Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[waxman]

I know it says weekend but I gotta get this one out.
"I want my money back! These conditions are horrible, I never would have come here if I knew it would be this shitty!"
Heinous bitch with the thickest Jersey accent you could imagine after her first run on an 18" powder day. Location: Killington, VT

i believe i've met her the one time i skied killington for a sales meeting and then every time i've been to Jackson Hole...

[skiitsbetter]

Best gondi ride ever for us at KHMR
-2 others join us, one is a skier on what appear to be rentals and the other is a boarder wearing a balaclava
-We are talking about Oakley stuff, and the skier mentions about how he has broken 4 pairs of Juliets.
-Skier goes on to talk about how nice it is to finally be "dusting" off his boots, asks us where we ski; My friend replies: "The steep stuff", to which he says, "how are the moguls?"
friend:"we don't ski the moguls"
skier: "Have you guys skied Euphoria?"
Me: "Where is Euphoria? Which ridge is it off?"
(after looking at a map, I determined that Euphoria just another run on the lower mountain)
My friend was talking about how he launched off a diving board like rock under the gondi, and the skier replies "Oh, you mean Pride rock?"

Dude thought that he was pretty awesome, but then again, so do I for posting this in here

The run before, we came across a group of 12 yr olds with their dads who looked like decent rippers, but they spent 5 minutes trying to get their skis on in the middle of the traverse because it was slightly off camber

[Out_to_lunch]

I was riding up the lift with a kid the other day and he sees a group of folks traversing. He yells back to his friend on the chair behind us, "look! They must be nordicing or something!!"

[dumpy]

The other night I went right from work to ski, so I got ready in the lodge, something you normally can't pay me to do.

As I'm getting my boots on, this typical soccer mom, ya know the type that are typically overly concerned with their kids safety comes in, followed by a troop of about 5 kids. She goes to the bench next to the one I'm on and starts grabbing bags, the kids all basically invade my personal space.

Her one daughter, maybe like 7 or 8 and all decked out in pink, is standing next to her, looking lost on how to start getting ready to go home. The mom, unbuckles the girl's helmet and SLAMS it on the concrete floor and says "now put your helmet away and let's go".

I almost asked the lady if she had any concept of how a helmet worked or if she is just trying to pull her genes from the pool while still looking like she is concerned about her daughter's safety. Instead I just finished getting ready as quick as I could and got the fuck out of there.

[CNYFF]

a lil background first, so the story makes sense. I drive a 98 jetta with a thule box on top of it.

So on my way home from work this morning I stopped by the local dunk & donuts for a coffee. I get done ordering get my coffee and walk outside, the guy that served me follows me out the door. When we get out the door he says to me.

"You going ice fishing with that boat you got?"

it took me a minute to figure out what boat he was talking about, and why you'd need a boat to ice fish in the first place...but I just said, "nah it holds skis" and walked away dejected with society....

but its good to know that I can multi task with my thule...i'm skipping utah and going to the atlantic this winter to do some fishing

[njfreeskier]

^^ Yeah I drive a jeep cherokee with a thule box on top and I've gotten asked before where I was going kayaking. Took me a while to figure it out also. But the person who asked me didn't work at Dunkin Donuts.

[Benny Profane]

waitaminute. How do you ice fish in a boat?

[old goat]

There's a country music festival at Steamboat right now, along with the 13,000 texans that arrived to yeehaw and look for 'powder areas'. I always get a lot of gaper questions and bizzare comments whenever I ski 'cos a lot of people haven't seen a sitski before.
But today made me smile even more than normal.

While getting into the ski at the base a guy with a cowboy hat was watching and was asking the normal questions; "How do you stop that thing?" Whenever someone asks me that I always say something like "Oh I normally just find a tree or snowboarder to crash into". But this guy started asking more and more questions and obviously didn't have any idea how skis work at all:

Cowboy: How do you steer that thing?
Me: I just get it on edge by leaning and get the ski to work the rest.
Cowboy: Oh yeah, but you must have some kind of steering mechanism on there right?
Me: No, just the ski.
Cowboy: So how do you go straight?
Me: Gravity.
Cowboy: How does that work?
Me: Bye, have a great day.

