Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[Slaag Master]

Made the mistake of going out today. No headphones. Heard many a sweet comments

thats the truth - remember the headphones!

[weasel1]

Kid comes into our shop, asking for the "snowblade department"...Department? Really!?! Wait...gets better...

We ask if he goes a lot..."Yeah, I go out a lot. I'm a pretty serious snowblader. I go all day; I don't even stop for lunch!"

You can't make this shit up....

[Enoch]

Not a quote, just an image that I will laugh at for years:

Forty something male, heavy southern accent, wearing ski boots, jeans, an old sweatshirt, no hat, no gloves, with his sneakers tied to his belt!

Mind you this was at Steamboat on saturday when it was snowing all day. I would have felt bad for the guy if I could stop laughing!

[SpinalTap]

^^^^^
You FAIL. You FAIL at almost EVERYTHING. And the things you don't FAIL at are the things you SUCK DICK at. Shut the hell up, you are unfunny.

Wow. All that misplaced anger. What's wrong? Did your parents forget to love you?

[DropCliffsNotBombs]

Not a true gaper .. but funny quote.

The other night after skiing with my wife and two kids... my daughter the darling little 4 year old princess dressed in pink... leading the family up the steps through a group of teenage girls.... turns to her big brother (8) right behind her and says...

" Sorry about the BIG FART Noah !! "

I swear the teenage girls almost fell down the stairs laughing as they couldn't believe what they just heard ... as well as us.

Not funny... or ski related.

[Spyplane]

Not funny... or ski related.

It was a self fulfilling post. He ended up being the gaper.

[carvedog]

Not funny... or ski related.

Ok. So not super ski related, but at least the first post JONG wasn't coming into the thread to bash on our fun.

Fart jokes with your kids outside of the family are not as fun, but still better than "oh you so superior skiers shouldn't be laughing at these folks" bullshit that that guy posted up a few pages ago.

Carry on.

I am not funny either.

[Sessiøn]

The finest collection of fartbags ever!

http://www.fluorescentrompersuits.co.uk/index.html

[tyfalk]

a classic quote from a ns gaper...."how do you get to chads gap from the bottom of alta?"

[mtsprings]

This incident did not happen on the mountain skiing, was funny but not necessarily worthy of a post in this thread, but read on.

This past Saturday my family and I checked into Bucks T-4 after completing the driving from Jackson Hole to Big Sky after two days at Jackson and one at Targhee. We were exhausted as the skiing had been great (2/4 Targhee 8”, 2/5-6 Jackson 5” & 7”) and had pushed hard those days. We were looking forward to a good soak in the hot tubs to be as recovered as possible for the last day of our trip at Moonlight. I opened the gate to a large raucous group with many empty PBR cans around the deck.

Ready to leave for dinner the one lady instructs the group to pick up every can as she steps from the deep part of the hot tub to the deck. Her foot slips on the wet deck and she tomahawks backwards into the hot tub. The group applauds as they pick up the cans.


The lady = Rachel Burks
The group = Julian Carr, Parker Cook, Jamey Parks, Tyler Knoles, Justin Medreu and several others

The group was at Big Sky doing an event for the Billy Poole foundation skiing with under privileged kids. They were very, very nice people and even got a poster and signed it for the kids later that evening. I was thrilled to meet them, to now be able to say that I saw Rachel Burks eat shit and can confirm that they are as hard charging Après as they are on the mountain.

[booner]

There was a H.S. race today and it was snowing hard, and had been for about 8 hours. So there's a ton of people slipping the course and I'm riding up with 2 old bags.
Clueless old bag #1 "What are they doing?'
Clueless old bag #2 "They're putting more snow on the race course"
Clueless old bag #1 "Oh!...they're gonna have some great conditions for that race with all this snow!"

[jonesy]

The longer I work the race dept. the more some of them act like little shits. The course is toooo turny. Oh no they salted, That's not how my last name is pronounced. Is that my REAL time. I'm cold.........It's an outdoor sport!

[stuckathuntermtn]

Two of my favorites from a former life as a rental rat. 1) "What do you do with the big bumps (moguls) in the summer?" 2)"What elevation do the deer turn into elk?" You just got to love the folks who left the brain at home. They sure do make for some fun stories.

I've never been asks this or head it asked to someone near me, and I can't believe people actually ask either of those two questions, but I've heard about it a lot. Unreal.

Today in Costco I heard a guy on the phone telling his friend about the night and day difference with those "new hyperbolic" skis. After a long day of classes, still having to go shopping, just wanted to be at home with my dog, and the constant exhaustion I feel from my shoulder healing (sling just came off for those who care.), it really made my day.

I like to imagine that a hyperbolic ski would be like riding the evening news.

[stuckathuntermtn]

The finest collection of fartbags ever!

http://www.fluorescentrompersuits.co.uk/index.html

They need to be called romper suits on this side of the pond, too. I love it. It really emphasizes how childish they are.

