Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[pfluffenmeister]

while taking the last empty seat on the bus at beaver creek with my goliath 191's i hear some guy say to his buddy:

"i remember when you tell who the good skiers were by how long their skis were"

[oftpiste]

Not a quote, but yesterday I saw a skier in a full-on motorcycle helmet. My 9 yr old son sez to me, 'hey dad, look at the guy with the motorcycle helmet'. Turning to look I automatically said, 'it's probably just a full-face.....' But it wasn't. Sure enough, it was, as my boy said, a motorcycle helmet. WTF?

[SkiFreeor...]

Not a quote, but yesterday I saw a skier in a full-on motorcycle helmet. My 9 yr old son sez to me, 'hey dad, look at the guy with the motorcycle helmet'. Turning to look I automatically said, 'it's probably just a full-face.....' But it wasn't. Sure enough, it was, as my boy said, a motorcycle helmet. WTF?

I heard it makes for a much better ride, not as much noise from the wind howlin past your ears.

[scott499]

More of a story than a quote,

Last year I spent a couple weeks boot-fitting at a rental shop in Winter Park and witnessed some of the highest concentration of gaper activity imaginable. This place is apparently the mecca of texan tourism during spring break...

The mornings were just the typical mess of family vacation mayhem, but as we neared the afternoon, the real winners would start to emerge... About 10-15 people per day returned complaining of uncomfortable boots, the number one cause of discomfort: blue jeans tucked into ski boots. It was pretty common to see people wearing jeans under insulated pants, and two pairs of heavy socks. It was 60+ degrees almost every afternoon.


-Most memorably work story-
Overweight woman, mid 30's stumbles in the the shop sporting a heavy limp, neon snowsuit, and and intense mix of pain and frustration across here face...

women: "my boots are really hurting my feet, can I try a different pair?"
me: "lets try putting those on the other feet..." (boots were on backwards)
women: "oh my gosh! thank you, that made a huge difference!"

[slowroastin]

Holiday Valley? yeah they are dicks there.

yep, holiday valley pigs

[PulverSchwein]

this one is just my quote to a gaper but it was fun to say

me: you guys gonna load the chair or what? (guys are at the last merge point and the other side of the merge has filed in for the last 3-4 chairs as this group of young snowboarders stand around talking with each other)

gaper punk: why don't you take the singles line if you're in a rush

me: how about you all stop looking around with your mouths open gaping at the world and get on the fucking chair

gaper punk: gets moving

[Ithnu]

Last year a coworker (one of the only other serious riders at my work) and I were discussing the Lake Chutes at Breck and this other woman jumps into the conversation. Side note: she had just moved to CO a year ago from Texas and started snowboarding "because she lives in Colorado now". She listens for a while and then asks us "how do you keep your forehead warm when you're going fast?" "I was going really fast at Breckenridge last week and my forehead was freezing."

The two us look at each other in confusion and then realize what she meant. The gap between her goggles and hat where her skin was exposed. We tried (with moderate success) not to laugh in her face. You can't make that shit up. A Texan complaining about the gap between her goggles and hat getting cold. I should have checked to see if her and her husband have starter jackets and jeans.

[BushwackerinPA]

yep, holiday valley pigs

for place that actually gets alot of snow for where it is you would think they would lax their rules alittle.

Holimont FYi doesnt give a shit what you do.

[QuikR12]

On one of our 2ft November powder days riding up mt. hood exp w/ a couple young ski patrol guys, and a gaper snowboarder dressed in full camo to look hella core ... The ride starts with the normal cordial hello's, how ya doins...?

Me: Fanfuggintastic man, perfect day. (near blizzard conditions but deeeeep)

Ski Patrol: Yeah, pretty epic.

Gaper Snowboarder: Yeah, its crazy tho, but there's TOO MUCH POWDER. Its craaazzy!

(Me and ski patrol look awkwardly at each other processing what gaper just said)

Gaper Snowboarder: I was going to head over to Heather, but if its this crazy over here its gonna be worse over there "fo sho"

Ski Patrol: Yeah, well Heather's closed so that makes the decision easier on ya. I was over there setting up some signs and kept getting those powder shots in the face.... That pesky powder, I hate it when it does that.

Me: Chuckle, chuckle.

Gaper: Yeah, like I said, the powder is crazy, there's just too much of it.

All of us: chuckle chuckle chuckle

Ski Patrol: yeah, I kept looking for a groomer run over there but couldn't find any.

Gaper: Yeah, there's some groomers but there's lots of people on them, but the snow is nicer.

all of us: near outburst of laughter

Ski Patrol: Yeah, I hear the lodge is nice, and um, the ridge run.

Gaper: well guys, i'm gonna listen to music now so have a good day. (Puts his headphones on and cranks it up)

All of us: laughing hysterically

[vtbcskier]

Last week I took my family to Marmot Basin near Jasper for some skiing. My daughter is a strong intermediate aspiring-advanced skier, but my wife is a first-year skier and having some difficulty in learning, as she really freaks out if it appears at all steep. However, she's been very good at the lifts, never screwing up and keeping it moving. We're boarding the Caribou Chair, which is a deuce, so the three of us can't ride together. It's a bit icy in the maze and there is a little "up hill" just before you follow the last chair out. Both of my gals are having a tough time getting over the little hill, and it looks like they'll miss the chair. The line-up is super-short, so I don't pay much attention. However, in the interest of keeping it moving, the liftie shoves them both forward, but neither is expecting the extra help, and my daughter veers to the side and instead of boarding, gets whacked by the chair and launched to the side. My wife reaches to help her, and gets launched off herself. It was like an old Steve Martin comedy! The liftie halts the lift, both of them get up, and board the next chair. The guy behind them is groaning and spewing shit about "learning to ride the lift..."