Wait a minute--asking how gravity works--that's a serious question. Something about bending in spacetime I think. We all take gravity for granted--but isn't this forum Teton GRAVITY RESEARCH. On the other hand I don't expect a Texan to figure it out.

[toast2266]

Gapers on lift notice people skinning up the side of the run

"Look honey - they're totally spider-manning up the mountain"

[Scree Shredder]

Guy trying to get on the the tram with snowlerblades being told by patrol he can't go up there with those. "I can do things on these you couldn't even imagine" patroler: "I don't doubt it but I can't let you up there on those"

[Helldawg]

Guy trying to get on the the tram with snowlerblades being told by patrol he can't go up there with those. "I can do things on these you couldn't even imagine" patroler: "I don't doubt it but I can't let you up there on those"

FTW! That 'troller was channelling Big Wally for that one

[Huckin eh?]

Im not trying to slag easterners with this. but I just saw this status quote from an old aquaintace from facebook.

"Enjoyed three slopes and 1.5 lifts at Alpine Valley today...but skiing in Wisconsin makes me miss Ontario!"

oh dear!

[monkeywrenchMoose]

Guy trying to get on the the tram with snowlerblades being told by patrol he can't go up there with those. "I can do things on these you couldn't even imagine" patroler: "I don't doubt it but I can't let you up there on those"

Hahaha WIN!

[Helldawg]

Im not trying to slag easterners with this. but I just saw this status quote from an old aquaintace from facebook.

"Enjoyed three slopes and 1.5 lifts at Alpine Valley today...but skiing in Wisconsin makes me miss Ontario!"

oh dear!

Wow, how did he enjoy half a lift? Did he jump off? Sweet TR.

[Crampedon]

Crossing the bridge to get on the chair to blue sky yesterday, medium traffic, moving pretty fast. Guy in front of me does a full hockey stock right in front of the maze entrance causing a very near multi-rider pile-up. I suggest ( a bit salty) a poor place to stop without looking. He says "SKI IN CONTROL" and skates into traffic to get to 17. Hmm...

Took some self control not engage this ass-wipe a bit further.

[nurbs]

So while soaking in the hot pool, a little kid says to his dad while going into the "cooler pool" from the hot pool,

"daddy is this the penis shrinker pool"

[nealric]

At the Beaver Creek lodge:

Me: talking about how Beaver Creek really can't compete on terrain (Steeps, etc.).

Beaver creek ski instructor overhearing me: "Are you kidding me? Have you tried the TALONS CHALLENGE? That's some of the most EXPERT terrain out there!"

Me (rather nonplussed): Dude, it's just a bunch of bump runs.

Instructor: Stammers something about the talons being the HARDEST RACE COURSE IN NORTH AMERICA

[counterfeitfake]

So while soaking in the hot pool, a little kid says to his dad while going into the "cooler pool" from the hot pool,

"daddy is this the penis shrinker pool"

Yes. Yes son, it is.

[gh444]

The gf asks "Do you want to go skiing with my friends and I at Big Bear?"

I like getting laid so I quietly laughed under my breath and politely declined....

[onetoomany]

From Copper over Christmas:

Me to Skier in Lift Line: "Watch out, your power straps are undone."
Skier in Lift Line: "Umm, those are for carrying the boots, they're supposed to be undone to ski."
Me: "Sorry, my mistake."

Guess I'm just another uneducated snowboarder.

[Eluder]

Sounds like the little guy has it figured out.

[prokeke]

"Ice is good for skiing, you go way faster"

[Shadam]

ok so how old are you? how many years have you been playing this game? so I've just rolled into town this year, go to my local SKI shop, and holy fark how phat is the average width of a ski now days? so I couldn't help myself ... " these skies are all too wide, do you have anything in a 75mm waist? I don't want float on the snow, I want to ski under the snow!!!"

[That was Pontus]

While filming and hiking a line off CPR at the Horse today, heard from the gondola, "You guys are wrecking all the fresh powder!"

I'm sorry did you mean the 5cm of wet cement that blanketed the mountain?

[JayPowHound]

I heard a good one from a student over this past Christmas break:

"These skis aren't very good on ice because they're race skis. They go too fast to turn on ice."