I was at REI the other day walking past the shop counter and heard this exchange

Shop Guy: Well, which kind of skis would you like, classic or skate?
Lady: Do you have backcountry skis? We're going to Hatcher's pass this weekend!

IIRC, there is quite a bit of XC to be had at Hatcher's and Backcountry is an actual category of nordic skis. Then again, the XC is probably pretty name and plenty doable in classic stuff. (I mean my bro used to do it when he lived near there.)

There was a H.S. race today and it was snowing hard, and had been for about 8 hours. So there's a ton of people slipping the course and I'm riding up with 2 old bags.
Clueless old bag #1 "What are they doing?'
Clueless old bag #2 "They're putting more snow on the race course"
Clueless old bag #1 "Oh!...they're gonna have some great conditions for that race with all this snow!"

this is great on many levels:
1. your contempt for people who, while clueless about racing, are appreciative of lots of freshies.
2. Ski racing's contempt for freshies
3. the above is one of the reason racing is retarded.

[booner]

3. ... racing is retarded.

I think competitive racing for young people is only mildly retarded. I understand why they would want to be on a team and compete, even though it's sad to see them spend the majority of their time on the hill side slipping and standing around doing nothing. I also understand why adults would want to continue competing if they're really good....BUT, when I see 45 year old beater MFers gate bashing on powder days and I want to take their skis from them in throw them in the woods where they'll never find them.

[Lelandjt]

When I see 45 year old beater MFers gate bashing on powder days and I want to take their skis from them in throw them in the woods where they'll never find them.

Better than having them chew up the powder. It's frustrating these days how every gaper has 85mm+ skis and goes after the freshies. It seems like the fresh doesn't last as long as it used to when the masses stuck to the groomers.

[Crampedon]

Tourist on front st., Lahaina, looking at Lanai "is that Honolulu?"

Lelandjt, in Breck or Lahaina?

[Sessiøn]

Today in a local shop

Rad shop dude: Did you buy these here?
Me: No, but I bought my Prophet 100's here
Rad shop dude: Why do you need Prophet's and Sir Francis Bacons?
Me:

Like they are even close to being the same kind of ski.

[dumpy]

Today in a local shop

Rad shop dude: Did you buy these here?
Me: No, but I bought my Prophet 100's here
Rad shop dude: Why do you need Prophet's and Sir Francis Bacons?
Me:

Like they are even close to being the same kind of ski.

Because the Bacons match your other jacket, DUH!

[Lelandjt]

Tourist on front st., Lahaina, looking at Lanai "is that Honolulu?"

I work at Lahaina Fish Co. (a restaurant on the water) from which you can see the far end of Molokai on the horizon. I tell people it's Japan.

Lelandjt, in Breck or Lahaina?

Breck summer and winter, Lahaina spring and fall. A good way to spend mud season. We should meet up some day when I'm hiking or surfing on your side.

[QuikR12]

I think competitive racing for young people is only mildly retarded. I understand why they would want to be on a team and compete, even though it's sad to see them spend the majority of their time on the hill side slipping and standing around doing nothing. I also understand why adults would want to continue competing if they're really good....BUT, when I see 45 year old beater MFers gate bashing on powder days and I want to take their skis from them in throw them in the woods where they'll never find them.

when i see boarders traversing through a nice pow face for no reason, or heal sliding one after the other plowing the snow down to the crust layer, I want to take chainsaw straight down middle of head through middle of board. They will never do that again.

[counterfeitfake]

Today in a local shop

Rad shop dude: Did you buy these here?
Me: No, but I bought my Prophet 100's here
Rad shop dude: Why do you need Prophet's and Sir Francis Bacons?
Me:

Like they are even close to being the same kind of ski.

because otherwise you wouldn't have a QUIVER

DOYEE

[booner]

I really need to stop taking one ear bud out on the lift. This is probably one of those "ya had to be there" moments...but, I think I rode up the lift with a physics professor who had just awoken from a 15 year coma earlier in the day. He had some sweet straight toothpick Rossis on, circa whenever the fuck 15 years ago was. He was watching people turn and freaking out about how "this is all inertia, and momentum, and centrifugal force", and on and on and on about how skiing is all physics related. The more the guy rambled the more exciited he got..practically working himself into a physics induced seizure. It was very strange.

[jeffamantea]

"Why would people hike up there? Oohh, there must be a chair on the other side."

[farmer]

I really need to stop taking one ear bud out on the lift. This is probably one of those "ya had to be there" moments...but, I think I rode up the lift with a physics professor who had just awoken from a 15 year coma earlier in the day. He had some sweet straight toothpick Rossis on, circa whenever the fuck 15 years ago was. He was watching people turn and freaking out about how "this is all inertia, and momentum, and centrifugal force", and on and on and on about how skiing is all physics related. The more the guy rambled the more exciited he got..practically working himself into a physics induced seizure. It was very strange.

my high school actually went skiing for the winter semester's physics field trip. fall semester got to go to the amusement park and ride the roller coasters.