As he looks like every other dumb fat redneck Albertan, I just let it ride. No sense in letting stuff ruin a nice day. Then the redneck goes to board the chair, hits the same uphill icy bit, pushes hard past it, and crashes into the chair he's following (an empty as he missed following the chair with my gals) and loses a ski. He's a giant fuckin' mess, best described as "I've fallen and I can't get up."

I don't even have a chance to say a word as these three teen girls are ripping into him fiercely for "not learning how to ride a fucking lift!!"

I know, nice blog. I'm a long winded jong, whatever, flame away.

Karmic justice at the loading ramp. It's one of the few side benefits of being a lifty. Getting to witness this type of hilarity daily is priceless.

[Crampedon]

Gaper Euro rental Bike related: German dude comes into the bike shop mid-morning to rent a road bike. walk shorts, t-shirt, teva's. Says just for the day, refuses the helmet I tell him we close at 5 or first thing in the morning is okay. Wants to ride to Makena. It is blowing HARD trades, 30+ with much higher gusts and this is 25 miles downwind. I suggest another route, the wind ect.

" The Wind is no factor whatsoever, in my country, where I come from, I am very fast"

"Right on, here you go bro, let me set that seat height for you, have a nice day"

Shows up in Taxi at 5:10 as I am pulling out, has nothing "whatsoever" to say...

[mwthomsen]

How about right here on this board.

What does BSL stand for!

[ame="http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=176254"]silly question .. what does BSL stand for - Teton Gravity Research Forums[/ame]

[oftpiste]

Good call, but I find post #17 in that thread a bit puzzling......

How about right here on this board.

What does BSL stand for!

silly question .. what does BSL stand for - Teton Gravity Research Forums

[MMP]

Makena

did they lift the restriction on hot women at little beach yet? One of the only times i wished i was blind

[skibumm100]

for place that actually gets alot of snow for where it is you would think they would lax their rules alittle.

Holimont FYi doesnt give a shit what you do.

As we used to say when I worked at Wing.....Holiday sucks......

Ski Wing for untracked. Pay no mind to the "No Tresspassing" signs.

[Crampedon]

Ban lifted, big beach now end to end with hot young fine girls watching the local bro's skimboard into the shore-break. Pics to follow.

Warning: do not go over the hill to little beach without a gaydar beacon and beer goggles. Set beacon to repel.

[MMP]

^^lol

Maui no ka oi

[72Twenty]

At the ski swap last weekend, I was bringing in some gear to sell (the gear drop off was the night before the ski swap) and this girl had some fairly beat up tele boots that she wanted to sell. She asks the guy that was making the tags: "I bought these last year from a friend for fifty bucks, do you think someone would by them for $150?"

This wasn't really a gaper thing and I guess there is nothing really wrong with it, but it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I guess it is just because I have been buying and selling used gear for so long.

[stuckathuntermtn]

you should have said "In this economy?"

[72Twenty]

Heh, I laughed at a lot of things at the ski swap, simply based on my experience with Gear Swap over the years. One kid was selling some Dynastar Legend 8000's with Markers, length looked to be like 160's and he had $400 on them. They didn't sell. I LOL'd.

[Garth Bimble]

Ready to shred some Thanksgiving Day gnar...

Attachment 68755

[JaytaeMoney]

Not really a quote, but I had one of my more agonizing Aspen mtn gondola rides in recent memory yesterday.

I'm in the line by myself with plans to meet friends at the top; the line is pretty mellow and everyone is pretty much getting their own bucket. I hop in and immediately two (not hot) Japanese girls get in with me, dressed head to toe in designer clothes with huge sunglasses, fur boots and all that bullshit. No ski gear, they were just riding to the top to eat at the Sundeck I guess. Whatever. Next some 60+ year old gaper with 150cm skis hops in as well despite the fact that there are plenty of empty buckets coming around behind mine. I wanted to get out right then and there and I wish I would have because the entire 15 minute gondola ride consisted of this fucktaster telling the girls how much money he had, where he has traveled, where he has houses, how good of a skier he is, namedropping left and right, etc most of which is almost certainly complete and utter bullshit. Of course these girls were totally eating up every word. I didn't say a word the entire time and by the end was wishing I had a revolver I could put in my mouth.

Highlands can not open soon enough.

[Garth Bimble]

Not really a quote, but I had one of my more agonizing Aspen mtn gondola rides in recent memory yesterday.

I hop in and immediately two (not hot) Japanese girls get in with me, dressed head to toe in designer clothes with huge sunglasses, fur boots and all that

I wonder if they were the same 2 that were in line in front of me at the Downieville BK yesterday morning...they were asking if the Cini-Mini's had chicken in them. At the time I thought it was stupid and kind of annoying, but the more I thought about it it's really a great idea. Little cinnamon rolls with chicken...and maybe cheese and bacon...

[BCR]

Warning: do not go over the hill to little beach without a gaydar beacon and beer goggles. Set beacon to repel.

There are enough superfluous warning signs everywhere on that island, but the one that would have kept me from going blind for the day would have been "don't cross over this hill unless you want to see wrinkled old sausage as far as the eye can see".

[Crampedon]

There are enough superfluous warning signs everywhere on that island, but the one that would have kept me from going blind for the day would have been "don't cross over this hill unless you want to see wrinkled old sausage as far as the eye can see".

They have that sign now! Really!