how to turn and his obviously more experienced friend wasn't showing him. Would go 10 feet, fall, get up walk 30 feet, ski for 10, fall, repeat. I wanted to smack his friend in the head with a pole for bringing him out on a horrible day to learn, not taking him to the right terrain and not attempting to teach him anything.

The GF got collided into by a slightly advanced beginner snowboarder who was being videotaped by his friend. Dude could only turn toeside and was paying way more attention to the camera than the hill. I didn't see it, but she said that she tried to turn out of his way and next thing she knows feels hands on her back. He went down, she skied away. I saw him eat it about 5 more times that day (this happened on our second to last run).

[Haywood Jablomie]

Gaper guy to his gaper wife...

"Yeah, alpine skiing really isn't that good of exercise."

[Spyplane]

"Stab you in the forehead?"

Wow, you picked possibly the least threatening place to stab someone. You'd need an axe to do damage there.


Onto the quotes guys... and try to keep enough grammar going so that you don't end up pulling a guroo270.

[farmer]

I'm not normally the ragefull protective type, but some big dude on a snowboard cuts off my girlfriend in the slow zone and I chase him into the lift line where I yell:

"Hey fuckface!" (he's the first one to turn around) "If I see you cut someone off like that again, I'm going to stab you in the fucking forehead."

He replies with a pissed off and self-righteous "Well obviously I didn't do it on purpose."

Dude would've destroyed my girl if they'd collided, and he was riding fast enough and in control enough that he had no excuse for nearly running over her skis. I really don't know which one of us is the gaper in this story, but I'm willing to let it be me, if only for the priceless look on his face and how he kept bitching to his buddy after I'd mostly brushed it off.

'Stab you in the forehead'... no idea what I was thinking with that one.

lol. I did this when I went skiing with my mom last year. It was at night, we were on the only green run on the mountain that was open at that time. Gets narrower around a corner just after the lift (up on Mt Seymour, for any vancouver mags. lodge chair was closed at the time) Mom can't ski worth shit, but she was having a good time up until then.

asshat group of snowboarder goes flying by and comes within less than a foot of hitting her, cutting her off. she just about bails, but manages to stay on her feet. Snow conditions were crap, so I thought I'd take out my old straight skis for shits. Good choice, as now I don't give a shit about my gear getting trashed, and I can go faster than the retard I'm about to collide with. I take off, few seconds later catch up to him and his buddies. tuck and nail one in the back of the helmet with a pole while skiing across his board, cut another and giving him a good elbow / shoulder as I go by, and then take off into the trees. Didn't see them the rest of the night, luckly.

[/sweet blog]

nothing noteworthy yet this season. MT seems to have less gapers than vancouver does.

[halcyon]

I was at Cypress.

I was about to blank and stutter so I just said the first thing that came to mind while staring at the dude's gaper gap.

Aside from that, I didn't hear a single unusual thing all day.

[Horu]

"Stab you in the forehead?"

Wow, you picked possibly the least threatening place to stab someone. You'd need an axe to do damage there.

Not true. I saw an episode of forensic detectives or the like where someone was stabbed in the head with a ski pole. The victim had been attacked, subdued and then dispatched with the business end of the pole.

[karpiel]

Much more effective than "punch you in the face". Anything that makes you sound insane works.

[Sinecure]

Conversation on chairlift this weekend.
Future Popsicle: The snow is awesome over in Estelle.
Me: Patrol just closed it because of slides.
FP: I don't have to worry about that.
Me: Huh?
FP: I have a beacon.
Me: Are you skiing with friends who have them too?
FP: Nah, don't need to. Patrol has the thingy to find me - see, there's the sign in their window - I have the beacon in my pants. (points to RECCO)
Me: You should go into the patrol room and ask them about that thing. (knowing that the biggest dickhead patroller we have is in there at the time)

[the_immaculatedeception]

Conversation on chairlift this weekend.
Future Popsicle: The snow is awesome over in Estelle.
Me: Patrol just closed it because of slides.
FP: I don't have to worry about that.
Me: Huh?
FP: I have a beacon.
Me: Are you skiing with friends who have them too?
FP: Nah, don't need to. Patrol has the thingy to find me - see, there's the sign in their window - I have the beacon in my pants. (points to RECCO)
Me: You should go into the patrol room and ask them about that thing. (knowing that the biggest dickhead patroller we have is in there at the time)

And to think I thought the "i have a beacon in my pants" was just a good pickup line.... i stand corrected :P

wow Sinecure.. care to point him out to me sometime so i make sure he's never skiing above me!!

[telesucks]

you guys that start arguments and get in fights with "idiot snowboarders" make me ashamed to be a skier.
grow up.